Salamat sa Lahat -lahat.

I saw BSB 1 today, i think he was running late for class. Whatta way to start my day diba? Sulit. Then I got to recite for Obligations and Contracts, it turned out pretty ok. I must comment Richard for being that "theater person" that he is... pati narin si Nalin. Astig kayong dalawa! Went to Starbs to study for an hour before my Constitutional Law 2 class... I got called. I was doing pretty fine, when Fr. Bernas asked about "Stop and Frisk". I froze, scanned my brain for what I read and I was so sure that it wasn't assigned. I was softly telling myself, "Shit... No. 10. No. 10." because Stop and Frisk is no.10 in our book, we were assigned to read no.8 which is about Warrantless Arrests. I wasnt able to answer the question, i didnt have the courage to say that it wasnt assigned but my fate turned when Pam got called. I owe her big time. She told Fr. Bernas that it wasnt assigned and that he should give me another chance. I was more than happy to oblige. After reciting Mengote, I recited Go vs. Court of Appeals. Whew.

I had dinner with Duh Perm today, it's the first day of our exchanging of gifts. We had dinner at Pancake House.. Koko also "made habol". haha.. Then we headed to Starbucks for the exchange. I got a box of Chocolates because my MOMMY's/DADDY's favorite flick is Forrest Gump. I'm so happy that my "BABY" appreciated my gift. At least the effort that i exerted in finding the perfect gift paid off.

Sayang. Bon treated my bestest friends to dinner at Mang Jimmy's. When i talked to Bon, i found out that he didnt expect Sam to say yes to the proposal of going to Mang Jimmy's. Jan sya nagkamali! Japhet, AM, Sam and Abby were all there. I got to talk to them on the phone. Hay nakakamiss. Si Teepee niloko ako about a certain secret na di dapat malaman ng isang tao... buti na lang di nya talaga alam. Panic mode na sana ako kasi kung kelan tapos na, tsaka naman malalaman pa nya diba?

Quote of the Day from my Eternal Source of Joy Koko:

"The only thing that never stops from giving is STD."
(a comment on FHM sex guru's suggestion that the gift should be something that encourages nonstop giving )

Ang sakit ng katawan ko. Maaga pa ko bukas. I need to go to sleep. Nga pala, ang aking mga kaibigan ay may nadevelop na yatang obsession sa panghuhula. Kanina, ayon sa panghuhula "the Hazel way" meron daw akong mutual "attraction" with someone.. kaya lang may humahadlang na lalaki. Argh. Ano nanaman ba ito? Hehe.

Kaya ko ito. Makukuha ko rin si BSB. Ayon nga kay Pepe, SILENCIO DE GALAW!

Yvie, im so sorry that you didnt receive anything today. Dear, dont get too upset. Im sure babawi un nakabunot sayo.

I thought of a catchy line for a novel that I'm working on.. it's actually a breakup line that'll be uttered by my protagonist.

"Honey, it's ok to talk about your problems once in a while. ONCE IN A WHILE being the operative phrase."

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Ayon nga pala kay Ana, masaya sya na natapos ang isang storya ng buhay ko ng ganito. Kasi daw parang magiging miserable ako sa piling nya. Ayun, she got a glimpse of who I will be if ever I'll be spending more time with this person. SAD. Tama sya. Tama sya.
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I still cannot feel the SPIRIT of Christmas. Haay. Bakit kaya? Pero for the first time in ages, i can say that I AM ONCE AGAIN HAPPY. Salamat Lord. Salamat friends.

Eksena ng Depresyon

Ang Saya Saya.

Melo wrote this in her blog..

Eunice, I think this is most apt for you.
"But most of all I hate the way I don't hate you, Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all."
~ Katarina, 10 Things I Hate About You.

You're right. That was what I was thinking about when I wrote the "The worst part of it all is that i dont hate you." in one of my entries... Thanks sweetie.

I learned something really important today.. In honor of Sir Obieta, I'm posting it and I promise him that I will remember this until the day i die. Seriously!

It is impossible for a valid argument with true premisses to have a false conclusion.

Ana and Melo are eyeing this guy. Apparently, Ana thinks he's got the hots for me. Seriously Ana, wala kaming ginawa sa washroom. Everything was mere coincidence. He was smiling at me because we got to converse a couple of times. Di siya masungit... Promise. At OO, sa tingin ko ay ang tangos nga ng ilong nya. We were just "talking." And Melo's been bugging me to introduce her to him. Naks. Step up! Then we got to FISH info about him from a friend of ours. Apparently, he's a "pating" (shark) daw pagdating sa girls. Hmm, at nabanggit kong bigla.. mahilig pa naman ako sa sharksfin. Hahaha. Nakakatawa. Sabi ko nga, tapos na ako sa stage na ito dapat e. Nanggugulo nanaman ng buhay itong mga lalaking ito e. Classic ang aking linya kanina.

Guys, tama na. The last time you did this to me, i got hurt.. REAL BAD.

At natahimik na sila. Effective. Harhar.

I'm feeling good today. I guess it's the fact that I'm a free woman. And i'm quite positive that it showed because I received a lot of compliments today... Sample.

Richard: Ang ganda natin ngayon a. Ganyan ba talaga pagnalilibre? (Ayun o! Salamat Kiboy, bwahaha.)

Lea: Bakit ang ganda mo ngayon?
Euns: Ganun talaga, IM BACK eh. Back in the game. Fight.

Funny conversation with Ana:

Sir Obieta: All Ateneo Law Students are....?
Euns: LOVELESS.
Ana: Wag naman loveless, SINGLE na lang.
Euns: Sige, sige.. SINGLE.

Horoscope for the day:

The month will end on a cheerful note for us all, but most especially for you. You're due for a call, visit or letter from someone who brings out the best in you -- and the deepest in your personality.

Woohoo, cant wait. Dinner with Duh Perm tomorrow and we'll have our first gift-giving episode. I'm sooooo excited. I hope everyone'll be soooo happy. And yeah, I'm experiencing this fondness for OOOOOOOOOOOOO's. Haha.

Season Ender.

Now I know why Ed is one of my favorite TV shows... it's like Ed's life is parallel to mine. Besides the fact that he is a lawyer and that im a lawyer-to-be and that like me, he has the oddest experiences, the show's script never fails to make me say, "Awww.." or "Shit." because I can relate to their lines.

I watched its Season Ender tonight. How apt. I just had a "season-ender" myself a few days ago. I love the song Moments in the Sun and I love watching all the stories of the characters unfold right before my eyes. Ed is trying to salvage what is left of his "budding romance" with Carol (his sorta bestfriend) who now has a boyfriend and is "supposed" to be happy... she got asked by the guy to go to a trip with him during the whole summer.. who wouldnt be happy? haha. Ed found out that this "boyfriend" bought a diamond ring and he suddenly realized that he shouldnt LET GO. Argh. The boyfriend found out that Ed asked the jewelry shop people if he bought the ring and he was so upset about it that he uttered these words..

"She was there for the taking... You decided to go the safe route.. just friends.
And you got just what you wanted."

Kay saklap for Ed. Sapul siya e! So when the fair (this is a very important element, Ed let go of Carol last year, during the fair too...) ended, Ed and Carol found themselves all alone AGAIN. The conversation struck me..

