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“My girlfriend, Nicole, is unlike any other girl I’ve dated,” says Greg, 36. “She can dance all night, chat up anyone, and gives me lots of breathing room. All my buddies are jealous of me, and I don’t blame them. I’d be jealous of me too.”

Just like there was something about Cameron Diaz’s Mary—whose je ne sais quoi made men fake handicaps just to be near her—there’s something about Greg’s girlfriend too. She’s in another league. Hell, she’s in the Girlfriend Hall of Fame. She’s the girl men brag about to their buddies when she’s theirs and sigh over when she’s not.

But before you turn green with envy, understand that these all-star g.f.s aren’t born with a rare gift to bring men to their knees. No, somewhere along the way—maybe even after a relationship or two gone wrong—they learned the secrets that can snag a commitment out of even the biggest player. But what are these irresistible tricks—and how can you make them work for you?

To find out, we conducted an exclusive online survey, asking men what traits separate a most-wanted chick from her just-okay counterparts. Tons of guys were psyched to speak their minds—and their top turn-ons were surprisingly similar. They made perfectly clear that their dream date isn’t an impossible blend of Elizabeth Hurley, Lara Croft, and Katie Couric but a mix of seven personality traits that any woman can easily acquire. So without further ado, here are the crucial qualities of gold-medal girlfriends.

1. She can win anyone over
Whew! You’ve finally snagged the guy you want, so you can relax, put your chick charisma on the shelf, and stop worrying about impressing anyone for a while, right? Guess again. In the piles of survey responses we pored over, we found that the overwhelming majority of guys totally dig the same thing: a woman who can work a room—whether it’s a formal business dinner or a keg party—and charm everyone in it. “Most men want a girlfriend who will fit into his life and make him look important,” says Kathleen Mojas, Ph.D., a clicnical psychologist in private practice in Beverly Hills, California, who specializes in relationships. “Winning over the people who are important in his life is a crucial part of that.”

Nick, 26, agrees wholeheartedly. “My girlfriend’s personality is magnetic. She’s extremely smart and witty, and people are naturally drawn to her. Whenever I introduce her to anyone new, they always ask, ‘How did you get so lucky?’”

And Nick’s babe doesn’t have anything you don’t—she’s just learned how to bring what’s inside to the surface. Next time you’re at a party or a family gathering with your guy, shrug off self-consciousness and make a point to show your true colors. If you’re tense, recount a funny story or just speak your mind—“Can you believe that…?” regarding something you feel strongly about to help yourself loosen up. You’ll be surprised how being a little outspoken goes a long way toward making you shine.

2. She makes sex an adventure
News flash: Men like sex. Okay, so you knew that. You figure that as long as you put out, they’re happy, right? Not necessarily, according to the guys we heard from, most of whom had super strong opinions on the subject. “Nothing keeps me interested like a woman who has a real sexual range, who keeps mixing things up sexually,” says one representative respondent. So it’s not getting it “right” that keeps him coming back for more, it’s constant experimentations. “I need a woman who can make sweet love one night, then turn around and be a wild woman the next,” one forthright fellow confessed.

And the experts agree. “Men get bored fast,” says Carole Atlman, Ph.D., a Las Vegas sex therapist and author of Be Your Own Sex Therapist (Casper Publishing, 1999). “To keep him excited about sex, you have to keep him guessing.” A good rule of thumb: Every third time you do it, try to introduce something radically new. Spring a funky position on him, wear a new piece of lingerie, or introduce a little kinky play with a pair of handcuffs. You’ll keep him coming back for more every time you prompt him to ask, “What’s next?”

3. She’s one of the guys—sometimes
Yes, letting your girlie guard down every once in a while can score you some serious points, insist most of the guys who spoke their minds in our survey. “I love it when a woman can just be herself around my friends,” one respondent wrote. And it’s clear why. “Women who drop the over-enthusiastic need to always look and act perfectly feminine come across as natural and confident,” says Judy Kuriansky, Ph.D., author of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Dating (Alpha Books, 1999). “Men are naturally drawn to them.”

“When I was first dating my fiancé, he as dying for me to go to a professional wrestling match with him,” says Julia, 24. “It was the last way I wanted to spend a Sunday, but he wanted me to go so badly, I gave in.” Julia screamed her head off during the matches and drank way too much cheap beer. In short, it was their best date ever. “He loved it that I got down and dirty for him and was super appreciative later that night, if you know what I mean,” she says. “Now I volunteer to watch wrestling with him. His buddies are dumbfounded and weak with envy.” So go ahead and root for his team, knock back a beer with his buds, and just generally stay cool with his comrades.

4. She struts her stuff
Contrary to Hollywood propaganda, the women who wow men don’t always look like Heidi Klum or Nicole Kidman—they’re women who act like they do. At least that’s what most of our survey guys told us. “There’s nothing sexier than a woman who loves her body,” said one guy. “I dated a girl for a long time who was so self-conscious about her small breasts and round butt that she’d never take her T-shirt off at the beach and refused to wear shorts in public—even though I thought she looked fantastic.” Eventually he broke up with her and found someone new who—though fuller-figured than his last girlfriend—loves to show off her body. “She walks around like she’s God’s gift to men, and it’s such a turn on,” he raves.

