Perfectly Imperfect

Picture from POSTSECRET

In that exact moment that darkness surrounded us,
You held my hand and promised to be my light.
I like it when my eyes can’t see and the only music
That I hear is the maddening sound of the rain.
I want to stay in the dark longer, to observe
The flickering light that shyly illuminates
Our once proud love.
I want my hand back.
your light is no longer enough.

Play Paint

You keep looking at the cracks in the ceiling,
Constantly wondering when water will seep through.
I continue watching you breathing, blinking, staring,
While I let my mind and my heart paint you.

WALLED PROMISES

picture from POSTSECRET

You intended these walls to be bulwarks.
I see them as promises.

You can isolate yourself as much as you want.
I will always be on the other side, waiting.
When it’s over, I’ll fly over each and every one of them,
and save you from your walled misery.

#thoughtbubbling
#realityeverafter
#Photords
#introvertmindextrovertheart
#LegallyBlunt
#Photography
#blackandwhitephotography
#BlackAndWhite
#photooftheday
#digital
#digitalphotography

#Poetry
#TheStalkerPicsSeries
#LegallyBlunt
#LegallyGrunt
#RealityEverAfter
#writersofinstagram
#fastfoodfiction

#buttonpoetry
#listen
#findyourvoice
#instapoet
#shortform
#instapoetry

CHAOTIC HAPPINESS

Picture from POSTSECRET

When the laughter stops, and my smile fades,
All that will be left is your sadness.
I will protect you, drag you to the rawness of my chaotic happiness…
… away from your miserably organized mediocrity.

WASTED CHANCES

Picture from POSTSECRET

You sleep at night and look forward to tomorrow.
Carefully, you tiptoe your way to the future.
If only you stayed awake and looked around instead of forward.
If only you ran and played with the present.
Now all you have are plans… and a lot of wasted chances.

LOGICAL MAGIC

picture from POSTSECRET

Amidst the bursts of green,
I long for the biting brown.
Stemmed bruises on white,
thin black strips swaying.

Everything was spinning around me.
Except when you held my hand,
Until logic merged with magic.

I am logic and you are magic.
Work on me. Let me be your masterpiece.

CONSTANCY

Picture from POSTSECRET

Like a promise carefully engraved in stone,
Like air that stealthily surrounds us,
Like water that aggressively flows to infinity,
Like the slow blinking of my eyes,

You still stubbornly inhabit my heart.
You are my heart.
To me, you are indispensable.
You are my constant.

MESS

Picture from POSTSECRET

We worked so hard to not mess everything up.
Luckily, we didn’t. We didn’t have to.
It was messed up to begin with.
You’re the “order to my mess.” and I, to yours.
But when it’s time to clean up,
What will be left of our emotional landfill?

Differently

Picture from POSTSECRET

I wish things had ended differently.
But it could mean starting things differently.
And “differently” might mean not knowing you.

So I take it back,
I don’t wish things had ended differently.
I just wish things didn’t have to end.

The RIDDLE

Picture from POSTSECRET

“Am I doing the right thing?” you hesitantly asked.
With pretentious nonchalance, I answered, “Figure it out.”
Looking back, I should’ve said, “Figure ME out.”

LOST and FOUND

picture from POSTSECRET

I saw this coming. From the moment I cried my first tear, had my first fall and got my heart broken over and over again. It was a maze, an ugly, cruel and twisted maze.

I didn’t find my way out but I did find my way… TO YOU.

MY IDIOT

picture from POSTSECRET

Because our conversations are not mere conversations, they are a series of secret correspondence between a heart in denial and a heart with blind optimism. Yes, we have moved on, but if we just keep walking, we’ll either meet each other’s gaze at the end of this circular road or get lost - forever.

Stop being AN idiot. Start being MINE.

Compounded Loneliness

picture from POSTSECRET

“In all languages in the world, there is the same proverb: “What the eyes don’t see, the heart doesn’t grieve over.” Well, I say that there isn’t an ounce of truth in it. The further off they are, the closer to the heart are all those feelings that we try to repress and forget. If we’re in exile, we want to store away every tiny memory of our roots. If we’re far from the person we love, everyone we pass in the street reminds us of them. “

– Eleven Minutes by P.Coelho

I am allowed to take it back. I am lonely. And no matter how hard I try to stop myself from quoting Britney, I can’t help it, “My loneliness is killing me.” Sometimes, I find myself staring at nothing because I feel this emptiness, the kind of emptiness that you can’t figure out. Emptiness that roots from nothingness is the hardest to cure. It bugs you and it doesn’t stop. It’s the kind of loneliness that finds comfort in more loneliness. It’s compounded loneliness. This is the shit.

Don’t get me wrong, I am happy. I don’t know how but experience has taught me that happiness and loneliness are, at times, not mutually exclusive. I argue with myself a lot, these are the kind of arguments that lead to moments that necessitate writing. These are arguments that are unwinnable because in the end, I both win and lose. I get this a lot, situations that make me win and lose at the same time. It could be triggered by the simplest of moments, like a silly conversation. It gets tiring. Being in an emotional limbo is the equivalent of lying on your bed all day, with nothing to do but think of what you could be doing instead but at the same time being thankful that you are there, on your bed, doing nothing. It’s like running on a treadmill that brings you to hell and back in a matter of seconds, minutes, hours and a lifetime.

So, let me get back to this loneliness, this emptiness, this nagging feeling that things should be better. All triggered by one moment... a moment that started out happily. I know I shouldn’t even be thinking about it… yet I am. How do we go back to before? How do we make things right? How do we start anew? How –

Then I am disrupted by this realization. This isn’t stemming from nothing because in the third paragraph of this supposed entry on nothingness,

#Last night, I thought of you - of how I have voluntarily prevented myself from living because I was waiting for you to live my dream, too. I have allowed myself to feel nothing because I want to feel everything with the idea of you. You were nothing until you became something, something that needed to be true.

I hate waiting. But remember that I waited for you and I would’ve waited with you… despite this compounded loneliness that you have inadvertently inflicted on me. With or without demand, I have paid. I take it back. I am lonely… and if you are too, and if by any chance you are just pretending, let me know. Maybe, just maybe, we can stop pretending… lose nothing and win everything.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BuA-8euAi5s/?utm_source=ig_share_sheet&igshid=mwur54r5vyr1
https://www.instagram.com/p/BuA-8euAi5s/?utm_source=ig_share_sheet&igshid=mwur54r5vyr1

Lonely September

Plain White T's

I'm sittin' here all by myself
just tryin' to think of something to do
Tryin' to think of something, anything
just to keep me from thinking of you
But you know it's not working out
'cause you're all that's on my mind
One thought of you is all it takes
to leave the rest of the world behind

[Chorus]
Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back, but I know you did

I'm sittin' here tryin' to convince myself
that you're not the one for me
But the more I think, the less I believe it
and the more I want you here with me
You know the holidays are coming up
I don't want to spend them alone
Memories of Christmas time with you
will just kill me if I'm on my own

[Chorus]
Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back

I know it's not the smartest thing to do
we just can't seem to get it right
But what I wouldn't give to have one more chance tonight
One more chance tonight

I'm sittin' here tryin' to entertain myself with this old guitar
But with all my inspiration gone it's not getting me very far
I look around my room and everything I see reminds me of you
Oh please, baby won't you take my hand
we've got nothing left to prove

[Chorus]
Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back, but I know you did

And I didn't mean to meet you then
we were just kids
And I didn't mean to give you chills
the way that I kiss
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back but I know you did
Don't say you didn't love me back 'cause you know you did
No, you didn't mean to love me back
But you did

---

I'm still not convinced that Noynoy can handle being president...but if he is AT LEAST a fraction as honest and as patriotic as his parents... I will choose him over all the other crappy choices. It's time. Down with katrapuhan at kagarapalan! Th...is is the worst and the best time to be a lawyer but I will effin' try to be one this month... and when the smoke clears... I will be a part of something big. AKO ANG SIMULA.♥

