Love Letter No. __.

Dear You,
Last night, in between that unrecognizable silence after the first song and before the next, I would find myself reaching out for your hand, only that I did not see your hand, and more significantly, that you were not there. I did look for you, in the crowd, so exhaustively that it seemed appropriate to shout.

Breaking away from the party, I looked up and watched in awe as colors burst from the sky. While altering smiling with smoking, with resignation I told myself, "It is true. Some things are meant to be shared with you."

Merry Christmas, Darling. Mistletoes suck without you.

Cheers,
Me.

Until Then, Twenty Ten!

So, it’s that time of the year again, when everything is heightened and emotions are exaggerated and what seemed like a clear delineation between what is real and fiction becomes a broken line. It’s time to look back, shake your head in amusement and well, disbelief while counting both your blessings and mistakes.

Say it with me, “It’s been a good year, dammit!”

If people interpret my blogging to be directly proportional to my issues, then my inability to blog about what’s been happening with me as often as I used to may also be interpreted as an indication of how smooth-sailing and stable my life has been this year. In fact, although 2010 had quite a rocky beginning, you know with that “WAITING FOR BAR RESULTS” sign flashing all over the place up until April, it was, hands down, one of the most stable years of my life.

I have quite a number of things to be thankful for, and this blog, above all, is a celebration of people: People who came into my life, people who voluntarily left and those whom, despite seeing what this hullabaloo that is EUNICE is all about, decided, with some humorous twist of fate, to stay. I see myself more like a stopover for those whom I interact with, and the small number of people whom eventually stick it out with me through thick and thin are those whom I am meant to travel with as I crawl and sometimes, sausage roll my way to DESTINY.

But this would not be a Eunice entry without that contemplation on how my life has been scoring in the LOVE DEPARTMENT. I have finally found the perfect sport to describe love, thanks to the Philippine Azkals and well, World Cup (Disclaimer: I still am clueless about the technicalities of football. All I know is that it involves a bunch of hot men, running around and trying to score, for a loooooooooong period of time. SUE ME.) I think, LOVE really is more like football, you work hard in trying to defend your goal, and it takes some time before you can score a point or two, but when you do, everyone who’s been watching you and supporting you from the sidelines celebrate with you. And even if you don’t, you’ll be happy to call it a day, hope for the best and be thankful that you survived the game, with a little muscle pain to remind you of how tough it is to be in THAT field. Most importantly, if you’re lucky, THERE WILL BE HOT SHIRTLESS MEN waiting for you in the locker room. Bright side, people, bright side.

And even if at times, I feel like a loser for basing my mood on how my favorite TV series ended in its last episode, and even if there are quite a number of moments when I still feel like I am lonely and in desperate need of human warmth, generally, 2010 has been a year of celebrations. It didn’t hurt that I have the best group of people one could ever hope for in trying to make it through this battlefield that we call life. And yes, even if my alcohol consumption has been cut into, I’m guessing, half, admittedly, the best moments are not when we sip our ice cold glass of whatever, but when we RAISE OUR GLASSES and acknowledge that what PINK said was true,

So if you're too school for cool,
and you're treated like a fool,
you can choose to let it go
we can always, we can always, 
party on our own.

Until then, Twenty Ten!

"You know that thing that when God closes a door, he opens a window? Well, sometimes out of nowhere he’ll throw you one better. He’ll take a whole wall down... "
-GLEE 2.08 "FURT"

The Rambling

Here’s what I need you to do. I need you to get over yourself and stop basking in the glory of being my “the one.” And when I blog about love, please don’t arrogantly presume that it is your love that I speak of.

When people tease me about not being able to move on from this one great love, don’t give me that knowing smile that glorifies your certainty of it being you.

If I say that I don’t like playing games anymore, don’t silently contemplate on what you did to make me think that you’re playing with me and my stupid heart and effin’ with my brain.

And when I say I still love him, never ever walk away. Because even if these things that you are sure of are absolutely true, one thing remains the same… I want to be friends with you. Not to wait for your love nor to make you realize that it is I who is destined to be with you, but to make you understand that in the same way that I consider you to be one of my best friends, I am yours too.

That’s what still matters. That’s what still counts.

Now, what are you still doing in that pretending-to-be-discreet corner, awkwardly looking at me from afar?

Throwing the Trash

When you make fun of my heart,
You don’t make fun of me
But of the you that my heart
Found so worthy to love.

When you mock what I felt,
you don’t mock my love
But the friendship
that we once so proudly spoke of.

When you make fun of yourself
and decide to mock this friendship,
You help me not regret
pretending we never met.

Now, go play with your friends,
while I continue loving mine.

The Warning

It's okay to repost my entries but please, PLEASE give credit where credit is due.

They say imitation is the greatest form of admiration. BUT plagiarism is ANNOYING and BLATANTLY OFFENSIVE.

