Melodie has finally fallen...

...LITERALLY.

I swear, I felt like I was choking because of how funny the whole situation was. Anyone who's a regular at Starbucks near Ateneo Law knows that there is a "dangerous" part outside. That part where your chair's feet may get stuck causing your COMMUNING WITH NATURE [borrowed from Rach].

How did it exactly happen? We were sort of having querida conversations, singing along to some emo music when we suddenly realized that Mel disappeared. No startling sound, no fair warning... she was there, lying on what used to be a beautifully-landscaped spot. A garden's worst nightmare, quoting Ces. We were so shocked that we didnt react for at least 5 seconds. We looked and froze until Rach asked Mel, "Oh my God, are you ok?" Mel said, "No!!! I can't move!" Then, we got out of our temporary coma and adrenaline paved its way to our veins. We ran towards her and tried to help her get up. What made the situation worse was the fact that all of us were dying of laughter, of humiliation and of disbelief.

We laughed for at least 2 hours after the incident and continued to be distracted everytime we get reminded of what transpired. Everyone in Starbucks knew of the incident, even the baristas who were on duty. That spot will forever be the spot who made MEL COMMUNE WITH NATURE.

Now, everytime anyone tries to sit on that spot, we warn them of the risk that they're taking for choosing to be there.

Laughtrip.

Last Minute Churva

I know I'm sort of hyper-blogging. This may be attributed to the fact that in a few hours, It's over. FINALLY. I ain't reviewing anymore not because I am ready for the exam but because I think I lost the battle to LAZYlandia. I lost my newly-bought pack of cig a few minutes after I smoked my first two sticks. It's frustrating. Seriously.

Off to more important matters, I think I'm more scared now than before because the end of Midterms week is also the start of the Valentine's Season. And I am aware of the fact that my blog entries have been religiously in line with this theme, of Churva. I just got into thinking of what we talked about last night, of the obvious leaning of my now irrational mind towards expecting. I hate it. Nope, I don't hate them [or Him, definitely not HIM] but I just hate it that I'm in this limbo again. I was ok you know, I was doing great not expecting that things will change in my life, between us, between what I have and DON'T HAVE. I don't blame him for suddenly existing again, I just hate myself for singling him out at this peculiar time. I mean, I am ok with a lot of Churva's at a time. I'm ok with having my own li'l version of romantic LOST BOYS who are there in Neverland, it's just that right now... I think I have made a choice... or at least am ready to make a choice. I know who and what i want. No matter how complicated, how forbidden and how hopeless. Not really hopeless, just sort of not feasible.

I'll be drinking again tonight, I'll try to wash away all these midterm-invoked confusion and shake it off. I'm gonna try [desperately] to go back to where we, uhmm, there's no WE so where I started. I'm gonna try, but it's going to be a bloody process.

Still, I'm happy for my girlfriends [whom I subjected to incrimination due to my BLIND ITEM-ish recent entry]. I am happy for me for sort of stepping up. I don't think he's happy right now. And that stained what could've been a clear as white start of my February. I pray that we all be happy, or at least contented... or at least peaceful.

I need to say sorry to you who's willing to be there but whom I didnt give the chance to be. I know you don't read my blog, but if because of some freak of nature you are able to read this, I'm sorry that I'm not the churva that you expect me to be.

I am saying sorry to Mr. Complicated. Just because I'm dragging you into this whole fiasco of complications without clearing things up first and without verifying if you, even in the smallest of chances, want to be dragged into it. The Peter Pan entry was in fact written for you and not for Peter Pan. It's just that Peter Pan is the only concrete and appropriate name that I can think of because you make me think of happy thoughts too.

I'm off to my last exam for the Midterms. Tonight, let's hope that I won't be too wasted to remember.

Embodiment of Stress

taken by Ana Diaz

Last Hurrah..

"I don't know why we all hang on to something we know we're better off letting go. It's like we're scared to lose what WE DON'T HAVE. Some of us say we'd rather have that something than absolutely nothing... But the truth is: To have it halfway is harder than not having it at all."
- Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy

What is a "last day of Midterms" entry without ranting? It's really been a tiring week and the manifestations are quickly emerging. Take the case of my favorite person in the whole wide galaxy, MYSELF. I went home last night from an "attempt" to study Legal Ethics and my brother opened the door for me. He looked at me with a mocking smile and insensitively remarked, "Ate, para kang nagd-drugs. Uminom ka ba? Bakit ganyan ang mata mo, red na red? At yang eyebags mo, parang six layers na yan a." Wow, what a way to boost my already zero self esteem.

