I know I'm sort of hyper-blogging. This may be attributed to the fact that in a few hours, It's over. FINALLY. I ain't reviewing anymore not because I am ready for the exam but because I think I lost the battle to LAZYlandia. I lost my newly-bought pack of cig a few minutes after I smoked my first two sticks. It's frustrating. Seriously.
Off to more important matters, I think I'm more scared now than before because the end of Midterms week is also the start of the Valentine's Season. And I am aware of the fact that my blog entries have been religiously in line with this theme, of Churva. I just got into thinking of what we talked about last night, of the obvious leaning of my now irrational mind towards expecting. I hate it. Nope, I don't hate them [or Him, definitely not HIM] but I just hate it that I'm in this limbo again. I was ok you know, I was doing great not expecting that things will change in my life, between us, between what I have and DON'T HAVE. I don't blame him for suddenly existing again, I just hate myself for singling him out at this peculiar time. I mean, I am ok with a lot of Churva's at a time. I'm ok with having my own li'l version of romantic LOST BOYS who are there in Neverland, it's just that right now... I think I have made a choice... or at least am ready to make a choice. I know who and what i want. No matter how complicated, how forbidden and how hopeless. Not really hopeless, just sort of not feasible.
I'll be drinking again tonight, I'll try to wash away all these midterm-invoked confusion and shake it off. I'm gonna try [desperately] to go back to where we, uhmm, there's no WE so where I started. I'm gonna try, but it's going to be a bloody process.
Still, I'm happy for my girlfriends [whom I subjected to incrimination due to my BLIND ITEM-ish recent entry]. I am happy for me for sort of stepping up. I don't think he's happy right now. And that stained what could've been a clear as white start of my February. I pray that we all be happy, or at least contented... or at least peaceful.
I need to say sorry to you who's willing to be there but whom I didnt give the chance to be. I know you don't read my blog, but if because of some freak of nature you are able to read this, I'm sorry that I'm not the churva that you expect me to be.
I am saying sorry to Mr. Complicated. Just because I'm dragging you into this whole fiasco of complications without clearing things up first and without verifying if you, even in the smallest of chances, want to be dragged into it. The Peter Pan entry was in fact written for you and not for Peter Pan. It's just that Peter Pan is the only concrete and appropriate name that I can think of because you make me think of happy thoughts too.
I'm off to my last exam for the Midterms. Tonight, let's hope that I won't be too wasted to remember.
Last Hurrah..
"I don't know why we all hang on to something we know we're better off letting go. It's like we're scared to lose what WE DON'T HAVE. Some of us say we'd rather have that something than absolutely nothing... But the truth is: To have it halfway is harder than not having it at all."
- Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy
What is a "last day of Midterms" entry without ranting? It's really been a tiring week and the manifestations are quickly emerging. Take the case of my favorite person in the whole wide galaxy, MYSELF. I went home last night from an "attempt" to study Legal Ethics and my brother opened the door for me. He looked at me with a mocking smile and insensitively remarked, "Ate, para kang nagd-drugs. Uminom ka ba? Bakit ganyan ang mata mo, red na red? At yang eyebags mo, parang six layers na yan a." Wow, what a way to boost my already zero self esteem.
Anyway, I refuse to be disheartened. Sabi nga ni Patty, look at the good/ happy things that are happening and don't dwell on the panaka-nakang "sad parts". That's the best atttitude, but when these "few sad moments" parade themselves in front of you with a full band and really colorful costumes, you can't help but notice diba?
Enjoy it while it lasts, That's everyone's mantra this Midterms week, because after the show, there really is no assurance that history will repeat itself. A lot of other factors will be CONSIDERED and a lot of "there's no turning back" decisions will have to be made. Reality will once again sink in and the things that made you smile... you have to hold on to them and make the memories as vivid as they can get, inside your head and ok, your heart. You never know, these might be the only things that will make you look forward to still surviving. Or to at least believing that once in your life, things worked.
I'm sort of happy right now. With no assurance that I'll be happy ever after. I couldn't care less actually. Whatever works, i'll be more than happy to accept.
Let's do the Math.
The number of things that I don't [can't] tell you is directly proportional to the number of things that you don't [and refuse to] tell me.
The number of times that i think of you is inversely proportional to the number of times that i feel sad.