The Things People Ask Google

I can totally relate with your blog ... " The one ( who got away ) " helped me decide about my love life :P Thank you so much :))

Wow.! You're welcome. I'm glad to be of help.

I'm an open book.

The One You Know

The Correspondence

Dear You,

Please do not think that I have, even for a second, forgotten my quest to finally find you, to finally find us. I do get it. I do get why I haven’t met you yet. I sometimes find myself uttering defensive statements like, “I don’t see myself getting married in the near future, not even in the far future.” Or “I am content with being who I am, single and fabulous.”, and honestly, I mean them. Not to be defeatist or anything, but I find it imperative for me to first be happy with being with myself before I, or should I say, we can delve into the matter that is US.

You have become my most cherished thought, my constant answer to the question, “What else should I look forward to?” At this point, besides true financial freedom and everything that comes with financial wealth, I have achieved what I’ve planned to achieve at twenty six. Yes, there are a few imperfections that are in need of tweaking, and yes, there are bumps on the road that may feel and look more like roadblocks than bumps, but they don’t bother me anymore. I don’t see them as roadblocks but as guides. These guides, I believe, will lead me to you.

Here comes the romantic part of the letter. It is meant to be a love letter after all, for you, and about you. I know that either way, with love, you should be able to accept me for who I am, and by now, it is quite clear that who I am and who I will be is something that I have control over. I have come to love myself because I want to give justice to my love for you. I don’t want to be a hypocritical lover because hypocritical love is the worst love. I breathe for myself, live for myself and love for myself not to be selfish but to be able to selflessly surrender to you… at my best. There is no rush for you to get here and well, there is no rush on my end to get there either. You should probably take your time in the same way that I am taking mine.

Be still, even if we are reminded daily of the dilemma of how short life is. I don’t deny it. It is very true. Yet I feel that we don’t need to cram. Remember that when we finally meet, (notice how I say “WHEN” and not “IF” – remember, even FOREVER is a prescriptive term.), we’ll be ready with an endless number of stories to share and the gift of insurmountable eagerness that will get us through memory loss, pain and all things that are ironic in life.

Our hearts beat with a rhythm; listen to our unfinished melody, soon, your words and my words will rhyme. Take care of your heart for me, and I promise, I will take care of mine.

Love,

Me

 

On Playing your Part, Self-righteousness and Freedom of Speech

When you do your part, you don't earn the right to judge people on the basis of what you do. Why? Because that is YOUR part. You don't go around making yourself the standard. Their part, no matter how seemingly insignificant to you, may be most significant to another. When you volunteer for something, and when you feel so selfless helping strangers, you do not become better than people who choose to take care of their family, or their friends. You choose your part. No one imposes it on you.

Everyone has the right to say their piece. There is no blame per se, there is a discussion. An analysis of what could have been done, an expression of what one feels. This is why the Freedom of Speech is a right, not a privilege. There is no prerequisite but yes, there are limits.

And this is not to say that we know better, it’s just that when things like these happen, you rely on people who specialize on resolving these kinds of situations. When they don’t deliver, you resort to discussions not because you want to put them down but because you want an explanation. After all, everyone’s accountable for their actions.

They need to explain because they were the ones who had business there. I just follow this logic, If you’re a lawyer, would you expect the police to do your pleading for you? No. And when you fuck up, can you prevent them from saying that if only you wrote your Complaint more meticulously, the case couldn’t have been dismissed?” NO. Why? Because that is your turf, and they expect you to deliver.

Self-righteousness is a slippery slope. Being affected by a tragedy that killed people is not self-proclaimed patriotism,  nor is it an instant acquisition of crisis management knowledge. It's instinct. When someone dies, you care... not because of anything else, but because we all are here to live and we should be able to do EVERYTHING to ensure that we live. This is not being accusatory, this is probing.

Let people talk. Let everyone do THEIR part. Anyway, you're talking too. Who are you to judge?

On the Manila Hostage-taking Tragedy

First, this whole taping someone who's dying / who died has got to stop. Seriously. Second, I still don't understand why the police had to focus on their conspiracy theory re: the hostage taker's brother. Third, if only they watched Denzel Washington's The Negotiator, they could have at least known that CALCULATED and ...not POINTLESS PATIENCE is the key. Fourth, it seemed like they didn't take the threat seriously and tried to intimidate someone, who obviously was ready to die, by harassing his brother. Fifth, from experience, pag may galit, BAWAL MANG-AGIT! Today is a sad day.

Let's all pray for the souls of the victims and pray harder that everyone learned a lesson or two from this unfortunate event. Please, please, please try to train our Crisis Management Teams more thoroughly. Oh and media, how do I start?

The (Turn)Around

picture from POSTSECRET

One chance after another,

I waited, and hated.

One mistake after another,

I remembered and regretted,

One moment after another,

I faded.