Anyway, I refuse to be disheartened. Sabi nga ni Patty, look at the good/ happy things that are happening and don't dwell on the panaka-nakang "sad parts". That's the best atttitude, but when these "few sad moments" parade themselves in front of you with a full band and really colorful costumes, you can't help but notice diba?

Enjoy it while it lasts, That's everyone's mantra this Midterms week, because after the show, there really is no assurance that history will repeat itself. A lot of other factors will be CONSIDERED and a lot of "there's no turning back" decisions will have to be made. Reality will once again sink in and the things that made you smile... you have to hold on to them and make the memories as vivid as they can get, inside your head and ok, your heart. You never know, these might be the only things that will make you look forward to still surviving. Or to at least believing that once in your life, things worked.

I'm sort of happy right now. With no assurance that I'll be happy ever after. I couldn't care less actually. Whatever works, i'll be more than happy to accept.

Let's do the Math.

The number of things that I don't [can't] tell you is directly proportional to the number of things that you don't [and refuse to] tell me.

The number of times that i think of you is inversely proportional to the number of times that i feel sad.

The intensity of my confusion is infinitely rising.

The length of time that I spend with you is inversely proportional to my sanity.

if I am an equation i am the square root of 1. Just because in your world, I'm same old Eunice. Square root man o hindi.

---------------
Thank you.

Just because I want to prove that you're cornier.

Me: Tapos ka na ba mag-MIDTERMS, ako naman sagutin mo.
Him: Tapos na ko midterms, e kaw? Ako naman ang pagpuyatan mo.

What do you guys think?

Lonely Afternoon

Listen to the song

An old man walks along the path, it isn't raining anymore.
The hotel sign reflects upon a lorry parked below.
A kid goes walking home from school, and stands there at the door.
Behind the windows people sit waiting for the bus to go.

Another long, lonely afternoon away from you,
And a long, dark, lonely night ahead.
It's been a long, lonely afternoon here on my own,
Such a long, dark, lonely night ahead.

The heavy clouds are forming for another dark and rainy night.
A woman hurries home before the storm begins to break.
And as she turns to cross the street, waiting for the walking light,
She glances quickly at her watch, hoping that she won't be late.

Another long, lonely afternoon away from you,
And a long, dark, lonely night ahead.
It's been a long, lonely afternoon here on my own,
Such a long, dark, lonely night ahead.

-----
one last hirit before i go back to studying CORP...

Peter Pan

The story of the distracted and destructive woman begins. Amidst the soothing wind that touches her hair that's framing her tired-looking face, she looks at the cars that are passing her by. While listening to what seems like the african beat of voices that drowns her much needed silence, the wind comes. Smile. She likes the wind.

The wind reminds her of him, of how he can instantly make her smile while making a mess out of her carefully organized desk. The wind insensitively sweeps off everything on her table of solitude with that romantic glamour that makes her feel special and loved. She used to not mind the wind, she knew that it comes and goes unapologetically while she is left trying to reorganize what's left of her organized life. She just got out of a storm and at the back of her mind, she's baffled by the presence of a synonymous fate that's waiting for her.

The story of the distracted and destructive woman begins and the end is not so near....

Tinkerbell

Sometimes, you feel like that thing you've always wanted is right in front of you, you recognize it, you feel happy, excited and contented. But you suddenly realize that you can't have it... It's the saddest feeling, it's the most painful thing. You smile knowing what you want, but you cry alone knowing its impossibility. You get into thinking of whether you're better off not knowing that he exists. You hate yourself for feeling regret about something that simultaneously brings you to heaven and hell. You are faced with the dilemma of letting the days pass you by just craving or of moving on to chasing a new rainbow. You feel confusion, you start to write to clear your head...

You start to write to analyze your emotions. You are hit with the reality that the one thing you're scared of is back and suddenly... you start to FEEL again.

SHADES

I wear it so I can look you in the eye behind that darkness....
It gives me courage knowing that although you're in front of me, you can't see right through me...
I wear it so I can hide and protect myself from letting you into my soul...
I wear it so I don't have to wear you, so you can't wear me out...
Just so I can look away discreetly, so I can distract myself and so I can have that break that I've been consciously longing eversince I gave you the right to look into my eyes...