So ditch the urge to fixate on flaws—and perfect playing up your assets. Try remembering every sweet thing he says about (or does to!) the parts you obsess most over. If he loves the curve of your tummy, for example, try to see it through his eyes—something soft and warm and sexy. “While it may be impossible to shake the societal pressure to have a perfect body, keep your anxiety to yourself when you’re out with him,” sasy Mojas. It’s simply no fun to be around someone who’s always obsessed with what they eat and how they look—especially if they are thin and totally gorgeous in his eyes.

5. She never goes psycho
One of the biggest girlfriend no-nos according to the guys we surveyed is letting your emotions constantly run amok. “If I have to live in fear of my girlfriend freaking out or breaking down on a daily basis, I’m outta there,” says one respondent. The two most dreaded emotional excesses: being hyper suspicious and crying at the drop of a hat.

Twenty-eight-year-old Trey has watched suspicious girlfriends read his buddies the riot act and is so relieved that his honey, Sara, does not freak out like that. Sara’s cool conduct is especially impressive considering that Trey has stayed friends with his ex-girlfriend, Lynn. “Most women couldn’t handle the fact hat my ex and I still talk on the phone every couple of months or so, but Sara jokes about it,” he says.

As for tears, Gary, 35, has dated several self-reliant women who were also total emotional messes. “Occasional tears are okay, but these women were always crying about one thing or another I did to upset them,” he says. “It drove me crazy enough to end the relationships. Now I’m with a woman who has it under control. Sure, she cries during sad movies, but she doesn’t have the daily breakdowns.”

What can you do to stem a high emotional tide? “First of all, as soon as you feel yourself overwhelmed with emotion, take time-out,” says Kuriansky. If you’re with him, simply say you need a break because you feel on the brink. Then talk yourself down from the emotional ledge or dial up your best bud for a reality check. “Sometimes just talking to a friend for a few minutes is all you need to get things back in perspective,” Kuriansky says. Once you have your emotions under control, sit down with him and talk matter-of-factly about whatever is making you feel unhinged—odds are, you’ll find out it was no big deal in the first place.

6. She gives him freedom to do his thing
It’s official: 24-7 is not a term that a man eagerly applies to romantic relationships—even when he is really into you. The men who spilled secrets online said that “clinginess” is the surest road to relationship disaster. “My number one qualification for a girlfriend is that she give me space to pursue my outside interests,” reported one survey respondent seriously into music. Explains Kuriansky,” Even though your first instinct may be to grab on to him so he doesn’t get away, it’ll backfire. Being too clingy is the quickest way to lose him.”

So whatever you do, resist the temptation to be his shadow, call him constantly, or nag about his spending time without you. This good old-fashioned reverse psychology works whether it’s a business meeting, Wednesday Night Basketball, or even the classic guys’ night out. So Kuriansky advises making casual suggestions, like, “Hey, you haven’t seen Stephen in ages. Why don’t you guys get together on Friday?”

That strategy worked wonders for Lucy, 28, a public relations manager. “My boyfriend is a sports fanatic and loves to watch Sunday games with his buddies,” she says. “So I started an all-girl Sunday card-playing group so he wouldn’t feel obliged to hang out with me. I never mentioned why I scheduled my group the way I did, but I could tell he appreciated it. I’m convinced my ploy had something to do with the fact that after a few months of Sundays apart, he proposed!”

7. She’s strong and independent
Since letting him have his space struck our survey guys as key, we weren’t surprised when they cited “desperation” as the quality most likely to drive them away. “I had this one girlfriend who used to grasp at my clothing all the time to pull me closer to her,” recounts one respondent. “It totally drove me crazy because it represented how needy she was in all aspects of the relationship. Not surprisingly, chicks who have a complete life and interests of their own and who honestly and truly don’t need a man are the ones who effortlessly attract the male species like bees to honey. “A strong, independent woman takes the burden off of a man to take care of her—emotionally and socially,” says Mojas. “And that’s a huge relief to him.”

The key to seeming super strong and secure? “Having your own activities and interests outside of your relationship gives you an air of mystery, independence, and sex appeal when you’re not around and makes him want you more when you are,” explains Kuriansky. So continue your pottery class on Wednesday, yoga with your best friend on Sunday mornings, and otherwise maintain your “pre-him” existence. “In the earlier stages of a relationship, aim to have at least two nights apart for every one together,” advises Kuriansky. “If you’re living together, try to go out with your friends or to a class at least twice a week.”

Cara, 26, says she kept up her sans-man life even after she started dating her boyfriend, Kevin. “After about six months, Kevin said that one of the reasons he was so drawn to me was that I wasn’t manically into the relationship,” says Cara. “Because he didn’t feel like I was watching his every move, he relaxed—and felt comfortable enough to open up and tell me he loved me.”