Melo: Bakit ayaw mo sya kausapin?es·cap·ism
Eunice: Ayoko lang. Ayoko na yata bumalik uli sa stage na un.
Melo: Escapist!
n. The tendency to escape from daily reality or routine by indulging in daydreaming, fantasy, or entertainment.
I dont daydream that much, i dont live in fantasies and well, the only entertainment-related indulgence that I have is myself and my friends... but i still think I'm an escapist. I exert effort to not lock eyes with him, to not give him a hint that I MAYBE have finally fallen for him and that I am desperately trying to dismiss the idea.
I am doing it for him. I think I am not good for anyone's health or sanity. Besides the fact that he is going through a really "difficult phase" and that I remember him saying something about not being ready... as much as I wanna believe that we have a chance, he continues to convince me otherwise. I try to not interact with him that much so we can preserve what little we have.
This whole thing is also beginning to be unhealthy for me. I find myself intensely contemplating on the words that he utters, on the gestures that he makes. I often catch myself wondering about how he perceives me, or if it's true that he occasionally stares or if I was just imagining the spark that i thought we have.
I think I will listen to what my guy friend told me... "Sabi ko sayo sapatos lang siya e. Kasi kung ako un lalaki tapos nanjan na kayo sa stage na yan, kumilos na ako kung gusto kita. Pero wala e."
He's just not that into me. Shit. I was not that into him a few months ago.. why did i allow myself to actually entertain such thoughts? Now I know why I'm running away... I am trying to escape the net of pain that might engulf me in the near future. If I dont act now, I may not have the option to escape anymore. Being an escapist, i think, will help me move forward. I hope so.
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