I hide from you because I seek you...

It's Complicated.

I started to write "literally" again. The old school writing on your journal high school-y thing just because there are things that I cannot write in my blog as of the moment. My girlfriends and I have been discussing stuff which, instead of making my mind clearer and ideally ready for the Midterms, made my mind so clouded and all mushed up. I mean, I think it just goes to show that THE GREAT COUNTDOWN TO VALENTINE's HAS FINALLY BEGUN. And well, we are all getting sooooo hungry for churva.

Let's take the case of my girlfriend no. 1: Well, she claims that she has finally moved on from a head-over-heels crush situation re: THAT GUY. And quoting her, "Alam mo yun, ito na yung LINYA, handa na ako tumalon e, pero bigla na lang nandyan sya!". This of course pertains to her finally moving on until she was bombarded with a lot of kilig moments with THAT GUY recently. Then she's all confused and kilig all over again. The usual siraulo that we are asked her, "Bakit linya? Tinatalon ba ang linya? Diba dapat mountain o kaya uhmm, basta mataas? Linya? Bakit ano un PIKO?". There goes the mush. I shall now call girl friend no. 1 MS. Twitcher.

TWITCH: force developed by muscle fibre in response to a unique electrical or nervous stimulation.

I guess THAT GUY was uniquely stimulated. Bakit kaya.

Girl friend no. 2: She spent the whole night saying what seemed to be a mantra or a chant that went something like, "Gusto ko ng CHURVA. Ihanap nyo ako ng churva." All we ever did was to look at her and well make her understand that he best friend MIGHT BE A GOOD CANDIDATE for a "panawid gutom slash pwede na rin forever" churva. But she refuses to give in. Therefore, we found her a pseudo-CHURVA in the persona of STEP - UP guy.

Girlfriend no. 3: She's the most uhmm, "sure" to have plans on Valentine's Day because for the past few days, she's been spending time with her newfound friend, confidante, dinner-mate and everything that a churva does. Technically, she's not in a relationship with the guy, BUT... Isang malaking BUT!!! everyday, it becomes clearer and clearer that she has a potential CHURVA.

GIrlfriend no. 4: I'd like to call her and her "pseudo-churva" the IT MAY NEVER COME AGAIN couple. We've been, for the longest time, trying to team them up... but something seems to be stopping them. Until now, we're still eating our popcorn while waiting for their lovestory to finally begin.

Girlfriend no. 5: Well, she has a "best friend" whom she claims to be "di talo" and that they will never stand a chance to go THAT WAY. We think otherwise. Like what we always tell her, "If you guys get married someday, we'll do a cartwheel and a couple of splits just because you are soooo EATING YOUR WORDS"

Then there's ME. And because it's my blog, I have the right to protect myself from self-incrimination. However, only for the sake of fairness, equity and love for my other girl friends who will definitely kill me if they find time to read my blog during the MIDTERMS FIASCO, I will say my own little piece. I don't have an official churva, i don't even have an unofficial churva... what i have is a potential complication that might end up ruining me, and other "real parties in interest". I am eyeing this guy whom by now everyone calls Peter Pan. Well, he's not eyeing me. Then there's study buddy who seems to be stepping up. Then there's him, Mr. Complicated who's always there at the right place at the right time but CAN'T REALLY BE THERE because he should be "SOMEWHERE ELSE WHERE HE BELONGS". Therefore, I am in one of the most complicated periods of my life. Notwithstanding the fact that I choose to talk about churvaness when I should be studying PUBLIC INTERNATIONAL LAW. [When my Midterms is over, I PROMISE TO WRITE ABOUT THE WHOLE EXPERIENCE]. So there, like Meredith Grey, I am twisted, and I ruin lives. Unintentionally. Still.

I'd like to say, CHOOSE ME, PICK ME, LOVE ME but that's too much to ask right?

Patring and Eunice's Legalisms:

1. Mabuti pa ang pleading... DATED.
2. Mabuti pa ang COMPLAINT... sinasagot.
3. Pag nagpunta ka sa CA sigurado mananalo ka.. ang lakas kasi ng APPEAL mo e.
4. Mabuti pa ang CLASS SUIT, sufficiently numerous ang parties.

Ok, i shall stop. One blog a day. That's my "CONSTITUTIONAL LIMITATION"