One chance,

One Mistake,

One Moment.

For the last time,

Turn this all around.

Or I will never be around.

The Missed Point

"It wasn’t just my imagination, it was ours.
Yours and mine are these daydreams,

Delusions and memories, blurred into one
Portrait of the (be)loved, fading
into the intricacies
 of our creative non-fiction.

 Open your eyes, or open mine.
Look at me, stare (at you) blankly.
I miss missing you.
 I miss missing you
miss me.

 All because I  missed.
 All because we missed."

 -@legallyblunt, "The Missed Point"
5 July 2010

 #thoughtbubbling #realityeverafter #Photords #introvertmindextrovertheart #LegallyBlunt #Photography #blackandwhitephotography #BlackAndWhite #photooftheday #digital #digitalphotography #monochrome #Poetry #TheStalkerPicsSeries #LegallyBlunt #LegallyGrunt #RealityEverAfter #writersofinstagram #fastfoodfiction #buttonpoetry #listen #findyourvoice #instapoet #shortform #instapoetry

Confessions of a Closet Daddy’s Girl

Confessions of a Closet Daddy’s Girl

A Father's Day Entry

One of my most favorite memories that relates to my dad was a scene that happened when he wasn’t even there. I think I was around four years old, when my mom was giving me a bath and I was being a bratty kid. Obviously, I wasn’t enjoying being bathed because I was sleepy, and my mom was aggressively pouring water all over me and scrubbing me. In that moment of desperation, and in tears I shouted, “Isusumbong kita kay Daddy!” I don’t know why I thought the statement could save me, but somehow, I think even as young as I was at that time, I just knew that my Dad will always come through for me and will always save me from whatever shit I get into… no matter what.

Growing up, I was a good daughter; I never disobeyed my parents, and NEVER did anything to jeopardize the “future” that my Dad would always rave about when he’d talk to me about school and my grades. I have only been spanked twice by my Dad, the first time was when I got a low grade in my Christian Living periodic exam in grade school. Well, it wasn’t really low, it’s just that I ranked third in that exam. The second was when I got into a fight with my brother and sister and he woke up, not too happy about it. He used his belt on all of us. My brother and my sister got hit more, but only because they were more “pasaway.” But if there’s anything endearing about this whole “spanking” thing, it would be the fact that my Dad always explained why he had to do it. He made us sit on his lap, would ask for a kiss and explain, carefully why we deserved to be hit. Surprisingly, I did understand. Years later, I would always remember those moments and remember the valuable lessons that he taught me in relation to them. The first time, he wanted make me understand that it is acceptable to not always be on top, but what wasn’t acceptable was to not give it your all. The second time, he needed me to remember that my brother and my sister will make mistakes, big and small ones, but I should never ever give up on them in the same way that they shouldn’t ever give up on me. He wanted us to learn the importance of family.

My Dad is the only one who can get away with giving me the nickname Tabachoy without me taking offense. He’s the only one who can call me Frenchie Dy, Marissa Sanchez and sometimes, Marissa Delgado, when he feels that I’m fastly gaining weight, he’s the only one who can call me Heidi Yorac after i get a haircut with bangs, Dennis of GhostFighter when I got a layered haircut and Nazareno when I had my hair curled. He’s the only one who can caution me from “artsy looking, madungis guys” because he thinks they look patapon… notwithstanding that fact that he isn’t good-looking at all. He’s the only one who has accepted my fashion eccentricity enough that when I was walking with them in the mall with my skirt half-lifted all the way to my butt, he didn’t tell me because he thought it was “my style.”

 To my friends, my Dad is the cool one. He embarrasses me every time he gets the chance and they love it. One time, my Dad was teasing me about my weight in front of the Perksquad and to my defense I said, “Wow, nagsalita naman ang payat.” I thought I won, but he had to give me a really malupit comeback, “Ako may asawa na, e ikaw?” Personal attack! He loves my friends, he genuinely cares for them and never forgets to ask about them when he gets the chance. My Dad values the simple things in life, he is not a big fan of grandiosity but he only heeds to materialism when the ones being material are US. He’d choose Argentina Corned beef over all the imported ones, he’d be most happy with LIGO / MEGA Sardines and never enjoys Spanish sardines. His simplicity just inspires me and reminds me that nothing matters more than contentment and love.

Most importantly, my Dad has taught me to NOT BE AFRAID TO FAIL and COMMIT MISTAKES. He has fallen gazillions of times, and I have never seen him resign to the idea of hopelessness. He has always been calm, occasionally making fun of the gravity of the situation. He’d shrug his shoulder and move on. He taught me to be strong but acknowledge that there will be times that you will have to be weak with God. He taught me to have FAITH.