(Awkward silence)
Carol: Do i have to say something really clever right now.? Because if i keep talking.. i'll cry.
Ed: You dont have to talk.
(hug)

Sometimes, a hug really means a lot of things. It bridges the communication gap and sorta gives the assurance that things'll be alright. Human warmth says a lot about the relationship. I think people can kiss all the time but hugs are more meaningful. But then again, it's just me.

In the end, Ed and Carol kissed. That part i didnt like. But i like the fact that Ed gave her the "duck" that he won from the fair.

Ed: You're all set.

Yeah, I'm all set. And just like Ed, i have this mischievous smile and nobody's gonna guess what my next move''ll be. There. Whatta SEASON ENDER.

Yehey.

I got na my Starbucks Planner. Wala lang. At least one down.. another one to go. Pressure.

Horoscope:

If something in the romantic realm seems to be going dramatically wrong, take a step back and look at the situation again. You're extra sensitive right now, so your perspective is likely a little (or a lot) skewed.

Nagbibiro ka ba? Kahit skewed man o hindi isa lang ang nakikita ko. Wala akong lovelife. May iba pa bang interpretation dun? Haha.

I'm Back. The Woman of the World. Ang Babaeng Makamundo.

taken by Eunice while on her way to Rockwell.

Ana: Sana bumalik ka na nga sa dati. Un Eunice na katulad nun OrSem. Eunice: Sa tingin ko ang laki ng tinanda ko sa law school. Nagbago na nga ako.

I went to Market Market with Ana today to shop for our Kris Kringle gifts. I'm happy with what i bought, I hope my "Baby" will appreciate my humor. I saw this very interesting object in one of the shops and Ana and I just cracked up when we realized how weird it is to find something like this in a store.

Doll ng mangkululam e no? San ka pa!

We went back to Rockwell to "study". But a few minutes after we arrived at our HOME Starbucks Loft, Ana told me that she's going home because she's sleepy. Therefore, I was left all alone. Then Melo came. She went Ukay-ukay shopping today with Ate Ceia. Btw, it's Ceia's birthday today.. woohoo! Salamat for coining the term, "woman of the world" for me. I shall forever remember that phrase. Ako ang Babaeng Makamundo. Bwahaha.

Pepe surprisingly came. He spent 35,000 for his car's new seats today. Para sa akin, ang kanyang bagong upuan ay ang upuan ng nalulungkot. Kasi para kang hinu-hug habang nakaupo ka. 35 freaggin' thousand. Pero astig, astig. Pepe, isunod mo na ang DVD Player. Pimp my ride na pimp my ride na ang dating. Oh well Rockwell, sabi mo nga... WHAT'S MONEY ONLY PAPER?

I saw the guy with the cute dog for the second time. Oo, cute ang may-ari ng dog pero cute talaga un dog na un. Therefore, it's like hitting two birds in one stone. May abundance ng mga cute kids sa Starbs. Sabi ko kay Ana, "Sa tingin ko ay maling senyales ang ating pagkahumaling sa cute na girlie kids. Pedophile ka na, may sign pa ng lesbianism (not that there's anything wrong with it ika nga ni Seinfeld).

Naibalita ko na kay Mel na natagpuan ko na sina Backstreet Guys sa friendster. Masaya sya. I got into a conversation with her about how men tend to hold on to the memory of the woman who rejected them. It's like they are forever haunted by the fact that they can never have this girl and that gives them the chance to put her on the pedestal. For them, she is the "IT" girl and as a consequence, they tend to take for granted the woman that is there. I think it's a very sticky situation when your guy tells you that he thinks this "WOMAN" is perfect. No matter how hard they try to tell you that YOU ARE DIFFERENT and whatever you have will never be affected by whatever admiration or uhmm, ADORATION he has for the OTHER GIRL, i think for as long as he wont let go of her and her perfection, it's always a sign of trouble. But all I have are theories. Dont take the advice of a woman who falls for the wrong guys ALL THE TIME. Haha.

Nga pala, for the past months I've been noticing that in the list of Popular Searches in my Network in Friendster, someone is always searching for "signs that he/she likes me". Kung sino ka man, sa tingin ko, ang tama mong gawin ay tanungin mo na lang sya. Wag ka na maspeculate, mahirap na.

Nalungkot ako, nagkakwentuhan kami ni Rainy tungkol sa kanyang pagkakalipat sa Starbucks Equitable... in Makati Ave. I know it's near but the fact that I wont be able to see her almost daily anymore is a very sad reality. Gaya nga ng sinabi ko, parang pamilya na ang turing ko sa mga makukulit na baristang ito. Kung pwede lang talagang mag-initiate ng signature campaign para mag-stay sila gagawin namin nila Mel. Haha. Wag ka mag-alala Rain, dadalawin kita. Tamang-tama, un credit card ko sa Equitable ko kukunin. Haay.

Andami pa aaralin sa Oblicon. Dapat nag-aaral ako ngayon e. Mali ito. Salamat Pepay sa ride home. Apir tayo jan!

Salamat Sam.

Isa kang aktibong tagapag-comment sa aking blog. I'll see you again soon. Apir! Ituloy ang iyong pagiging busy sa office (habang nagf-friendster). Mabuti yan, alam natin ang ating priority. Harhar..

I'll Put a Spell on You

Last but definitely not the least... this is MY SONG for MYSELF.

Strange And Beautiful (I'Ll Put A Spell On You)
Wickerpark OST

I've been watching your world from afar
I've been trying to be where you are
And I've been secretly falling apart
Unseen
To me, you're strange and you're beautiful
You'd be so perfect with me
But you just can't see
You turn every head but you don't see me

I'll put a spell on you
You'll fall asleep
When I put a spell on you
And when I wake you I'll be the first thing you see
And you'll realize that you love me

Yeah
Ye-ah

Sometimes the last thing you want comes in first
Sometimes the first thing you want never comes
But I know that waiting is all you can do
Sometimes

I'll put a spell on you
You'll fall asleep
When I put a spell on you
And when I wake you I'll be the first thing you see
And you'll realise that you love me

I'll put a spell on you
You'll fall asleep
Cause I put a spell on you
And when I wake you I'll be the first thing you see
And you'll realize that you love me, yeah

Konting Ngiti.

bonbon : sabi ng isang avid reader ng iyong blog... bakit madrama ka na raw ngayon? miss na niya ang mga kwento mong kwela. yung buhay mong ginagawa mo mismong fiction.
euns: ahehehe.. kasi ito ang aking "moment". olats ako ngayon e.

Therefore, I shall start being the bubbly blogger that I was. What did I do today? uhmm.. I went to church, bumped into, Junelyn, a friend o'mine from gradeschool. We were able to catch up on each other's lives... She graduated from FEU, her course was MedTech and right now she's working at a Medical Clinic. She's still undecided as to whether she will pursue Medicine or is she'll take up Law. Thanks Junelyn for giving me that, "Kaya mo yan. Kung di mo matatapos ang Law, di yan ang Eunice na kilala namin." pep talk. Aww. Then we went home. I slept the whole day. Literal. I woke up to watch Pinoy Big Brother and Nginig. Un lang.