BITTER Ocampo Conversation

Euns: oh well. ano naman ang masasabi mo sa note ko? madamdamin ba? Haha, nun tinanong ako ni hazel, para kay ____ ba un? sabi ko, "Nalito na rin ako. Di ko a lam kung para kanino!" haha
Friend: Pakshet ka. yun lang. Yung comment mo naiyak pa ko dun sa talyer comment.
Eunice: Diba diba? Kasi parang i fix 'em and make 'em ready to love.. but they never love me back. Ganun. Messianic complex.
Friend: Ewan ko sayo
Eunice: Totoo naman e. Parang ako, mahirap ba un? mahirap ba ko mahalin? Seryoso. Haha. Kasi walang nagtatake ng risk for me e. Di ko gets. :D
Friend: Hahahaha. Ako din.
Eunice: Lagi na lang, iniisip ko.. parang why can’t they like me enough to just fucking ask.
Friend: Parang alam nila that you're the perfect girl for them but they just won’t let themselves take advantage of that fact.
Eunice: It's soooo weird and i dont want to hear the, "Youre so valuable that they're afraid to lose you" crap. Kalokohan. Parang ako, what the fuck is wrong with me? What the fuck is wrong with them???
Friend: Kalokohan talaga.
Eunice: Argh.
Friend: There's nothing wrong with you. There's something wrong with them.
Eunice: Why do i end up with really wrong men? Kainis na e.
Friend: Haaaaaaaay. Because we always think they could be the one, they could be the exception. That we ignore the signs even if they're there.
Eunice: Minsan talaga naiisip ko. kung payat lang ako malamang di na sila nagdadalawang-isip. Feeling ko talaga un e.
Friend: Hindi din...
Eunice: ANG LABO. Ako naman, napapansin ko naman un signs.. PERO FUCKING ASK ME OUT. Un lang naman, is it too much to ask? Haha!
Friend: Kung asshole asshole.
Eunice: Un na nga e. Puro na lang asshole.
Friend: Inignore mo yung signs. Gusto mo pa rin i-ask out ka kahit may asshole sign na. Hahaha.
PMS.
Eunice: Bar.
---------
Bitter Ocampo moment naming ng friend ko.

The Always Ending Love Story

It is a story that’s meant to be told. It hasn’t seen the end yet but it has seen a number of ends already. The beginning was just too magical that it can stand on its own. It started with running away, with leaving the past behind and not being afraid to be alone. It was supposed to be the beginning of her hiding, yet, just like the pot of gold that symbolized hope and optimism, she was found… underneath the chaotic pile of emotional baggage that she humorously called to be “her fortress.”

They weren’t strangers. Their faces looked familiar, in fact, a little too familiar that smiling at each other felt natural. It felt like they should have been doing it since forever, at least to her. Her smile was one of those smiles that she gives when there’s nothing to be said… and his was an awkward one, a smile that needs to be construed every single time. Their story started with distance that either protected or prevented them from coming to that point that has been a part of infinitely numerous stories, the cheesy point of no return. Poor distance couldn’t stand its ground anymore, slowly but skillfully, they inched their way into each other’s lives, with glances, abrupt beginnings, conversations that crawled into their souls… their hearts. The glances turned into stares, the beginnings were transformed into a series of short stories, and the conversations, oh, they turned into confessions, poems, songs and sometimes, into black and white movies reminiscent of emotional boldness.

Then came the twist… an eyeball-rolling, shitty and crappy expected twist. They did fall. They did not fall together, they fell apart. They fell in love… not with each other, but with the idea of having each other. It was so perfect that the idea had to be found somewhere else, in someone else. Both of them were so afraid to ruin its perfection that they both let it slip away. It was so perfect that It had to get fucked up. The stares became looks of longing, the conversations were transformed into moments of agony, of concealed pain, their confessions spoke of what they think can be uttered concealed in shallow jokes. The poems were turned into sad songs and sometimes, the romantic black and white movies just refused to play anymore… their emotional boldness was defensively clothed with hypocrisy, compromise and white but caring lies.

They knew it was it was nearing the end, they were being jolted out of inaction by circumstances. So, they started to run away…from each other. They could’ve run away together. They could’ve come to their senses. They could’ve fallen together… they could’ve seen the miracle that their hearts can create intertwined. They could’ve. She would’ve loved to. After all, she did wait… for a long time. From the moment that he let her in on a childish, foolish but sweet secret. From the moment he let her into his soul by getting lost in her eyes. But he never bothered to ask. He didn’t even stop… he breezed through the whole thing and moved on to a new adventure. Now, all that are left are memories… realizations that this story hasn’t seen its end but it has reached another abrupt ending.

Maybe another twist is written in the stars, or the sun, or wherever it is supposed to be written... only this time, it wouldn’t be an eyeball-rolling, crappy expected one. Maybe after everything, they both will get better from the disease that they have inflicted upon each other… that disease called fear and denial. Or maybe this really is the end. Who knows? Maybe love just took a wrong turn but is on its way. After all, it is an always ending love story. Nobody wants it to end. What everybody wants is for it to unfold… endlessly.

So It Has Come to This...

And so it has come to this, as I sit on my favorite spot in Starbucks for the nth time, the experience has officially changed. I still am alone, but not lonely, I still am in front of my laptop, typing my way out of confusion but not despair. It really wasn’t easy to figure out, in fact, I’ve known the answer from the beginning. Only, that I tried too hard to deny it if only to delay the unimaginable pain that’s been there. Yes, it was painful, it still is once in a while. It still negates everything I used to believe in, but the difference is, I can watch and let things unfold without being a part of it. Being a stranger in a situation that you are so familiar with is like trying to not spill a secret that you’ve been dying to share to your closest of friends. I am troubled.

It wasn’t a few times that I tried to replay the circumstances in my head. Rewind, fast forward, pause, slow play…and the ending remains, I am here. It was a fun rollercoaster ride, with moments that make me close me eyes just so I can make the feeling linger a little longer. These moments were not of laughter but of half-smiles concealed in between yosi breaks and awkward silence. The intensity that was felt was not like anything that can be imagined. It was one of those, “if-this-is-not-love-i-don’t-know-what-is” scenarios. Yes, it lacked a theme song, except for that time when spontaneity dictated that a song had to be sung or at least listened to. It wasn’t even a happy song… it was a song that didn’t match what was felt at that time. But any melody will do, any set of lyrics will be appropriate because mere togetherness was perfect. It was so perfect that even the sound of a machine that hauls cement to a half-done building would’ve sounded like an orchestra singing to you, for you, with you.

I remember. I try to. If only to give justice to what I felt, what I believed in, what I imagined and who I have imagined to love. And so it has come to this, as I sit on my favorite spot in Starbucks for the nth time, the experience has officially changed. I still am alone, but not lonely, I still am in front of my laptop, typing my way out of confusion but not despair. I will find you because if I interpreted it right, you vowed to find me too.

----

Prelude to the end…
of the beginning.

So our tears flowed
Without saying a word
Without thinking of our
goodbyes. It was a hug
most apt, a bandage
to our bleeding hearts.
The man talked about
Hope. Of wounded souls
And of once beating
But now suffering
hearts. The moment
was abruptly started.
A call. A message.
It was the end
of the beginning.
We are not going
To be together.
A series of flash
backs. Of misplaced
optimism. Of pats
on the back and silent
smiles. We knew
this was coming.
We just dreaded
That it’ll be
Too soon.
No letting go
Tears will flow
No more. Today
Is the day that we
Stand our ground.
I’ll see you at the end
Of this mocking
Road. I will hurry
Back to you, this
Is a prelude.
A prelude
To the end
Of the beginning
That never ends.

