The Look of Bewilderment

"I noticed that most people get on rollercoasters in search of excitement but once it starts, they are terrified and want the cars to stop. Do they think that the intelligent thing to do would be to avoid the ups and downs and spend all their time on a carousel, goin' round and 'round?"

----- Eleven Minutes, Paulo Coelho

There are a lot of things that i do not comprehend in this life. One of which is that stage in a relationship where people are just in denial. When nobody acknowledges the truth that has to be faced despite the fact that it's staring straight at us, with its tongue stuck out and it's eyes widened in mockery. I do not understand why the two people who are willing and able to talk about that "thingamajiggie" with their friends, with anyone.. are not willing to talk about it with that other half of the dance. I do not understand the idea of making the other person feel bad by letting her know that in case she isnt available, there is an "other woman" who will take her place. I do not understand why we have to first inflict pain before we are able to inflict happiness.

I do not understand the concept of pretending. Well, maybe i do. I think we pretend all the time. We try to wear our masks as we go along our lives, as we interact with a lot of people and as we try so hard to live harmoniously with the idiosyncrasies of the world. We pretend to protect ourselves. It's an act of selfishness. Do we have the right to compel other people to pretend for us? Is it fair to ask of someone to pretend because we feel it's the best thing to do? I dont really know. I guess it's not about being fair, but it's about finding the perfect way to preserve that seed of potential that's already been planted but is not watered and taken cared of.

I do not understand the concept of being there all the time only to stop existing after things are sort of going great. I do not understand this whole game. There might be a lot of things that i dont understand, but if there's one thing i understand, it is this... i'm not giving you up, YET. I do want you to be out there, to be happy again, to go up, to achieve your dreams, to believe more in yourself. I want you to soar, with or without me. I want you to start burning again, not for anyone else but for yourself. I guess i dont know you that well, YET. I am trying to find my way to knowin you, but i need you to help me, to guide me through the whole process because i cannot finish your sentences for you all the time. This is complicated but what isnt complicated in this life right?