I am officially crushing on Eirick (not pronounced as eyrick! it's ayrick). He's this psychic who looks like Ryan Agoncillo. Nakakadiri ano? Wala ako magagawa, na-realize ko ang aking attraction nang mapanood ko siya kanina na nakikipagtalastasan sa mga multo. Sa tingin ko kami ang para sa isa't isa. Hehe.

Shemps ang aking horoscope for the day ay nananatiling consistent sa aking horoscope kahapon...

Coworkers look to you for inspiration. You have more influence than you realize.
For the past couple of weeks, you've been thinking that you might have a secret admirer, and you're absolutely right. They'll let it slip today, in a very minor way -- so minor, in fact, that if you weren't as sharp as you are, and if you didn't pay attention as well as you do, you might never notice it. As it is, you'll need to decide whether to ignore it or have some fun, and this, of course, depends upon your relationship status.

Ayun. Nananatili ang aking pananampalataya, sana si "Backstreet Guy" yan ng Ateneo. But no, alam kong masamang maging ilusyonada. haha. Therefore, I'm assuming na ang aking secret admirer ay si Bam Aquino. Bam, aminin mo na, Di naman magbabago ang pagtingin ko sayo e. Hahaha. Sino pa ba, si Bamboo? Payn, si CHad ng One Tree Hill. Last na ito, ang pinaka-posible kasi na secret admirer ko ay si... uhmm. Ayoko sabihin, kinikilig ako bigla. Nakakadiri ito.

I shall go to Market Market tomorrow to buy stuff for a couple of Kris Kringles (or Monito Monita). Andami ko yata sinalihan na Kris Kringle, mamumulubi ako nito. Argh. Kelangan na talaga makuha ang credit card na yan.

Pagpasensyahan nyo na kung di deep ang aking entry for the day. Buong linggo na akong seryoso, kelangan ko naman ngumiti ng konti.

Not All Conflicts are Empty Soap Operas

Because of my life's uncertainty, I've been diverting my attention to what THE STARS have to say about me. Malay natin matulungan nya ako diba? hehe.

Sun in Taurus

When Eunice was born, the Sun was in the sign Taurus, the Earth Person. Eunice has a gift for simplicity and a distaste for unnecessary drama. She prefers and can offer peace, stability, and a healthy attitude toward the physical dimensions of existence. Taurean energy appreciates a mate who can luxuriate in the senses. If a relationship becomes too emotionally Byzantine, deprives Eunice of too much sensory input, or cuts her off from the world of nature for too long, Eunice may become as fidgety as an unexercised racehorse. Intimacy, however, invariably brings up psychological issues in both partners. Eunice may need to remember that not all conflicts are empty soap operas --some of them are quite legitimate, and working through them calmly can improve a relationship.

It's weird but I find these things to "swak". I find it hard to take conversations seriously because I dont know how to react to certain situations. I find some "heart to heart talks" shallow because I'm not really a fan of really cheesy stuff. I am learning, I am learning...

Daily Horoscope

A coworker who's been tossing suggestive glances your way is about to make it quite clear to you that they're not just kidding around. They're serious about getting to know you. It's all up to you now, if you're interested.

Aba, aba, aba... coworker? Hmm, I'm not working e. Does this mean that this is someone from the law school? Hmmm.. let's go Backstreet guy! hahaha. Nga pala, I finally found him in friendster. At I found really cute pics pa of him and his friends. Balik Stalker mode nanaman ba ako? Nakakadiri na ito.

I Love You Sabado...

Parang Telesine.

I needed to post this.. I still cannot get over the fact that the "episode" that we had last night/ morning was like a scene from One Tree Hill or The OC or Ed. Kahit kaming dalawa na nag-uusap ng masinsinan ay natawa na lamang.

Scene no. 1: I was on my way to going home... he went out of Starbs and asked me if I was going home. I looked at him (searching look) and said yes. He said he was gonna be out around 1am. Naisip ni babae, konti na lang ang panahon ay patapos na istoryang ito. Natahimk ng sandali, half smile pareho. "Pano, bye na." Sabay may emotional big hug. Un tipo ng hug na nakikita mo na ang ibig sabihin ay.. "Tapos na. Magkikita pa tayo pero tapos na ang storya." Un tipo ng hug na napapapikit ang bidang babae at ang bidang lalaki naman ay may mild squeeze na nagsasabing, "Take care."

Scene no. 2: (shempre nagkahintayan parin) the dreaded awkward silence inside the car... I was looking out the window while he was driving. There was an attempt to finally get the conversation going but it was to no avail. I was biting my nails. He was talking about how I have hurt him with my words. Dapat nag-uusap in third person. Un tipong, "Pero masakit naman para sa lalaki na un na un ang naisip mo tungkol sa kanya diba?" sasagot ang babae na, "Pero you have to understand na nasulat lang nya un dahil un ang nararamdaman nya nun panahon na un. Writers are supposed to be exaggerated." Kahit na alam naman nila na silang dalawa lang naman ang subject ng usapan. Yan ang tinatawag na "kunwari ibang tao ang pinaguusapan natin para mas madali tayo makapagsalita."

Scene no. 3: Ito ang "So, paano?" moment. Tumigil na ang kotse. Wala parin napagusapan. Di parin settled ang lahat. Ang babae ay titingin sa lalaki, nakatikom ang bibig na may konting ngiti.. Un ngiti na di pang masaya. Tahimik parin. Ito ung, "Siguro hanggang dito na lang talaga." moment. Tatango ang babae at lalabas ng kotse. May pahabol na "Goodbye Miss Ever Optimist".
Scene 4: Magkakausap sa cellphone. Ito ay pagkatapos na bumaba ng babae sa kotse. Sasabihin nya, " I still dont understand." Sasabihin ni lalake, "Do you wanna talk?" Tahimik ulit. Nagtanungan kung nasan ang isa't isa. Napagdesisyunan na kelangan na tapusin dahil WALA NANG IBANG PANAHON. Ito na ang nakakadiring linya ng babae sa driver... "Manong, balik po tayo..." Bababa sa sinasakyan at hinahanap ang kotse ni lalake. Tapos sasakay uli. Umpisa nanaman ng drama.

Scene 5: Essential na mag-park sa parking lot (ng McDo) para tapusin ang "conversation." Shemps kelangan naluluha luha tayo habang nag-uusap. Meron din paghaplos sa likuran at ang mabilisang pagtatama ng mga kamay. At pagkatapos ng mahabang dramahan. UMULAN. Opo... unbelievable pero UMULAN. Pelikulang-pelikula. Good job.