In Other Salita

In Tagalog:

Nung tiningnan mo ba ako, nakita mo rin ang takot
na dinala nito? Naaninag mo ba ang pagaatubili,
ang pagtatago na pilit kong pinapalitan
ng pagngiti at paghawi ng aking buhok na sa totoo
lang ay hiniling ko na takpan na lang ang aking pagkatao?

Nang hinawakan ba kita, nalaman mo na handa na
Akong ibigay sana ang pagtitiwala, ang pagkalinga
At ang pagmamahal ng nangungulila kong puso?
Pasensya ka na, mapatawad mo sana ang lahat
Ng pagtunganga, pagtahimik at pagsasawalang-

Bahala na ginagamit kong sandata laban sa’yo.

Hindi naman talaga laban sa’yo, kundi laban
sa posibilidad na maaari akong mahulog
at mapahamak sa pagtugon sa mahina pa
sanang tinig na nagsasabing ikaw, sana ikaw,
pwedeng ikaw, bakit ikaw? Mas malakas kasi

ang tinig na nagsusumamo na
sa ganitong pagkakataon, mauna na muna ako,
isipin ko muna ang sarili ko, mahalin ko muna ako.
Bakit hindi ako? Kasi pag nangibabaw nanaman
ang ikaw, magmimistula nanamang saling-pusa

lamang ang ako na sana’y maging bida naman
ng storyang tinatawag ko paring buhay ko.
Nang di natin namalayan na magkadikit na
ang ating mga tuhod, hita, kamay, mukha,
damdamin! Ako lang ba o parang sanay na sila

na magkasama? Ako lang Ba o parang matagal

nang hinintay kita? Ako lang ba o nanumbalik na
ang parating palang nating alaala? Ako lang ba?
Ikaw rin ba? Pero sa pagtatapos ng mahaba
At masalimuot na tanungang ito, Ang tanong parin
ay kung pwede nga rin ba ang tayo? Ako lang ba?

Itutuloy mo parin ba ang paghabol
sa kayo? Muli, natatakot nanaman ako. Kasi

kung tama ang palagay ko, matatapos na
kasabay nito ang guni-guni ko na sana tayo.
Kasi ang paglalaban ng kayo at ng tayo, yung
Huli ang medyo dehado. Sana lang sa desisyon
Mo, kahit na konti, maisip naman ako.

At ang paglalaro na laging taya ang puso ko.
-------------------------------
In English: Where are you and what’s up?!

Butterfly Effect

picture from POSTSECRET

The funny thing about love is… it’s the one game that you lose when you refuse to play."
-Ally McBeal


Hey dear butterfly,

I know, I know… I should be studying. I don’t know who you are or why you have insisted on hanging out beside me but thank you. Thank you for making my day. I need to be reminded that there are a lot of beautiful things around me and that one tiny glitch in the system is just that, tiny. How many times can one say that she had hung out or even studied with a butterfly for almost 7 hours? I did almost everything to make you go away, to fly, to find a better place… to just be far from me. Yet it chose to endure the pollution-infested spot beside me.

It was as if you were trying to make a point. The point, at least to me, was that if anyone decides to be with me, he will stay no matter how much shit he has to put up with beside me. The point was that if someone decides to choose me, he will stay without me having to ask for him to stay. When that time comes, I don’t have to play mind games because he will definitely let me know where he’s coming from, where we exactly are. I don’t have to agonize every night over how I can make him understand, how I can let him know that I have decided to be with him too… how I can make him stay because he just WILL. That’s the thing about faith, prayers and our humor-driven God, He absolutely moves in simple but mysterious ways. It took a butterfly that was willing to stay around for me to figure it out.

So thank you, newfound friend butterfly. I owe you one.
-----
Bubba, kung ikaw yan. Sabi ni Patty malamang pinagtatawanan mo raw ako. Fine, jan ka na lang. Samahan mo ko sa pag-iisa ko. <3

Present Past

“Sometimes goodbye is a second chance.”
-Shine Down

Present Past

It started with a memory,
It ended without hope.
Now the table seems so empty,
My coffee has turned cold.

We used to talk of wishes,
of life and where we’ve been.
Had I known it was all it could be,
I would have stopped before the end.

This is my goodbye to a thousand reasons to cry.
I fought against my heart, resisted to play my part.
I almost fought for us, but goodbye…
My present past.

We used to end our days,
with short walks and secret fears.
You stole my heart before you wanted it,
You’ll never know I want you near.

This is my goodbye to a love I’ll always hide.
I was ready to lose you, even said I won’t miss you.
I guess we missed the bus, so long…
My present past.

My heart believed and my mind dreamed.
I’ll hold on to you ‘til tomorrow
So you’ll hold on to me today.
When you looked at me and whispered,
“Did you know I can control the wind?”
I sadly smiled and whispered back,
“Then fly with me, you’re all I need.”

Goodbye my present past, our story’s fading fast.
Goodbye my present past, this first song is our last.

Sharing Time (On Airman, Being Pregnant and Cramming)

Ana: May joke ako. Alam mo ba na dalawa ang superheroes sa commercial law?
Eunice: Sino-sino?
Ana: Edi si Warehouse man at Air man.
Eunice: (suya) Ook. Sino uli si Airman?
Ana : Ewan ko.
Eunice : Akala ko sya un host ng Walang Tulugan… si Airman Moreno.
(Ngii!)
-------
Ginawa ko sya ulit. Pagsakay ko sa MRT from Manila the other day, may isa palang pilahan na for pregnant women lang, with kids and senior citizens… Nun tinignan ko ang pila para sa mga normal na tao… Sobrang haba. So, nun turn ko na, un kahera ay tinanong ako… ‘Buntis po kayo ?’ Binigyan ko sya ng sobrang-saya-ko-i-can’t-believe-you’re-even’questioning me ! smile and said, ‘Opo, three months.’
Sorry Lord. Sorry talaga.
------
My “hmmm” thought for the day,

“If life is short and we have a lot of things we want to and should do, aren’t we all, technically, cramming?”

I still think we should do what needs to be done and not wait for the “right moment.” Why? Because we never really know. What if today was your last day? Wouldn’t it be just shitty to not let that person know that you like him? Wouldn’t it be just plain crappy if you didn’t write that stupid letter you’ve been planning to write for your loved ones? Wouldn’t it be just sad not to let that person know that you wrote a song for him simply because you felt it was time?

I hope in the future, when everyone’s “one the other side”, God will let us have the luxury to remember how we felt, what we felt and why we felt things. The saddest thing that could happen is to stare at the person who meant the world to you and not remember… not feel.

I’d like to think that love transcends not only time but eternity. If it doesn’t, oh well, shit happens.

Remembering Bubba Nocom

“I have the body of a god.”

That, and a picture of Buddha were printed on Bubba’s shirt when I last saw him in Promenade for Ateneo Law’s Night of the Arts in February. The shirt was a conversation piece, but he didn’t need one. For anyone who knows Bubba, he is not a man of few words. He was, in fact, the opposite. He can out talk a lot of people I know and believe me, that’s quite an achievement. It could be why we clicked. I don’t remember why and how we got introduced, what I do remember is that we became friends immediately after. We weren’t close friends but I’d like to think that we really were friends. We were two people who would always bump into each other just because we both happen to be at the same place at the same time. Those haphazard meet-ups used to always turn out to be entertaining, interesting, and really funny. He would always have stories that could elicit reactions from me like, “What?” and “No way!” and “Yeah, I agree.” More importantly, Bubba has the capability to make people smile. Not a lot of people have that talent.

He had the most outrageous questions, most radical points of view… without even trying. He was a natural thinker. In the not so many times that we got to hangout, he never failed to ask me how I have been, what I have been doing with my life and he never hesitated to share his own take on things. That’s just who he was, he thinks and has no problems with telling you what he thinks. I’d always joke about his not being able to fully concentrate on his studying; he’d always brush it off as my attempt to start a conversation. I never really complained. Now I know why.

