The Law and Economics of Lust, Love and Life

All's Well That Ends Well.

'tis over. It is the beginning of better things for me. The smoke has been cleared and I'm happy. All we needed was to say it and to have faith in whatever we have. Ok na. Sana walang Legal Writing tomorrow.

Loose Screws

This is sooo ironic. Just when i'm admitting my fragility, i am faced with the fact that I can't be too fragile after all. At ito pa, a guy from my past texted me today. According to him, "we need to catch up" What am I gonna tell him?

"Sure. Well nothing really much has happened to me. I'm now in law school and I'm having a hard time. If you wanna know if I finally found someone who made me feel special, I'd say yes. A lot of 'em. But everything was short-lived. I am pretty much screwed up these past few days and this is the perfect time for us to catch up. That's beside the fact that i saw your picture and that you're hot and that you are not dating anyone right now. It will be like slapping my face for letting you go because I AM JUST ONE SCREWED UP woman who continues to be undecided. You are a great guy, really... but i just coyuldnt bare to meet up with you because you are perfect and i am far from it... very far from it. I've been depressed the whole week because I feel like nothing's falling into place. Oh and by the way, I think I like this guy who is not you and if we start dating now i'm afraid all you'll get are puffy eyes and glass-eyed looks and empty statements. No, i am not in love with him, i just think we have a chance and i dont want you to endure a conversation that will potentially be disastrous because i might cry in the process and i might all of a sudden decide to say yes to your proposal of dating again. Then it will start the whole process of me getting hurt again and that sucks. BIG TIME."

Pathetic.

Sound Trip

When it’s my moment in the sun
Oh, how beautiful I’ll be
But in a normal sort of way
Like I am you and you are me

Cause I have a lot of things to say
And you’d be wise to listen good
I think that hunger, war and death
Are bringing everybody down

When it’s my moment in the sun
I’ll share my problems with the world
And psychosomatically I’ll sing
To God and all his pretty girls

When it’s my moment in the sun
I won’t forget that I am blessed
But every hero walks alone
Thinking of more things to confess
----
from the TV Series Ed.

Your Favorite Music

Your favorite music
Well it just makes you sad
Your favorite music
Well it just makes you sad
But you like it
Cause you feel special that way

You feel special
That you’re like no one else
You feel special
That you’re like no one else
But then you’re lonely
And you need someone to help

I can’t teach you
To learn to love yourself
I can’t teach you
To learn to love yourself
But here’s a sad song
That I wrote for no one else

-----------------------------

Ang Resbak

t'was a great night. nobody else can make me smile and laugh like these people can. I love them because when they realized that I'm hitting rock bottom and that i've been really really depressed... they went out of their way to meet up with me. Haay. You are and will always be my bestest of friends. Thank you perk squad. I felt worthy again because i have the best set of friends.

I'm thankful to Pepe for giving me and Kay a ride home. Isa syang sadista, he had to make me endure listening to "I Love You Goodbye" and "Cool WIth You" over and over again. Apparently, he thinks these are MY SONGS. Kay saklap. When I got home i saw his text message.

"Sorry. This is my way of helping you move on."

That was it, i stopped doing what i was doing and cried.

Thanks Mel for last night. I needed someone and you were more than willing to be there. To Duh Perm, dont worry... I'm a strong woman. I will survive this depression feat that I am having.

I Refuse to Say Anything.

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images from Post secret

Unfair Ka.

Just when I thought things can't be worse, you had to say that. Do you feel vindication in my misery? I'm trying to recall all the smiles, the words that we uttered and everything that I thought we enjoyed... I cannot vividly remember them. I only remember the way I felt. I felt so sure that we had something going on. Thank you for making me feel that I fooled myself. and that I am a fool. The worst part is that I have no one to talk to because i dont know what to say. I am embarrassed by the fact that if they ask me how it happened, I cannot decently defend my decisions.

I cant believe I'm back here again. When you look at me, do you see that sad look in my eyes amidst my smile and my funny remarks? Do you sense how I try each time to not let you feel that it hurts me to see you?... you are a reminder of how I am a big failure in the aspects of my life that matter. Do you make fun of me because you enjoy it? Are you keeping me because I boost your ego? Do you even sense how hard I try to not look at you anymore because I'm afraid that you'll see all the emotions that i've been hiding?