Scene 6: Ihahatid sa bahay si babae. Pagdating sa kanyang bahay ay magpapark muli sa harap. Katahimikan. Pasalamatan. Matatawa na lang sa kadramahan ng isa't-isa. Maiisip na di naman pala ganun kalala ang sitwasyon. Shempre matatapos ito ng isang akap. Ito un mas "final" na akap. Akap ng makaibigan na nagkaintindihan na. Umuulan parin.
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Sino ang mag-aakala na nangyayari ito sa totoong buhay? Sa tingin ko ay isa itong practice para sa aking future career in showbusiness. Hanggang ngayon kahit na medyo malungkot un napag-usapan, napapangiti parin ako sa kakornihan nun sitwasyon. Alam kong mababasa mo ito. Sana natatawa ka rin. It wasnt that bad. At least, pag nagkaron tayo ng chance na maisapelikula ang buhay natin, sigurado nang kasama ka sa storya ko at kasama ako sa storya mo. Ang hiling ko lang, kung saka-sakali, ako ang papiliin mo ng artistang gaganap ng aking role. Mahirap na, baka di sya magaling at di mabigyan ng justice ang pagkaperpekto ng mga MOMENTS na un.

Eunice. You Should Stop.

Eunice, you should stop! You've been drinking again. You started smoking. You stopped being the fun-loving person that you are. You are not getting enough sleep. You cry in the shower, in your room ... anywhere you get the chance. You often find yourself looking at emptiness, preoccupied with thoughts of regret, longing and even confusion. You try too hard to conceal that you have problems and you are not succeeding in your plan of not being noticed by the people around you. Stop being such a Drama queen. YOU SHOULD STOP.
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I went to the chapel this afternoon and found myself crying in front of the altar. "Lord, give me the right answers to the right questions." I surrendered everything to Him. I cannot continue to feel sorry for myself. I should stop.
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I've been crying the whole week. Not to mention all the booboos that I committed. Everyone's asking me if i am ok. I feel like there's a LOSER sign on my forehead.
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I'm still optimistic. This too shall pass. After all, I'm not called Miss Ever Optimist for nothing.

Prime.

We literally ran from Ateneo to Powerplant because we had to catch the 2:45 screening of Prime. Our class was from 1-3pm... We looked really funny, t'was like a scene from Amazing race.
"Go, go, go!"

Universal says:
"Prime" is a sophisticated, character comedy set in New York City about Rafi (Uma Thurman), a recently divorced 37-year-old career woman from Manhattan, and what happens when Dave (Bryan Greenberg), a talented 23-year-old painter from Brooklyn, falls in love with her. "Prime" looks at love from everyone's point of view -- friends, relatives and in this case, Rafi's therapist (Meryl Streep) -- and follows all who come apart, and some who pull it together, when two people fall in love.

The film was depressing. There were a lot of times when I almost cried. There were a lot of things that reminded me of my past. They were so similar that I felt like it was the film's way of mocking me. I could relate to Rafi when she encouraged Dave to believe in his talents and to stop from feeling like he's not enough. I could relate to her pushing Dave to be the best that he can be for himself.

"I Love you... and i will figure it out."

I nearly fainted in nausea when I heard Dave say that "though I'm new at this and that I'm still trying to know my way around relationships... I love you and I will figure it out." I wanna be able to figure it out. There are a lot of things that I dont understand, and maybe I will never understand them. Still, my journey to figuring it out continues.

Dave: [lying in bed, making love] I want to make a baby with you.
Rafi:I can't. I can't do this to you. You don't want to.
Dave: You want to. It's what you want so I want it.
Rafi: But you don't. You would regret it.
Dave: I want to give you this gift.
Rafi: I know. And it's the sweetest gift anyone has every given me. The fact that you are willing to do this for me shows how deep your love goes. That's the gift I'm taking from you instead.

Totally heart-wrenching. They didnt end up together. I think the ending was perfect. Sad but appropriate. The last scene was when they bumped into each other a year later... They looked at each other and in both their eyes, there was acceptance that their story's finished. Finality. Sighs.

"Sometimes we love, we learn and we move on."

Some stories are meant to end on a sad note. In fact, most of our stories will not end the way we would want it to end. And when finally the ending that we've been waiting for comes, that's when we will start appreciating all our Almost Love Stories.

Sino Ka?

We had a hulaan session last night. Apparently, my cards say that Im mutually in love with someone. I love him, he loves me back. Good. The love is more on my side, therefore I'm loving him more. Fair enough. He will be more successful than me (?) . Better. I'm gonna do all the loving while he will lavish me with extravagant gifts. Evil laugh. APPARENTLY, there is a minor glitch. A "REALLY MINOR" hindrance to our love story. Now it's getting more realistic. Judging from experience, you can never understimate a "really minor" glitch. In the end, I was told that my cards are soooo lucky because almost all of 'em are RED. Red is a lucky color. Argh. Ok na sana, pero ang tanong... SINO KANG MINAMAHAL KO AT NAGMAMAHAL DIN SA AKIN? Magpapasko nanaman, step up! Haha.

Ano ang sign na walang gagawin for class the next day? Makikita mo kami na mga kagalang-galang na law students sa Starbucks, di nag-aaral.. naglalaro ng Killer Killer. Ano ang mas masaklap dun? Pag kasali ka sa Killer Killer tapos ikaw lang un naghihintay ng kamatayan mo sa pamamagitan ng kindat nun Killer. Ayun.

How Apt.

Horoscope for the day:

Dwelling on the good times in your past will keep you from creating new ones.

You're fully prepared to assume the consequences of talking about that secret subject you've been trying to hide for far too long. But before you open up and let the world know what's on your mind, be sure that you won't be betraying a friend's confidence. You know how seriously you take the issue of loyalty? Well, the folks you've become close with feel the same way. It's not surprising, either. After all, you trained them

You can try doing the same old stuff with the same old people, but the stars have something else in mind. Why not do your part and break out of your routine to check out what could be a lot more thrilling?

I WAS drunk... and that made it easier.

I was right all along. My intuition was right. I should've listened to myself but I didnt. Story of my life. I'm still smiling.

I went home around 4am and I know i posted a feel-good entry. That WAS what I was feeling. I felt free, sure and happy that things are clearer. Now, 4 hours later I realized that there still are a lot of questions that are going through my mind. I am not feeling hatred, I can never find it in my heart to feel that. I guess this is just one of those days that you dread waking up not only because you know you'll have a hangover but also because waking up means being reminded that something DID happen and that things will never be the same again. It's one of those days where as much as I wanna go back to sleep, I could not really force myself to stop thinking and to stop analyzing what just transpired.

It rained last night. The clouds cried the tears that I wasnt able to shed. There was finality in everything. It is the same finality that I was trying to avoid for days because I hate it when I have to be strong again for myself and for other people. It's not true that I merely laughed it off. It was hard for me too. But the difference between me and him is that I try to be happy and to find the reason behind everything to at least mitigate the pain.

I wanted to hug him longer and to tell him that things will be alright. I just dont know if I believe that myself. I nearly broke down when he slightly held my hand while I was giving him a tap on the back. It was like I got a glimpse of something that I couldnt have. I still thank him for the good times. Yes, there were good times. I'm sorry if I may have hurt him with the things that i said. I'm human too but I did promise him that we will still be friends and I am keeping that promise. Now I know why I couldnt hug him longer... Being close to him is just like being close to fire.

Until now, I still do not understand why God once again had to put me through this. I know He will reveal his plan at the right time. I will just follow what my friends told me, "Charge it to experience". Lord, parang mejo fully-charged na ang aking experience battery ah.

