Happy Birthday Joan

Last night was a blast... after a really yummy dinner at Burgoo, we rushed to Rustan's to buy our "stock" for the night. Joan treated us to a night of pure bliss. [hehe] I haven't enjoyed myself like that in a while. It was nice to get drunk and not mind what'll happen next.

Happy Birthday and THANK YOU Joan. Thanks for the company Ces, Patty, Haze, Ana, Chinks, Yoyen and Andre. You guys rock.

I NEVER LET GO

If there's one thing a person cannot question about my personality it would be the truth in my concept of FRIENDSHIP. Once i have decided to be someone's friend, I remain to be one, even if I am pushed away. It's hard to see people whom you have slowly grown to love and cherish slip away for the wrong reasons. I cannot go through that again. Sometimes I find myself wondering I meet these people only to be disappointed by how easily they can let go of me. I never let go, even if I end up hurting myself in the deepest of ways, I never let go.

I hope they never let go too. I hope they never did. And never do. I cannot grasp the superficiality in relationships. I cannot grasp the idea of deciding, in a split second, that one cannot be there for you anymore. I cannot grasp why people can stand to walk away just like that, without looking back, without leaving a smile. I cannot grasp how one can be so insensitive and cold from being sincere and warm.

I remain to be optimistic, in the same way that I have remained to believe in the positivity of all other past situations. I never let go, call me stupid but I will hold them... even if my hands start bleeding, I will hold on.

That is friendship. That is what a relationship should be like. You don't give up just like that. I owe it to myself to stay. I owe it to them to remain a friend. Even if they feel they don't owe me anything. Even if they don't even feel.

FOR YOU

When will he learn? When will he realise that the pain he continuously causes us is too deep now to be totally forgotten? When will he understand that he needs to get his act together before it's too late? I mourn for his future and although he inspires me to strive more towards my dreams, I am troubled of what's in store for him. He is throwing things that matter away. I see them cry not because of mere frustration but out of fear that he will not survive a life that he's supposed to be responsible for. The agony of looking at him wasting opportunities, time and support that he, in reality, is blessed with makes my heart stop beating with regret that I cannot make him decide to be the best that he can be. How can a person with much potential not see that mere potential is not enough and life is a harsh string of situations? I love him, we love him, and we don't ask of him to love us back but if only he'll love himself with even a fraction of our love for him, we'll be the happiest.

I pray, every single time, that he finds what he's looking for and that he accept God's guidance and wisdom. I don't know what else is needed from us, we, especially they, have exhausted all ways to make him understand. We will never get tired... but I hope he gets tired of the him that he has become and change. Not for us, but for himself.

Bygones

Hi, I'm Eunice... I'm a Filipino and it sometimes frustrates me. A lot of people cease to be logical for the most foolish [non]reasons and it makes me laugh. Not because it's funny but because Filipinos are expected to just laugh it off and move on. As Richard Fish from Ally McBeal would always say, "Bygones." But "bygones" has evolved into something else here in the Philippines, it's not forgiving and forgetting anymore, it's about "I'm too busy thinking of myself that I can't spare time to be bothered by something so MACRO." It is sad really, I do not condemn APATHY in this level, even I am guilty of minding my own business, no matter how superficial my own business is, because at the end of the day, my responsibility is to myself, above all other incidental responsibilities. That's something a majority of the Filipinos have forgotten, being responsible for their own selves. Never mind relationships, never mind the social and political spheres, we must start acknowledging the that we are to be blamed for whatever have befallen upon us. We have to stop pointing at other people for not performing right, we should stop acting helpless, looking at leaders as saviors who bring us to victory. Even the Spartans led by the noble Leonidus [sorry, post - 300 syndrome] didn't make it. It has to be remembered that we, as individuals, can only hope to be a single good sector in this system dominated by bad sectors resulting from a virus. We have to remain sane individually and unite, eventually. There's nothing wrong with being MICRO, in fact, I still believe that it remains to be the most effective strategy at present to initiate change.

