Rain, Rain Go Away!

[written last night...]

For me, the rain is the most efficient downer. It has a certain effect that I rarely miss and tonight, it got the emphasis that I involuntarily granted when I decided to study alone outside Starbucks despite the heavy downpour.

I was literally alone while struggling to get through my homework in Succession. It got me into thinking about why the hell am I still alone when rumor has it that I don't look and play the part. It can get pretty ugly really, going through my daily routine with that emptiness that constantly bugs me. Right now, it ceases to be a question of WHY because I know that there are reasons that are beyond my understanding but it is more of a string of HOWs that bother me. How am I surviving this emptiness? How can I change the whole thing? How can I continuously deny the reality that I miss being part of an "item"? How did i end up like this? How can I move past the uncertainties, the insecurities and the persistent reign of negative emotions that sometimes overcome me?

Happiness is a decision, in the same way that love is. You don't declare that you love someone just because in the rare moments that you got a glimpse of what could be, you realize that HE COULD BE. It's a fatal error to mistake love for something so temporary, it's fatal to think that you can make someone see what you see just because your view of the possibilities fit in your grand plan.

We all look at the same thing differently and most of the time, these views may never be reconciled. Love really is finding someone willing to share the view with you to share the different experiences that it triggers. Love is looking at the rain as a friend because it gives you the opportunity to share an umbrella. Love means never having to regret dancing in the rain . Love means transforming something as depressing as the rain into something magical...Love means feeling his warmth without having to hold hands. Love can never be temporary because it leaves a smile, a few tears and a lifetime of memories.

Love is pleasant loneliness. Love is enjoyable depression. Love is an expected irony.