My Dad is not perfect, far from it. But his imperfections do not offset his acts of love for us. His willingness to sacrifice and to endure even the most difficult of challenges for us gives me hope. He inspires me to reach for my dreams because I know that he wholeheartedly believes in me. He’d often tell me how proud he is of me but really, I am prouder to have the best father a daughter could ever have. I get the occasional pat on the back and big hug and they mean the world to me.

To my Dad, Happy Fathers’ Day! I love you and I could never thank you enough for loving us and taking care of us. I promise to make you prouder, and to take care of you, Mom, Ichie and Hazel when it’s my time to do so. Don’t worry  I don’t plan to get married when I’m 28 nor when I’m 29 (You and Mom should acknowledge that your argument re: the right age to marry was just pointless.) and when I find the right man, I will make sure that he will live up to the very high standards you’ve set. Oh, and I promise that he wouldn’t be madungis!

On Living With Pain

picture from POSTSECRET

So, you get hurt. Big deal. One thing I learned about living is that, “Pain is inevitable.” The moment you are able to come to terms with that, you realize that pain, really, is just a wonderful front act. You get hurt, once in a while, with some periods more painful than the others. The danger really is, not in not enduring pain, developing an addiction to pain. When you look forward to it, when you see it as an exciting turn of events, that is when the real problem arises.

If pain is the only thing that we are looking forward to, we need to be reminded that this is not the end point. We need to believe that we are worthy of happiness, the kind of happiness that just brushes off the occasional hurt. We should never be scared of happy endings, we should never doubt that happy endings are just that, happy endings.

Not so long ago, I got into a discussion about retail and wholesale happiness. I think, it shouldn’t be an issue. I think that we should take happiness as what it simply is… pure and unadulterated happiness. We should enjoy it without fearing that at one point, it will stop. In reality, chances are, there will be pain. But happiness doesn’t stop when you’re in pain. In the same way that love does not disappear when the person you love end up hurting you. Happiness does not cease to exist, it just becomes more challenging to recognize and feel.

Be happy. Get hurt, and choose to be happy still. Only when you start letting pain get to you that you lose your chance to live. Believe and claim it.

Live with pain but don’t live IN it.

The Deviant Love

Some stare into each other’s eyes,

while we take quick glimpses and sideway glances.

Together, they dream of forever,

Yet we, for what seems like forever, dream of “together.”

They hold hands,
and instead, we hold hearts.

And when they make love,

we wait to see what love will make of us.

#thoughtbubbling #realityeverafter #Photords #introvertmindextrovertheart #BenCabMuseum #Photography #museums #paintings #photooftheday #digital #digitalphotography #Poetry #LegallyBlunt #LegallyGrunt #RealityEverAfter #writersofinstagram #fastfoodfiction #buttonpoetry #listen #findyourvoice #instapoet #shortform #instapoetry

What's the origin of your name?

Eunice fem. proper name, from L., from Gk. Eunike, lit. "victorious," from eu- "well" + nike "victory."

ZULEIKA
Gender: Feminine
Usage: Literature
Pronounced: zoo-LAY-kə
Possibly means "brilliant beauty" in Persian. According to medieval legends this was the name of Potiphar's wife in the Bible. She has been the subject of many poems and tales.

I'm an open book.

The One [that Got Away]

picture from POSTSECRET

In the context of, “I’m so bored… at wala NANAMAN akong issues,” I shall write today about that really sucky concept we call, “The one that got away.”

A majority of the men and women in this paawa sad world will, without batting their eyelashes, tell you that they have it. The person whom they think will be the perfect guy / girl for their very own fairytale, the person whom they consider to have loved most but didn’t end up staying, the selfish, cruel, manhid, stupid person who cannot seem to figure it out as described in a novel written by the person who was left behind. This person plays different roles, from the best friend, to the Romeo-ish acquaintance whom your family / barkada hates, to the bad guy whom you claim to have a soft side that only you can tap into, to that guy whom you would have wanted to hook up with if only he did not date your sister/best friend/friend/ sorority sister/ cousin/ boss / officemate first.

Bottom line, you wouldn’t want a prisoner for a lover. When you love, you offer a part of you, or maybe the whole of who you are. It is consummated by a meeting of the hearts. That’s just it, a simple yes or no. There is nothing in between. Believe me, I have been through this “the one that got away” boat for too long and if there is one thing I learned, it would be that, “An escape is always voluntary.” If a person got away, it just means that he chose to get away. More importantly, the person chose to get away from you.

So, shake it off and never ever look back.  Let the one that got away - get away. Keep in mind that you are worth being still with. For someone, you are worth staying and waiting for. 