Bubba had to talk a lot because maybe, he had a tiny inkling that his life won’t be as long as the others. He had a lot of questions so we can reflect on them long before he’s gone. Maybe Bubba had to make people smile just so we can look back and remember how he managed to make a mark in our hearts. For me, Bubba had to wear that shirt the last time I’d see him so I can have a first line to this entry.

So, now it could be true. He officially has “the body of a god.” It wasn’t just a witty one-liner but a prophecy. And true to his form, when I found out last night that he had “moved on” to a world where he can have the best conversations he could ever imagine, I gave the same reaction…. I did say, “What?” and “No way!” Only this time, I was alone, shaking, crying, and not really thinking straight. Ironically, I felt his presence because well, I couldn’t concentrate on studying anymore. Gumaganti yata. :) Then I smiled because it was the only logical thing to do. I walked away from Starbucks and nearing the spot where I hail cabs, with teary eyes, messed up hair and panting like crazy, I looked up and whispered, “Bubba, I agree.”

‘Til our next conversation dude. Ipunin mo na lahat ng tanong mo. Magpapakatalino muna ako dito.

DUGTUNGAN

(poem was originally titled “Marking the Close” but since my friends couldn’t help but contribute in Facebook, i just need to repost this, kung gusto nyo pa sumama, GO LANG!)

Sayang nga.
Kasi parang wala nang panahon
at wala na ring pagkakataon.
At kung meron man,
nagkakaubusan na ng rason.
Pero kung nauna ka na sana
At narinig ko na agad,
Di ikaw na ang kasama
At ako na ang rason.
Pero marami nang nangyari
Sa mundo mo
At sa mundo ko
Sa lahat ng pangyayari
Hindi ikaw ang kasama ko
At sa’yo, hindi naman ako.
Sa ngayon masaya naman sana
Kung minsan nakakatawa
Gusto kong sabihin na
Ikaw na lang sana.
Pero ang weird naman non diba? (E.Monsod)

kung minsan may umaaasa
kahit alam hindi naman talaga
mabuti na ang pumusta
kaysa buong buhay ay nag akala. (J.Hernandez)

Ngunit kahit mga panahon ay naaalala
Ang mga tawanan
At mahahabang usapan...
Wala paring panghihinayang
Dahil kahit sandali lamang
Ako’y masaya
Na tayo’s nagkasama (M. Ylagan)

At kung dumating ang panahon na,
ang pagpapaalam ay katumbas ng HINDI NA,
wag mong kakalimutan,na minsan ay dumaan pa…
Para ang pusong nanaghoy at nangulila,
Ay sabihin sa mata kong, tiglan na ang pagluha... (E.Monsod)

at kahit bawal ka mang mahalin,
hindi dahil sa hindi dapat,

at alam natin, alam nila,
na para sayo, hindi ako sapat......

Pero sana naman wag akong pigilan,
Malamang hindi naman ‘to tatagal ng kailanman,

Sa ngayon pagbigyan mo na,
Alam natin, alam nila.

Hindi naman hihingi ng kapalit,
Sarili ko’y hindi ipipilit,
Hindi naman ipagdadasal,
Na sana bukas ako rin ay iyong mahal…

Alam natin, alam nila, na sa ngayon,
Mahal na mahal kita.

Blah blah blah. (D. Pano)

My Little Tribute to Tita Cory

“I'm not sure what the theme of my homily today ought to be. Do I want to speak of the miracle of Our Lord's divine transformation? Not really, no. I don't want to talk about His divinity. I'd rather talk about His humanity. I mean, you know, how He lived His life, here on Earth. His *kindness*, His *tolerance*... Listen, here's what I think. I think that we can't go around... measuring our goodness by what we don't do. By what we deny ourselves, what we resist, and who we exclude. I think... we've got to measure goodness by what we *embrace*, what we create... and who we include.”
-Père Henri, CHOCOLAT

As an attempt to stop myself from weeping for Tita Cory’s death, I stopped watching television for a few hours and decided to watch Chocolat instead. I watched it for the nth time and it was one of the best decisions I made in the past months (I haven’t been making a lot, in fact, I haven’t made a few). I have been meaning to write about the death of “the woman in yellow,” but I just couldn’t figure out how. I recognize that I am not in the best position to talk about Patriotism at this point, especially since I started this hiatus to prepare for the bar, four months ago. It felt like I couldn’t give justice to Madame President’s death if I write about something that is not personal. So, I am honoring her by applying her teachings to my life as a bar reviewee, as a struggling future bar-taker…

When we sacrifice, work hard and do our best no matter what, we tend to expect people to understand us and recognize our effort. We feel frustrated that people are not adjusting to us, not being responsive to our needs, not being enough. That is the problem. We have the tendency to blame people for not caring, for not feeling what we feel and for not understanding us that we tend to forget that the essence of sacrifice is not recognition but inspiration. Inspiring others not by imposing on them what we think should be done but by showing them that we are happily carrying our burdens because it is, precisely, ours. Corazon Aquino’s husband was imprisoned and assassinated. Her government was challenged by a series of coups, she was looked down on for not knowing enough… for not being enough. She sacrificed a lot for a country that didn’t only disappoint but even actively hurt her. Then, as an icing to the really sad cake, she got cancer. But she never saw it as a justification to be vengeful, hateful or even the least hurtful. Instead, she saw it as an opportunity to teach everyone the lesson of patience, forgiveness, love and faith.

As bar examinees, we always jokingly say that we have the right to be cranky, to be inconsiderate… to be taken care of. It is perfectly understandable, especially at this point when we feel the pressure of the impending doom that is the Bar Exam. We are so engrossed in our preparations that we forget that other people are living their lives too. The world did not stop turning when we began to study for this supposed make or break exam. These people too are facing challenges that are different from ours. This is not to underestimate the mental and emotional suffering that we all are going through, but this is to remind us that we chose to be here. We must not forget what we are fighting for, why we chose to embark on this journey. It is not to alienate people but to eventually include them in a better life that we wish to have after we achieve our dreams.

It got me into thinking, have we at least said thank you to the people who tirelessly prepare meals for us, who put up with our tantrums that we brand as stressed-induced, to everyone who has irritated us for asking how our reviews are going even if at the back of our minds we know that they mean well, to our family and friends whom we have temporarily excluded from our lives just because we want to focus on the bar? Have we stopped for a while to recognize that we have hurt others by being apathetic, for being unstable, for being the monsters that we have become as we struggle to become supposed better creatures of the law? Have we at least tried?

Do we really have to lose control over how we act, how we feel, how we live our lives? Did we really earn that right? I don’t think so. I take it back, “The bar is not a justifying circumstance for everything.” It mitigates but it still makes us liable for how we have altered our ways and how we unconsciously affected others. There is no excuse for being rude, for being impatient, for being insensitive, for being inconsiderate… for forgetting humanity. Yes, we are having a hard time, but it doesn't give us the right to give others a hard time too. Cory didn't see it that way. She had a lot on her hands too, you know... HER WHOLE LIFE.

What the hell are we complaining about?

Dahil ang Buhay ko ay Isang Aklat ng Maling-Mali!

Ngayong araw na'to ay ang araw na tumapak ako sa lupa ng Supreme Court para pirmahan ang isang bagay na dapat naman sanang napirmahan. Bakit maling-mali?

Unang una sa lahat, di ko kasalanan na walang pirma ang verification ko, dahil ang papel na nabigay sa akin ay PUTOL. Putol sa part na may nakalagay na blanko at naka-type na Affiant sa baba. Grabe. Ako lang talaga e no? Sa buhay ko lang talaga?

