Depression 101

Depression isn’t just a state of mind nor of the heart but it’s a challenge one has to overcome. I feel that it’s normal because every person has this blank space in his life, unexplainable and totally indescribable. It’s like something is lacking and it takes sometime for one to figure out or even comprehend what it is.

I am normally a happy person, I find enjoyment in the littlest of things, but there are times when I feel that everything is just coming to an end. And the end is not something that I imagined from the start. Depression comes to me if I feel that I have turned into a big failure.

Ever felt the urge to look at your closet, arrange everything, neatly fold them and end up making bigger mess? ever tried to talk to a person to resolve the issues you have against each other and ending the conversation with the feeling that you just feel more hatred for the person in the same way that this person is also hating you more? Ever felt so helpless that there’s nothing you can do but cry, even if you have tried to rationalize everything and you have assured yourself that you’re not really doing bad? Ever felt like nobody appreciates you even if you are surrounded by people who never fail to make you feel loved and special? Felt this feeling of inadequacy knowing that there are just some things you can never accomplish which you have believed you will easily achieve before?

Everything just piles up, everything just emerges when you start contemplating about your life and all you see are the depressing aspects of it. I don’t even know why I’m writing this, maybe because I have time. That’s what I don’t like about solitude and free time, it gives me the chance wander into my insecure side. I appreciate my solitude, especially now that my life has been so fast-paced, so artificial, so superficial and so uhmm, intriguingly boring. Solitude keeps me alive, it keeps me from being caught up in these emotional rollarcoaster I made for myself. Where’s the merry go ‘round anyway?