Hey,
Ever had a day where you want the world to stop bothering you just so you can feel every little movement around you? Ever felt the need to drown out all the noised so you can hear yourself breathing? Ever stopped just so you can feel life flowing through you? Today is one of those days for me. If you were only here, I would've told you to not mind me, to not look at me because I'm at my most dreaded state... I feel fragile. I fee that if i stop doing something, the world will come rushing in again to overwhelm me. On the outside, nothing much really is happening, everything's routinary, but if i can invte you to that alter-world that I have in my mind, you'll realize that I never really had peace of mind. You will know that if you'll succeed to strip me of my wall, I have a lot going on. It's hard to remain calm and logical when deep inside I feel uncertainty overcome me, slowly but purposely... skillfully.
If you were here with me now, I fear that I might be able to push you away. In the same way that I have pushed away a lot of people from my past only to feel the punishment of loneliness right after. I have to warn you that you should never GIVE UP ON ME too easily, that you should always bear in your heart and mind that I don't want you to go... no matter how ironic my actions will be... no matter how my actions contradict my declaration of how deeply I am in love with you. There really is no need for you to do something extraordinary, I just need you to be there, to hug me while I shake and cry in your arms, not able to eloquently express how I feel. I just need you to look into my eyes, hold my gands and give me that warm smile that I have fallen in love with. I just need you to wait outside my room, patiently when I askyou to leave just because I need to reorganize my own thoughts.. I need to remind myself that you are God's angel, entrusted to me in the same way that he entrusted me to you.
When I ask you to go, you need not worry because I definitely will come to you, all red and puffy-eyed with a look that will eventually help you understand what just transpired. I do not fear the day when we will have to fight because I look forward to us saying sorry and affirming each other of how love remains to be a part of our relationship. It is sad that at present I cannot fight with you yet, it's sad that I cannot yet share with you the emotional intensity that only a lovers' fight can produce. It is the same intensity that will keep us together, that does not only promise sunny fays and starry nights but also rainy days and moonless nights that are potentially cold but stronger than a superficial promise. It's way stronger than a promise, it is an undying declaration of not only love but friednship and endless competition. Yes, we will compete on who can love more passionately, more strongly, more eternally. It will be an infinite competition... I can't wait to be your adversary.
Til next time competitor... til we meet.
Ever had a day where you want the world to stop bothering you just so you can feel every little movement around you? Ever felt the need to drown out all the noised so you can hear yourself breathing? Ever stopped just so you can feel life flowing through you? Today is one of those days for me. If you were only here, I would've told you to not mind me, to not look at me because I'm at my most dreaded state... I feel fragile. I fee that if i stop doing something, the world will come rushing in again to overwhelm me. On the outside, nothing much really is happening, everything's routinary, but if i can invte you to that alter-world that I have in my mind, you'll realize that I never really had peace of mind. You will know that if you'll succeed to strip me of my wall, I have a lot going on. It's hard to remain calm and logical when deep inside I feel uncertainty overcome me, slowly but purposely... skillfully.
If you were here with me now, I fear that I might be able to push you away. In the same way that I have pushed away a lot of people from my past only to feel the punishment of loneliness right after. I have to warn you that you should never GIVE UP ON ME too easily, that you should always bear in your heart and mind that I don't want you to go... no matter how ironic my actions will be... no matter how my actions contradict my declaration of how deeply I am in love with you. There really is no need for you to do something extraordinary, I just need you to be there, to hug me while I shake and cry in your arms, not able to eloquently express how I feel. I just need you to look into my eyes, hold my gands and give me that warm smile that I have fallen in love with. I just need you to wait outside my room, patiently when I askyou to leave just because I need to reorganize my own thoughts.. I need to remind myself that you are God's angel, entrusted to me in the same way that he entrusted me to you.
When I ask you to go, you need not worry because I definitely will come to you, all red and puffy-eyed with a look that will eventually help you understand what just transpired. I do not fear the day when we will have to fight because I look forward to us saying sorry and affirming each other of how love remains to be a part of our relationship. It is sad that at present I cannot fight with you yet, it's sad that I cannot yet share with you the emotional intensity that only a lovers' fight can produce. It is the same intensity that will keep us together, that does not only promise sunny fays and starry nights but also rainy days and moonless nights that are potentially cold but stronger than a superficial promise. It's way stronger than a promise, it is an undying declaration of not only love but friednship and endless competition. Yes, we will compete on who can love more passionately, more strongly, more eternally. It will be an infinite competition... I can't wait to be your adversary.
Til next time competitor... til we meet.
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