Pagod na ako magsulat. Pagod na ako gumawa ng tula, ng talata, ng sanaysay at ng kwentong puro patungkol lamang sa pagmamahal at kawalan nito. Sa pagdaan ng mga araw, dahan-dahang natutunaw and yelo na pumipigil sa pagkaagnas ng aking puso sa kalungkutan. Kung minsan ay hindi lamang pagod kundi pagkamuhing nanunuot na sanhi ng mga paglalaro na nangyayari sa aking buhay na sawa na sa paglalaro. Ang babaeng masaya sa paningin ng marami ay madalas nais na lamang mapag-isa upang pagnilayan ang realidad sa kanyang mga agam-agam na pinagtitimpi ng ilusyon.
Masayang mabalot ng mahika, ng ilusyon at ng lahat ng bagay na di naman talaga tunay na nanatili, masayang maniwala sa mga konsepto na nangangako ng kaligayahan. Subalit hindi sa habang panahon ay magagawa nating manatili sa mundong nababalot ng maliliwanag at makukulay na kasinungalingan na nilikha natin. Hindi tayo hanggang kamatayan na mapoprotektahan ng magagandang alaala sapagkat ang buhay ay patuloy lamang na tumatakbo kahit gaano katindi pa ang kagustuhan na pigilin ito.
Pagod na akong magsulat, subalit ito na lamang ang aking nakikitang paraan upang mapabagal ko ang pagkapagod ng aking buong pagkatao. Ang pagod ay isang estado lamang ng utak na maaaaring kontrolin ng puso. Wag sanang dumating ang panahon na ang puso ko naman ang mapagod, at tanging LUHA na lamang ang magsisilbing tinta sa aking pagsulat ng storya ng aking buhay.
Don't Walk Away
Her night was almost ruined when she got reminded of him. "Movie tayo." was the first of the string of text messages that she sent him. She waited, and he surprisingly assented.
"Sure! When?" She replied tonight with all the hope and positivism that she could gather. She was reminded of her horoscope which she refuses to take seriously: IF YOU WANT TO FIND IT, YOU HAVE TO PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE. She was not looking because she has her eyes set on someone. "I'm still at work. Sige, pick you up at your place around 1o?" She smiled knowing that her day was just beginning.
"Ok, I'll go change. Later." She wasn't excited because of the idea of ROMANCE, she was just in need of that sense of familiarity, that feeling of actually belonging. With him, she felt at ease.
After a lot of "let's catch up" topics, he looked at her with the gentlest of all stares, with a half smile he said, "I miss having you around."
She smiled hoping that she could thank him enough and that she could make him feel how appreciated his gesture was. "I like it when you're near." Looking at him she added, "You make me feel that things are gonna get better."
He looked away, drawing with silence what seemed like a bundle of question marks. She sipped her iced tea and waited. He wiped that tiny wet spot on her mouth like reflex. "What's wrong?"
With a startled tone she blurted out, "What do you mean?"
"You wouldn't text me just like that if you were ok. I know you too well Eunice. Something OR SOMEONE is definitely bothering you. So, what's up?" He jokingly made the v sign.
She sighed, "Why didn't we work? We used to be ok right?"
"Because you find it hard to realize how beautiful a person you are. You always want reasons, you always want things to be logical when in fact, they're not meant to be logical." He took another sip and continued to look at her.
"Did you ever feel that I was the one?" She looked away, biting her nails and waiting for the dreaded answer.
"I wanted you so badly to be the one. I wanted our relationship to work so badly that at one point, I just had to give up. Remember when we would talk 'til the wee hours of the morning? I was so happy just knowing you're on the other line. God, sappy." It was his turn to look away.
Teary eyed she whispered, "I am sorry."
"You don't have to be. I was happy."
I have to tell him. She thought. "There's this guy. I don't know if I should go on looking at him that way."
"THAT way?"
""The way i used to look at you."
"Stop being so logical for a while and allow yourself to be happy. At least let him know."
"I don't think he feels the same way. I can't afford to tell him."
"In that case, let's smoke outside, walk towards the car holding hands and watch Music and Lyrics with your brother and sister."
"Sounds like a good plan."
They both stood up holding hands. He looked at her right before they stepped out of the restaurant, "Don't walk away from him, Euns. Don't give up without even trying."
