A Three-part Monologue for Three Different Butterflies

I talked to a friend today. Someone from a past i'd rather not remember. I dont know why i said yes, or why i even bothered to answer. It just felt right. I know it's wrong but it felt right. I needed to feel the warmth that comes from someone whom, in his most twisted way, cared for me. I AM A MASOCHIST. There, i'm admitting it. I AM AN OPTIMIST. I still believe that things will somehow get better for me. I AM A FOOL. I told myself over and over again that i should never EVER be with someone who can't take care of me nor with someone who needs more caring than i do. I AM FRAGILE. My strength is my weakness. I AM IN DENIAL. I know not of how to admit the fact that i am hurting. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH PAIN YOU CAUSED ME BY NOT SAYING GOODBYE. The more painful fact is that I still want to be there for you. I AM A MARTYR.
----------------
I needed you. I couldnt bear to say it. I told you I dont want to be a burden to anyone. When i saw your name pop out I felt relief. I felt like I can finally talk about the pain that he caused me tonight. But you were in a hurry. I do not blame you. I just thought you need to know. I NEEDED YOU. It's not an "I NEED YOU I WANT YOU TO BE ALWAYS THERE" stint, it's an "I NEED YOU BECAUSE I TRUST YOU" situation. PLease don't let go of the friendship. Please dont make me go through this again.
----------------
Masaya ako na tumawag ka. Salamat dahil sa lahat-lahat ng mga taong pwede mong kausapin, ako ang napili mo. Gusto kitang puntahan, akapin at sabihin sayo na pinapangiti mo ko. Hindi ako nagkamali nang pinili kong maging kaibigan ka isang taon na ang nakakaraan. Siguro nga ganito lang tayo, magkaibigan na nanonood ng sine, magkaibigan na nagkakape, magkaibigan na nagtatawagan pag may nakakatawang nangyayari, magkaibigan na nag-uusap pag nakakaramdam ng takot, magkaibigan na kumakanta ng walang humpay at sumasayaw sa kabila ng mga problema sa buhay. Magkaibang-magkaiba ang mundo natin pero tuwing magkasama tayo, nabubuo ang isang bagong mundo na tayo lang ang nakatira. Aaminin ko na, mabait ka talaga. Sinasabi ko lang na masama ka dahil gustong-gusto kong nakikita ang kunot sa noo mo habang pinagtatanggol mo ang sarili mo. Masyadong mapula ang mga labi mo, pag nag-uusap tayo siguro napapansin mo na napapatingin ako. Wag kang mag-alala, wala akong balak na halikan ka. Tama nang ang mga pisngi lang natin ang nagtatama. SALAMAT dahil sa ngayon, ikaw naman ang nagpapangiti sa krung-krung mong kaibigan na umiibig nanaman yata. Wag ka na muna mambabae, ako na lang muna ang babae mo. Bagay naman tayo e.