Yihee.

Saw Peter Pan last night. *kilig*

He still is the CUTEST in Neverland.

Forget TRUE LOVE.

Witty Conversations and Spur of the Moment Smiles

Koko visited Rockwell yesterday and I want to declare that I miss half of my SOURCE OF JOY tandem. Koko is like an intermission number to my dragging play. I'm sure he'll be able to read this and he'll feel touched. Diba diba? Miss you much KOKS!

I got my controversial thing na rin. Thanks.

I have a new fleeting crush, LOST BOY and [sige na nga, isama na natin] Captain Hook [ngayon may Captain Hook na talaga]. I am recognizing the fact that I am drawn to them. Si Captain Hook last night lang, si LOST BOY, last week, I think. Well, my friends are sort of beginning to like Lost Boy more than Tinker, i think because they hate it when I look down. He used to be a welcome distraction, but now, I'm beginning to really rethink my options. He's ok really, minimal interaction, no complications [almost] . He's cute and my attraction is in a way superficial [for now] because I rarely get to talk to him. IDEAL LAW SCHOOL INSPIRATION. Nasaan si Peter Pan sa lahat ng ito? Ayun, nasa Neverland parin. Walang kaalam-alam sa pagnanasa kanya. Sabi ko nga, babalik na nga lang talaga ako sa bisyo ko, LALAKI. Masaya naman ako dati eh, meeting new people...

I had two bottles of beer the other night care of Sep and Dennis. I succeeded in embarrassing myself by narrating a very incriminating beer contest story [*burps]. Dyahe. We got into a discussion about saving, "IT" for marriage. Sometimes I get scared that I'll end up with someone who's not sexually compatible with me. Kakapanood ko ito ng Ally McBeal eh. But I have to admit it's gonna be sad, SEX is an important factor in a marriage. Passion is so hard to maintain as it is. If the sex is bad, that's just tragic. That's the risk of saving one's virginity, there's no trial and error stage. "Keeping fingers crossed."

Old Friends, New Perspective

It's always nice to meet with old friends, they more often than not bring out that logic you lose everytime you have to go somewhere else. They seem to know more efficiently how to approach the dilemma that's been bothering you for months now. I miss Bon and Pol, along with all the members of the Perksquad. With them I get to pretend that law school is not sucking life out of me. That it's just another world that I decide to visit when I'm with my saner self.

"Kay LOST BOY ka na lang, kung sinasaktan ka ni Tinkerbell, bakit di mo pabayaan ang sarili mo maging masaya for a change? Nakikita mo ba ang sarili mo na hinahalikan si Tinker sa lips? Kung hindi, baka friends lang talaga kayo at caught up ka lang sa idea na he's always around. E si LOST BOY nun tinanong kita sinabi mo agad na naiimagine mo un sarili mo na kahalikan sya. Tsaka baka kasi ang tingin sa'yo ni Tinker, querida material ka, na attracted ka sa kanya dahil sa situation. Ayon sa kwento mo, ok naman si Lost Boy, gwapo, matalino at napapatawa ka... ok na un."

Tama rin eh. But I feel good, even in pain. And I'm bacl to being a law student again, loving disputes and settlements. I miss being carefree. I miss not having to think of what's in store for me.

Our Fairytale

Well, the fact that we were supposed to be studying last night didn't stop us from coming up with stupid things. Since my friends and I are all, in one way or the other, involved romantically [may it be seriously or uhmm, foolishly] we decided to come up with our very own fairytale catalogue as codenames for the couples and non-couples.

Beauty and the Beast = clue: they're a real couple. hehe
Sleepy and Grumpy = newly discovered HD
Princess and the Pea = for the woman claiming to have a girlfriend
Sleeping Beauty and Prince Charming = for the BACKYARD ROMANCE
Goldilocks and the three Bears = ehem

Pero ang pinakapanalo sa lahat, for the IT MAY NEVER COME AGAIN COUPLE...
JACK and the BEANSTALK. Saktong sakto eh. Un na un... Siraulo talaga kayo lahat.

Break

We take a break in silence; not having
to talk, meet eye to eye and interact
is sometimes easier and less complicated.
The unspoken words are chosen to be
unspoken because they are not mere
words but emotions guised in letters.

I watch you purposely, carefully
memorizing how you move and not move.
Pretending to not feel my gaze, I
assume is your way of protecting you
and me. No US, no WE, just you
and me... forgotten.

It's really all about you. Sorry
that I cannot let go of the possibilities.
If you let me, I will talk not through
my mouth but through my heart
that silently shouts, "Fool!" over and over.
To be a fool is my comfort, pain is my wall.

There are moments when you're there
but I don't feel you, i'd rather really
that you hurt me and be there than
leave and bring with you my ability
to feel and be felt. Don't ever mistake
me for sadness, for sadness is my friend.

If you were a type of SHARE what would you be?

It was the question that I was so excited to be asked this afternoon during our Corp class... I stood up immediately after my name was called and anticipated the question... but he went straight to another boring question, so I had to remind him that it was the "STAPLE QUESTION" for the day. How did my recit go?

Eunice:
I would NOT BE a common share because I refuse to be merely RESIDUAL.
I want to be a preferred share, because I'd like to think i'm PRIVILEGED.
I could also be a preferred no par value share because i'm FULLY PAID and NON-ASSESSABLE.

Lastly, I am a FOUNDER'S SHARE because... I'D LIKE TO BE FOUND. [class applauded and laughed]

Atty Dy: Kung entertainment value lang ang pag-uusapan, shumeshento na ang grade mo. E kung redeemable at non-redeemable ano ka?