-------
"Sure! When?" She replied tonight with all the hope and positivism that she could gather. She was reminded of her horoscope which she refuses to take seriously: IF YOU WANT TO FIND IT, YOU HAVE TO PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE. She was not looking because she has her eyes set on someone. "I'm still at work. Sige, pick you up at your place around 1o?" She smiled knowing that her day was just beginning.
"Ok, I'll go change. Later." She wasn't excited because of the idea of ROMANCE, she was just in need of that sense of familiarity, that feeling of actually belonging. With him, she felt at ease.
After a lot of "let's catch up" topics, he looked at her with the gentlest of all stares, with a half smile he said, "I miss having you around."
She smiled hoping that she could thank him enough and that she could make him feel how appreciated his gesture was. "I like it when you're near." Looking at him she added, "You make me feel that things are gonna get better."
He looked away, drawing with silence what seemed like a bundle of question marks. She sipped her iced tea and waited. He wiped that tiny wet spot on her mouth like reflex. "What's wrong?"
With a startled tone she blurted out, "What do you mean?"
"You wouldn't text me just like that if you were ok. I know you too well Eunice. Something OR SOMEONE is definitely bothering you. So, what's up?" He jokingly made the v sign.
She sighed, "Why didn't we work? We used to be ok right?"
"Because you find it hard to realize how beautiful a person you are. You always want reasons, you always want things to be logical when in fact, they're not meant to be logical." He took another sip and continued to look at her.
"Did you ever feel that I was the one?" She looked away, biting her nails and waiting for the dreaded answer.
"I wanted you so badly to be the one. I wanted our relationship to work so badly that at one point, I just had to give up. Remember when we would talk 'til the wee hours of the morning? I was so happy just knowing you're on the other line. God, sappy." It was his turn to look away.
Teary eyed she whispered, "I am sorry."
"You don't have to be. I was happy."
I have to tell him. She thought. "There's this guy. I don't know if I should go on looking at him that way."
"THAT way?"
""The way i used to look at you."
"Stop being so logical for a while and allow yourself to be happy. At least let him know."
"I don't think he feels the same way. I can't afford to tell him."
"In that case, let's smoke outside, walk towards the car holding hands and watch Music and Lyrics with your brother and sister."
"Sounds like a good plan."
They both stood up holding hands. He looked at her right before they stepped out of the restaurant, "Don't walk away from him, Euns. Don't give up without even trying."
-------
YOU GO AROUND IN CIRCLES
I.
If you ask me to stop, I will.
Please don't let me decide, it is bad
enough that I have to let you go
to her who's right for you.
V.
Then if you decide to make me stay...
I will stay, but you have to promise
that we won't go back. And that
YOU WILL NOT GO AROUND IN CIRCLES.
If you ask me to stop, I will.
Please don't let me decide, it is bad
enough that I have to let you go
to her who's right for you.
V.
Then if you decide to make me stay...
I will stay, but you have to promise
that we won't go back. And that
YOU WILL NOT GO AROUND IN CIRCLES.
II.
Be with her, choose her, just
make sure that it is her you truly
want.. because if I say GO,
I will mean GO.
III.
Be with her, choose her, just
make sure that it is her you truly
want.. because if I say GO,
I will mean GO.
III.
I will turn around looking
at what's in it for me in the future.
I will not look back,
but I will be around.
at what's in it for me in the future.
I will not look back,
but I will be around.
IV.
That's the exact time when
it will be most painful. Exactly
when you see my back while
I cry and suck it all in.
That's the exact time when
it will be most painful. Exactly
when you see my back while
I cry and suck it all in.
Letter of Love no. 5
Hey,
Have we met? I am feeling you... I know that somewhere, you are around, NEAR. Or he may be similar to you. I watched Music and Lyrics last night and I was with someone who could've been you. But he wan't you. It was hard to be close to him knowing that you're not him. It felt so right, it's like we are meant to hold hands, like my body fits his side as I lean to say something. But he's a part of my past, a past that I would like to be reminded of, the past that showed me that I am capable of loving and of being loved in return. I was happy with him. Until we had to part before we end up wasting our happy memories. I must admit that I've been impatient these past few days. I have been questioning God why we have to spend this long a time apart. You maybe in a relationship and not thinking that it's me you're meant to love. But I don't believe in absolute destiny, you have to want to meet me when we reach that crossroad.
I agonizingly wait for you. It hurts knowing that we're looking, or that you are looking for me unconsciously. I want you so badly to be here at my lowest of lows. I know that with you, I will not be scared to let it allout. I will not be shamed to cry, to tell you that I made a lot of mistakes. To show you that I am human. It will be the first time that I'll take my mask off and strip, emotionally.
