Ang Haha at Hehe. Bow!

Dati pa ko napapaisip kung ano nga ba ang pinagkaiba ng Haha at hehe. Kasi pag nagcha-chat may mga moments na haha ang feel ko sabihin, minsan hehe. Ngayon ko lang napinpoint.

Sa tingin ko, ang hehe ay half-hearted lang na pagtawa. Parang kumbaga, isang nicer rendition ng "Ngii" o kaya "Drop it" o kaya... "Buti-na-lang-friend-kita-kundi-di-ko-talaga-ittry-na-iconceal-ang-kakornihan-mo" paano ko napagdesisyunan ito? Kasi ito lang, may narinig ka na ba na tao na natural na tumatawa ng HEHEHEHEHE? Imagine, parang ang sarcastic diba?

Ang haha may iba-ibang meaning din. Pag haha lang parang uhmm, "nakakapagod-kang-kausap-pero-sige-aliw-naman-pero-next-time-na-lang-ulit"... o kaya.. Haha.. nakakatawa. hindi un sinasabi mo, pero ikaw nakakatawa. err, nakakatuwa.

Pag hahahahahahaha.. ayun. totoong natatawa na. kasi ganun ako eh, nage-exert ako ng effort na damihan pag laughtrip talaga.

Ewan ko ba, alrighty Eunice. Hehe na.

Perk Avenue

Bakit di ka nag-aaral e alam mo naman na dapat nag-aaral ka?
Bakit ka online e alam mo naman na may mas importante ka dapat gawin?
Bakit ka nanginginig sa kaba e nasa harap ka lang naman ng PC at wala naman nakakakita sa lahat ng mga bagay, lahat ng mga emosyon at lahat ng mga pagtaas ng kilay na ginagawa mo habang sinusulat mo ito?
Bakit ang dami mo tanong? Bakit walang sumasagot?
Bakit tuloy tuloy lang ang pagt-type mo e wala ka naman sasabihin?
Bakit sa tingin mo ay nawawalan na ng magandang katapusan ang storya na akala mo ay ikaw ang lumikha?
Bakit nararamdaman mo na mayamaya lang ay iiyak ka nanaman kahit na meron ka mga pabugso-bugsong kasiyahan na nararamdaman?
Bakit ba ginawa ang salitang bakit kung di naman masusundan agad ng dahil?
Bakit di mo aminin na nalilito ka na?
Bakit di ka na lang tumigil at ipaalala sa sarili mo na napagdaanan mo na ito?
Bakit kelangan mangyari nanaman lahat tulad ng dati?
Bakit masyado na predictable ang buhay ko?
Bakit di ako makawala sa sirkulo na ito?
Bakit ang bakit di pwedeng maging OO na lang. o kaya HINDI na lang. O kaya WALA lang.

"Aray ko" Conversations.

on living life:

anna_mitz : but i still like him... despite everything
jersee: pero baka naman kasi it's time to discover a different side of you.
jersee: baka akala mo lang di ganun un gusto mo, pero in the end.. pagod ka na rin sa life na you're living. parang, masarap magsalita,, dumaldal.. pero at the end of the day, you long for silence.
anna_mitz : ganun? or maybe, he needs to spice up his life and im the jalapeno
jhersee33 : hahahha.. pwede rin.
--------------
on recovery:

j: im still recovering i had done so much after my graduation, really dumb things...damaged me
jhersee33 dont we all do a lot of dumb things.?
j: actually damaged nako to begin with tapos na damage pa kumbaga double dead nako
jhersee33 and arent we all damaged?
jhersee33: the first thing that you need to do is to decide that you wanna go back on track.
j: i have lost my faith in |ove for a couple of months now
jhersee33: and if you're hurting, then it's a good prelude to that part of your life when you'll be smiling. i look forward to that. every single day of my life. ;0
j: i kinda forget na i still smile pala
jhersee33 : the day that i will start REALLY SMILING.
-----------------
on inhibitions:

jhersee33 : ako kasi, MADALDAL. ayun na. hahaha.
j: ako facade lang, concealer kung baga
jhersee33 : facade ang alin? ang pagiging inhibited o ang pagiging artist?
j: pagka madal dal ko
jhersee33 hmmm.. aray ko.
j: hehhehehe, so tahimik ka talga
jhersee33walang manifestation no? di tlaga un pagiging quiet eh. un feeling na you're listenin to your thoughts. minsan ko lang na kasi magawa. so i value those times.
----------------
the "long-time-no-see-tapos-nanggugulo-ka-pa-ng-line-of-thinking" conversation:

jhersee33: sawa na ko "makipaglaro"..
jazy_reye1: makipaglaro?kanino?
jhersee33: sa kanilang lahat.
jazy_reye1: kanino?ksma b ko dun?
jhersee33: iv been thinkin of all my pseudo-relationships.. and i think im just not the commitment type
jhersee33 : di naman tayo naglaro ah. unless ur talkin about football and patintero.
jazy_reye1: sa studies k lng nmn committed
jhersee33: na-ah.di lang ako nakakatiyempo. kaya nga ngayon, im tryin to do it the right way.di na ko tatakbo kung may sign na ng kaseryosohan.
jazy_reye1 : there's no such thing as the ryt way
jazy_reye1 : its either ur way or theirs....
jhersee33 : not really, my way sucks really.i blow things out of proportion.
jazy_reye1: den u should consider ah makeover
jhersee33 : na-ah.i run at littlest sign of romance. nasabihan ka na ba ng.. "is this your way of saying g'bye?" nakakaguilty kaya.
jazy_reye1 : try dipping ur foot on the other side of the pond
jhersee33 : i am dippin my foot on it.
jhersee33 (9:59:32 AM): that's why im open sa idea na we might be on to something. i mean, that cutie and me. i like his outlook.
jazy_reye1 : ru sure its d ryt pond
jhersee33 : im tryin to be "sweet".tryin to not be the bitch that i am.nakakarma kasi ako eh.
jazy_reye1 : dapat kse un guy maksabay sa pagiging cynic mo
jhersee33 : di na ko cynical. yata.and he's seeing right through me. i like looking at him. that's a first.
jazy_reye1 : ru dating na ba?
jhersee33 : hmm. no. we're just spending quality time together.about an hour a day. talking.
jazy_reye1 : dats gud
jhersee33 : pero i dont have time.ito nanaman.
jazy_reye1: at least now u'll have little regrets wen u begin saying ur gudbyes
jhersee33 : hmm, what does that mean?
jazy_reye1 : (smiley na angel) ...
------------------
i love my friends. they make me think. really think.

The Annuncation

by J. Neil C. Garcia

Morning, or early dusk. That line where things
leave their borders, dissolve into darkness
and light.

She is only a girl. She finds herself
lost inside the temple his words hollow
into the cooler side of day.

Her voice inside it croons like distant thunder.
And what it says is, Come in.

She is surprised at her candor, the force
of her own little-known conviction.
He tells her she is chosen,
in this way he raises her

above the mortal, gives her
an awesome gift, leaves her little room
for doubt, or for pleasure. She is, to be honest,
struck dumb with terror,
which she recognizes is also a form of religious assent.

What does it mean, after all,
the Yes she mutters above the angel’s bright call?
She is young, her life has yet to happen
in any real sense.

In the meantime the warmth of his eyes becomes
the warmth of her own prone body,
spreading from the tips of his voice
to her inmost skin.

What does it mean to be told God loves you,
at the same time he takes your childhood away?
------------------------
Neil Garcia is such a talented writer, i've always been an admirer.. Please support his new book..Mysterios and Other Poems.