Mang yari Lamang

Mang yari Lamang
by Rico Abelardo

Mang yari lamang ay tumayo
ang mga nagma hal
nang makita ng lahat
ang mukha ng pag– ibig
ipa malas ang tamis
ng malalim na pagkakau nawaan
sa mga mal abo ang paningin
mang yari lamang ay tumayo rin
ang mga nagma hal at nasawi
nang makita ng lahat
ang mga sugat ng isang bayani
ipadama ang pait ng kabiguan
habang ipinag bubunyi
ang walang kat u lad na kag itin gan
ng isang nagtaya
mang yari lamang ay tumayo
ang mga nan gangam bang magma hal
nang makita ng lahat
ang kilos ng isang bata
ipa malas ang kat a p atan ng damdamin
na pilit ikinukubli
ng pusong lumaki sa mga engkanto at diwatamang yari lamang ay tumayo
ang mga nagma hal, mina hal at ini wan
ngu nit handa pa ring magma hal
nang makita ng lahat ang yaman ng karanasan
ipa malas ang kato to hanang nasak si han
nang mag ing makahu lu gan
ang mga pagh ag ul gol
at sa mga nana natil ing nakaupo
mang yari lamang ay dahan– dahang tumalilis
papal abas sa nakan gan gang pinto
umuwi na kayo
at sum batan ang mga mag u lang
na nag palaki ng isang halimaw
at sa lahat ng nai wang nakatayo
mang yari lamang ay hagkan ang isa’t isa
at yakapin ang mga sug atan
mabuhay tay ong lahat na nag sisikap na mak a ba lik
sa ating pinagmulan
at higit sa lahat mag pat u loy
sa pagmamahal.

The Conversation We Never Had

picture from POSTSECRET

“So it was me. It has always been me?” You asked.

I rolled my eyes and blurted out, “Yes. It WAS.”

Way before you liked them, way before all your stories

Of admiration thrown at unsuspecting friends,

Way before I realized that it was never ME.

Weighing what I feel, if I still feel

and when I started feeling you wrote, “Why?”

“I was stupid.” In the same way that you were.

For not loving me. For not holding me.

Or maybe you were just being honest.

Too honest for my own sake.

“Did you ever love me?” I shouted.

With pity you answered, “Never.”

I nodded and smiled. “Kinda figured that out.”

Now fuck off. For real. For--ever.

The Guilt that We Built

But every time you look at me,
(Or is it I who look at you?)

 I see it.

 Through your eyes
You say “Sorry.”

 And through my smile
I plea,
“Set me free.”

I can finally be me
when you leave
and let me be.

 - "The Guilt that We Built"
@legallyblunt 

#realityeverafter
#Photords
#introvertmindextrovertheart
#LegallyBlunt
#LegallyGrunt
#thoughtbubbling
#fastfoodfiction

#Photography
#blackandwhitephotography
#BlackAndWhite
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#digital
#digitalphotography
#monochrome
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#photo
#nature
#photoshoot
#picoftheday
#travel
#travelphotography

#Poetry
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#listen
#findyourvoice
#instapoet
#shortform
#instapoetry
#writing
#writer
#love
#quotes
#poem
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#poems
#art 

>This is what democracy should be all about, having the right to vote your candidate without being judged for it. If we honestly believe that the other is making a mistake in voting his candidate, let that person commit that mistake. If these candidates really want a better Philippines, they should be able to help even if they lose. That is how true public service should emerge. Kapit lang, PILIPINAS.

The Meeting of the Minds

We used to hear I love you’s
haphazardly uttered,
displays of affection
indiscriminately shown

and we wondered, how far
should we have gone to fulfill
these spur of the moment promises
that were conditionally thrown?

After we experienced these silly
butterflies in our stomachs,
after every possible sweet nothing
had been cherished,
after all the mind games
had been solved,

How did we get
into this
then priceless,
now dragging
obligation that, sadly, got old?

What will our decision be?
Will you be with me
or let me be?


--------
#thoughtbubbling
#realityeverafter
#Photords
#introvertmindextrovertheart
#LegallyBlunt
#Photography
#blackandwhitephotography
#BlackAndWhite
#photooftheday
#digital
#digitalphotography
#monochrome

#Poetry
#TheStalkerPicsSeries
#LegallyBlunt
#LegallyGrunt
#RealityEverAfter
#writersofinstagram
#fastfoodfiction

#buttonpoetry
#listen
#findyourvoice
#instapoet
#shortform
#instapoetry

What They Add Up To

I can see clearly now.

What used to be a series of blurred promises
Have become a series of encrypted messages
DECODED.

Now, the message has come across.
You were saying NO to that THING.
Because NO and THING add up
To NOTHING.

@LegallyBlunt,
"What it Adds Up To"

#thoughtbubbling
#realityeverafter
#Photords
#introvertmindextrovertheart
#LegallyBlunt
#Photography
#blackandwhitephotography
#BlackAndWhite
#photooftheday
#digital
#digitalphotography
#monochrome

#Poetry
#TheStalkerPicsSeries
#LegallyBlunt
#LegallyGrunt
#RealityEverAfter
#writersofinstagram
#fastfoodfiction

#buttonpoetry
#listen
#findyourvoice
#instapoet
#shortform
#instapoetry

Free-falling with Faith

We try to do it on our own. Our pride stops us from acknowledging that there are things that are out of our control. We forget that when things are going our way, it is because God deems it appropriate.