Please rescue me now, I am beginning to believe that I am meant to be alone... and that burdens my already weak heart.
Have we met? I am feeling you... I know that somewhere, you are around, NEAR. Or he may be similar to you. I watched Music and Lyrics last night and I was with someone who could've been you. But he wan't you. It was hard to be close to him knowing that you're not him. It felt so right, it's like we are meant to hold hands, like my body fits his side as I lean to say something. But he's a part of my past, a past that I would like to be reminded of, the past that showed me that I am capable of loving and of being loved in return. I was happy with him. Until we had to part before we end up wasting our happy memories. I must admit that I've been impatient these past few days. I have been questioning God why we have to spend this long a time apart. You maybe in a relationship and not thinking that it's me you're meant to love. But I don't believe in absolute destiny, you have to want to meet me when we reach that crossroad.
I agonizingly wait for you. It hurts knowing that we're looking, or that you are looking for me unconsciously. I want you so badly to be here at my lowest of lows. I know that with you, I will not be scared to let it allout. I will not be shamed to cry, to tell you that I made a lot of mistakes. To show you that I am human. It will be the first time that I'll take my mask off and strip, emotionally.
Please rescue me now, I am beginning to believe that I am meant to be alone... and that burdens my already weak heart.
From My Stagnant Cellphone's Camera
one rainy afternoon
i was staring at life passing me by
then they had to announce something
so i needed coffee to be sane
and get the ransom for my kidnapped phone
Altruism and Pain
I don't believe in altruism, although I salute people who think of other people first because their acts result to something positive, as opposed to those who choose to be selfish, there still is a subtle pay-off. Doing good makes them feel good and fulfilled. There is no such thing as absolute selflessness, people do things because they still are benefited or there is a promise of benefit in the future. Which brings me to why doing good still is the better choice at least in most situations. It's like hitting two birds with one stone. But sometimes we are compelled to make decisions which will do good to other people but will break us. It's hard to see where the benefit is, but for a persons like me who's been there, who's done it, the reward of not feeling guilty, though it does not offset the pain, is enough. We hear a lot of insights about thinking of yourself above all, of how the world is a big SURVIVORS' ARENA, but I would argue that PAIN is a promise of good things to come. Pain is like St. John, it arrives to spread the good news of salvation, of better days, of hope.
Pain should be seen as a positive sign. The only thing that will stop the pain from leaving will be if we, as persons, allow ourselves to get disheartened by it. Unfortunately, PAIN sometimes is nothing more than pain. That's when it starts to suck big time.
Sometimes we feel pain that is impossible to drive away, the kind of pain that continuously digs a hole of emptiness within us, the kind that stays stubbornly, the kind that becomes part of our permanent pool of loneliness. Sometimes, we have to learn to live with it, to bring it with us everyday like a BADGE OF HONOR. This kind of pain is unforgiving, it becomes part of us, it becomes one with us. It's the kind of pain that doesn't kill us but makes us stronger. Trade-offs.
Why did I talk about altruism? Because living with that pain is a form of altruism in itself. Being happy despite that pain is selflessness demonstrated. Choosing to continue life amidst the lurking pain and continuing to contribute to the world is something that is an achievement in itself.
Pain is like one's guardian angel. It reminds us to be ready, to not stop feeling... It reminds us that we need to be reminded.
Pain should be seen as a positive sign. The only thing that will stop the pain from leaving will be if we, as persons, allow ourselves to get disheartened by it. Unfortunately, PAIN sometimes is nothing more than pain. That's when it starts to suck big time.
Sometimes we feel pain that is impossible to drive away, the kind of pain that continuously digs a hole of emptiness within us, the kind that stays stubbornly, the kind that becomes part of our permanent pool of loneliness. Sometimes, we have to learn to live with it, to bring it with us everyday like a BADGE OF HONOR. This kind of pain is unforgiving, it becomes part of us, it becomes one with us. It's the kind of pain that doesn't kill us but makes us stronger. Trade-offs.
Why did I talk about altruism? Because living with that pain is a form of altruism in itself. Being happy despite that pain is selflessness demonstrated. Choosing to continue life amidst the lurking pain and continuing to contribute to the world is something that is an achievement in itself.
Pain is like one's guardian angel. It reminds us to be ready, to not stop feeling... It reminds us that we need to be reminded.
