Zorrito My Love.

Isang nakakatawa at nakakatuwang araw. Sabi ko na nga ba at magiging laughtrip ito. Kanina bago ako umalis ng bahay ay nagsusulat ako ng entry para sabihin kung gaano ako kasaya na magkikita kami ni "Spontaneous Jason" at "Bratinello Angel".. NGUNIT NAWALAN NG KURYENTE. O diba laughtrip agad?

Jason and I decided to meet up around 3 pm. I told him to text me if he's on his way na so i can leave na my house. So when Jason texted me na he's on his way na, that's when i began to change clothes and get ready to go to Powerplant. We know each other too well, alam kong di totoong on his way na sya. As usual, nauna nanaman si Jason sa Starbucks... Un cab driver ko, natripan pa makipagchikahan sakin tungkol sa EVAT. At in fairness to him, napatawa rin nya ako. Pagdating ko ng Starbucks ay wala ang anino ni Jason. But noooooooooooo! Maling Starbucks ang pinuntahan nya. Argh. Sa may Starbs Powerplant sya nagpunta... therefore pinapunta ko sya sa Starbs Loft. Nakakatawa nanaman diba?

Kwentuhan ever. Gaya ng dati talagang di nanaman namin namalayan ang oras ng nagkukuwentuhan kami. Ito ay habang pinipilit este pine-pressure namin si Einj na sumama na sa Premiere night ng Legend of Zorro. Ito pa pala segue, the whole time sinasabi ko na The Mask of Zorro ang title ng flick, therefore pinahiya ko ang sarili ko. THe Legend of Zorro ito. Mabalik tayo, kwento kwento kami. Naks DATE nanaman! haha. Hanggang sa napilit na namin si Angel na sumama, pero susunduin namin siya sa China Bank. Payn. Umalis kami ng Starbs around 5:15. Maling mali kasi "uwian time" sa makatuwid, TRAFFIC ng sobra! So, matagal nanaman ang bonding moments namin ni Jeiz.

We were texting Angel.. first text sabi namin dadating na kami in 5 minutes, pero kakalabas pa lang ng cab namin sa Rockwell nun. Two minutes, nasa Jupiter pa lang kami. I know naman na alam na ni Angel un, sanay na un samin. Tapos after a few minutes, nagtext na si Einj, mejo nagb-bratinello. At, what are the chances na sabay kami ni Jeiz mauubusan ng load? you know what we did? NAKITEXT KAMI SA DRIVER NG CAB. Ayon kay Jason, "Manong patext po. Isa lang po." The MANONG DRIVER happily obliged. Ako ang nagtext kay Angel, "ANgel, phone ni manong driver ito, parating na kami, sobrang traffc lang.. hintayin mo kami sa may lobby." Tama ba na makitext sa CAB DRIVER???? Minsan lang ako mahiya, pero nahiya talaga ako. haha....

To BE CONTINUED...

Im Looking Forward to...

thanks to postsecret

I have nothing left to say. I'm exhausted. This is the last time i'm gonna whine over the uncertainty of this whole mess that we're in. I am moving forward. I am not leaving you behind but I am not gonna carry you. If you wanna walk beside me, then do so. If you wanna look at me from afar, then be it. I said yes to the date proposals, they're not indefinite anymore. It's not that you're not special, i just dont want to restrict myself from looking at other options, especially now that i'm getting tired of pretending... and you're not giving me things that i can hold on to.

If there's anyone i would wanna hold hands with, you know that it's you. Just ask. But then again, you're not you and i'm not sure if i am me. I think it's me who's digging deeper as of the moment. Tell me to stop and I will or maybe I wont. Either way, I WILL STILL SEE YOU AROUND.

The Strangeness of Men err.. a Man.

“Men are very strange… They can beat you up, shout at you, threaten you and yet they’re scared to death of women really. Perhaps not the woman they married, but there’s always one woman who frightens them and forces them to submit to her caprices. Even if it’s their own mother.”

--Eleven Minutes, Paulo Coelho

Do I frighten you? Don’t you think I’m worth the risk? Well, I think you are. Despite all the analysis, all the looking at other options… today, I found myself thinking of what’s stopping you, me… us. Yeah, you annoy me at times, you make me roll my eyes, you make my friends roll their eyes, you are clueless, you offend me with your insensitive comments and ways but I still think you’re cute. As cute as the first time I decided that you are cute. Yes, you are strange. You don’t beat me up, you don’t shout at me, in fact you are too quiet, but you still intimidate me. You scare me because you are different. You are able to look at me straight in the eyes; you are able to share with me my passion for words. And yeah, your lips look good.