How could we forget?  Why would we forget? When did we forget? Who are we forgetting?

Jesus died for us. It is the ultimate sacrifice. It is the ultimate act of salvation that made us whole. The least we can do is to try to be worthy of this sacrifice. We are not asked to be perfect, instead, we are asked to accept God in our lives. It is so easy to lose track of our spirituality. In a way of life that glorifies all things that are worldly, it is too easy to forget. Forgetting has become the general rule instead of being an exception.

I sometimes forget, too. Yet every day, I am reminded, because everything I have, everything I dream of, everything I experience cannot be the result of my actions alone. Everything is beyond me. There is too much beauty in my life that I find myself questioning Him of why am I blessed with these things. But I also learned that if you live a life with God, the last thing you would want and need to do is to question Him.

When you miss feeling close to God, you’re missing the point. God never leaves. He’s always near. All we need to do is open our hearts and let Him in. Faith is a challenging virtue. Free-falling with faith is hard but definitely rewarding. When you freefall with faith, you don’t really fall… instead, you find yourself floating, flying over all superficial issues that are not worth doubting for.

Nothing is worth doubting for. When you live with faith, that’s when you really start living.

  

Mga Pasasalamat ng Isang Bagong Alipin ng Batas

The following people made my passing the BAR possible:

1. My family, my brother Aldrich and my sister Hazel, especially my parents for not saying a word despite my spending too much for coffee and having to deal with an absentee daughter for the past months. For believing and loving me unconditionally.

2. My relatives, both the Nallas and Monsod families, especially my Lola Seng for continuously giving me words of encouragement and for never of praying for me in every single church. TO Lolo Kit, Lola Deng, Lola Itang, Lolo Ito, Tita Edith… salamat at alam kong tinulungan nyo akong i-convince si Lord dyan sa langit!!!

3. My two inaanaks / sisses / bar auxies, Ruth  and Catsky for making me one of the most pampered bar examinees of 2009. Thank you for having patience and for making me feel that you truly love and support me all the way. Thank you for listening to my kwentos, for checking up on me and for giving me everything that I need and more. Thank you for going all out in making sure that my bar examination experience will be as smooth and fun as it can be.

4. To my partner in crime, Cecilia for drinking with me after reaching our quotas and for tolerating my love issues (as expected)

5. To my batchmates, BATCH FIVE Jelaiah Sorelle Insieme, Dial , Gea , Chris , Dae , Ethel and Ces for just being THE BEST. BATCH FIVE 100 percent baby! PRESSURE!

6. To my Momsy Love and my Papeeto Mar for the visits and the libres and for being the sweetest pseudo parents that one could ever have.

7. Ona , na sumagot ng lahat ng kape ko for the four Sundays. Na naniwala sa akin, na unang nagalit pag nahahassle ako at na stressed lang talaga. haha

8. To REGINA IUSTITIAE, sorore lex atheneum for not only defining sisterhood but for demonstrating that our ties go beyond being mere sisters of the sorority. For helping us achieve our full potential, for being our constant. Special mention to Mitch and Aubs for being the best BAR Ops heads! Mitch, rubbing your belly worked. Aubs, pound it!!! Kahit na-trauma tayo sa mga nangyari (Hai?) at kahit na napuyat tayo kaka-analyze sa mga “sumasakit na likod”, pumasa parin ako. Sabi ko sayo we’re gonna make you guys proud!!! Sa mga inaanaks, anaks, TMI co-founders… mahal ko kayo!!!

9. To my Ateneo Law family, the Bar Ops team, faculty, admin and staff for equipping us with everything that we need to fight this battle. Special Mention to my thesis adviser, Atty. Chuey.
10. To Jason for being my sounding board, for readily going to Highstreet every single time that I asked him to just because I was stressed and I needed to talk to someone who is not from law school. For going with me to my last pre-bar gimmick, the SugarFree concert. For listening to me rant and rave about my bar, love and stupid issues. For being the best guy friend ever!

