LATE

It was a normal night. I resigned to my bed in solitude, notwithstanding the honks of cars right outside my apartment. I almost didn’t hear my cellphone ring but my senses seemed to have conspired to make me notice. Without looking at who the caller was, I nonchalantly said, “Hello?” What followed was a series of incoherent sentences, of gasps, of short breaths. It was hard for me to make much of what the guy on the other side of the line was saying, except for that last sentence.

“Please, come over tomorrow I goddamn need you.” I immediately recognized his voice. I know that tone of hysterical sense of urgency that never fails to make me rush to his side. There’s nothing I can do now. I’ll visit him tomorrow.

5am. After trying desperately to lull myself to sleep, I finally accepted that my effort’s just not enough to ease that uncertainty the weird phone call created. I got out of bed, took a cold shower and almost instinctively went to the mirror to look at my reflection. Five years and I’m still fucking haunted by him. After what seemed like forever, I finally convinced myself to leave the house. I went to visit an old friend, Shane. I got into thinking of that painful day when I decided to leave him.

The rain was pouring hard; it couldn’t have been more reflective of what the gloominess that I was feeling. I called him too, begging him to meet up with me in that park right inside my village. Four years ago, I was the one gasping and weeping when I gave him my letter. It was the answer to his questioning look when I told him that I had to leave. He was dragging me down with his depression, mood swings, weariness, misery and insecurities. I left him because I was almost spent myself. I couldn’t help or “sustain” him anymore. He seemed hopeless. I left him so he could probably realize that he needed to change for me. Hell, he needed to change for himself. I wanted to know if he loved me, really loved me. Even if I knew with all my being that I would not and never have loved anyone else the way I loved him. I left him, justifying my selfish reasons. The plain truth was, I gave up on him.

I halted the car when I saw that familiar building. My heart was beating fast because somehow, I knew he wouldn’t call me if it wasn’t that bad. Shane’s apartment was unlocked so I let myself in like I always used to. I never bothered to look for the spare key. I entered his turpentine smelling apartment, dropped my bags, looked for him in the receiving area, then into the kitchen and finally in his bedroom. There I found Shane dead in his bed…Set by set like the waves of the sea, each of our special memories together flashed through my wandering mind. It took me back to where it all started.

“She maybe the face I can’t forget the…” was playing on the background that morning while I was getting ready for my first day in college. My hair was long and it was usually pony tailed so that I could give that feisty impression. It was my way of concealing how weak and vulnerable I really am deep inside. I was running late, but I didn’t care because according to my friends, professors don’t really come to class on the first day. I got to my school about 15 minutes late, with an expectant smile I entered the room. Shit, the professor’s here. I saw him, sitting in front of the class, serious and intent on listening to our professor. He took a quick glance at me, a very subtle one that got me into thinking if it was me he was checking out or that other pretty girl beside me. Suddenly, our eyes met. I knew, right there and then that he was the most beautiful man I had ever known. Shane casually gave me half-smile and returned to listening to the professor in full concentration. I resumed my usual doodling. Great, there’s something err, someone I could look forward to next Wednesday. I love Algebra.

Wednesday finally came. The class was about to start in seconds, but he wasn’t at his seat yet. Just when I almost resigned on the idea of waiting for him, the back door near where I was seated swung open and a tall young man came rushing in. I made my silent prayer that he’d sit beside me, I recognized his eyes immediately. “Almost late.” he uttered and gave me a faint smile.

Maybe a part of me already knew or maybe I was just shocked, but I scanned the area casually, and then I checked his body for vital signs. There was no pulse on his neck and his half naked body was cold. Eight hours dead at least I thought. Funny there was no blood visible but I could’ve sworn it smelled like blood in the room, faint but there was the smell of blood. I was still in shock so there were no tears yet falling down my cheeks. I called up the police and the hospital, respectively. As I waited for them to arrive I looked at Shane’s lifeless body. I noticed how handsome Shane was. More handsome and young now that he found a way to let go of his problems. More handsome and vigorous even without breathing, more handsome now that he is pale, even more handsome now that he couldn’t even smile.He found peace at last. From the head I continued to look at his neck and chest. I remembered the kisses I gave him and the kisses he gave back, I wasn’t just crying so hard I couldn’t even breathe. That day was so clear to me, it seemed that I viewed life from a new set of eyes, I had perfect vision. All my senses were heightened. I continued to feast on his beautiful body, then by chance I happened to stare at his left wrist and there a small line began to emerge from the arm. The cut was really small and thin, barely visible, and it clotted immediately. For sure it wasn’t the cause of his death. It was his silent melancholy. I realized at that moment that Shane was dead and still my heart was beating his name. It felt like my heart wants to jump to his body give him the life I took away from him. “I’m sorry I’m late.” I whispered. Then I covered my face and let myself cry until the numbness enveloped me.

by Jots (edited by Yunis)
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uhmm, I'm sorry to dude pare Jots for posting it without his permission. It's my way of saying that it's a good story line. Lam ko kasi na di mo ipo-post sa blog mo e. Apir!