Unfair Ka.

Just when I thought things can't be worse, you had to say that. Do you feel vindication in my misery? I'm trying to recall all the smiles, the words that we uttered and everything that I thought we enjoyed... I cannot vividly remember them. I only remember the way I felt. I felt so sure that we had something going on. Thank you for making me feel that I fooled myself. and that I am a fool. The worst part is that I have no one to talk to because i dont know what to say. I am embarrassed by the fact that if they ask me how it happened, I cannot decently defend my decisions.

I cant believe I'm back here again. When you look at me, do you see that sad look in my eyes amidst my smile and my funny remarks? Do you sense how I try each time to not let you feel that it hurts me to see you?... you are a reminder of how I am a big failure in the aspects of my life that matter. Do you make fun of me because you enjoy it? Are you keeping me because I boost your ego? Do you even sense how hard I try to not look at you anymore because I'm afraid that you'll see all the emotions that i've been hiding?

YOU ARE UNFAIR. I shouldnt have let you in. I'm hitting rock bottom and sadly, you give me no choice but to dig deeper. You wanna know what the saddest part of it all is? I dont hate you.