Pangalawa, at mas mahalaga... Kanino pa ba nangyayari ito. Kasi usually, sa MRT may special train for Children, Women and Senior Citizens.. so di ko alam na sa LRT ang special train ay para sa ibang category.. KIDS, Senior Citizens and PREGNANT WOMEN. Soooo... Sumakay ako sa train na un. Pero sumakay din ang guard at pinalipat ang mga babaeng sa tingin nya ay di pasok sa kategorya na un. Dito na pumapasok ang pagpapasalamat ko na mataba ako... Mejo tumingin sya sakin, pero para lang wala nang issue, huminga ako ng malalim, pinalaki ang tyan ko at humawak dito... PARA MAGPANGGAP NA BUNTIS. Bakit ito nangyayari sa akin? Ang malupit, ramdam na ramdam ko na nakatingin sa akin ang mga tao dahil tingin nila ay isa akong babaeng buntis na di man lang sinamahan ng tatay ng anak ko na mag-commute sa Maynila... To make matters worse, un isang Senior Citizen ay kinabahan yata na makunan ako kaya in-offer nya sa akin ang upuan nya. Magmamatigas sana akong wag umupo, pero masisira ang disguise ko, lalo pa't naka-heels ako.

So ayun ang buhay ko, isang aklat ng mga bagay na talaga namang MALING-MALI! :D

NINOY's Letter to NOYNOY

"WAITERS"

Because the first time that I saw these hands, I couldn't imagine not being able to hold them.
-Will Hayes (Definitely. Maybe)

Someone once asked me, “If you like someone now, would you go for that person even if there’s a big possibility that in the future, you might meet someone better? If you meet an 8.5, wouldn’t you think that you’re settling if there is a possibility that after the bar, you might meet a 9.5?” I didn’t really have the time to think about the right answer, but I remember saying that if I like the person, I wouldn’t discriminate against him just because I met him in a time that is more complicated and volatile than ever. You never know,right?

I recognize that fact that it is logical to wait, but isn’t it also logical to live in the now and stop thinking of the later? It’s true, when you feel lonely, and the only thing that’s keeping you from giving up is the fear that everything you’ve prepared for will be put to waste, you tend to succumb to feelings that are illogical, unexplainable and foolish. Your feelings are magnified, and you mistake something for a totally different thing. But I guess, when you have something wonderful in front of you, you couldn’t bear to wait. If you feel that it’s right, or if there is at least a semblance of rightness in sight, can’t you help but wonder if it is worth taking the risk for… right here, right now? I am a fan of bold gestures but I am the last person you’ll see taking one. Why? Because, if in the past, you have already put yourself out there, and all you got was a discreet gesture that screams rejection, you can’t stop yourself from being scared, or at least from being hesitant about committing another mistake.

I agree with my friend in some way. If you are having doubts, you shouldn’t do anything. If you feel that you are settling, chances are, you are. If there is a tiny possibility or hope that someone better will come along, it will be totally unfair for the 8.5 to be dragged into the complication that is you, looking for a 9.5. We shouldn’t mess other people’s heads with hypotheticals and what if’s because that is just callous and well, unfair. Yet, we agree that life is unfair.

So I have come to the conclusion that… we shouldn’t wait around for people who, like us, are also waiting around. That is just pointless. We shouldn’t limit ourselves to what we want but also give a chance to those who want us. Only when the “waiter” has figured out what to do will we have the right to think of what could be. We should never forget that above all, we should believe that we are worth it and if one person thinks otherwise, you can just laugh about it and hold on to the friendship. It’s true, you never know. Somewhere along the way, it might be a different story. But for now, we must hold on to what we know… and that is, “We are as entitled to our happiness as some people are to their misery.”

And I am claiming my happiness… right here, right now.

------

picture from POSTSECRET

On Randomly Organized Things

“We like to look for patterns and find connections in unrelated events. This way we can explain them to ourselves. Life seems neater, or at least less messy. We need to feel that we are in control: it is integral to our self-esteem. We also know, though we deny it, that we are not in control. So we settle for the illusion of control. What if we stopped fooling ourselves?”

– from “Everything Is Random. Deal With It.” By Jessica Zafra

We do it all the time, finding explanation for something that doesn’t need to be explained, labeling something that is intentionally left unlabeled. We all have the need to figure things out because if it doesn’t make sense, it’s not sensible. If it’s not sensible, we figure, there really is no point in waiting around and watching things unfold right before our very eyes. We are an impatient bunch of irrational beings in the guise of being rational. If rationality is what sets us apart from the other members of the animal kingdom, we aren’t really that “different” from them. We still act on instinct, the instinct being “to not believe in randomness”. How else do we explain the overrated use of the famous saying, “Everything happens for a reason.”?

I am no less guilty of this human flaw. I know no one who says, “Que sera sera.” without even a thin line of doubt playing around like a perky toddler in their minds. Knowing why is a NEED that is almost always never fulfilled. That’s just who we are. If we end up meeting someone in the silliest of moments, we say, “It must be fate. We met for a reason.” But the thing is, if only we can stop fooling ourselves, we should be able to see that it was a random twist of fate. It was meaningless until we start analyzing it in destructive ways that are infinitely many. When someone does something that is out of the ordinary, we say, “That can’t be for nothing right? That MUST mean something.” But the thing is, what if the other person just woke up one day thinking, “I feel like doing something randomly sweet today”, and didn’t mean for that random act of sweetness to mean something? It’s just the beginning of a way complicated problem that no one signed up for. We will all miss the point… and the point is simple, ENJOY THE RIDE EXPERIENCE LIFE and KEEP AS MANY MEMORIES AS YOU CAN.

So, I say, let’s just allow things to unfold. If people will stop over-analyzing, they will eventually figure things out. That is the beauty and wisdom behind justiciable controversies; unless there is a real issue at hand that’s not based on mere assumptions, we shouldn’t get ahead of ourselves all the time. We should just let things fall into their proper places. After all, if things DO happen for a reason, the reason will have to eventually reveal itself to us in no time. If it doesn’t… we’ll always have beer, and that wonderful thing we call FAITH.

HAPPINESS; Retail and Wholesale

A few weeks ago, my friend and I were having one of our regular online conversations when he let me into his theory on happiness. I was ranting about not being able to sustain a stable relationship and the inconsistent surges of happiness in my life when he asked me, “What if in life, you are not really meant to find that one source of happiness? What if these broken episodes of happiness are what it’s all about? What if happiness is in retail?”

It made sense. In effect, my episodes of happiness have been consistently inconsistent. Yes, the episodes do end, but instead of thinking of these memories as being replaced by newer ones, let’s just say that our happiness is cumulative. It’s rational and a little sad for a romantic. All my life, I’ve had a lot of moments of happiness, from different sources, from different persons whom, at one point, I loved or at least cared about. Following my friend’s theory, my ONE GREAT LOVE does not exist, there are a number of fleeting loves that are like pieces of the grand puzzle that is happiness. The theory is so practical; it fits a lifestyle that is always on the go, a lifestyle that thrives on changes and mobility.

But the real question remains: In a world that is so fast-paced, should we be content with retailed happiness?

Our missing pieces are within us, we feel empty when we allow ourselves to feel empty. If we acknowledge that we have everything we need inside and that we are fabulous on our own, someone equally fabulous will come along and we’ll know that the time for retailed happiness has ended. There’s nothing wrong with retailed happiness, I think this is what makes us grow. If you already feel complete, content and ready to face the world alone, if you’re not looking for the missing pieces of your own happiness jigsaw puzzle anymore, you’ll find another already completed puzzle beside you, not to complete you but to complement you.