I wish I could go back to sleep and dream my way to happiness. I can't. The pain's unbelievably deep. Deeper than the last time. This is rock bottom. I just know. I will go up. I will go up. I will go up. Or maybe I'll just lie on rock bottom and wait for it to tranform into a mountain. It's gonna be a long process... a long process.

All's Well That Ends Well.

'tis over. It is the beginning of better things for me. The smoke has been cleared and I'm happy. All we needed was to say it and to have faith in whatever we have. Ok na. Sana walang Legal Writing tomorrow.

Loose Screws

This is sooo ironic. Just when i'm admitting my fragility, i am faced with the fact that I can't be too fragile after all. At ito pa, a guy from my past texted me today. According to him, "we need to catch up" What am I gonna tell him?

"Sure. Well nothing really much has happened to me. I'm now in law school and I'm having a hard time. If you wanna know if I finally found someone who made me feel special, I'd say yes. A lot of 'em. But everything was short-lived. I am pretty much screwed up these past few days and this is the perfect time for us to catch up. That's beside the fact that i saw your picture and that you're hot and that you are not dating anyone right now. It will be like slapping my face for letting you go because I AM JUST ONE SCREWED UP woman who continues to be undecided. You are a great guy, really... but i just coyuldnt bare to meet up with you because you are perfect and i am far from it... very far from it. I've been depressed the whole week because I feel like nothing's falling into place. Oh and by the way, I think I like this guy who is not you and if we start dating now i'm afraid all you'll get are puffy eyes and glass-eyed looks and empty statements. No, i am not in love with him, i just think we have a chance and i dont want you to endure a conversation that will potentially be disastrous because i might cry in the process and i might all of a sudden decide to say yes to your proposal of dating again. Then it will start the whole process of me getting hurt again and that sucks. BIG TIME."

Pathetic.

Sound Trip

When it’s my moment in the sun
Oh, how beautiful I’ll be
But in a normal sort of way
Like I am you and you are me

Cause I have a lot of things to say
And you’d be wise to listen good
I think that hunger, war and death
Are bringing everybody down

When it’s my moment in the sun
I’ll share my problems with the world
And psychosomatically I’ll sing
To God and all his pretty girls

When it’s my moment in the sun
I won’t forget that I am blessed
But every hero walks alone
Thinking of more things to confess
----
from the TV Series Ed.

Your Favorite Music

Your favorite music
Well it just makes you sad
Your favorite music
Well it just makes you sad
But you like it
Cause you feel special that way

You feel special
That you’re like no one else
You feel special
That you’re like no one else
But then you’re lonely
And you need someone to help

I can’t teach you
To learn to love yourself
I can’t teach you
To learn to love yourself
But here’s a sad song
That I wrote for no one else

-----------------------------

Ang Resbak

t'was a great night. nobody else can make me smile and laugh like these people can. I love them because when they realized that I'm hitting rock bottom and that i've been really really depressed... they went out of their way to meet up with me. Haay. You are and will always be my bestest of friends. Thank you perk squad. I felt worthy again because i have the best set of friends.

I'm thankful to Pepe for giving me and Kay a ride home. Isa syang sadista, he had to make me endure listening to "I Love You Goodbye" and "Cool WIth You" over and over again. Apparently, he thinks these are MY SONGS. Kay saklap. When I got home i saw his text message.

"Sorry. This is my way of helping you move on."

That was it, i stopped doing what i was doing and cried.

Thanks Mel for last night. I needed someone and you were more than willing to be there. To Duh Perm, dont worry... I'm a strong woman. I will survive this depression feat that I am having.

I Refuse to Say Anything.

-------
images from Post secret

Unfair Ka.

Just when I thought things can't be worse, you had to say that. Do you feel vindication in my misery? I'm trying to recall all the smiles, the words that we uttered and everything that I thought we enjoyed... I cannot vividly remember them. I only remember the way I felt. I felt so sure that we had something going on. Thank you for making me feel that I fooled myself. and that I am a fool. The worst part is that I have no one to talk to because i dont know what to say. I am embarrassed by the fact that if they ask me how it happened, I cannot decently defend my decisions.

I cant believe I'm back here again. When you look at me, do you see that sad look in my eyes amidst my smile and my funny remarks? Do you sense how I try each time to not let you feel that it hurts me to see you?... you are a reminder of how I am a big failure in the aspects of my life that matter. Do you make fun of me because you enjoy it? Are you keeping me because I boost your ego? Do you even sense how hard I try to not look at you anymore because I'm afraid that you'll see all the emotions that i've been hiding?

YOU ARE UNFAIR. I shouldnt have let you in. I'm hitting rock bottom and sadly, you give me no choice but to dig deeper. You wanna know what the saddest part of it all is? I dont hate you.

Natahimik ka ano?

Hay naku Kiboy, maling-mali itong naging usapan natin kanina. Napatahimik ako, napaisip at nalungkot. May nakita nanaman akong dahilan kung bakit ako ay nananatiling hirap sa paghahanap ng aking "mahiwagang tsinelas". Ang pagkamusta mo sa akin at kay SBL ay parang isang malakas na sampal sakin. Ang sagot ko sayo ay, "Ok naman. Wala. Friends."

Tapos tinanong mo, "Anong nangyari? Parang nandun na kayo sa stage na un e. Bakit wala?"

At sabi ko naman, "Wala e. Wala namang nangyayari."

Medyo lumaki ang iyong mata sabay sinabi, "Bakit, ano ba ang gusto mong mangyari?"

"Wala naman. Di ko alam. Wala naman talaga yatang dapat mangyari..." Ang mahina kong sagot.

"Di mo pala alam ang gusto mo e. Talagang di kayo uusad nyan." Pabigla mong nasabi.

Tameme ako. Ako ba dapat ang nagdidikta nun? Akala ko kasi dapat naghihintay lang ako e. Napaisip ako tuloy. Naghihintay din ba sya sakin? Anong nga bang "stage" na kami? Wala naman yata talaga. Halos araw-araw naman nakikita ko sya, halos araw-araw naman may interaksyon kami. Pero natatakot ako na parang araw-araw gusto ko na may bagong maisusulat ako sa storya namin. Kaya lang parang tumigil na. Di ko na nararamdaman na tulad parin ng dati at may espesyal akong bahagi sa buhay nya. Parang di na nya ko kelangan. Parang maayos na naman ang buhay nya na walang pampagulo na kagaya ko.

"Tapos na nga ba talaga?" Ika nga ni Shem. Ayaw nya kasi maniwala. Isa kasi sya sa nanatiling positibo ang pananaw tungkol sa mga bagay-bagay. Pero kasi, kahit na madalas parin magtama ang mga mata namin, kahit na nakikita ko parin sya na nakatingin habang akala nya ay nakatutok ang aking atensyon sa ibang bagay, kahit na patuloy ko parin inoobserbahan ang mga kilos nya, nararamdaman ko na parang unti-unti na kami lumalayo sa isa't-isa. Ayoko pero nangyayari. Di ko alam kung ayaw din nya pero siguro nga tuloy-tuloy nang mananatili na di okupado ang silya sa aking harapan. Nakikita ko parin ang ngiti nya, pero di na ito katulad ng ngiti na nakukuha ko habang pinapanood ko syang kumain o mag-aral o magsalita.

