Three Persons in a Week

Three random persons talked to me this week about my "sadness". They all managed to corner me and ask if something is wrong because according to them, I look really sad...or lonely... basta malungkot. In these three moments, my reaction was the same, I was as confused as they are because the truth is, I am not really sad. I don't know if I deserve the word sad, it's too "sad" a word... I don't know if I deserve the word lonely either... it's too "lonely". I cannot accurately pinpoint what the cause of this aura is, I am not even sure if I might be blocking the loneliness that's been bothering me for the longest time.

It might be that I am afraid to embrace my loneliness or to even acknowledge the fact that I am seriously in need of something at least close to interesting to happen in my life. I don't want sadness to eat the spirit that's been keeping me from losing whatever happiness I have stored in my being. I don't want loneliness to betray me and make people see right through the happy wall that I was able to build.

I am afraid of fragility. No matter how many times I vowed not to hide it anymore. Maybe I do need some saving... maybe these three people are meant to wake me up and toface that part of me that I'm running away from.

I am a mess. I want to be me again. I don't know how and where to start.