Happiness in retail is just a prelude to wholesale happiness… and wholesale happiness begins when we are not looking for happiness for ourselves from other people anymore

On Fountains and Everything that’s Needed to be Said

So, here’s what I’m presently looking at, there are two sets of fountains in front of me, the first set is newer and nearer, but it’s not working, it’s like a pond that’s so calm and steady with a hope or a threat that it WILL work or be active one day. The other set’s working really fine, unruly at times, but moving, and really enticing. Of course, what’s conventional is the set that’s working. Why? Because you know that it works or at least that it has been working longer. I’ve seen fountains before and they SHOULD be working, moving and attractive. They should be able to catch your attention, make you smile and endearingly distract you when there’s nothing to look at anymore. The problem is that it’s far. I’ve been near that fountain before, I have played with the water that gracefully flows and flirtatiously spurts like a ballet dance step. I have been attracted to it before, and it never stopped working, only that it got farther… or I walked away from it or someone else acquired it through extraordinary prescription. But once in a while, in those rare moments that I am alone and lonely, I look at it and ask myself, “Should I walk back and play with it again?” But it’s not a decision that I can make really, because someone else is playing with it now, looking at it like it’s the only fountain for her and they look good together. Even I am convinced that maybe, they are meant to be together and I just paved the way for them to see that. I looked and admired it first, but I was too chicken to call it mine.

Now, the other set, it started out fine, it WAS working… but there is no consistency. It’s nearer, it has witnessed a number of good times too but not as numerous as the memories that I had with the former set. I interact with it almost everyday, with a few moments of emotional connection that makes me think, “This set’s not bad… not bad at all.” The problem is, I don’t know if this set is willing to move with me, for me or if it’s just one of those fleeting connections that work because we’re just both there, because I happen to be walking away from the other fountain and IT was the next fountain that caught my attention. I look at the now under repair fountain and hope that one day, it will work again. It’s soothing, knowing that it’s there, available and not in a hurry. Heck, I don’t even know if this fountain is for me. I look at it and see that it attracts and is attracted to the other passers-by that are constantly wondering what it is doing here, not moving, not flowing. I like this set of fountain, but I don’t know if I like it enough to ignore the working fountain that’s right behind it.

Here’s the thing, I absolutely think that making a decision will be a lot easier if only the second set of fountain can stop being so unpredictable and aloof. If only the first set of fountain can stop moving for a second to give me a chance to clear my mind and look at the other things that the second set of fountain is capable of showing me.

It will be a lot easier if I’m not calling them fountains. It will be a lot easier if everything that’s needed to be said will be said without having to resort to silly metaphors like fountains. i.e. First fountain, “LEAVE ME ALONE!” Second fountain, “I LIKE YOU… for now.” Eunice, “STOP TALKING TO FOUNTAINS.”

Yeah, I’m crazy. But in a world where things are so predictably unpredictable, how can you not give in to moments of insanity?

On Life and Electric Tricycles

I found a new addiction… riding electric tricycles from Market Market to Bonifacio Highstreet. It’s a great experience, more like riding a modern calesa. I have one little idiosyncracy though, I ride at the back. While everyone’s trying to ride it the traditional way, I always seem to find myself riding alone at the back of the trike. I was, for a few days, wondering why I like doing it… then, in one of those eureka moments, one of those “aha-now-i-know-why” moments while I was once again smoking my first stick of the day on my way to my newfound home in Highstreet, it hit me why. Riding the electric trike like I want it is similar to how I live my life. I walk away but I linger. I want to be able to walk away without completely turning my back on that thing I am walking away from. I walk away but I try to bring with me the memories, I want to be able to look at these things from afar, remembering what I did, why I did it and who I did it with. The IT being anything that I’ve tried out at least once in my life, that “it” being something that at one point made me so happy and at one point, made me almost tap out from the unbelievably torturous pain.

I don’t like fleeting things, contrary to popular belief. I can easily move on, I can easily walk away, but these things are disappointingly not fleeting, they’re stubbornly permanent. These are things that I know have forever changed the way I looked at things., the way I feel things, the way I handle things. To walk away is the easy part, especially if life or fate have their own way of compelling me to finally leave, the hardest part is to not linger, to not try to hold on to the things that are still there but should be walked away from. The hardest part is to deal with the memories. I’m masochistic that way, I keep everything, not only in my heart but in my brain, in my room, in the now dusty corner of my shelves. Everything’s just a few steps away from me, may it be a journal that witnessed how I cried millions of tears for something that seems too mundane now or the already withered petals stuck in between pages that symbolized a chapter that needs to be forgotten but will never be.

So, that was my realization for today. I don’t turn around and walk away, I walk backwards. It could be because I’m holding on to my optimism, or because I just can’t let go or I don’t want to let go. It’s fun and emotionally tiring at the same time. But I like it that way, in the same way that I predict to be hooked in my electric trike addiction for a long time, until the bar perhaps. Until I need to walk away and find a new addiction. I refuse to make life pass me by, I will look at it straight in the eyes and say, I’m moving on bitch, the past looks smaller and smaller each second, and I love it.

ATM

ANTI-TORPE MOVEMENT

Naisip ko lang, since ang dami naman nagsasabi na guys like to play games and since a lot of the girls I know are tired of the same old, “Could he be too shy to ask me out?” conversations, panahon na para magkaron tayo ng mga pambawing hirit sa mga parinig ng mga pa-fall na guys. At least din a natin masasabi na pa-victim tayo. I mean, kung makikipaglaro tayo, might as well make it a good game diba? What better way to make it a challenging one but to push it to the limit, un tipong pag ito di pa nya sinagot ng maayos, malamang di talaga nya ako gusto… Ito lang naman ang mga suggestions ko. (Feeling ko applicable din ito sa mga guys e, kasi girls naman are not less guilty sa mga ganitong hirit.)

1. Nagte-text ng quote in the guise of a message na sinend sa lahat with the hope na magreply ang object of affection.
Solution: Reply by saying, “Kung ang perang ginastos mo sa pagu-unlitxt ay pinantawag mo na lang sakin, di mo na sana kailangan maghintay ng reply ko. HEHE” (importante yung HEHE)
2. The guy goes, “I want to go out… I just can’t seem to find the right girl. Why?”
Solution: I don't knoe, I ’m always right… And well, I’m a girl. (insert laughter)
3. The guy goes, “I want to go to ____, but no one wants to go with me.
Solution: I’m NO ONE. (insert flirting fiasco smile)
4. The guy goes, “I want to watch ____.”
Solution: Ok. Let’s watch it. (insert the “Why? We’re friends, right?” Look)
5. The guy goes, “I’m going out on a date with this girl... but I’m not sure if I should go.”
Solution: You shouldn’t. (use your poker face) If he asks, “Why?”, do the “looking at him from under your eyelashes” thing, smile and say, “You know why.”
6. He goes, “I usually like (insert description that totally doesn’t fit you)
Solution: Then maybe you should stop liking the general rule and start going for the exception. (res ipsa loquitur)
7. He goes, “My ex… (insert really sweet story)
Solution: (faraway look) Past, present… I wonder which matters more.
8. He goes, “Dude. (insert whatever)
Solution: I see that we have decided on our terms of endearment. (paluin sya ng mahina sabay takbo sa washroom)
9. He goes, “So I went out on a date yesterday. It was great.”
Solution: Then why are you here? (silence) I mean, you should be with her, alam mo na. Follow through.
10. He goes, “I don’t know if I’m ready to go out again…”
Solution: (do the what-the-fuck hand movement) Demmit. This isn’t a date? (innocent smile)

This is at the risk of being dubbed as feelingero at feelingera at well, desperate. Pero at least the absurdity of thinking about the other person can stop di ba? I mean, isn’t it more absurd to talk about something that isn’t really "happening" with your friends and spending a lot of time analyzing. At least pag ginawa mo ‘to, simple lang yan.. Either ge-game time na kayo o mare-realize mo na, “He’s just not that into you.” Suggestion ko lang naman kasi uhmm, paulit-ulit lang ang mga sitwasyon e. Down with paranoia and stupidity na ito mga girlfriends! HEHE. (see? The hehe makes a big difference!) Steady lang. Para sa mga nagba-bar, WAG NYO GAWIN. Mahirap na. haha.