Natahimik ako. Tahimik na din yata sya.

Trophy Girlfriend.

like the shirt? buy one! shirt design by Dre Martinez

Mabait naman ako e. Matalino naman. Di naman yata pangit. Masayahin. Supportive. Krung-krung minsan pero madalas maayos naman kausap. Di naman ako selosa, di rin naman ako demanding.

Ano ang mali? Ah alam ko na. Di pa panahon. Pero Lord, kelan pa ang panahon? Argh. Aral na nga.

"Bumping" into Friends.

Was able to watch Harry Potter tonight with my law school peeps at the Powerplant. I enjoyed it. Can i just say that Viktor is hot hot hot?! I'm not in the mood to make a real review so you just have to settle with the fact that i enjoyed it. Jayvee, thanks for the popcorn. Alam kong nananaghoy ka, pero wag ka mag-alala, ganyan din ang itsura ni Ron Weasley nun nakita nyang kasama ni Hermione si Viktor. haha.

Melo practiced her "manghuhula" skills tonight at Starbs. Apparently, I have a complicated LOVE LIFE. Uhmm, thanks Mel, tell me something i dont know. haha. But if there's one thing that i loved about your reading, it's the fact that "I'm overflowing with love while my future partner's gonna be really successful." Gaya nga ng sinabi ko, "Mamahalin ko sya... at bahala sya sa gastos." HOw more perfect can it be?

I will never forget Ana's comment about the people in Powerplant. "Sobra sila sa paligo." Ayun na. I must admit, there were a lot of yummy-looking guys in Powerplant today, the "mukhang mabango at mapagmahal" types. haha. Btw, I started to get the info that I promised Melo and Ana I'l get from our new "stalkee/ cutie". I got his school, course and got to talk to him. Kayod Marino talaga, manang-mana ako kay Pepe at Kiboy (na sa tingin ko ay may resemblance sa Weasley twins)

I bumped into a former crush today. As usual, got to converse about UP and uhmm, how i adore his line of thinking. Kasi naman, inaamin kong yummy nga sya. Ang kanyang mapupulang labi at dadalin ko sa aking panaginip ngayong gabi. (ANg manyak, kasing manyak ni Moaning MYrtle!)

I googled my pen name at natagpuan ko na a lot of people posted My Bestfriend Theory in their blogs. Im so flattered. Oh well Rockwell.

Everyone passed in Leg Res. Dapat lang. Cant wait to work with the "POWERHOUSE" cast of Group no. three! Let's go Legal Writing.

The Meantime Girl

She's the one you call when you're bored because she makes you laugh. She's the one you talk to when you're feeling down because she's willing to lend an ear and be a friend. She's not the one you call when you need a date to your company's Christmas party, or to go dancing with on a Saturday night. She's the one you spend time with between girlfriends, before you find "The One". You know, the one who you keep around in the meantime.

She's not one of the guys, not a tomboy, but you don't look at her as a "real" woman, either. She's not bitchy enough, moody enough, or sexy enough to be seen in that light. She's too laid-back, too easily amused by the same things your male buddies are amused by. She's too understanding, too comfortable - she doesn't make you feel nervous or excited the way a "real" woman does. But she's cool, and nice, and funny, and attractive enough that when you're lonely or horny and need intimate female companionship, she'll do just fine. You don't have to wine and dine her because she knows the real you already, and you don't have any facades to keep up, no pretenses to preserve. You're not trying to get anything of substance out of her. She's not easy, but you know that she cares about you and is attracted to you, and that she'll give you the intimacy you need. And you know you don't have to explain yourself or the situation, that she'll be able to cope with the fact that this isn't the beginning of a relationship or that there's any possibility that you have any real romantic feelings for her. It won't bother her that you'll get up in the morning, put on your pants, say goodbye, and go on a date with the woman you've been mooning over for weeks who finally agreed to go out with you. She'll settle for a goodbye hug and a promise to call her and tell her how the date went. She's just so cool . . . why can't all women be like that?!

But deep down, if you really think about it (which you probably don't be cause to you, the situation between the two of you isn't important enough to merit any real thought), you know that it's really not fair. You know that although she would never say it, it hurts her to know that despite all her good points and all the fun you two have, you don't think she's good enough to spend any real time with. Sure, it's mostly her fault, because she doesn't have to give in to your needs - she could play the hard-to-get bitch like the rest of them do, if she really wanted to. But you and she both know that she probably couldn't pull it off. Maybe she's too short, or a little overweight, or has a big birthmark on her forehead, or works at Taco Bell. Whatever the
reason, somehow life has given her a lot of really great qualities but has left out the ones that men want (or think they want) in a woman. So she remains forever the funny friend, the steadfast companion, the secret lover, and you go on searching for your goddess who will somehow be everything you ever wanted in a woman.

You'll joke to her that she should be the best man at your wedding, and she'll laugh and make a joke about a smelly rental tux.

She doesn't captivate you with her beauty, or open doors with her smile. Mainly she blends in with the crowd. She's safe. She doesn't want to be the center of attention and turn the heads of everyone in the room. But she wants to turn someone's head. She wants to be special to someone, too. We all do. She has feelings. She has a heart. In fact, she probably has a bigger and better heart than any woman you've ever known because she's had a front-row seat to The Mess That Is Your Life, and she likes you anyway. She obviously sees something worthwhile and redeeming in you because although you've given her nothing, absolutely no reason to still be around, she still is.
--------
article from Peyups.com ... i read this years ago.

Still but Moving.

we share the same sentiment.

at least exhaustion would mean the end of more exhaustions that MIGHT come your way.

----------
images from Postsecret.blogspot.com

Captured Emotions

Just like me, this "gingerbread man" is smiling though doom is just around the corner. Advanced Merry Christmas to me who's gonna be spending another year of waiting under the mistletoe...

the moon looked so marvelous that i had to take its picture... it's so faraway but it still shines.

what a disgrace. at least they corrected it a day after i took the pic.

Balitang Bali. (Pagtingin sa isang linggo)

Monday:
First day of class. Quote of the day: "Bago ang damit mo ah. Nagshopping ka no?" ~~ Ganun na ba ka paulit-ulit ang damit ko? Thank you ha.

Tuesday:
Met our Logic prof. Funny man.

Wednesday:
Mali ito. I waited, right outside what should've been my classroom for Criminal Law 2. I stared at the room from afar and said to myself, "this is what i get for being three points short". The more disturbing thing was, i felt calm. I didnt feel sadness, i brushed it off too easily. it's a big neon sign of DENIAL.

Everything was so surreal. One of the major proponents of our constitution is my Constitutional Law 2 professor and the pressure that i felt on that first day was just unbelievable. Father Bernas lang naman. I was called by Father Bernas to recite. I got a 1. (yeah, that is a good thing... UP grading system ito) But that's the happy side of it. I choked at the last part of my recit. But i still got a 1. I should be happy. Still I choked. And the emotional baggage will just go on and on and on.

Conversation of the day:
Euns: Ok ba si Fr. Bernas?
Girl: mabait sya, father nga sya e!
(ayun na.)

