Your [ex]Lover is Mine

We all have been there. We were once optimistic, believing in the so-called strength of that thing we highly regard as friendship. We all once believed that no matter what, this friendship will survive anything. You’ll get passed that stage. That friendship will conquer all. Kung love nga di totoong na-conquer all eh, friendship pa! And then you start falling for your friend’s girl/boyfriend, or ex-girl/boyfriend, or object of affection/liking/love. What’s the first thing you do? You hide it. You try to convince yourself that it will pass. You come up with reasons why your feelings can’t be true like…

1. ILUSYON ITO. Whatever I’m feeling is rooted in the fact that he’s fuckin’ always around [with your friend of course].
2. You hate him/her when s/he does things that are unfair to your friend. How can you like an asshole / bitch?
3. He’s not your type. [i.e. baduy sya, malaki butas ng ilong nya, malandi sya, bobo sya, PANGIT SYA! PANGIT SYA! PANGIT SYA!]
4. WALA ITONG PATUTUNGUHAN.
5. I shall choose my friend over him/her.

Then you are tested. These things will happen:

1. You will be the lover’s sounding board. You will be asked whether s/he should break up with him/her. The lover will put the ball in your court. It will all depend upon how you’ll dribble it. You’ll play the part of the best friend and tell him to give it another shot. Then cry in your room. But…
2. The lover will still break up with your friend.
3. The lover will stop showing interest to your friend.
4. The lover will pay extra attention to you.
5. That’s of course after a gazillion moments of subtle flirting that “you think” happened between you and the lover.

You are firm in your claim, “YOU NEVER DID ANYTHING.” It’s just that you click, you jibe, and you have become “friends” too. You were just hanging out. You start thinking of “what could be”. You start to think that “it could be”. Then you are reminded of that tiny glitch in the system… You are reminded of YOUR FRIEND.

This is when you start tossing and turning in your bed at night thinking, “Why? Why does it have to be this complicated?” You try to justify everything. You’ll try to assure yourself that you didn’t do anything wrong, that your friend will understand. “If she can’t understand and accept this, then s/he’s not the friend that I thought s/he is to me!” RIGHT. Selfish brat.

Wake up. You’ve been a bitch. You’ve been an asshole. Unintentionally? Yeah. But it doesn’t matter. That’s what love does. It’s a choice that you have to make because there is no turning back. If you choose to be a good friend, you’ll lose the lover. That’s definite. If you choose to pursue the lover… well… you won’t really lose your friend. It’s the level of friendship that will change. So, which is more important?

Some will choose love. Some will choose friendship. Some will try to be a smart ass by saying that they’re not mutually exclusive. For me, it doesn’t matter. Just make sure that you’ll be happy.