More Than Anyone

You need a friend
I'll be around
Don't let this end
before I see you again
What can I say to convince you to change your mind?..Don't leave

chorus:
I'm gonna love you more than anyone
I'm gonna hold you closer than before
And when I kiss your soul, your body be free, I'll be free for you anytime
I'm gonna love you more than anyone

Look in my eyes
What do you see
Not just the color
Look inside of me
Tell me your need and I will try
I will try

chorus

Free for you whenever you need
We'll be free together baby, free together baby
----------

how more appropriate can it be?

Dilemma (aww. No matter what i do, all i think about is you..)

Makulit ako.. i asked pa a few more people about my dilemma.

Amitzie: hmmm, he's trying to be vague.. giving you two thoughts to ponder on. its either he's saying "i like you, but im taking it slow so as not to scare you away" or he's saying, "i just wanna thank you. I hope you're not thinking of having our kids." hmm, but at least, of all people sa yo nya napiling magpakita ng feminine side nya. if you prove to be worthy of his kamotmotan, maybe, just maybe, you'll get to move a step forward. hmmm,tough... its so hard what to make out of him. Story of our lives. MIXED SIGNALS.

Francis: in general it could be that he's bein too comfy that he doesnt see you as someone he wants to be romantically involved with, or he's looking for a girl who doesn't mind him going out with other girls while he's in the relationship... ( so i asked, even if a started it?) well, if you started it, then that changes everything... its actually good when that happens, it means he wants to start clean...

Nalin: the problem is.. when do you take the leap? and who will initiate it?

Anton: cant speak in general kc everone's different naman... pero for me, thats a good sign na im comfortable enough with the girl that even though i like her, i can open up to her without being afraid that she'll complain/be jealous.

Donald: ewan ko..basta ako kung may gusto ako sa babae, chances are hinde ako mgkukwento ng tungkol sa ex ko kung mero man, unless ipapakwento nya..

This is beginning to be interesting.. Welcome to my talk show.. The Phantom of the Oprah! hehehe.

Every Li'l Thing Starts to Matter

I had to ask the opinion of my partners in "THe Perm" about my dilemma as of the moment and here's what they have to say.

Melo: It depends on how you take it. Kasi if di mo naman gusto un guy, nakakatakot un kasi usually manifestation un ng attraction/ affection for you. He's opening up.

Yv: Depends sa info na shina-share.

Haze: Negative opinion ko. Doesnt that mean na he's gettin too comfy w/ u? to the point na he can tell u everything? i mean guys dont usually do that to girls they like, do they? Di ba dapat nagpapa-impress sya? Or maybe he's just different talaga. Un lang.

Shem: as for too comfy, try getting to know each other. hindi ba kasama sa getting to know each other ang kwentong ex? hurting can be a way to say, i need someone new. why will you look at it the wrong way? actually, it's too early to tell. wait a while and see how it'll go. (i told her i might be beginnin to really like him and she said..) i think that's the reason youre paranoid. every little thing starts to mattter. the mind says one thing, the heart says another. you don't have to acknowledge something to know it's there.

Pahabol (sa text message) ni Kay: yunis! it's not a bad sign.. i think? Maybe he's just too comfortable with you. ay bad sign pala un. baka friend lang tingin nya sayo. :)

Shit. Am i really beginning to like him? Tama si Carmen, i should be studyin. I should be studying. Inaatake nanaman ako ng depresyon. Mag-isa lang ako sa bahay. Un brother ko may "spontaneous" thingie with his bandmates, they went to our resthouse in bulacan. Inggit.

NEWSFLASH: Si JB ng Pinoy Big Brother, gs at hs classmate ni Melo sa Koska. Hahahaha.Nakakatawa.

Nga pala, last night Melo gave me a ride home.. There were four of us in the car, Melo, Ceia, Lia and moi..MEGA traffic! Uminit na ang ulo namin, sinigawan na namin un nag-aayos ng traffic. Habang nangyayari ito ay may isang girl na tumatawid at nakikipaglaro kay kamatayan, pag sigaw namin (specifically ni Lia) siya ay nagulantang. Akala nya sya un sinisigawan, ang funny nun expression sa face nya. Sa gitna ng pagkainit ng aming ulo, Ceia blurted out..

