All Stressed Out,

I hate it when people look at me as if I’m some kind of a useless person just because I’m not as harassed-looking as they are. We don’t have to talk about the things that we do just so people’ll start believing that we in fact are productive beings right? I don’t live for them anyway, and they can’t even give me high grades. Yes, I don’t work every single day of my life, I must admit that I have a pretty laidback lifestyle. But for Christ’s sake, when I say I’m working on it, I mean it! Err, I don’t mean to sound so whiny and bitchy but the thing is, I’m sick and this headache is killing me. my hyperacidity is annoyingly emerging again and I can’t think straight. Now, smile.My last semester as a college student has officially begun and I feel like I’m in Cloud 9. I love my subjects, I love my solitude and I love the idea that sooner or later, I’ll be in law school. Woohoo! Yes, I’m actively dating and no, I haven’t found anyone I would wanna go into a relationship with. Why? Because (fill in the blanks) . The guy I’m crushing on never goes online anymore, I guess he’s busy with school and his work. Waaaah, I need to get his number. The suspense is killing me, he’s sooo cute. I’m cutting this crap right now. Now na!

This Sunday I’ll be taking the Law Aptitude Exam for my aspirations to become a UP Law graduate, I haven’t completed my requirements yet and this is all my fault. I wanna believe that I can still make it without reviewing and without an exceptional Transcript of Records but I don’t know if I’m lucky enough. I want to be in UP Law so badly that I feel like I’ll lose my interest in becoming a lawyer if I don’t pass the LAE. No, I’m exaggerating. Being a lawyer is something which keeps me going. UP Law, Ateneo Law, Beda Law.. it wont matter, I will top the bar exams ( naks, feeling!) Is this what I want? What if in the end, the realization that I’m chasing the wrong rainbow all along becomes clear to me? will I have the strength to pursue another dream? Life can’t be too predictable right? Well, mine has been pretty predictable. So I guess the rough times are coming. I felt bothered this afternoon, I went to my Industrial Organization Class (Econ 161) and told a friend that I’m so happy cause I already got my TCG and Certificate of Graduation for LAE. Then he said, “why are you announcing it? Not a lot of people are proud that they’ll take the LAE coz they don’t wanna suffer the humiliation of failing it and of people knowing that they failed.” I was skeptical, because I strongly believe that there’s nothing humiliating in trying. If I fail then there’s nothing to be ashamed of, at least I tried. Why should other people’s opinions discourage me from being proud that I did pursue what I want? Are people as judgmental as how we are made to believe by our society? I must admit that I, myself can be very judgmental at times, but I make it a point to go deeper into where my impressions are coming from and I try to correct it. Should we be afraid of defeat? Should we all be on our guards? It all boils down to our tolerance. Our tolerance of being judged, of being talked about, of being frowned upon.

Are we really FREE? Or are we as free as a child being scolded by some know-it-all elders? In a world where being successful is the only commendable thing, is defeat a sign of pure weakness? Or... is failure a more effective way to test strength? Should we be greatly bothered by our failures?