Japh: Mahal mo na ba?

Eunice: Wala pang pagmamahal na involved.

Japh: Mahal mo na no? Nakikita mo ba ang sarili mo na nagkikiss kayo?

Eunice: Ano ba ito. (sigh of resignation)

So there, my sem break already started. I got around three date proposals since Friday. All of ‘em want to either have dinner with me, watch a flick or drink coffee. To my mind I said, “Been there, done that.” I said an indefinite yes to all of ‘em. Why indefinite? Just in case.

Evil Prevails.

Some say that evil prevails when good men fail to act. But the truth is…EVIL prevails.

-Nicolas Cage, Lord of War

Does evil really prevail? When you look around you, I’m sure you are tempted to just nod at the suggestion that it does. How can you compromise the prevalence of good with the reality of suffering and injustice? How do you make yourself maintain that belief in the power of God when all around you, you see an infinite number of people whom while waiting for their own miracles, only experience more misery? I will not pretend, I know not of how difficult life can really get. I cannot fully comprehend why evil seems to have triumphed over good in the eyes of a lot of people. All I know is that I still believe. There is no explanation; I just choose to still believe. Evil doesn’t prevail, it’s just more flamboyant.

I don’t want to be remembered if being remembered means getting killed.
-Nicolas Cage, Lord of War

I was talking with my friend Japhet a few nights before, and we got into a discussion of how complicated our lives have become. Is there really a proliferation of suicidal men and women in this generation? I got into thinking of how dreadful the world has become when I heard this from a friend, “If I die tonight, it’s ok. I am ok with the idea of not waking up tomorrow.” I got alarmed because I was unconsciously nodding. I know I said I’m not suicidal, but there is a thin line between suicide and natural death. It’s so thin that I don’t think anyone will really know the difference. In the end, the people who love you will grieve over your death and those who don’t will attend your funeral, will dress in black but will never care.

Ang Pag-ibig.. BOW.

paloys : wala ka bang bufra diyan sa ateneo
jersee_d_goddess: nakupo, walang time.
jersee_d_goddess: (shit ako ba tlga nagsabi nun?)
paloys: ano ba, hanap ka ng boys. kaloka, hindi hinahanapan ng time yan
jersee_d_goddess : hahaha.. oo nga. mas importante ang boyps ano?
paloys :

ang relasyon, para yang tita na galing abroad. bigla na lang babandera sa buhay ng mga kamag-anak niya sa pilipinas."

ayun. sounds like Dubai.

Let's take it from the expert, Ateneo School of Law's Dr. Love a.k.a. Pepeng Kuryente:

"ang pag-ibig ay parang magnanakaw sa gabi.."

"Ang tunay na pag-ibig ay parang tsinelas.. sa dinami-rami ng sapatos,, babalik-balikan at hahanap-hanapin mo parin ang tsinelas.."

Need i say more? hehe.

Sa Wakas! Coffee Bean naman.

Jeyfet, Euns, Ces, Anna, Jose, Kate

At bakit ka nakasampay sakin Jeyfet?

teepees..

at ano naman ang tinitingnan ni jeyfet sa baba?

salamat AM at "sinabi" mo na mata ko lang ang kita.

Gabi sa Italianni's Para kay Kay...

ayon ka Kay, ganito daw ang itsure namin during Consti.. "dreamy-eyed"? ngii.

we're gonna miss that smile.

yihee KAY is "taking it off"

i siya, magpicture muna kayo.

"ano kaya itong regalo nila sa akin? sana naman hindi kalabaw..."

ateneo law jacket? haaaaaaaay.

payn, picture na lang.

kaya ko ito.. ikekeri ko mag-isa ang picture.

may higanti sa tabi ko... aaaaaaah.

kahit anong gawin mo, magpapa-cute parin ako.

Pepe! baka magselos.. alam mo namang seloso "sya". hahaha.

From POST SECRET

this is dedicated to myself.

to a friend who gave up on the Catholic Faith
to a friend who's havin a hard time with his life.

The Look of Bewilderment

"I noticed that most people get on rollercoasters in search of excitement but once it starts, they are terrified and want the cars to stop. Do they think that the intelligent thing to do would be to avoid the ups and downs and spend all their time on a carousel, goin' round and 'round?"

