Torn

I'd like to think that I'm confused right now, that I'm torn between staying and moving on to a new adventure. I think I'm better off torn than decided because when I have decided, it will mean that there's no turning back. It will mean that no matter what my fate will be, I will be stuck and I will have to stand by it, no matter how painful, emotionally taxing and unruly it will get. That I can handle... losing everything that we used to have, I can't.

I'm here again, that LIMBO that I try not to get caught into. The PURGATORY between heaven and hell. I see previews of both worlds each day that I refuse to make a decision. I'm afraid that my judgment and that of my friends are clouded. I want it to be a happy ending, and my friends want me to get the ending that I want... but what if for him, everyday's just the same. What if today for him is the same as yesterday?

There's a thin line between illusion and reality. I am building a wall so I could cushion my collision. He sometimes makes me happy, he most of the time disorients me... but every single time, I get closer and closer to wanting him, to holding his hand and to have him put his arm around me.

I cannot afford to lack focus again, but I cannot afford to lack his existence either. Where do I stand?