The intensity of my confusion is infinitely rising.
The length of time that I spend with you is inversely proportional to my sanity.
if I am an equation i am the square root of 1. Just because in your world, I'm same old Eunice. Square root man o hindi.
---------------
Thank you.
The number of times that i think of you is inversely proportional to the number of times that i feel sad.
The intensity of my confusion is infinitely rising.
The length of time that I spend with you is inversely proportional to my sanity.
if I am an equation i am the square root of 1. Just because in your world, I'm same old Eunice. Square root man o hindi.
---------------
Thank you.
Just because I want to prove that you're cornier.
Me: Tapos ka na ba mag-MIDTERMS, ako naman sagutin mo.
Him: Tapos na ko midterms, e kaw? Ako naman ang pagpuyatan mo.
Him: Tapos na ko midterms, e kaw? Ako naman ang pagpuyatan mo.
What do you guys think?
Lonely Afternoon
Listen to the song
An old man walks along the path, it isn't raining anymore.
The hotel sign reflects upon a lorry parked below.
A kid goes walking home from school, and stands there at the door.
Behind the windows people sit waiting for the bus to go.
Another long, lonely afternoon away from you,
And a long, dark, lonely night ahead.
It's been a long, lonely afternoon here on my own,
Such a long, dark, lonely night ahead.
The heavy clouds are forming for another dark and rainy night.
A woman hurries home before the storm begins to break.
And as she turns to cross the street, waiting for the walking light,
She glances quickly at her watch, hoping that she won't be late.
Another long, lonely afternoon away from you,
And a long, dark, lonely night ahead.
It's been a long, lonely afternoon here on my own,
Such a long, dark, lonely night ahead.
-----
one last hirit before i go back to studying CORP...
An old man walks along the path, it isn't raining anymore.
The hotel sign reflects upon a lorry parked below.
A kid goes walking home from school, and stands there at the door.
Behind the windows people sit waiting for the bus to go.
Another long, lonely afternoon away from you,
And a long, dark, lonely night ahead.
It's been a long, lonely afternoon here on my own,
Such a long, dark, lonely night ahead.
The heavy clouds are forming for another dark and rainy night.
A woman hurries home before the storm begins to break.
And as she turns to cross the street, waiting for the walking light,
She glances quickly at her watch, hoping that she won't be late.
Another long, lonely afternoon away from you,
And a long, dark, lonely night ahead.
It's been a long, lonely afternoon here on my own,
Such a long, dark, lonely night ahead.
-----
one last hirit before i go back to studying CORP...
Peter Pan
The story of the distracted and destructive woman begins. Amidst the soothing wind that touches her hair that's framing her tired-looking face, she looks at the cars that are passing her by. While listening to what seems like the african beat of voices that drowns her much needed silence, the wind comes. Smile. She likes the wind.
The wind reminds her of him, of how he can instantly make her smile while making a mess out of her carefully organized desk. The wind insensitively sweeps off everything on her table of solitude with that romantic glamour that makes her feel special and loved. She used to not mind the wind, she knew that it comes and goes unapologetically while she is left trying to reorganize what's left of her organized life. She just got out of a storm and at the back of her mind, she's baffled by the presence of a synonymous fate that's waiting for her.
The story of the distracted and destructive woman begins and the end is not so near....
The wind reminds her of him, of how he can instantly make her smile while making a mess out of her carefully organized desk. The wind insensitively sweeps off everything on her table of solitude with that romantic glamour that makes her feel special and loved. She used to not mind the wind, she knew that it comes and goes unapologetically while she is left trying to reorganize what's left of her organized life. She just got out of a storm and at the back of her mind, she's baffled by the presence of a synonymous fate that's waiting for her.
The story of the distracted and destructive woman begins and the end is not so near....
Tinkerbell
Sometimes, you feel like that thing you've always wanted is right in front of you, you recognize it, you feel happy, excited and contented. But you suddenly realize that you can't have it... It's the saddest feeling, it's the most painful thing. You smile knowing what you want, but you cry alone knowing its impossibility. You get into thinking of whether you're better off not knowing that he exists. You hate yourself for feeling regret about something that simultaneously brings you to heaven and hell. You are faced with the dilemma of letting the days pass you by just craving or of moving on to chasing a new rainbow. You feel confusion, you start to write to clear your head...
