OK

It's definitely harder to let someone go when he's just there. Just when I'm ready to turn around and start living a normal life again, one word from him and my weak wall begin to crumble. The thought of spending yet another forbidden time with him, I must admit, made me hurry to our little sanctuary. Then it didn't push through. All I said was OK. It's symbolic really. OK means a lot of things. OK means, I'm trying so fucking hard to be OK again. OK means, if you tell me to stay, I will. OK means, I'm gonna be fine without you, if only you'll let me. OK means I'm NOT OK now. OK means, please stop hurting me. OK means OVERKILL.

Thanks to a friend of mine, another window has opened. At the back of my mind, I know that it's not over yet. That there is a possibility that I'll be sad again. But the optimistic me would like to think that I can at least hold on to the happy feeling of the many possibilities that this scenario is bringing with it. The girls and I got into a conversation at Gloria Jeans about how a lot of things happen for a reason. One said that I could have just moved on, after crying about him and accepting the fact that I may have pushed him away. I could've just not gotten the news, I could've believed that it finally is over but in some twist of peculiar fate, I did find out. All I was able to come up with was, "Lord, tama na po ang laro!... please." It's hard but this time, I find it more practical to hold back. To protect myself a bit and not give all that I have so I would still be in the position to move on if things don't go the way I want it to go.

It's a POKER GAME, I won't say pass but I'll win my way by being stonecold. POKER-FACED and strong... at least on the outside.