"WHAT WILL THE WORLD HAPPEN IF THERE ARE NO PEOPLE WHO THINK?!!"
Natapos ang aming init ng ulo. Laugtrip na. Comic relief ito. Bow.

You Never Know

"We all deserve someone who deserves us. If you feel like you dont deserve her, chances are, she doesnt deserve you too." - Euns

Embodiment of how i feel. It's another THE END for me. Gotta start studying. I'm letting go of Mr. Brewing.

Isang Malalim na Buntong-hininga

One of the many things i learned in my Creative Writing classes is that I shouldnt be apologetic in the articles that I'm writing. I shouldnt come up with reasons of why my readers will think that i suck . Ngayon ko lang ito sasabihin. I dont think i write well. There are a lot of things that i wanna say, a lot of ideas that i wanna share and a lot of stories that i wanna put into writing but i dont think i'm writing 'em well. Before law school, i used to spend hours in Powerbooks, drinking coffee at Javaman while being enthralled by how writers weave their words into beautiful sentences.

I envy them. I wish i'm more skilled. No, i'm not apologetic. I'm just thinkin aloud.

The Collector

"The Collector" is a very interesting program in Star World. It's about people going into deals with the devil in exchange for their soul. But there is a chance for redemption, you have to repent... At ang extra for today's episode ay pinoy, they're talking in Filipino. It's about a Pinoy who asked that he be given the power to do surgery by hand (yeah, Magandang Gabi Bayan features), the devil gave him his wish and now his soul's being collected. Nice program.

The END

So much for being a stalker. Friendster allows people to know who views their profile. So there. I have embarrassed myself by checking other people's profiles frequently. The END of my being a stalker, or maybe not.

I'm in the "DI YATA PWEDE" stage of my shitty love cycle. A few days ago, i was so sure that something was "BREWING" but today, i'm totally doubting it. One moment, i feel so at ease with the fact that we're getting to know each other, the next thing i know, i'm contemplating on the possibility that he might be gay or that he's not really interested or that i'm totally misinterpreting this whole thing. I know i already asked him 'bout his gender. BUT I HAVE A HISTORY. Plus, his alleged-friend told me in class that according to reliable sources, he said he's gay. Hindi ito nangyayari. A few of my friends think we have something going on, but uhmm, what if he's another "GOOD FRIEND" in the making? Depression ito. Marami ang nagsasabi na "it looks like i'm not that interested" but the thing is, i really am. I just dont see myself building a future with him YET because nothing exceptionally romantic has happened between us. Gaya ng sinabi ko before, i'm giving the whole idea/ budding romance a chance until sem break... pag wala, wala talaga. THE END.

Last Thursday, Sir Vallente said goodbye to us for the sem. HE IS MY FAVORITE LAW SCHOOL PROFESSOR. It's sad that it's THE END for Crim 1.

Finals is just 'round the corner. THE END of my first sem in law school is near. If i survive this first sem, i will feel vindicated. I learned a lot in my 4 months in law school, finished reading the Civil Code, Revised Penal Code Book 1 and half of the constitution (with around 600+ original cases as jurisprudence).

Usapang pag-ibig ulit. Without really thinking about it, i nonchalantly uttered .. "I wish i'm in love." and voila, we got into a discussion about our hesitations in our own "relationships". Yvie, di ko sinasadyang ma-depress tayo, think Leg Res and Consti, hehe. I really wish i'm in love. I knooow i have a knack for being so distracted when im sorta in love, but i guess it'll help me survive everyday knowing that there's someone who will be willing to give me a hug at the end of the day. Shit. Depression ito. THE END ng aking "i shall not think about relationships" syndrome.