FLOAT TOGETHER [inside joke]
Panalo talaga ang McDonald's Powerplant. It's the new "place to be" for lovers. Ang ganda na ng sounds, masarap pa tumambay. Syempre pa ang aming favorite poster na naga-advertise ng float with the tagline, "FLOAT TOGETHER" habang may naglalandian na magkasintahan sa picture. Un na. Bagong pickup line, "Let's Float together." sabay abot ng coke or sprite float sa kasintahan.
Laughtrip ng sobra. Pag natuloy ang plano namin, may mga pusong mag-uumpisang magmahal. Haha. Idamay na natin ang kyat-kyat [di ko alam ang tamang spelling] na flowers turned fruits with the "Stairway to Heaven" surprise at hanapan drama.
Sa tingin ko isang tao lang ang tatawa ng tatawa sa entry na'to. Sige, ibabalato ko na yan sa'yo. Sana matawa ka at mahulog sa upuan mo.
Laughtrip ng sobra. Pag natuloy ang plano namin, may mga pusong mag-uumpisang magmahal. Haha. Idamay na natin ang kyat-kyat [di ko alam ang tamang spelling] na flowers turned fruits with the "Stairway to Heaven" surprise at hanapan drama.
Sa tingin ko isang tao lang ang tatawa ng tatawa sa entry na'to. Sige, ibabalato ko na yan sa'yo. Sana matawa ka at mahulog sa upuan mo.
Thank You for Sharing
Hey Jealousy by Gin Blossoms
Well tell me do you think it'd be alright
If I could just crash here tonight
You can see I'm in no shape for driving
Anyway I've got no place to go
And you know it might not be that bad
You were the best I'd ever had
If I hadn't blown the whole thing years ago
I may not be alone
Tomorrow we can drive around this town
And let the cops chase us around
The past is gone but something might be found to take its place
Hey Jealousy
Hey Jealousy
Hey Jealousy
Hey Jealousy
You can trust me not to think
And not to sleep around
And if you don't expect too much from me
You might not be let down
'Cause all I really want is to be with you
Feeling like I matter too
If I hadn't blown the whole thing years ago
I might be here with you
Tomorrow we can drive around this town
And let the cops chase us around
The past is gone but something might be found to take its place
Hey Jealousy
Tomorrow we can drive around this town
And let the cops chase us around
The past is gone but something might be found to take its place
Hey Jealousy
Hey Jealousy
Hey Jealousy
Hey Jealousy
Well tell me do you think it'd be alright
If I could just crash here tonight
You can see I'm in no shape for driving
And anyway I've got no place to go
And you know it might not be that bad
You were the best I'd ever had
If I hadn't blown the whole thing years ago
I may not be alone
Tomorrow we can drive around this town
And let the cops chase us around
The past is gone but something might be found to take its place
Hey Jealousy
Hey Jealousy
You know she took my heart
Well there's only one thing I couldn't star
All For You
Sister Hazel
Finally I figured out,
But it took a long,long time.
Now, I'll never turn about,
Maybe 'cause i'm tryin'
There's been time,
I'm so confused.
And all my roads,
Well,they lead to you.
I just can't turn and walk away...
It's hard to say what it is,
I see in you.
Wonder if i'll always be with you.
Words can't say it,
And I can't do,
Enough to prove,
It's all for you.
And I thought i'd seen it all,
'Cause it's been a long,long time.
Oh, I bottled up and trip and fall,
Wonderin' if i'm blind.
There's been time,
I'm so confused.
And all my roads,
Well,they lead to you.
I just can't turn and walk away...
It's hard to say what it is,
I see in you.
Wonder if i'll always be with you.
Words can't say it,
I can't do,
Enough to prove,
It's all for you.
Rain comes pouring down,
(Pouring down).
Falling from blue skies,
(Falling from blue skies..)
Words without a sound,
Comin' from your eyes...
Finally I figured out,
But it took a long,long time.
Oh, Now, I'll never turn about,
Maybe 'cause i'm tryin'
There's been time,
I'm so confused.
And all my roads,
Well,they lead to you.
I just can't turn and walk away...
It's hard to say what it is,
I see in you.
Wonder if i'll always be with you.
Words can't say it,
I can't do,
Enough to prove,
It's all for you...
Well,It's hard to say what it is,
I see in you.
Wonder if i'll always be with you.
Words can't say it,
I can't do,
Enough to prove,
It's all for you...
