He’s available again, but has tough requirements
MANILA, Philippines – Dear Emily,
I’ve recently separated from my wife after a marriage of over 10 years, and I’m ready to meet other people again. I am thinking of posting my availability in a dating website with the following info about me:
“I’m 35, and by this time I’ve become pretty comfortable with myself: I’m cute (call it handsome?), very intelligent and cultured, and well-mannered to the point of being old-fashioned. I speak several languages and enjoy meeting new people, making new friends and trying out new experiences.
I’m not all wine and roses—if you’re into astrology, I fit the Gemini profile to a T.
I can also be arrogant, sharp-tongued, lazy and cold, and I don’t like to waste my time with fools. I find willful ignorance and stupidity to be among the worst human traits; the mind is a terrible thing to waste.
I’m here because I’m not pleased with what I’ve seen thus far in the so-called ‘singles scene.’ I wonder if the laws of demand and supply are still valid because judging from what’s out there, lots of people seem to have lost touch with reality.
I’d like to meet someone with the same qualities or better, someone with a sharp wit and a strong sense of humor, who appreciates refined company and wants to enjoy life to the fullest.
Someone cute or outright beautiful, very smart (I’m talking over 130 IQ!), with a golden heart, who gives as much as she receives, and understands friendship and loyalty.
In other words, I’m looking for a true woman, whose degrees and diplomas haven’t stumped her sense of fashion and zest for living. Hopefully, we already like and appreciate the same things in life, and we’ll soon discover we think along the same lines.
I’m looking for someone (preferably) between 25 and 30, who’s already had the chance to taste a good chunk of life without becoming blasé or bitter, and did not fall prey to ’torschlusspanik’ either.
You could be petite or as tall as I am... as long as you are not ashamed to look at yourself in the mirror and your self-criticism rings true, that’s the most important thing.
Loudmouthed, bitchy, spoiled pampered brats, skanks and attention whores need not apply. If you don’t know how to properly dress, hold a fork, or spell, we probably won’t get along.
One more thing: I am not in a rush, and I don’t feel any pressure to settle down again. As much as I’d like to find a soul mate (yes, I know it’s a cliché!) Rome wasn’t built in a single day. So I’m fine with just meeting people and hanging out for a while.
With a marriage deteriorating over a long time, I have a void in my social networking; and Ottawa, sadly, can be a very cold town (both literally and figuratively)...
I’m aware of the fact that I’ve been out of the loop, so to speak, for a good while, so I need to relearn a few things, and I’d rather gain a good friend than a lousy relationship.”
Could you use your feminine intuition, knowledge of life and what you’ve been able to see about me, in order to smooth things a bit? I can’t think straight...”
AL
Your letter left me both amused and overwhelmed. You wrote to shock and your no-holds barred requirements for your ideal mate can be intimidating or a turn-off to prospective applicants.
Your letter left me both amused and overwhelmed. You wrote to shock and your no-holds barred requirements for your ideal mate can be intimidating or a turn-off to prospective applicants.
The woman you’re seeking must be devoid of warts on her skin and blemishes in her character, in a manner of speaking? Is there truly such perfection?
You, no doubt, are very intelligent. But something in between your words smacks of frustration and so much void that it’s probably best that you back off from dating for a while.
The issue at hand is not finding a woman so much as you finding yourself first. Get off the market, step back and pinpoint what’s been bugging you. Allow time to erase events that have left a bad taste in your mouth—which is now defining the person you’ve become.
You cannot sate the hunger in your soul—your being—by translating it into a rabid search for the perfect woman.
That woman, if you ever find her, should only be an add-on to your existing happiness and contentment, never as the fountainhead of it.
The success of your search will happen only when you see the pearl in a woman despite her grits and imperfections. Short of cloning yourself, be more down to earth and open your heart and mind to the fact that a beautiful wrapping can never be a guarantee of joy or stability.
Take it one day at a time. And when you’re ready, that woman of your dreams would just emerge—because your time for each other has come.
E-mail the author at emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph, Subject: Lifestyle, or send your letters to Inquirer. Log on to www.pbs.gov.ph and listen to Miss Marcelo co-host the program “Kalikasan Vigilante,” 7:15-8:30 p.m., Monday-Friday, on dwBR 104.3 FM.
E-mail the author at emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph, Subject: Lifestyle, or send your letters to Inquirer. Log on to www.pbs.gov.ph and listen to Miss Marcelo co-host the program “Kalikasan Vigilante,” 7:15-8:30 p.m., Monday-Friday, on dwBR 104.3 FM.
Copyright 2008 Philippine Daily Inquirer. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.
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