11. To my YSPEAK barkada, Angel , Carlo and Jason for being the most gorgeous barkada of ‘em all.

12. To DUHPERM, my law school Barkada, ONE HUNDRED PERCENT din!!!! Grabe, Atty. Diaz, Atty. Lumawag,Atty. Ylagan, Atty. Gaviola, Atty. Pallarca, Atty.  Galang, Atty. Salud, Atty. Abutan, Atty. Cordero, Atty. Closa, Atty. Castro. To yves , shem , kiko , patty , hazel , lew , Carlo … KAYO NAMAN! 100 percent tayo ha! :p

13. To my Starbucks Bonifacio Highstreet Family, the baristas, the security guards, to my Starbucks study buddies Atty. Liong, Atty. Sy, Atty. Aguirre!!! All those sleepless nights, cups of coffee, yosi breaks and kwentuhans paid off. Di man natin uulitin na ito, salamat for spending with me one of the most if not the most memorable period of my life. Fred, salamat sa paperboat race, sa lahat ng music videos, songs, status messages at lahat ng mga kasabawan na kwentuhan. Rach, sa lahat ng Frozen Yogurt, yosi, pakikinig sa mga kalokohang ilusyon na naiisip ko, sa pagiging matino, sabaw, praning. Anthony, sa pagiging chill. Sa Starbucks Block 9 family ko na nag-aruga sa aking ng apat na taon!

14. To Trici , thank you for coming into my life when I needed you the most! You don’t know how great of a blessing you are to me.Thank you for introducing me to good people, Crissy, Heidi, Aia... Oh, and for making the best pre-bar gimmick possible!!! Thank you for the Sugarfree Concert tickets. For the prayers. Sa mga kwentuhang walang kinalaman sa batas, puro tungkol sa puso lang. :p

15. To the PERKSQUAD, Japhet , AM , Abby, Sam , Nate , Bon , Paul ! Japhet, salamat sa pagpunta mo sa Highstreet bago ka magpunta ng Bacolod, sa pagtawag ng disoras ng gabi at sa chat para ipaaalala sa akin na WAG KA NANG BUMALIK SA NEVERLAND!!! Kayo ang bestfriends ko. WALA NANG IBA!!!

16. To my Us Whole family!!! Ang aking high school barkada na sumuporta, umantabay at naniwala, Ivee , Mirla , Jen , Leida , Lorelei , Ivan, Josepher , JC , Gerald , Paul , Karen , Kim , Jommel , Dyan , Christopher .

17. Sa lahat ng mga former schoolmates ko, sa COLEGIO DE STA.ANA. Ananians rock!!! Sa lahat ng mga nakasalamuha ko sa kolehiyo, UP School of Economics, I HEART UP Diliman!!!

18. To all my mentors, all the teachers, instructors, professors I had. Especially to the two people who gave me my recommendation letter for Ateneo Law, Ms. Lennie Montevirgen, Franvis. I hope I made you proud!!!

19. To my GOOD EARTH family. Sa lahat ng bastusan, inuman at kamanyakan! Sa SWINGERS’ CLUB!!! Woohoo, inuman for the win! Tito Robert, Kuya Vincent!!! Sa Gram’s. Sa buong BLOCK 9.

20. Sa lahat ng bumati, nag-congratulate, nagdasal, nagmahal at naniwalang kakayanin ko ito! Lahat ng ginawa ko inaalay ko sa inyo. WAG MUNA KAYO GUMAWA NG KRIMEN, DI PA AKO NAGS-SIGN NG ROLL.

21. To all my 1000+ friends in FACEBOOK whom have touched my life in ways they can never imagine. 

22. To all the guys I’ve loved before. The lady is now an attorney. In your face, bitches. (Kiddin!)

Lord, I lift your name on high. Ang pagiging abogado ko ay gagamitin ko para sa’yo.
SALAMAT SA LAHAT.

The Imperfect Combination

On paper you wrote, “Never give up.”, so you’ll be reminded of what you already did.Then you start questioning, why two such hopeful words,’ give and up’, ended up with a meaning so hopeless.

But this is not the first time.
YOU are hopeful.
I am hopeful.

‘YOU and I’? Hopeless.

picture from POSTSECRET

Your World's Nothingness.

picture from POSTSECRET

When you have decided that what matters is how much he means to you,

You go on and realize that you really need to know how much you mean to him.

And while to you, he is everything, it does not cover the fact that to him,

You are nothing.

If only you can choose your world. If only you can be his world.

BAR RESULTS WILL BE OUT ON FRIDAY, MARCH 26, 2010

THIS IS IT. God bless everyone!

WHAT WOULD EUNICE FEEL?

picture from POSTSECRET 

I’m writing this piece just so I’ll remember  what I felt a few days before I finally am out of this limbo. I have always been the calm one. It could be attributed to the fact that I have been through a lot of dilemmas in the past that didn’t give me the option to panic and pass on my stress to other people. I have lived my life independently, choosing to handle everything by myself and not minding the gravity of the situations that are unfolding before my very eyes. I have learned this skill from my dad. Through the years, I have seen my parents struggle, I have seen my dad handle these situations with grace and finesse that only a man who has been tested in infinitely many times can demonstrate. This does not disregard the fact that I am scared too.