Magdagdag na lang kayo ng suggestions nyo. Antok na ako.

When People Act Like They Are Stupid

(Para sa lahat ng mga tao na may issues ngayon, para sa inyo ito… sabay-sabay na! haha)

We almost always don’t say what we really mean and they, most often than not, never get it… we all end up disappointed with a little less faith in finally finding the one. The thing is, a lot of times, we don’t know what we want, even if what we want is staring at us with a neon sign that states the most obvious, “I am the one.” We go out with people thinking that maybe, just maybe, things’ll turn out great, or at least sufficient to let us get by, but it never is. Why? Because we’re adorably stupid that way. #DearYou, We have always been taught to look for some prototype: the artist, the gorgeous, the dreamer, the "one". We have made ourselves believe that anything outside of that imagined box of expectations and standards is just not it. It cannot be IT. Yet, if we only acknowlege that the box does not need exist, or that we don’t even have to go outside of that box to take a peek at what this teeny-tiny window of possibilities can offer, then we can calmly watch everything unfold... right before our very eyes. How many times have we uttered these words about our friends? “If only they’d realize that they’re perfect for each other, then they will finally be able to stop blogging all those words of melancholy that just affects us, then they will stop talking about each other behind each other’s backs with the look that says, ‘Why can’t he/she see me the way I say him/her?”

We see it happen daily, the girl talks about the guy, with reservations, because well, they’re just friends… the guy is in love with someone else, or he just isn’t being clear about what he feels for her. We have spent hours, days, months and a lot of fucking years discussing and trying to figure out, WHERE HAVE WE GONE WRONG? I know where… you waited. And of course, the guy, he doesn’t talk about the girl with his friends, he’s worse, he spends a lot of time with the girl... flirts with her a bit, once in a while, he would be really sweet and then he takes it away by not showing up in one of those “casual dates” that they “casually” set. It all turns sour and uhmm, the guy just doesn’t know why. I KNOW WHY… You waited too. Then the guy and the girl goes on with the same old dance, they hang out, they continue to be friends, and at the back of their minds they know. They CAN’T NOT KNOW.

Men and women act stupid ALL THE TIME. That is just how life goes. If only, instead of waiting, they smiled and said,” I WANT TO BE WITH YOU.“, then things won’t be so fucked up anymore. We all know them, heck, we are them. It’s funny, really. Painfully funny. So, we laugh - the kind of laugh that tries to say it all… And smoke - like it’s the last time you can breathe and and allow yourself to free fall.

Last Night, I Started to Dream Again...

“Throw away the chains, let love fly away… Until love comes again, I’ll be ok.”
- I’ll Be Ok, Amanda Marshall

Last night, I started to dream again.
 In my dream, there were no promises,
but an infinitely many possibilities.

 I can clearly remember you, how you secretly looked at me with a hidden message that says, “I am glad I finally found you. “

 Last night, I started to dream again - and when I woke up, through your dreams I told you, “Thank you. I’m glad I found you, too.”

 -"The Dream Sequence"
@legallyblunt
 1 June 2009

 #thoughtbubbling #realityeverafter #Photords #introvertmindextrovertheart #LegallyBlunt #Photography #photooftheday #digital #digitalphotography #monochrome #Poetry #TheStalkerPicsSeries #LegallyBlunt #LegallyGrunt #RealityEverAfter #writersofinstagram #fastfoodfiction #buttonpoetry #listen #findyourvoice #instapoet #shortform #instapoetry

Love Letter no. _______.

To You Who Haven't Come,

I have always wondered how we’ll meet or how we’ve met. Will it be like a scene from one of those sappy romantic comedies? Will it be like any other meeting that I constantly have? Will I make you laugh? Will you make me laugh? Did I get your attention, did you already get mine? I still picture you to be someone with the perfect smile, a smile that’s genuine, infectious and well, charming.

I don’t know how you look like, I don’t know how you want your coffee, I don’t know the way you dress, but I am sure I’ll recognize that smile. It has always been about the smile, I guess. The one whom I thought was you could make my heart melt with just a semblance of a half-smile. The one whom I thought was you made me dream of his smile, made me want to joke around just so I can get a glimpse of what heaven must look like. I don’t know why, but I just know. Your smile will give away your soul. It will be the kind of smile that will not only be inviting but comforting. A smile that not only escapes your lips but also adoringly affects your eyes, your cheeks and my heart.

I have always wondered how we’ll meet. And I look forward to smiles that are infinitely many. I look forward to smiles that will sufficiently replace words. Most importantly, I look forward to smiling back at you. To love is to find a million reasons to smile, no matter how happy or difficult things might be.

Smiling back,
Me

The Shift to My 25th

I am now officially 25 years old, another year ended and so another year shall start. My year 24 was quite difficult issues-wise. It wasn’t even about love, it was about responsibilities, friendships, my family and everything that’s a level higher than falling in love and getting hurt in the process. There were a lot of times when I felt like I was at my happiest, but it sure wasn’t without moments when I felt like I was at my lowest. A lot of tears have been shed, a lot of words have been haphazardly exchanged, a lot feelings were unconsciously manifested and a lot of past issues have resurfaced. My 24th year stuck with the usual formula of what a Eunice Monsod year must be like, difficult but interesting. I was never in the boring side of things. Of course looking back, the most vivid of memories was the day I found out that I was officially graduating. My senior year in the law school was great but knowing that I was on my way out was legen… wait for it… dary! It was the main issue baby! Then there was that obiter dictum that was my short-lived affair to remember. Some things went right, some things went wrong… at times there was love, at times there was the hope of finding love.

So it has come to this, I am in my quarter life, in the words of Dial, “1/4 ka na ng 100!.” That is of course without hope that I’ll live that long but knowing that I am on my way to experiencing the (hopefully) better years of my life make me smile and get teary-eyed. Yes they will be better, because what is life without that possibility of improvement and of achieving new things right? There is nothing like a life that is difficult but well-lived. Yes I have issues, not the high school issues that we usually brush off, real mature issues that are too challenging even to someone who has gone to hell and back and back and back… if I could shield the people I love from feeling helpless, from feeling disappointed and from feeling that they are doing things wrongly, I will. Yet, these are the things that inspire me to reach not for the nearest star but for the farthest but most magnificent of them all.

I cannot say that I have lived my life quite perfectly, but who has? I don’t aim for perfection, I aim for progress. I am in my 25th, with, regrettably, a lot of mishaps unflawlessly resolved. I made a number of bad decisions in my 24th, but I have gotten passed them, maybe not with flying colors but with rejuvenated vigor that only pain can bring out in me.

I am in this battle, maybe handicapped but not disabled and unable. I am in this battle, bruised but not waiting around to be saved. I am in this battle, alone but not lonely… In the words of Richard Fish, We all are alone anyway, it’s just easier to take in a relationship. I don’t care how long it takes, but I will be someone someday. Heck, I already am someone, now. As for that Carrie Bradshaw / Ally McBeal in me, go on girl… Maybe I have already found my Mr. Big, or maybe I have moved on from my Billy, but I am my own Carrie, I am my own Ally, I am Eunice. I am fabulous. :p

Happy Birthday to Me… but why am I celebrating something that happened 25 years ago? Happy living to me! Because my life starts everyday… and it ends when I say so. The operative word is Happy. Happy. Happy. I already am. To be Happier, that’s the plan.

YOU KNOW what I MEAN (The Pacquiao-Hatton Fight.. err, Sleepover)

Ewan ko sa'yo Hatton, at mas malaking EWAN KO sayo MAYWEATHER Sr. You're better than Roach" YEAH, in the Ho-hum department!