You start to write to analyze your emotions. You are hit with the reality that the one thing you're scared of is back and suddenly... you start to FEEL again.
You start to write to analyze your emotions. You are hit with the reality that the one thing you're scared of is back and suddenly... you start to FEEL again.
SHADES
I wear it so I can look you in the eye behind that darkness....
It gives me courage knowing that although you're in front of me, you can't see right through me...
I wear it so I can hide and protect myself from letting you into my soul...
I wear it so I don't have to wear you, so you can't wear me out...
Just so I can look away discreetly, so I can distract myself and so I can have that break that I've been consciously longing eversince I gave you the right to look into my eyes...
I hide from you because I seek you...
It gives me courage knowing that although you're in front of me, you can't see right through me...
I wear it so I can hide and protect myself from letting you into my soul...
I wear it so I don't have to wear you, so you can't wear me out...
Just so I can look away discreetly, so I can distract myself and so I can have that break that I've been consciously longing eversince I gave you the right to look into my eyes...
I hide from you because I seek you...
It's Complicated.
I started to write "literally" again. The old school writing on your journal high school-y thing just because there are things that I cannot write in my blog as of the moment. My girlfriends and I have been discussing stuff which, instead of making my mind clearer and ideally ready for the Midterms, made my mind so clouded and all mushed up. I mean, I think it just goes to show that THE GREAT COUNTDOWN TO VALENTINE's HAS FINALLY BEGUN. And well, we are all getting sooooo hungry for churva.
Let's take the case of my girlfriend no. 1: Well, she claims that she has finally moved on from a head-over-heels crush situation re: THAT GUY. And quoting her, "Alam mo yun, ito na yung LINYA, handa na ako tumalon e, pero bigla na lang nandyan sya!". This of course pertains to her finally moving on until she was bombarded with a lot of kilig moments with THAT GUY recently. Then she's all confused and kilig all over again. The usual siraulo that we are asked her, "Bakit linya? Tinatalon ba ang linya? Diba dapat mountain o kaya uhmm, basta mataas? Linya? Bakit ano un PIKO?". There goes the mush. I shall now call girl friend no. 1 MS. Twitcher.
I guess THAT GUY was uniquely stimulated. Bakit kaya.
Girl friend no. 2: She spent the whole night saying what seemed to be a mantra or a chant that went something like, "Gusto ko ng CHURVA. Ihanap nyo ako ng churva." All we ever did was to look at her and well make her understand that he best friend MIGHT BE A GOOD CANDIDATE for a "panawid gutom slash pwede na rin forever" churva. But she refuses to give in. Therefore, we found her a pseudo-CHURVA in the persona of STEP - UP guy.
Girlfriend no. 3: She's the most uhmm, "sure" to have plans on Valentine's Day because for the past few days, she's been spending time with her newfound friend, confidante, dinner-mate and everything that a churva does. Technically, she's not in a relationship with the guy, BUT... Isang malaking BUT!!! everyday, it becomes clearer and clearer that she has a potential CHURVA.
GIrlfriend no. 4: I'd like to call her and her "pseudo-churva" the IT MAY NEVER COME AGAIN couple. We've been, for the longest time, trying to team them up... but something seems to be stopping them. Until now, we're still eating our popcorn while waiting for their lovestory to finally begin.
Girlfriend no. 5: Well, she has a "best friend" whom she claims to be "di talo" and that they will never stand a chance to go THAT WAY. We think otherwise. Like what we always tell her, "If you guys get married someday, we'll do a cartwheel and a couple of splits just because you are soooo EATING YOUR WORDS"
Then there's ME. And because it's my blog, I have the right to protect myself from self-incrimination. However, only for the sake of fairness, equity and love for my other girl friends who will definitely kill me if they find time to read my blog during the MIDTERMS FIASCO, I will say my own little piece. I don't have an official churva, i don't even have an unofficial churva... what i have is a potential complication that might end up ruining me, and other "real parties in interest". I am eyeing this guy whom by now everyone calls Peter Pan. Well, he's not eyeing me. Then there's study buddy who seems to be stepping up. Then there's him, Mr. Complicated who's always there at the right place at the right time but CAN'T REALLY BE THERE because he should be "SOMEWHERE ELSE WHERE HE BELONGS". Therefore, I am in one of the most complicated periods of my life. Notwithstanding the fact that I choose to talk about churvaness when I should be studying PUBLIC INTERNATIONAL LAW. [When my Midterms is over, I PROMISE TO WRITE ABOUT THE WHOLE EXPERIENCE]. So there, like Meredith Grey, I am twisted, and I ruin lives. Unintentionally. Still.