Eunice: I am a NON-Redeemable share because once I go, I never come back....

Atty Dy: Patulan ba. Pero diba ang FOUNDER'S SHARE 5 years lang pwede?

Eunice: Sir, I'd rather live a good FIVE YEARS found than not found.

Need I say more?

Of Changes and Lotsa Tears

Last night was just bad, bad, bad... I ended up with a cold and a runny nose worse than a river. There are things that are out of my control, as much as I want to make them all go away and fix the things that complicate our peaceful and fun relationships, sometimes it is hard to fight the system. I appreciate the gesture, I appreciate people's sticking with me amidst my own little "crying scene", I felt scared and helpless and betrayed. I didn't think it could happen to me, I am one gullible optimist talaga. Well, it hasn't happened totally, in fact, this morning, it felt like things are back to normal, except for my sort of puffy eyes and runny nose of course.

I've never been the emotional one, but day after day, I feel that I am becoming more and more emotionally unstable. It saddens me that I can't live up to my old image of a grounded woman. But it's positive in a way, I get to see and recognize people who are willing to be strong for me when I am weak. That in those rare days that I need some cheering up, they stepped up and reminded me how beautiful life still is, no matter what. Than when I feel unbelievably frail and fragile, they were there to wrap their arms around me so I wouldn't find myself on the ground, crying and being pathetic.

Last night was bad, bad, bad but today... I'm ready to be better, better, better. =P

I Need to Write This Down

I met a really brilliant, funny and adorable kid last night. He did a lot of really interesting things in the past. I can't tell you what these things are but they definitely made my night [and day na rin]. He's a go-getter, he hates it when people lie and he's gullible este innocent. He used to be amicable and his neighbors loved him, in fact, they helped him in his little project. He has a friend who used to be head over heels in love with Isabel Granada and even shed blood for her. He did a lot of [stupid] but cute stuff that made me want to pinch his cheeks. I wasn't mocking him or laughing at him, natutuwa lang talaga ako. Ah, and he hates it when things are dirty, that's why he loves alcohol... uhmm, both the disinfectant and social lubricant.

I hope you guys meet him in the future. He's adorable really.

The Eternal Dilemma:

Sometimes, it's not enough that she makes you happy. You look at her and think about how you could possibly consider pursuing her. She's not like "HER". The "HER" that you imagine yourself falling for. She's not demanding, she's almost too available and she doesn't expect you to exert so much effort. Unlike "HER", she doesn't compel you to take care of her, she even voluntarily takes care of you. You don't feel the need to dress up, act prim and proper, heck you can even throw green jokes at her and she'll laugh. But she's not "HER". You look at "HER" and thinks, "SHE still is perfect." but when you look at her you think, "She's funny." Between PERFECT and FUNNY, you know which is better. You find yourself going to her when you are in need of taking a break, when you need your bruised ego to be cradled. She willingly does that, in fact, she's willing to drop almost everthing when she hears you call. You are fascinated at how carefree, hassle-free your NON-RELATIONSHIP is. You can go on and on in this situation. You even feel that you might doing her a favor by giving her your "excess time". In your mind, she must feel grateful that you chose her to fill the emptiness in your life. You mean no harm, you're just being a friend. You don't feel guilty. You are not closing your mind to the idea of someday pursuing her, you just need time to settle things out. How much time? You have no idea, anyway, it's not negatively affecting her right? In the mean time, stay with "HER" and let her be.

Ever wondered what she might be truly feeling? She knows she may never become "HER" yet she sticks around because you need her. She sets aside her self esteem, sense of self and her life because she wants you to feel and understand that she can go through a lot for you. She doesn't demand because she knows she has no right to demand. She takes care of you because she cares, because she cannot bear to see you broken. She does her best to fix you because she considers you to be a part of her. She doesn't pressure you to change because she has accepted you for who you are. She laughs at your jokes because she aches for your laughter that is intended for someone else. Yes, she can never be perfect, she never claimed to be one, but if being funny is the only way for her to make you feel better, she'd rather be funny at the risk of not being taken seriously, than be perfect and burden you. She cradles your ego because she wants to let you know that for her, YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH. She gives you a break while she painfully tries to conceal her own need for one. She drops everything because you are everything, and with you things are in their proper places. She chooses to settle for a carefree, hassle-free non-relationship because that's all you offer her. Your "excess time" is her "precious time". You can go on and on like this but she can only take so much. She fills the emptiness in your life because she wants to be a part of it too. She knows that you mean no harm, that's why she doesn't take it against you that you continuously hurt her, unconsciously.

How much time do you need? She wants to ask you that too, along with a lot of other questions.

Figure it out... before it's too late.

Blood to my Heart

Alex Fletcher: The best time I've had in the last fifteen years was sitting at that piano with you.
Sophie Fisher: That's wonderfully sensitive... especially from a man who wears such tight pants.
Alex Fletcher: It forces all the blood to my heart.

Kahit wala ka sinasabi, kahit na di natin pinag-uusapan.. kilala kita. At alam ko lahat. Kaya ang gusto ko sabihin sa'yo... May karapatan ka maging masaya. Gusto kong sabihin na sa tingin ko kaya ko un gawin para sa'yo, pero wala ako karapatan gawin un. Matagal na kita kilala, kahit noon pa na di mo alam na may problema ka. Kaya... nandito lang ako. Magkaibigan tayo. Un na lang muna, tsaka na un iba.

Ang aking Panalangin...

WAY BACK INTO LOVE
[Music and Lyrics OST]

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need em again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night

I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that i'll be there for you in the end