As an optimist, I still see goodness and concern in every person that I meet, by continuing to believe, I am able to foresee a future that beams with promise. I think it's something that every Filipino should possess, the belief that things will be better, that's what should inspire us to individually strive to become achievers with the goal of not single-handedly turning things around but of contributing along with other achievers. Sometimes, leaders are mere symbols. Yes, they represent us as a people, but we cannot let them define who we really are. Yes, they are our leaders, theoretically, but we are the leaders of our own selves, we decide and it takes one decision from within us to positively affect things, the decision to SURVIVE no matter what.
Let all the existing controversies be tackled for the sake of knowledge and freedom, but it shouldn't cease us from living our lives the way it should be lived, with hope and determination that can surpass every situation that screams, "BYGONES!"

STABLE

Life's pretty stable and steady now. My deeper burden is beginning to get back on track. It's not LOVE-related, well at least not romantic in nature. I hope it continues to be clearer. As for law school, it's so-so... more like a little above mediocrity. Not good enough, I know, but at least a step higher than being mediocre right?

As for my heart, [singe POP, goes my heart] it's beginning to get used to the irregularities of the situation. The other afternoon, I was talking with Nanay [Starbucks Nanay] and Jan about how boring my life has become. Nanay said we should start dating again. I AGREE. But how? I don't know if I'm for being set up on a date again, I find it tiring and stressful. Not to mention, costly. [I don't expect guys to pay for our "first date", mahirap na magkautang na loob, unless i like the guy so much, hehe] Meeting strangers, not starting out as friends may look like the logical shortcut to relationshipsville, but I think I'm though with going that way. I don't know if I'm really beginning to feel that I'm getting old, I'm not into "kiligans" anymore. I'm starting to look for security and assurance. Which brings me back to BOREDOM. Maybe I have resigned to the fact that I'm bound to succumb to monotony, I vowed not to be like that, but it's scary that I'm now giving in.. KADIRS.

Yihee.

Saw Peter Pan last night. *kilig*

He still is the CUTEST in Neverland.

Forget TRUE LOVE.

Witty Conversations and Spur of the Moment Smiles

Koko visited Rockwell yesterday and I want to declare that I miss half of my SOURCE OF JOY tandem. Koko is like an intermission number to my dragging play. I'm sure he'll be able to read this and he'll feel touched. Diba diba? Miss you much KOKS!

I got my controversial thing na rin. Thanks.

I have a new fleeting crush, LOST BOY and [sige na nga, isama na natin] Captain Hook [ngayon may Captain Hook na talaga]. I am recognizing the fact that I am drawn to them. Si Captain Hook last night lang, si LOST BOY, last week, I think. Well, my friends are sort of beginning to like Lost Boy more than Tinker, i think because they hate it when I look down. He used to be a welcome distraction, but now, I'm beginning to really rethink my options. He's ok really, minimal interaction, no complications [almost] . He's cute and my attraction is in a way superficial [for now] because I rarely get to talk to him. IDEAL LAW SCHOOL INSPIRATION. Nasaan si Peter Pan sa lahat ng ito? Ayun, nasa Neverland parin. Walang kaalam-alam sa pagnanasa kanya. Sabi ko nga, babalik na nga lang talaga ako sa bisyo ko, LALAKI. Masaya naman ako dati eh, meeting new people...

I had two bottles of beer the other night care of Sep and Dennis. I succeeded in embarrassing myself by narrating a very incriminating beer contest story [*burps]. Dyahe. We got into a discussion about saving, "IT" for marriage. Sometimes I get scared that I'll end up with someone who's not sexually compatible with me. Kakapanood ko ito ng Ally McBeal eh. But I have to admit it's gonna be sad, SEX is an important factor in a marriage. Passion is so hard to maintain as it is. If the sex is bad, that's just tragic. That's the risk of saving one's virginity, there's no trial and error stage. "Keeping fingers crossed."