I'd like to say, CHOOSE ME, PICK ME, LOVE ME but that's too much to ask right?
Ok, i shall stop. One blog a day. That's my "CONSTITUTIONAL LIMITATION"
Let's take the case of my girlfriend no. 1: Well, she claims that she has finally moved on from a head-over-heels crush situation re: THAT GUY. And quoting her, "Alam mo yun, ito na yung LINYA, handa na ako tumalon e, pero bigla na lang nandyan sya!". This of course pertains to her finally moving on until she was bombarded with a lot of kilig moments with THAT GUY recently. Then she's all confused and kilig all over again. The usual siraulo that we are asked her, "Bakit linya? Tinatalon ba ang linya? Diba dapat mountain o kaya uhmm, basta mataas? Linya? Bakit ano un PIKO?". There goes the mush. I shall now call girl friend no. 1 MS. Twitcher.
TWITCH: force developed by muscle fibre in response to a unique electrical or nervous stimulation.
I guess THAT GUY was uniquely stimulated. Bakit kaya.
Girl friend no. 2: She spent the whole night saying what seemed to be a mantra or a chant that went something like, "Gusto ko ng CHURVA. Ihanap nyo ako ng churva." All we ever did was to look at her and well make her understand that he best friend MIGHT BE A GOOD CANDIDATE for a "panawid gutom slash pwede na rin forever" churva. But she refuses to give in. Therefore, we found her a pseudo-CHURVA in the persona of STEP - UP guy.
Girlfriend no. 3: She's the most uhmm, "sure" to have plans on Valentine's Day because for the past few days, she's been spending time with her newfound friend, confidante, dinner-mate and everything that a churva does. Technically, she's not in a relationship with the guy, BUT... Isang malaking BUT!!! everyday, it becomes clearer and clearer that she has a potential CHURVA.
GIrlfriend no. 4: I'd like to call her and her "pseudo-churva" the IT MAY NEVER COME AGAIN couple. We've been, for the longest time, trying to team them up... but something seems to be stopping them. Until now, we're still eating our popcorn while waiting for their lovestory to finally begin.
Girlfriend no. 5: Well, she has a "best friend" whom she claims to be "di talo" and that they will never stand a chance to go THAT WAY. We think otherwise. Like what we always tell her, "If you guys get married someday, we'll do a cartwheel and a couple of splits just because you are soooo EATING YOUR WORDS"
Then there's ME. And because it's my blog, I have the right to protect myself from self-incrimination. However, only for the sake of fairness, equity and love for my other girl friends who will definitely kill me if they find time to read my blog during the MIDTERMS FIASCO, I will say my own little piece. I don't have an official churva, i don't even have an unofficial churva... what i have is a potential complication that might end up ruining me, and other "real parties in interest". I am eyeing this guy whom by now everyone calls Peter Pan. Well, he's not eyeing me. Then there's study buddy who seems to be stepping up. Then there's him, Mr. Complicated who's always there at the right place at the right time but CAN'T REALLY BE THERE because he should be "SOMEWHERE ELSE WHERE HE BELONGS". Therefore, I am in one of the most complicated periods of my life. Notwithstanding the fact that I choose to talk about churvaness when I should be studying PUBLIC INTERNATIONAL LAW. [When my Midterms is over, I PROMISE TO WRITE ABOUT THE WHOLE EXPERIENCE]. So there, like Meredith Grey, I am twisted, and I ruin lives. Unintentionally. Still.
I'd like to say, CHOOSE ME, PICK ME, LOVE ME but that's too much to ask right?
Patring and Eunice's Legalisms:
1. Mabuti pa ang pleading... DATED.
2. Mabuti pa ang COMPLAINT... sinasagot.
3. Pag nagpunta ka sa CA sigurado mananalo ka.. ang lakas kasi ng APPEAL mo e.
4. Mabuti pa ang CLASS SUIT, sufficiently numerous ang parties.
Ok, i shall stop. One blog a day. That's my "CONSTITUTIONAL LIMITATION"
TOLERANCE is a Bitch.