Ohh...
It's hard to say...
Yeah,It's hard to say-ay-hay.
It's all for you..
------
i just wanna be reminded that I know these songs. *winks
Pursuit of HappYness
I haven't watched the flick, heck I haven't even seen the trailer. I just feel that it is the most appropriate title for whatever it is that I am going to write in this entry. Let me start by saying that at this point in my life, I am sure that I am happy. Also, I am sure that in the future, I could be happier. At what level of happiness will I stop? I don't know, but the idea of better things to come makes me smile, even when I'm alone thinking of the things that could be.
Now, off to the more pertinent issue of what my plans are in the situation that I am in. I have written a litany about how I vow to move on and protect myself ... I even wrote a lot of things about giving him up and accepting that all we have right now cannot surpass the level of more than being friends. Yet, at the back of my mind, similar to all the hopeless romantics, optimists and idealists in this world, I know that there still is hope. That little possibility of working things out. I do not want to admit it, but I still cling to that tiny bit of hope. No matter how inconvenient, no matter how close to a thin thread it might be. I still am holding on.
My friends often ask me why, they even remind me of the presence of the other options, the less complicated ones. I guess I can never explain why it is him that I choose, why Peter Pan remains to be a fairytale and why Lost Boy will continue to be lost. Why even if Tinkerbell is inappropriate, I am completely drawn to the idea of him bringing back the magic in my already boring and monotonous life. I can never put logic into all these things because LOGIC muddles the clarity that only being IRRATIONAL can give. Tinkerbell is not even a guy if logic rules... but he is a guy. He is, at present, my guy.
It's ironic really that Neverland is the embodiment of my life. I never dreamed of being Wendy in the past and even today, I do not see why I chose Neverland over a wonderful castle or a heavenly paradise or even a grassy field. All I know is that my Neverland will never be magical without Tinkerbell and even if Peter Pan decides to leave, or if Lost Boy will disappear to form an alliance with Captain Hook, I'll be ok with it. But if this fairy decides to fly and abandon the little wonderland that we are in, my pursuit will bring me to a different direction. Perhaps, to a more gloomy one.
It's more than hard to be in my position. It's even more than painful. I guess my Pursuit starts when my misery begins. I don't know if Tinkerbell knows, but I know that he feels. He may be ignoring it or maybe trying to repair the bridge going back to friendship. I do not expect him to cross it with me, I never did... but if somehow, he finds it in his heart that it's actually worth it... I'll be more than happy to cross it again with him. That's where this fantasy will end and reality will set in. It's sad that at this point, I cannot share the happiness that he makes me feel, unknowingly, perhaps unintentionally. I might never will.
It's a PURSUIT, I know. But when does it become in sight? When does the pursuit end and when will simple happiness begin?
Now, off to the more pertinent issue of what my plans are in the situation that I am in. I have written a litany about how I vow to move on and protect myself ... I even wrote a lot of things about giving him up and accepting that all we have right now cannot surpass the level of more than being friends. Yet, at the back of my mind, similar to all the hopeless romantics, optimists and idealists in this world, I know that there still is hope. That little possibility of working things out. I do not want to admit it, but I still cling to that tiny bit of hope. No matter how inconvenient, no matter how close to a thin thread it might be. I still am holding on.
My friends often ask me why, they even remind me of the presence of the other options, the less complicated ones. I guess I can never explain why it is him that I choose, why Peter Pan remains to be a fairytale and why Lost Boy will continue to be lost. Why even if Tinkerbell is inappropriate, I am completely drawn to the idea of him bringing back the magic in my already boring and monotonous life. I can never put logic into all these things because LOGIC muddles the clarity that only being IRRATIONAL can give. Tinkerbell is not even a guy if logic rules... but he is a guy. He is, at present, my guy.
It's ironic really that Neverland is the embodiment of my life. I never dreamed of being Wendy in the past and even today, I do not see why I chose Neverland over a wonderful castle or a heavenly paradise or even a grassy field. All I know is that my Neverland will never be magical without Tinkerbell and even if Peter Pan decides to leave, or if Lost Boy will disappear to form an alliance with Captain Hook, I'll be ok with it. But if this fairy decides to fly and abandon the little wonderland that we are in, my pursuit will bring me to a different direction. Perhaps, to a more gloomy one.
