Keepin' the Faith

image from POSTSECRET

I am officially freaking out. Today's April 29th and on the 3rd of May, my life will officially change. Everything's a blur but all I pray for is strength. My dad asked me about my grades and I couldnt give him a straight answer, his words stuck to my mind... "Bakit parang nawawalan ka na ng faith? Faith kay God, Faith sa sarili mo." It's a very painful truth that I have to face. I am kind of losing faith in myself. Not in God. God has always been good to me. I just don't know if I am still good enough. If I am still worthy of His blessings. I don't know if I worked hard enough.

My mom is supportive. She asked me where I would want to transfer "if ever" things don't turn out as planned. Argh. I cannot even imagine myself not being in lawschool anymore. I can't believe I am here again. That emotional limbo that I enternally hate to be in.

My friends are equally helpful. They keep my hopes up everytime I talk to them. They assure me that I did pretty well this sem. I dont know if they're just being kind or if I really did better. I have always believed that LIFE IS UNFAIR. So, following this assumption, even if I worked doubly hard... there is a chance that I will not get the grades that are proportional to the effort I exerted. Life is unfair that some people who didn't work as hard are going to stay. I don't hate them, in fact I will not deny that a couple of times, I even envy them. I was once like them. Never exerted much effort, still I manage to get out of the jungle alive. It's really hard when you're on the other end, when you're the one who's losing faith in yourself because you feel like YOU WILL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH.

I have faith in God. I know that whatever it is that He will decide to give me, it will lead me to the best road that I should travel. This brings me to Carrie Underwood's single, JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL. I think it's a very appropriate song.

Jesus, Take the Wheel
Carrie Underwood

She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
She was going way to fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was sooo scared
She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus take the wheel Take it from my hands Cause I can't do this all on my own I'm letting go So give me one more chance To save me from this road I'm on Jesus take the wheel

It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the way
I've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight

Jesus take the wheel Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this all my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Oh, Jesus take the wheel Oh, I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
Oh, take it, take it from me Oh, why, oh