It's MIDTERMS-mania again and as much as i want to devote all of my time to studying, I want to invoke my right to giving in to my being human. THEREFORE, I am blogging. Starbucks finally transferred in front of Ateneo and it's a mix of being a good thing and a bad thing. On the positive side, it's really just a street away and all we have to do is say, "I want coffee." and we're there... also, I met new sort of friends slash acquaintances now that a lot of law school peeps are hanging out around the area. The downside is, there is a decrease in the supply of chairs and tables and it was aggravated by the increase in the demand. Therefore, people are easily pissed off.
One manifestation of the supply and demand problem which I just mentioned is that "thing that happened last night". Well, a group of gay men [not that there's anything wrong with it, i just had to paint the picture here] went to starbucks hoping to relax. They just instantaneously found out that the Starbucks that they were supposed to hangout in is law student-infested. They waited for quite an irritating period of time until they finally got their seats near the door. Then, they began to say things intended to make everyone "overhear". One of 'em told the person that he was talking to on the phone, "Oo, puno. Ginawang library ang Starbucks!". Then to add more pizzaz to their predicament, they talked to one of the baristas, Jay and demanded that they be given those evaluation forms that the baristas give out to customers. We very well know why they want to "evaluate". They didnt stop there, they gave Jay a litany on how inappropriate it is for students to leave their stuff around while having a "much-deserved YOSI BREAK" and even used their expensive camera phones to take a video of the situation. It was funny, really... not only because we understand where they're coming from but because we know that they didn't have to be such PRIMADONNA's about it. One of the law students commented that this precisely is the reason why Starbucks is strategically-located near Ateneo, to attract students. Also, one of my study buddies also suggested that they should "file a class suit" so the "law students" could promptly tell them that their class suit won't prosper because they're not SUFFICIENTLY NUMEROUS.
What is my point in this whole thing? The point is, it could not have turned ugly if they knew how to face the situation the right way. There's nothing wrong with voicing out your opinion, but you don't have to be arrogant about it as if you're trying to stir a coup d'etat inside a coffee shop. We all are civilized people, though some more refined than the others, we all are entitled to being able to do things which may at times irritate other people, but are reasonable enough. After all, existence is a looong test of patience, tolerance and intelligence.
Guess who failed THAT TEST? Oopsie.
One manifestation of the supply and demand problem which I just mentioned is that "thing that happened last night". Well, a group of gay men [not that there's anything wrong with it, i just had to paint the picture here] went to starbucks hoping to relax. They just instantaneously found out that the Starbucks that they were supposed to hangout in is law student-infested. They waited for quite an irritating period of time until they finally got their seats near the door. Then, they began to say things intended to make everyone "overhear". One of 'em told the person that he was talking to on the phone, "Oo, puno. Ginawang library ang Starbucks!". Then to add more pizzaz to their predicament, they talked to one of the baristas, Jay and demanded that they be given those evaluation forms that the baristas give out to customers. We very well know why they want to "evaluate". They didnt stop there, they gave Jay a litany on how inappropriate it is for students to leave their stuff around while having a "much-deserved YOSI BREAK" and even used their expensive camera phones to take a video of the situation. It was funny, really... not only because we understand where they're coming from but because we know that they didn't have to be such PRIMADONNA's about it. One of the law students commented that this precisely is the reason why Starbucks is strategically-located near Ateneo, to attract students. Also, one of my study buddies also suggested that they should "file a class suit" so the "law students" could promptly tell them that their class suit won't prosper because they're not SUFFICIENTLY NUMEROUS.
What is my point in this whole thing? The point is, it could not have turned ugly if they knew how to face the situation the right way. There's nothing wrong with voicing out your opinion, but you don't have to be arrogant about it as if you're trying to stir a coup d'etat inside a coffee shop. We all are civilized people, though some more refined than the others, we all are entitled to being able to do things which may at times irritate other people, but are reasonable enough. After all, existence is a looong test of patience, tolerance and intelligence.
Guess who failed THAT TEST? Oopsie.
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