YOU ARE UNFAIR. I shouldnt have let you in. I'm hitting rock bottom and sadly, you give me no choice but to dig deeper. You wanna know what the saddest part of it all is? I dont hate you.

Natahimik ka ano?

Hay naku Kiboy, maling-mali itong naging usapan natin kanina. Napatahimik ako, napaisip at nalungkot. May nakita nanaman akong dahilan kung bakit ako ay nananatiling hirap sa paghahanap ng aking "mahiwagang tsinelas". Ang pagkamusta mo sa akin at kay SBL ay parang isang malakas na sampal sakin. Ang sagot ko sayo ay, "Ok naman. Wala. Friends."

Tapos tinanong mo, "Anong nangyari? Parang nandun na kayo sa stage na un e. Bakit wala?"

At sabi ko naman, "Wala e. Wala namang nangyayari."

Medyo lumaki ang iyong mata sabay sinabi, "Bakit, ano ba ang gusto mong mangyari?"

"Wala naman. Di ko alam. Wala naman talaga yatang dapat mangyari..." Ang mahina kong sagot.

"Di mo pala alam ang gusto mo e. Talagang di kayo uusad nyan." Pabigla mong nasabi.

Tameme ako. Ako ba dapat ang nagdidikta nun? Akala ko kasi dapat naghihintay lang ako e. Napaisip ako tuloy. Naghihintay din ba sya sakin? Anong nga bang "stage" na kami? Wala naman yata talaga. Halos araw-araw naman nakikita ko sya, halos araw-araw naman may interaksyon kami. Pero natatakot ako na parang araw-araw gusto ko na may bagong maisusulat ako sa storya namin. Kaya lang parang tumigil na. Di ko na nararamdaman na tulad parin ng dati at may espesyal akong bahagi sa buhay nya. Parang di na nya ko kelangan. Parang maayos na naman ang buhay nya na walang pampagulo na kagaya ko.

"Tapos na nga ba talaga?" Ika nga ni Shem. Ayaw nya kasi maniwala. Isa kasi sya sa nanatiling positibo ang pananaw tungkol sa mga bagay-bagay. Pero kasi, kahit na madalas parin magtama ang mga mata namin, kahit na nakikita ko parin sya na nakatingin habang akala nya ay nakatutok ang aking atensyon sa ibang bagay, kahit na patuloy ko parin inoobserbahan ang mga kilos nya, nararamdaman ko na parang unti-unti na kami lumalayo sa isa't-isa. Ayoko pero nangyayari. Di ko alam kung ayaw din nya pero siguro nga tuloy-tuloy nang mananatili na di okupado ang silya sa aking harapan. Nakikita ko parin ang ngiti nya, pero di na ito katulad ng ngiti na nakukuha ko habang pinapanood ko syang kumain o mag-aral o magsalita.

Natahimik ako. Tahimik na din yata sya.

Trophy Girlfriend.

like the shirt? buy one! shirt design by Dre Martinez

Mabait naman ako e. Matalino naman. Di naman yata pangit. Masayahin. Supportive. Krung-krung minsan pero madalas maayos naman kausap. Di naman ako selosa, di rin naman ako demanding.

Ano ang mali? Ah alam ko na. Di pa panahon. Pero Lord, kelan pa ang panahon? Argh. Aral na nga.

"Bumping" into Friends.

Was able to watch Harry Potter tonight with my law school peeps at the Powerplant. I enjoyed it. Can i just say that Viktor is hot hot hot?! I'm not in the mood to make a real review so you just have to settle with the fact that i enjoyed it. Jayvee, thanks for the popcorn. Alam kong nananaghoy ka, pero wag ka mag-alala, ganyan din ang itsura ni Ron Weasley nun nakita nyang kasama ni Hermione si Viktor. haha.

Melo practiced her "manghuhula" skills tonight at Starbs. Apparently, I have a complicated LOVE LIFE. Uhmm, thanks Mel, tell me something i dont know. haha. But if there's one thing that i loved about your reading, it's the fact that "I'm overflowing with love while my future partner's gonna be really successful." Gaya nga ng sinabi ko, "Mamahalin ko sya... at bahala sya sa gastos." HOw more perfect can it be?

