Solitude

I would often say that I’m a social butterfly, that I love social interactions. That I don’t have problems with respect to relating to people and that I love to just plain mingle. Right now, I feel the exact opposite. I’m not really in the mood to get to know new people. I’m not even in the mood to meet up with my old friends. I don’t know why, but I am actually enjoying my solitude. My being a nobody in a world of somebody’s. I’m just enjoying my being invisible, my being the silent Eunice. Well, I still love making people laugh, I still enjoy conversations but lately, I’ve been finding myself enjoying my time with myself. Whether I’m shopping in my favorite ukay-ukay, or plain buying DVDs or just watching TV at home, I find it so rejuvenating. So refreshing, so relaxing. I guess I’m in my phase of my life where I’m slowly discovering how fun it is to give attention to MY NEEDS. This maybe the phase in my life where I just wanna keep my friends, cherish them and stop adding friends to my list of Friendsters. I don’t think this is mere bumming around, it’s knowing what matters.

Ever felt like you’re doing something not for the heck of it (like everyone says) but because you feel it’s a preparation for something big? That’s what I’m feeling, I’m here because I know I’m in for some tough times in the very near future.
My friend sent me an article in friendster. T’was about pseudo-relationships, flings, almost love stories. I couldn’t help but think how it has become the story of my life, I guess because I never really experienced the whole process of courtship. I’ve been very vocal about my not totally approving of the idea of courtship. That’s why my relationships lack commitment, they’re all too vague. That’s why I’m not sure if I’ve ever been truly in love. All symptoms of pseudo relationships are in my past almost love stories. Before, I would feel bad thinking that I’m just a meantime girl. the girl between the past love and the future love but never the present love. I dunno if it’s me or am I just meeting the wrong men? Why am I always stuck with, “enjoying each other’s company” and “plain hanging out (w/ occasional holding hands and cuddling)? Why do I always end up knowin about my guy’s intention after all traces of his intentions are gone? (yes, like this guy I thought wasn’t interested. He told me he was totally attracted, and he thought I knew). Who dictates what a pseudo-relationship and a real relationship is?