Thursday:
I got into a conversation with Melo, Shem and Yves about L-O-V-E. I will never forget what i said.. "The friendship excuse is BULLSHIT." It is true, if they are really friends, and if they decide to take it to the next level, if things turn out to be bad, the friendship will rise above the pain and it WILL REMAIN. Not as perfect as before but the respect will continue to exist. Btw, Mel's Lover is a very good writer. Mahal na namin sya. Hehe.

Today's the day that we saw a Ferrari. We were expecting a sorta-old man to come out of the car. But nooooo. The driver's a cutie. Drooled.

Jots and I had a "discussion" / pseudo-argument about buying a Ferrari instead of helping the people who will be thankful for a few pesos which they can receive in addition to what they have. I didnt agree that buying a Ferrari and helping are mutually exclusive. I dont think God will be angry that you are indulging when you have the money to pay for it. We even sorta argued about whose fault the "Hacienda Luisita" incident was (i know, lumang issue na ito). I even accused him of being judgmental. In the end we agreed that the wrong thing was that someone died. And i stopped myself from nagging him when he said, "i'm not being judgmental. that's why we are having this conversation..."

Friday:
I got to chat with Koko in the morning. Hay, Koks, miss ka na namin ng sobra.
We had our block picutre taken today. La lang.
Fr. Bernas is just sooo witty. I love his hirits. Consti is beginning to be really interesting.
Stayed at the "titanic" to do a few things for our appeal. Reserved tickets for our Harry Potter date tomorrow. Long dinner at KFC... chatted at Starbs.

Am I an Escapist?

Melo: Bakit ayaw mo sya kausapin?
Eunice: Ayoko lang. Ayoko na yata bumalik uli sa stage na un.
Melo: Escapist!

es·cap·ism

n. The tendency to escape from daily reality or routine by indulging in daydreaming, fantasy, or entertainment.

I dont daydream that much, i dont live in fantasies and well, the only entertainment-related indulgence that I have is myself and my friends... but i still think I'm an escapist. I exert effort to not lock eyes with him, to not give him a hint that I MAYBE have finally fallen for him and that I am desperately trying to dismiss the idea.

I am doing it for him. I think I am not good for anyone's health or sanity. Besides the fact that he is going through a really "difficult phase" and that I remember him saying something about not being ready... as much as I wanna believe that we have a chance, he continues to convince me otherwise. I try to not interact with him that much so we can preserve what little we have.

This whole thing is also beginning to be unhealthy for me. I find myself intensely contemplating on the words that he utters, on the gestures that he makes. I often catch myself wondering about how he perceives me, or if it's true that he occasionally stares or if I was just imagining the spark that i thought we have.

I think I will listen to what my guy friend told me... "Sabi ko sayo sapatos lang siya e. Kasi kung ako un lalaki tapos nanjan na kayo sa stage na yan, kumilos na ako kung gusto kita. Pero wala e."

He's just not that into me. Shit. I was not that into him a few months ago.. why did i allow myself to actually entertain such thoughts? Now I know why I'm running away... I am trying to escape the net of pain that might engulf me in the near future. If I dont act now, I may not have the option to escape anymore. Being an escapist, i think, will help me move forward. I hope so.

Nakakadiri.

He-who-shall-not-be-remembered updated his profile today. I checked it out. There was no harm in just checking on a friend right? Only that we're not really friends anymore. And the reason why i needed to take a look at it was because i was secretly hoping that he's not "that" happy. There was no way for me to know, i looked at his pictures and it all came back to me. How I made a big fool out of myself. Is it just me or are his shirts not that loose anymore? Nakakadiri.

I bumped into Backstreet guy a lot of times today. We even sorta locked eyes. I really think I should start smiling at him to establish the fact that we "know" each other. Nakakadiri, parang highschool.

I have a new "target" to exercise my stalking skills. Melo, Ana and I were chatting inside the car when we came into a decision that "this guy" is actually cute. It's funny because i thought i was the only one who was noticing him. Therefore, we shall be friends. Dont worry Ana, I'll get the info that we need. haha.. Melo, uhmm.. i know you're looking at me and saying "Loyalty dude!" but what can i do? My "other target" is just soooo slow. A girl's gotta do whatta girl's gotta do. haha. Nakakadiri, karir nanaman.

Nakakadiri itong entry na ito.

Conrado de Quiros: There's the Rub: Cry rape

I just had to repost this.

Conrado de Quiros: There's the Rub: Cry rape

Anong Balita?

Today, one of my sources of Joy shocked me by saying that he's not pursuing his studying law anymore. It came to me like an unexpected punch. IT IS REAL. People are saying goodbye, sooner or later. Only now, it's sooner than i expected. Koks, you are going to be missed... be the best congressman. Im looking forward to seeing you in ANC. hehe.

I had my "first ever barista lesson" today. Thanks to my ever-bubbly-pero-may-kasungitan friend, Jots. Now i know the meaning of a bad shot, and that i can only use this uhmm foamy thingie twice and that it shouldnt be mixed (though it's not that big of a deal).. Yeah, that made me smile. Merci dude. Apir!

Usapang Stubborn:
Jots: What's up?
Euns: The sky.
Jots: diba the roof?
Euns: pero mas mataas parin ang sky.

I went ukay-ukay shopping with Chorits today at Cubao. We came into a really funny realization, "madali kami mapagod". After sorting through all the racks of clothes in three ukay-ukays, we gave up. Nakakapagod. We went home happy, less than 500 pesos poorer but holding plastics of clothes. Ready for jogging? Hehe. At ito pa, Chorits is on a shopping-spree.. she bought a pair of pants in Giordano... anak mayaman.

Sikmurain mo ang iyong Paninikmura.

Mali talaga. Sinisikmura nanaman ako. Stubborn kasi ng sobra. Salamat Jots sa iyong "bakit nagkakape ka nanaman? dapat decaf na lang.. next time ha." hirit. Alam kong concerned ka lang, pero wala ka magagawa, matigas ang ulo ng kaibigan mong maarte. Sorry na.

Birthday ng aking minamahal na sister na si Hazel. Had dinner with my family. Enjoy nanaman as usual... Ang pamilyang matakaw. Bow!

Shit, masakit na talaga. Ayoko po lagnatin... matutulog na ako. Walang kwenta nanaman ang mga pinopost ko sa blog ko. Pagbigyan nyo na, next week di na ako mago-online sa weekdays. Isa itong panata. Ayun na.

Mukhang mala-late ako sa usapan namin ni Ana mamaya a. Oh well, ano pa ba naman ang bago. Excited pa naman akong mag-ukay. Yunis Bungisngis is signing off.

Ayayay Panday!

"at alam mo naman ang ating buhay, parang espada ni panday,... habang nilalagay sa apoy, lalong tumitibay... "--AM

How poetic. But 'tis true. Bring it on.

Very Interesting Pictures.

Nakakatawang Hindi.

Nadapa ako. Ito ang araw na pinaalala nanaman sakin ni Lord na pwede parin ako madapa. Sa UP Alumni Center, habang hinihintay ang resulta ng aking pagtira habang naglalaro ng Duckpin Bowling. Nakalimutan ko na naka-heels ako. Bawal itabingi ang paa kung naka-heels. Semplang. Plakda. Nadapa ako. Oh well.