I will never forget Ana's comment about the people in Powerplant. "Sobra sila sa paligo." Ayun na. I must admit, there were a lot of yummy-looking guys in Powerplant today, the "mukhang mabango at mapagmahal" types. haha. Btw, I started to get the info that I promised Melo and Ana I'l get from our new "stalkee/ cutie". I got his school, course and got to talk to him. Kayod Marino talaga, manang-mana ako kay Pepe at Kiboy (na sa tingin ko ay may resemblance sa Weasley twins)

I bumped into a former crush today. As usual, got to converse about UP and uhmm, how i adore his line of thinking. Kasi naman, inaamin kong yummy nga sya. Ang kanyang mapupulang labi at dadalin ko sa aking panaginip ngayong gabi. (ANg manyak, kasing manyak ni Moaning MYrtle!)

I googled my pen name at natagpuan ko na a lot of people posted My Bestfriend Theory in their blogs. Im so flattered. Oh well Rockwell.

Everyone passed in Leg Res. Dapat lang. Cant wait to work with the "POWERHOUSE" cast of Group no. three! Let's go Legal Writing.

The Meantime Girl

She's the one you call when you're bored because she makes you laugh. She's the one you talk to when you're feeling down because she's willing to lend an ear and be a friend. She's not the one you call when you need a date to your company's Christmas party, or to go dancing with on a Saturday night. She's the one you spend time with between girlfriends, before you find "The One". You know, the one who you keep around in the meantime.

She's not one of the guys, not a tomboy, but you don't look at her as a "real" woman, either. She's not bitchy enough, moody enough, or sexy enough to be seen in that light. She's too laid-back, too easily amused by the same things your male buddies are amused by. She's too understanding, too comfortable - she doesn't make you feel nervous or excited the way a "real" woman does. But she's cool, and nice, and funny, and attractive enough that when you're lonely or horny and need intimate female companionship, she'll do just fine. You don't have to wine and dine her because she knows the real you already, and you don't have any facades to keep up, no pretenses to preserve. You're not trying to get anything of substance out of her. She's not easy, but you know that she cares about you and is attracted to you, and that she'll give you the intimacy you need. And you know you don't have to explain yourself or the situation, that she'll be able to cope with the fact that this isn't the beginning of a relationship or that there's any possibility that you have any real romantic feelings for her. It won't bother her that you'll get up in the morning, put on your pants, say goodbye, and go on a date with the woman you've been mooning over for weeks who finally agreed to go out with you. She'll settle for a goodbye hug and a promise to call her and tell her how the date went. She's just so cool . . . why can't all women be like that?!

But deep down, if you really think about it (which you probably don't be cause to you, the situation between the two of you isn't important enough to merit any real thought), you know that it's really not fair. You know that although she would never say it, it hurts her to know that despite all her good points and all the fun you two have, you don't think she's good enough to spend any real time with. Sure, it's mostly her fault, because she doesn't have to give in to your needs - she could play the hard-to-get bitch like the rest of them do, if she really wanted to. But you and she both know that she probably couldn't pull it off. Maybe she's too short, or a little overweight, or has a big birthmark on her forehead, or works at Taco Bell. Whatever the
reason, somehow life has given her a lot of really great qualities but has left out the ones that men want (or think they want) in a woman. So she remains forever the funny friend, the steadfast companion, the secret lover, and you go on searching for your goddess who will somehow be everything you ever wanted in a woman.

You'll joke to her that she should be the best man at your wedding, and she'll laugh and make a joke about a smelly rental tux.

She doesn't captivate you with her beauty, or open doors with her smile. Mainly she blends in with the crowd. She's safe. She doesn't want to be the center of attention and turn the heads of everyone in the room. But she wants to turn someone's head. She wants to be special to someone, too. We all do. She has feelings. She has a heart. In fact, she probably has a bigger and better heart than any woman you've ever known because she's had a front-row seat to The Mess That Is Your Life, and she likes you anyway. She obviously sees something worthwhile and redeeming in you because although you've given her nothing, absolutely no reason to still be around, she still is.
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article from Peyups.com ... i read this years ago.