Anyway, the fun part was Pacuiao's new obsession with the phrase, "I mean..." There really wasn't much to explain about what he meant, the bottomline is.. Pacquiao kicked Hatton's sorry ass if YOU KNOW what I MEAN. :p

Mayweather, please please give us a way better fight! At least reach the 3rd round or uhmm, fight or something.

Because HE Exists and It Must Never Be Forgotten...

Today was just a day of miracles and a lot of thank you's that are needed to be said.
On our way home from Bulacan, our car stopped without warning while we were going up the fly-over. Yes, my mom was crying of fear, me and my sibs were left with no choice but to try to push our cars up that damn flyover, notwithstanding the danger of being crushed by fast cars and BUSES with drivers who had no idea a stopped van will be in front of them in a few seconds. It was a test of faith indeed. Then, as i was telling God to please save me and my family, the car behind us stopped and without hesitation, the driver and a few of his passengers helped us.

They didn't have to do that, they put their lives in danger for us too. They were strangers. I knew, right there and then, God protected us. We could've stopped in NLEX where it was more dangerous and well, farther from home. But GOD thought we shouldn't. We could've been easily hit by the buses and cars. But God touhhg we shouldnt .We couldn't have gotten help from strangers. But GOD thought we should.

We all tend to forget how powerful and merciful he is when we go on live our lives without much of a hassle.We know HE exists, but more often than not, we forget. Today was and will always be a testimony of how good GOD is.

Thank you, Lord.

Thank you selfless strangers whom we weren't able to thank properly because we couldnt stop until gravity brought us down and into a nearby gas station. Yes, it was quite a ride. We looked back and the strangers left already, without asking for anything in return.

Thank you nameless gasoline truck mechanic who didn't accept the money that we wanted to give him for fixing our car.

Thank you.

It pays to have faith in people and more importantly, in God... because at that exact moment of hopelessness and despair, help comes, in the most amazing of packages.

A Letter to My Blue Rose

I have almost given you

through the years,

you sad blue thing.

Almost.

Petal by petal,

You withered

Into a portrait

Of my life.

Your thorns

Pricked my heart

Aggressively,

without sympathy

nor hesitation.

Your stem remained

In my shaking hand

which refused to let go

until its grip was loosened

by the tears that you left

flowing from my eyes

that were once

sparkling with glee.

My eyes remained

Fixated on you.

On the me that was

Left behind by not a few

I have almost given you

through the years,

you sad blue thing.

Almost.

But for now, I shall keep you,

along with the names

that I once engraved

inside my heart.

Until the right

time comes.

Until the right

person

Comes.

Un

til.

Of Broken Hearts and Everything that Comes with Love

“I’m used to getting dumped. It’s not pain I’m feeling right now, it’s nostalgia.”

-Ally McBeal

When you earn nothing but pain from a relationship that at one point made you believe, you tend to forget your worth. You tend to blame yourself for the situation that you got yourself in. You forget that above all, you have loved and that you should be proud of yourself for taking the most difficult of leaps. It is not uncommon to see people drown themselves in sorrow because of failed relationships. We have all been there, or at least played the part of the listening ear for someone who is suffering. You can’t help but feel hatred for the person who caused you or your friend so much pain, you couldn’t help but think that if someone who claims to love can hurt another who has accepted that love, how can you keep the faith?

I’ve said it time and time again, what’s most important is that you have loved. It is the most wonderful of feelings, it is one of the best risks that one can take in a life that not only celebrates love but puts it on a pedestal. Yes, it may bring pain, or worse, regret… but why regret something that at one point gave you something to wake up for? Why regret committing a mistake if that mistake paved that way for you to be more human? Why regret pain when it is only in pain that you find yourself vowing that it will be better the next time? Maybe it won’t be better, but you will be better.

A broken heart is a heart that will be more susceptible to feeling more love the next time. A broken heart is a heart that has experienced something that is worth experiencing. A broken heart is a heart that through time, will heal or will be encompassed by another heart that may also be broken but is capable of merging the past pains and creating something beautiful and new out of it. A broken heart is still a heart that beats, not with ease but with a goal.

Sadness is a prelude to more happiness. It is the introduction, the best part is yet to come. So smile, don’t look back, don’t regret, just look forward to tomorrow. You may feel shitty today, but you’ll get rid of all the crap and will be ready for a new adventure. Anyway, if it doesn’t work out, you have your friends, your bottles of beer and well, your stories… isn’t it a life worth living?

--------

Para sa’yo ‘to. Kaya mo yan.

Stepping-Stoners’ Act

An act to reinforce the policies of justice and fair play and establish a higher standard of protection and promotion of the welfare of selfless persons, their families and normal people in distress through the penalizing of acts of step-stoning and for other purposes.

SEC. 1. SHORT TITLE. - This act shall be known and cited as the " Stepping-stoners’ Act of 2009.”

SEC. 2. DECLARATION OF POLICIES—

(a)   The State shall promote a just and dynamic social order that will ensure the prosperity and independence of the nation and free the people from crab mentality through policies that provide adequate penal sanctions for step-stoning acts, promote full disclosure, a rising standard of living, and an improved quality of life for all. Towards this end the state shall provide adequate aid in hedging the risks of our selfless persons through the compulsion of stepping-stoners to disclose their true acts and intentions.

(b)   In pursuit of the promotion of social justice that shall include the commitment to create economic opportunities based on freedom of initiative and self-reliance, this law shall be implemented with the goal of aiding selfless and gullible persons in their subsistence, and equal opportunities.

SEC. 3. DEFINITIONS. - For purposes of this Act:

(a)  "Stepping-stoner" refers to a person who is to be engaged, is engaged or has been engaged in an undisclosed activity in a state of which he or she is able to deceive normal persons into believing that he/she is in equal footing with them with regard to preparation and knowledge.

(b)  A person "to be engaged in an undisclosed activity" refers to person who has promised or assured another and acting on such promise or assurance the other person sustains damage and/or injury.

(c)  Academic step-stoning refers to acts, whether intentional or through negligence, of another aimed to make another believe that he/she has not yet prepared for an exam/recitation when in fact, he/she has adequately prepared for such.

(d)  Non-academic step-stoning refers to acts, whether intentional or through negligence, of another aimed to make another believe that he/she has not yet prepared for any non-academic activity, when in fact, he/she has adequately prepared for such.

(e)  Stepping-stone damage refers to the injury caused by the abovementioned acts to another, as a result of misinformation.

SECTION 4. Definition – For purposes of this act, all persons are ordered to prohibit from committing step-stoning acts.

SECTION 5. Who may avail – The following are qualified to file a suit based on this act:

a)    Offended Party

b)    Spouse of the Offended Party

c)    Ascendants, Descendants and Relatives within the 2nd degree (by affinity or consanguinity)

SECTION 6. Prohibited Acts –

1.    Relaying untrue information as to how far he/she has gone in his/her review.

2.    Allowing another to believe that they are on equal footing with regard to preparation for and knowledge of a certain subject. (Intentional Step-stoning)

3.    Smoking in front of a person who is studying. This will constitute passive (negligent) stepping-stoning.

4.    Mere hanging out with a person who is studying, hanging out includes drinking, smoking, chatting, and analogous acts. (Passive)

5.    Other analogous Circumstances.

Section 7. Penal Provision -Violations of this law shall make the principal, accomplices and accessories liable for damages and may be a possible ground for the revocation of one’s certificate to have a SOCIAL LIFE, a  LOVE LIFE, and a FINANCIALLY-STABLE LIFE. This is a non-bailable offense.

Sec. 8. Separability Clause. — If any provision of this Act is declared unconstitutional, this law does not care.

Sec. 9. Applicability of Laws. — The provisions of other laws, insofar as they are applicable and not in conflict with any provision of this Act, shall apply to persons affected pursuant to this Act.

Sec. 10. Effectivity Clause. — This Act shall take effect RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW.

(sgd.)
EUNICE MONSOD