----- Eleven Minutes, Paulo Coelho

There are a lot of things that i do not comprehend in this life. One of which is that stage in a relationship where people are just in denial. When nobody acknowledges the truth that has to be faced despite the fact that it's staring straight at us, with its tongue stuck out and it's eyes widened in mockery. I do not understand why the two people who are willing and able to talk about that "thingamajiggie" with their friends, with anyone.. are not willing to talk about it with that other half of the dance. I do not understand the idea of making the other person feel bad by letting her know that in case she isnt available, there is an "other woman" who will take her place. I do not understand why we have to first inflict pain before we are able to inflict happiness.

I do not understand the concept of pretending. Well, maybe i do. I think we pretend all the time. We try to wear our masks as we go along our lives, as we interact with a lot of people and as we try so hard to live harmoniously with the idiosyncrasies of the world. We pretend to protect ourselves. It's an act of selfishness. Do we have the right to compel other people to pretend for us? Is it fair to ask of someone to pretend because we feel it's the best thing to do? I dont really know. I guess it's not about being fair, but it's about finding the perfect way to preserve that seed of potential that's already been planted but is not watered and taken cared of.

I do not understand the concept of being there all the time only to stop existing after things are sort of going great. I do not understand this whole game. There might be a lot of things that i dont understand, but if there's one thing i understand, it is this... i'm not giving you up, YET. I do want you to be out there, to be happy again, to go up, to achieve your dreams, to believe more in yourself. I want you to soar, with or without me. I want you to start burning again, not for anyone else but for yourself. I guess i dont know you that well, YET. I am trying to find my way to knowin you, but i need you to help me, to guide me through the whole process because i cannot finish your sentences for you all the time. This is complicated but what isnt complicated in this life right?

Mediocrity

"I keep us in the present and you look out for the future."
-- Scrubs

It's funny how women spend their time fantasizing err, agonizing about what "the future" will be for their relationships when men, only think of it (generally) one date at a time. I think it's better to be not too paranoid about it because happiness passes you by when you over-analyze things. Women,i believe, are more prone to planning ahead especially because it's women who become more emotionally-attached...and women are the ones who are compelled to wait (again, generally). But my life's been different, i used to date a lot, i used to meet up with men to just know what kinds are "out there". It was actually fun, i even used to see myself as a Serial Dater (thanks to Abby now Ava for coining that term for me). It got tiring. I dont know if i'm growing old or if it's because i basically know what "types" of men exist that i lost interest, but somewhere along the way, i just stopped dating.

I do not have a clear picture of who i wanna marry. I think it's mediocre. Quoting Paulo Coelho, "My loves die even before they're born." ..."If im looking for true love, i first have to get mediocre loves out of my system." but what really is a mediocre love? What is mediocre love for a woman, like myself, who looks back and is sure that she never really loved anyone that wholeheartedly?

I remember having this conversation with a friend about oblivioviousness and happiness. He asked me, "Is a person who can travel really better off than a person who doesnt get to travel but who doesnt really want to travel?" I asked him, "Why is he oblivious? I guess it's just his defense mechanism because he cant travel." But what if he honestly doeant want to travel? Is a traveller really better off? Well, i guess not. The same goes for love, for companionship... Is someone who is in a relationship with commitment better off than someone who doesnt really wanna be committed? But what if this person who firmly believes that she doesnt wanna be committed only has such a decision because she doesnt have a grasp of the happiness that she can actually experience when she finally decides to commit to a relationship? Is she still better off?

"Loneliness is the worst of all tortures."
---Eleven Minutes, Paulo Coelho

I got into a conversation at Starbucks with a few of my friends and we talked about being single. One of us is scared of loneliness. Of not being in a relationship. One of us is tired of being a good girl. My other friend (who recently had the courage to get out of a pretty destructive "friendship" with that someone who doesnt really give him importance and who doesnt take care of him), during one of our Yosi breaks for the night, talked about how this OTHER GuY makes him feel that he is too dependent on him. Only after he decided to let go of him. Only when he decided that there are things that you have to let go of. That there are certain stories that has to end on a sad note. I saw the different faces of loneliness, aside from the kind that i'm feeling. THat kind that's concealed. THat kind that doesnt have any manifestation when other people are around. THat kind that haunts me and tortures me.

I smile all the time. I want to smile because i have reasons to smile. I want to REALLY SMILE.

Masyado kang Nakakapagod.

andami ko gusto sabihin.
andami ko gusto ikwento.
pero masyado pa akong pagod.
masyado na akong pagod.
andami ko gusto marinig.
andami ko gusto intindihin.
di lang ikaw ang napapagod
may karapatan din ako mapagod.