Old Friends, New Perspective

It's always nice to meet with old friends, they more often than not bring out that logic you lose everytime you have to go somewhere else. They seem to know more efficiently how to approach the dilemma that's been bothering you for months now. I miss Bon and Pol, along with all the members of the Perksquad. With them I get to pretend that law school is not sucking life out of me. That it's just another world that I decide to visit when I'm with my saner self.

"Kay LOST BOY ka na lang, kung sinasaktan ka ni Tinkerbell, bakit di mo pabayaan ang sarili mo maging masaya for a change? Nakikita mo ba ang sarili mo na hinahalikan si Tinker sa lips? Kung hindi, baka friends lang talaga kayo at caught up ka lang sa idea na he's always around. E si LOST BOY nun tinanong kita sinabi mo agad na naiimagine mo un sarili mo na kahalikan sya. Tsaka baka kasi ang tingin sa'yo ni Tinker, querida material ka, na attracted ka sa kanya dahil sa situation. Ayon sa kwento mo, ok naman si Lost Boy, gwapo, matalino at napapatawa ka... ok na un."

Tama rin eh. But I feel good, even in pain. And I'm bacl to being a law student again, loving disputes and settlements. I miss being carefree. I miss not having to think of what's in store for me.

Our Fairytale

Well, the fact that we were supposed to be studying last night didn't stop us from coming up with stupid things. Since my friends and I are all, in one way or the other, involved romantically [may it be seriously or uhmm, foolishly] we decided to come up with our very own fairytale catalogue as codenames for the couples and non-couples.

Beauty and the Beast = clue: they're a real couple. hehe
Sleepy and Grumpy = newly discovered HD
Princess and the Pea = for the woman claiming to have a girlfriend
Sleeping Beauty and Prince Charming = for the BACKYARD ROMANCE
Goldilocks and the three Bears = ehem

Pero ang pinakapanalo sa lahat, for the IT MAY NEVER COME AGAIN COUPLE...
JACK and the BEANSTALK. Saktong sakto eh. Un na un... Siraulo talaga kayo lahat.

Break

We take a break in silence; not having
to talk, meet eye to eye and interact
is sometimes easier and less complicated.
The unspoken words are chosen to be
unspoken because they are not mere
words but emotions guised in letters.

I watch you purposely, carefully
memorizing how you move and not move.
Pretending to not feel my gaze, I
assume is your way of protecting you
and me. No US, no WE, just you
and me... forgotten.

It's really all about you. Sorry
that I cannot let go of the possibilities.
If you let me, I will talk not through
my mouth but through my heart
that silently shouts, "Fool!" over and over.
To be a fool is my comfort, pain is my wall.

There are moments when you're there
but I don't feel you, i'd rather really
that you hurt me and be there than
leave and bring with you my ability
to feel and be felt. Don't ever mistake
me for sadness, for sadness is my friend.

If you were a type of SHARE what would you be?

It was the question that I was so excited to be asked this afternoon during our Corp class... I stood up immediately after my name was called and anticipated the question... but he went straight to another boring question, so I had to remind him that it was the "STAPLE QUESTION" for the day. How did my recit go?

Eunice:
I would NOT BE a common share because I refuse to be merely RESIDUAL.
I want to be a preferred share, because I'd like to think i'm PRIVILEGED.
I could also be a preferred no par value share because i'm FULLY PAID and NON-ASSESSABLE.

Lastly, I am a FOUNDER'S SHARE because... I'D LIKE TO BE FOUND. [class applauded and laughed]

Atty Dy: Kung entertainment value lang ang pag-uusapan, shumeshento na ang grade mo. E kung redeemable at non-redeemable ano ka?

Eunice: I am a NON-Redeemable share because once I go, I never come back....

Atty Dy: Patulan ba. Pero diba ang FOUNDER'S SHARE 5 years lang pwede?

Eunice: Sir, I'd rather live a good FIVE YEARS found than not found.

Need I say more?