Random Moments in Pixels

a glimpse of hope

brown eyes from new contacts

before hosting Mr. Law School

before ROCKIN' IT OUT at the UP Fair

the butterfly tattoo i got from the Fair.. taking UP with me.

un na.

I Was Kidnapped

... last Saturday, I was resolved to studying for Election Law when I got a text message from cutie Miko Lo [ehem] inviting me to watch the women's backetball game. I said I'm going if Patty was game. Patty was game. So there.

Thanks to Patring, I had dinner at Goodah with a fart-inducing funny group composed of Patring, Mike Lo, Peewee, Patty and myself. Laughtrip night.

GANUN PALA HA!

Dear Eunice Zuleika,
Here is your horoscope
for Monday, February 19:

Fresh starts only happen when old situations are finally put to rest. It may be difficult to let this come to a conclusion, but it's necessary if you want to move on with your life. Breathe. Learn to accept reality.

Anyway, I panicked just a few minutes ago because some unknown entry was posted in my MULTIPLY site. I readily assumed that someone hacked my account so I changed my password to something really interesting [name of the guy I am currently "obsessed" with] . Un pala, my friend AM, whose blog I am a "member" of, posted the "This SUCKS" entry and it got cross-posted to my MULTIPLY ACCOUNT. Akala ko may adverse party na ako e. Buti na lang. hehe.

Btw, my eyes are naturally brown, i just sort of enhanced it and ended my "BULAG SESSIONS" by buying myself brown contacts. Yihee, feeling hot ako today. =P Feeling foreigner with the song BROWN EYES playing on the background.

Thanks to everyone who has been reading my blog, to my new readers, welcome. Ok na ako ulit, nagtatagalog na e. Ibig sabihin I'm not "lasing sa pag-ibig" anymore.

Damn. Is that even a good thing?

ILLOGICAL

Sometimes I think of you, sometimes I don't.
Not because I have forgotten but because
I, at times, cannot pinpoint where the line is.
I know that in those moments that I don't
get reminded of the YOU that exist, I unconsciously
still hold on to thoughts of you, which by now,
already are parts of me.

The only thing I lost is total dependence.
I have decided to take control of my emotions
and live my life just like I used to.
This is with hope that I was THAT side of me
that you have fallen for, or at least got comfortable with.
I will be responsible for what I will become until
you realize that you want to be a part of me too.

I won't wear my shades anymore, I am through with being afraid.
I know that you know, or barely feel and understand.
We never talk about it, we never go that way.
Maybe we're just not ready, YOU'RE not ready.
For me, it's not a question of WHEN anymore but of HOW.
It's not a confusion of WHAT we have but of WHY.
It's not a question of LOGIC but of something ILLOGICAL.

INNOCENCE

How do you capture innocence?
Through a stroke of color on paper.
How do you capture innocence?
through a helpless cry of a sweet child.
How do you capture innocence?
Through the eyes of an oblivious kid at work.
How do you capture innocence?
Through a baby's incoherent giggle.
How do you capture innocence?
Why would you want to capture something that's beautifuly free?
------------
The Purple Poem

----------------
written Oct. 11, 2006

OK

It's definitely harder to let someone go when he's just there. Just when I'm ready to turn around and start living a normal life again, one word from him and my weak wall begin to crumble. The thought of spending yet another forbidden time with him, I must admit, made me hurry to our little sanctuary. Then it didn't push through. All I said was OK. It's symbolic really. OK means a lot of things. OK means, I'm trying so fucking hard to be OK again. OK means, if you tell me to stay, I will. OK means, I'm gonna be fine without you, if only you'll let me. OK means I'm NOT OK now. OK means, please stop hurting me. OK means OVERKILL.

Thanks to a friend of mine, another window has opened. At the back of my mind, I know that it's not over yet. That there is a possibility that I'll be sad again. But the optimistic me would like to think that I can at least hold on to the happy feeling of the many possibilities that this scenario is bringing with it. The girls and I got into a conversation at Gloria Jeans about how a lot of things happen for a reason. One said that I could have just moved on, after crying about him and accepting the fact that I may have pushed him away. I could've just not gotten the news, I could've believed that it finally is over but in some twist of peculiar fate, I did find out. All I was able to come up with was, "Lord, tama na po ang laro!... please." It's hard but this time, I find it more practical to hold back. To protect myself a bit and not give all that I have so I would still be in the position to move on if things don't go the way I want it to go.

It's a POKER GAME, I won't say pass but I'll win my way by being stonecold. POKER-FACED and strong... at least on the outside.

Letter of Love #4

Hey,

Valentine's Day is over and I surprisingly didn't feel tha bad. I wonder how you spent your day. I have a lot of plans for our first Valentine's Day you know, the plan's to be spontaneous. I have a lot of things in mind, like how I'll surprise you with poems made for you, of how we'll spend it as laidback as possible... perhaps at your or my garden / backyard, talking about how greener the grass looks now that we're together. It may possibly be the first Valentine's day that I won't be drinking because just being with you is more than intoxicating. I want to be able to feel every little natural reaction that my body will do when I'm beside you. Our Valentine's day may even start with us hearing Mass because the feeling of gratitude will overwhelm me, us. I might even cry for the overflow of positive emotions within me. I imagine you to be sweeping the strands of hair away from my face so we can properly look into each other's eyes, with the "teary-eyed, trembling in anticipation of our life together" me, looking forward to a whole new road ahead of us.

Valentine's Day will never be the same again. It will remind us of the countless Valentine's Days that we had to spend apart.

Yesterday, while I was walking alone, I closed my fist just so I can imagine your fingers entwined into mine. It's kind of stupid, I know... but in the same way that I'm human, I have my days of loneliness, some deeper than the others.