It's more than hard to be in my position. It's even more than painful. I guess my Pursuit starts when my misery begins. I don't know if Tinkerbell knows, but I know that he feels. He may be ignoring it or maybe trying to repair the bridge going back to friendship. I do not expect him to cross it with me, I never did... but if somehow, he finds it in his heart that it's actually worth it... I'll be more than happy to cross it again with him. That's where this fantasy will end and reality will set in. It's sad that at this point, I cannot share the happiness that he makes me feel, unknowingly, perhaps unintentionally. I might never will.
It's a PURSUIT, I know. But when does it become in sight? When does the pursuit end and when will simple happiness begin?
An Open Letter To a Fallen Angel
Even Angels Fall
You've found hope
You've found faith,
Found how fast she could take it away.
Found true love,
Lost your heart.
Now you don't know who you are.
She made it easy,
Made it free,
Made you hurt til you couldn't see.
Sometimes it stops,
Sometimes it flows,
But baby that is how love goes.
You will fly and you will crawl;
God knows even angels fall.
No such thing as you lost it all.
God knows even angels fall.
It's a secret no one tells;
One day it's heaven, one day it's hell.
It's no fairy tale;
Take it from me,
That's the way it's supposed to be.
You will fly and you will crawl;
God knows even angels fall.
No such thing as you lost it all.
God knows even angels fall.
You laugh, you cry, no one knows why
Behold the thrill of it all...
You're on the ride
You might as well
Open your eyes
You will fly and you will crawl;
God knows even angels fall.
No such thing as you lost it all.
God knows even angels fall.
Even angels fall
Even angels fall
I am glad that I was there for you, no matter how unexpected, how unlikely and odd it felt and looked like. In the short period of time that I have known you, you have managed to entertain me and make me smile... these things, I appreciate. But to know that you trust me even a bit, enough to open up and show me the fallen angel that you are made me smile even more. Thank you for making me smile last night, it's not everyday that I feel I am taken seriously.
For the battles that you're in at present, let it be known that I support you and that I pray for you. Don't blame yourself for things over which you have no control, be glad that in this chapter of your life, you continue to be strong, giving in once in a while to fragility that is part of our reality. Don't give up now, we, your friends, can be strong for you if only you'll let us. Continue giving us that smile and never let go of your faith and optimism. Even if you have fallen, nothing's gonna stop you from standing up again.
You are an angel, don't let anything or anyone take that away from you.
SMILE NAMAN TAYO
It was more like a wakeup call that I should definitely begin to move on. It just hit me that there's no point in holding on to something that's not only slowly slipping away but something that has never been on my hands in the first place. ACCEPTANCE is the key, things'll eventually be back to normal without him realizing that the past few weeks were eventful emotionally because of him. Now that it's quite clear that "WE cannot happen", I'm open to diverting my attention to someone else. Someone who's more willing. This time I'll be smarter, and more protective of myself.
Off to more interesting and lighter things... this morning, I wasn't able to contain my infatuation that while having a yosi break with Lew, I without warning, blurted out... "Sobrang cute talaga ni Peter Pan no?!" He gave me a "kadiri-to-death" look, said something unbelievably incriminating and violently protested that I shouldn't talk to him about these things because it was too much for his "MACHO ego". Fine. But I will continue announcing that I CRUSH HIM. hehe.
To more kababawan stuff, my two "alagas" slash studdy buddies made me believe in "LOVE" again. I'm so happy for them, I know "it" when i see it. Like what I said to my guy alaga, "MOVE IT! Don't let love pass you by."
Starbucks has become my little Neverland, fine, including Good Earth.
I have a new crush. Sabi nga ni John Cage sa Ally Mc Beal, "I'm Drawn to him."
Off to more interesting and lighter things... this morning, I wasn't able to contain my infatuation that while having a yosi break with Lew, I without warning, blurted out... "Sobrang cute talaga ni Peter Pan no?!" He gave me a "kadiri-to-death" look, said something unbelievably incriminating and violently protested that I shouldn't talk to him about these things because it was too much for his "MACHO ego". Fine. But I will continue announcing that I CRUSH HIM. hehe.
To more kababawan stuff, my two "alagas" slash studdy buddies made me believe in "LOVE" again. I'm so happy for them, I know "it" when i see it. Like what I said to my guy alaga, "MOVE IT! Don't let love pass you by."
Starbucks has become my little Neverland, fine, including Good Earth.
I have a new crush. Sabi nga ni John Cage sa Ally Mc Beal, "I'm Drawn to him."
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