Nakakatuwang Usapan ng mga Lango sa Pag-ibig.

Ganito, nagbowling kami kagabi. Minamalas ako, at patapos na ang laro ay wala parin akong strike.. Bigla kong nasabi sa aking sarili ng biglaan... "Lord, pag na-strike ko ito.. kami na ni SBL!"

Gumulong ang aking bola, tumama.. at may natira na dalawang pin sa magkabilang gilid,nanlumo at tumalikod na ako. Bigla na lamang nagwawala ang mga tao. Pagharap ko ulit at nakita ko na lang na naka-strike ako. Wala na. Natawa na lang ako at napasigaw.. "OMG, sabi ko kay Lord pag naka-strike ako.. kami na!"

------------------
pagkauwi ay ito ang aming naging usapan ni Mumiel.

smyle_khyle: sinagot ka na ng diyos ah
jersee_d_goddess : ang "pag-usad"
smyle_khyle : strike euns, strike
jersee_d_goddess : oh well. tsamba lang siguro. haha.
smyle_khyle : the freaky part, the last pin that fell was mej mahirap. did you see how your pins fell.
jersee_d_goddess : well, magkabilang pins un di bumagsak na akala ko.
smyle_khyle : may naiwan isa na parang bumigay na lang para magstrike. yet sabay bumagsak.
jersee_d_goddess : pag talikod ko akala ko tlga di strike. tapos si haze bigla nagwawala.. i couldnt believe it. ang freaky.
smyle_khyle : meant to be
jersee_d_goddess : no, freaky.
smyle_khyle : strike siya talaga it's a sign. hallelujiah
jersee_d_goddess : ay wla na. :|
smyle_khyle : talaga bang wala na... ako sumuko pero, look what happened
jersee_d_goddess : di naman sa ganun.
smyle_khyle : pero.. :-w
jersee_d_goddess : kelangan ko tlga mag-aral e.
smyle_khyle : true, we all have to study. but, it should not be a reason to close the door.. leave a window open.
jersee_d_goddess : i know.. im just sayin na im ok na with it. if he moves then ok, if he doesnt i wont whine about it.
smyle_khyle : then why say na wala ng feeling
jersee_d_goddess : indifferent na ako. di naman wala nang feeling, ittanong ko ba kay Lord un kung wala na tlga db?
smyle_khyle : point.. He gave you the answer didn't he? just wait a while.
jersee_d_goddess : haha. maybe.
smyle_khyle : para siya siguro yung 2 pins
jersee_d_goddess : hahaha..
jersee_d_goddess : ang weird, ang weird.
smyle_khyle : natagalan bumagsak pero bumagsak nevertheless
jersee_d_goddess : hahaha. point, point. sira. we're just friends.
smyle_khyle : yes you're friends, but, accrdg to god, you'll be more than friends
jersee_d_goddess : haha.
smyle_khyle : lord, salamat sa strike
jersee_d_goddess : =))
smyle_khyle : when your window closes, it only means you're about to open the door
jersee_d_goddess : naks.
smyle_khyle : for him

------------------
ang kwento ay kasalukuyan ko pa lamang na isinusulat. wait lang. di ko alam ang katapusan.

SUICIDE.

Suicide is leaving the old you that has given you grief, pain and uncerainty. I WILL COMMIT SUICIDE TONIGHT. I am running away from the ME that i thought i love. I am now embracing my imperfections, I dont want to pretend that I can handle things anymore. I am tired.

I am admitting it. I am fragile, i am stubborn... i am a needy bitch who wants to feel. I will stop tolerating the numbness that i have enveloped my self with and i will willingly commit suicide so i can start living again. I will DIE because i want to be hugged, to be pampered, to be taken cared of. I am tired of taking care of myself because i am not doing a great job.

I want to know how people will write their eulogies for me. I want to find out how i lived my life in the eyes of those I lived for. I want to write a eulogy for me too. It will have words that revolve around happiness, how i sought it and managed to get a glimpse of it.

I gave the people whom i value a piece of the puzzle that is me. Some valued the piece that I gave them. Some walked away, shrugged their shoulders and dismissed the idea. I hope they all come in the celebration of my life. So they can all bring the pieces that i gave them and complete the puzzle. I want them to understand me.

I am committing suicide tonight. While everyone's sleeping and I am wide awake... scared and shaking.

God Still Loves Me.

I have the best parents in the world. I went home feeling down and the first thing that my dad told me was, "We're still proud of you. Ok lang yan, we need to fail once in a while." I almost broke down but his hug just made me feel so secure. I love you guys, i will be a lawyer for you.

I failed Criminal Law. It's ok, i'm pretty confident that i can appeal. It just breaks my heart that I cannot take Crim Law 2 this sem. I was overwhelmed by the number of hugs i received today. I got reminded that I am a very fragile person, i break down at the slightest existence of mush. Thank you friends for your warmth. I was asking for human warmth the whole sem, and i got it today. Thank you. Paopao, thank you for making me laugh when i told you not to hug me anymore because it makes me cry. Thank you people.

I'm still smiling, i still have Duh Perm by my side. You guys rock.

T'was a CLOUDY DAY.

How do you hide the fear in your eyes?
Why do you fight the tears and the cries?
How do you say the sweetest goodbyes?
Why do you smile amidst all of your lies?

Yesterday was a happy day. Coffee at starbucks, Lunch at Chocolate Kiss (UP), got my UP Alumni Card, Ana got her transcript of records, we got to meet Pepe's new gf, a visit to Haze's house and the highly-anticipated 30-minute brisk walking session at the "infamous" La Mesa Eco Park. I was with friends whom I spent almost everyday of my six months with, studying, laughing or just plainly being there for each other. We held on and tried our damnest best to survive this jungle that is the law school. It's amazing how the friendship has evolved into something that is beyond mere companionship and at present, this is being tested by the challenge to continue holding on. I AM SCARED. I was looking at our pictures and I couldnt help but feel the sadness hidden under the facade of smiles that we gave. We werent acting, we were happy, it's just that there really is a very fine line between being happy and being sad. The border is a more complicated place. We dont even know if our smiles are as real as the possiblity that we are gonna be saying our goodbyes.

As if the heavens are joining us in this dance of emotions, the clouds gave us the show of our lives. All through the day, we kept on staring at the heavens as if the clouds hold the answers to the uncertainties and the open-ended questions that are facing us. Beautiful but sad. Scenic but empty. Cheerful but mocking.

A 30-minute tour around the Eco Park was like the past five months... we know that there are a lot of things that are worthy of appreciation but as much as we would want to linger on all the good things, the fact that we have to go and move on is just painfully imposing. What lies beyond the road that we didnt get to explore? We shall see. We just dont know yet if we'll see it together or if we will be taking our separate paths until we meet again.

This is one of those few moments that we wish we'll just get stuck, firmly to the ground... feeling the stability of the rocks beneath. This is one of those chosen days where not doing anything is much much better than being productive, if only to preserve what is left of the past.

We still are holding on. Even if holding on means falling really hard in the end.