I hold on to your own loneliness. JOINT LONELINESS is definitely better than one... I guess. It's ok to be lonely, you just have to remembe that you are being lonely... WITH ME.

I'm On a Row... and a Column.

SWEET THANGS!!

Patty: Vic asked me to tell you that he's a fan of your hosting.
Carlo: Happy Valentine's Day! =) Euns, di mo kailangan malungkot, maraming humahanga sa'yo.
Cris: [after we just got introduced last night] You were so funny last night.
RC: Akala ko nanonood ako ng WOwowee e, parang si Janelle e. [im not sure kung good thing ba un o bad thing, pero iisipin ko na lang he meant well]
Ace: Matagal ka na ba nagho-host? Parang sanay na sanay ka na kasi e. Galing.

At sa maraming maraming taong pinaramdam sakin na they appreciate me. Thank you.

INTERESTING NIGHT.

with mah guy, fave co-host AJ Constantino


taken at the UP FAIR

Thank you for the news. I think I'm happy again. Not happy expectant. More like happy relieved. Kahit may animosity, nothing can rain on my parade. Sa ngayon.

A Ray of Sunshine on a Supposedly Dark Day

I know I'm not supposed to be happy or anything, but I can't help but smile today. Sometimes, doing the right thing pays off.

Anyways, people are commenting that I've been making them cry because of my entries about love and I don't want to contribute more depression to the world [at least tonight] so let me narrate what I did yesterday, yes, the "Dooms day for singles", "Singles' Awareness Day", "I'm still happy to be alive thought alone" day... It was eventful. I went to Starbucks to study to study for my Civ Pro class the next day and to watch Up Dharma Down at the ROckwell Plaza. Only to find out that they won't be there. So, after a few hours of attempting to study amidst the "depressed, bitter and hostile" environment, we decided to swing it and just talk about whatever. I was there, Patty, Jess, RC, Pau, Tin and Pam made my night. A lot of kwentuhans after, Patty and I decided to go to Joan's place for our "post-valentine's ranting". NOT.

We didn't have plans but since I'm the daughter of spontaneous gimmicks, I texted Seph and asked him if he has beer in his dorm. From that message, we decided to get sort of drunk to end the day right.

Ang magaling na Migrino, walang dalang beer pag-uwi. Ayaw dumaan sa backyard dahil baka may MUMU, kaya tumambay kami sa kalsada whil trying to figure out where the hell we'll buy booze. Seph decided to go to 7eleven, ROCKWELL. Un na. Walking while talking ang drama namin. Nakipag-chikahan sa kahera, nakipag-swap ng WWE Cards at bumili ng hotdog para sa mga dalagita... pati pala dalawang RED HORSE grande na nag-aalangan pa kaming bilin dahil dalawa lang kaming iinom. I entertained him at ang nasabi lang nya sa buong pagsasalita ko, "Di ka ba napapagod? Un paghinga mo nagsasalita ka parin e." Salamat Seph.

Nakarating ng matiwasay sa dorm, mas matagal pa kami naglakad kesa sa pag-ubos ng unang bote namin. BITIN. Dumating si Andre. Nagkakilala na sila FINALLY ni Joan at nabuo ang kanilang PERFECT BACKYARD ROMANCE. [HAR3 .. "inside joke"] Natapos ang inuman ng 3:30 am, nangakong iidlip lang para matulog hanggang 6am. Nagising nng 9am. Kadiri, same clothes, walang toothbrush toothbrush..naglalakad ang lola mo sa Rockwell drive pauwi pa lang.

Taxi Driver: San po tayo?
Euns: Taguig po.
Taxi Driver: Ma'am ang layo naman ng office nyo.
Euns: [natigilan] Kuya, pauwi pa lang po ako e.

Un na.
Si Patty nagtulog-tulugan pa kunwari. Kinain tuloy ni Jojo Miggy un hotdog nya. That didn't sound right.

My Valentine's Day was a blast.

Letter of Love # 3

written February 23, 2005

Hey,

I dunno what you’re doing right now.
You maybe drinking coffee or watchin TV or listenin to the radio like me,
you maybe on the other side of the world, working, or reading a good book, or partying or looking at the bitter emptiness of your wall.
I dunno if we met, I dunno if we at least already caught a glimpse of each other.
I dunno if somehow we have influenced the things that are happening to both of us.
I don’t even know if you exist, I don’t know if you know that I exist.
All I know is that I’m waiting, consciously and unconsciously.
I’ve been anticipating that time when you will finally stop being an invisible entity in my life.
You make me smile, just the thought of you breathing the same air that I breathe,
drinking the water that I drink and staring at the same sky that I’m staring at.
You make me weep, thinking of how far you maybe from me or
of how near you are physically but infinitely far from a possible emotional intimacy.
You make me worry thinking of the bad things that might befall you now,
at this time when I can’t be there,
when I cant give you that reassuring look that things will eventually be ok.
You make me think, and in this process all I can do is give in to my imagination
and find optimism in this feeling of longing.
I’ve been in this journey for years now,
along the way I’ve met people whom I thought was you.
They resemble you, or maybe you resemble them.
I can never be sure,
‘coz you are just something intangible that I’ve been trying to hold on to and keep.
I wont get tired of waiting,
because I know that in that one moment where we will recognize that we belong to each other,
all the grief and the tears will be like diamonds that would make our love glisten.
I’m not looking forward to a perfect life with you,
but I’m looking forward to a bumpy ride with you around.
If finally we meet, don’t look at me in the eyes too long,
I might get lost in the abyss of that magic that we will be entwined with.
Just hug me, and I know I will hug you back.
Don’t kiss me yet, coz your lips might make my lips tremble.
Just smile at me and I will smile back.
Go on with your journey still, we shall meet..
when that time comes we shall be one.