Sometimes, I find myself imagining that exact moment. That exact moment when I become informed of what the future has in store for me has been played and replayed over and over again that I wonder what it would really be like. When I finally get that revered Atty.  before my name, I have imagined a lot of crying, of hugging and of praises that are deserved by the only supreme being who made it possible, God. I have it all figured out. I imagine myself to be talking to the people who believed in me, endlessly thanking them for the support that they have unconditionally showered me with. Sometimes, I imagine myself to be looking to the heavens and talking to those who have died but have made it clear that they believe and that they are proud of me wherever they are. My Lola Itang and Lolo Ito,  Lolo Kit, Lola Deng, Tita Edith... they are all a part of this even if they are not with us anymore. I imagine talking to them, telling them that I have kept my promise to eventually make them and our family proud. I imagine my parents to be somewhere between hysterically happy and unbelievably sentimental, I imagine my sister, Hazel, jumping around, holding hands with me and reciting her litany of what kind of house I should buy for her in the future. I imagine my brother, Aldrich giving me a pat on the back that says, “Buti na lang pumasa ka. Pinakaba mo ako. Libre naman dyan.”  I imagine myself getting ready to go to Good Earth where my fellow new lawyers are waiting for me with bottles of beer on their hands. I imagine myself to be relieved. When I pass…

Of course I could not dismiss the idea that by some very unlucky turn of events, I will fail. And that scene has also played in my head with so much vividness that I find it hard not to believe that its statistical probability is off the charts. But unlike the display of emotion that I imagine the perfect scenario would be, I imagine myself to be calmly going home, smiling at my family and telling them that, “I will bounce back.” People often find it weird that I am calm, that I laugh at the gravity of the situation and that I am able to just brush things off without even feeling a bit helpless. It’s all a part of this grand scheme that is my defense mechanism. I won’t feel great, but I have just achieved this certain sense of security that God has and will always reveal his grand plan if only I learn to listen to him and wait. I imagine myself to be crying, while everyone else is asleep, thinking of how I have broken my parents’ hearts. I imagine myself to be blogging a lot. I imagine myself to be making a lot of jokes about it, just so I can conceal the pain. I imagine myself to be the way I have always been, grounded and optimistic.

But this I have to say, just so anyone who will try to contact me on that fateful day will have an idea how to handle the outcome and just so anyone who are praying and hoping that I finally become a lawyer this week can have a clearer understanding of what is going through and what will be going through my mind with or without that ATTY., “YOU DON’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ME.” I know that no matter what the results will be, I will continue to live a wonderful life. I know and I have claimed the fact that my life will be a testimony of how good and merciful God is. I know that I will continue to strive to be the best that I can be even if I fulfill my dreams on my first try or the second or, heavens forbid, on the third, fourth or fifth try (hanggang limang beses lang e. hehe). When we see each other again after the results have come out, one thing will be certain, I will be the same Eunice that you’ve known. I will be there, smiling and making a big fool of herself through her jokes and stories that are worthy of being a reality tv show plot.

While we’re at it, let me take this opportunity to thank everyone who has stayed with me and has decided to stick with me through thick and thin. I am forever proud to have lived a life full of established friendships that are not only worth being thankful for but are worth being proud of. I have always been blessed. When I become a lawyer, I promise to not try to repay everyone, because that would be totally futile to attempt to gauge the value of all the love and support that you have given me, instead, I promise to pay it forward. I promise to continuously become a blessing to others who have not been as lucky as I am in finding love and assistance from wonderful people.

This is how I feel. This is how I will feel.  Grateful, grounded and eternally optimistic.

PAGHINTO

picture from TUMBLR

Minsan dumadaan ang mga araw na parang ikaw ang dinadaanan nito, na parang habang nakatayo ka lang, ang mundo ay masigasig na pinapakita sa’yo na tuloy tuloy parin ang pag-ikot nito kahit ayaw mo. At kahit ilang beses mong isigaw na gusto mo munang magpahinga, na gusto mo munang maramdaman na kaya mong mag-isa, ang isip at puso mo ay sumisigaw na hindi pwede at hindi mo kaya.

Nginingitian mo sila, ang mga tao na parte na ng nakasanayan mong mundong gumagalaw nang may pag-asa, kakausapin at mamahalin, dahil kung hindi, baka malaman nilang ika'y unti-unting humihina.

Baka maiwan ka at hindi mo na mamalayan na ang hiningi mong panandaliang pag-iisa ay naging patuloy na ang paghalina.

May mga araw na gusto mong maging mahina, na gusto mo maranasan na hayaan ang iba na ikaw ay alalayan at alagaaan nang may kusa.

At sa mga araw na iyon, maiisip mo na pinanganak ka mang mahina, na dinaya mo man ang iba sa pagpapakita na wala kang inaalintana, ang tunay na lakas ay ang pag-amin sa katotohanang hindi mo inakala.

At gustuhin mo man, parang hindi mo na kayang mapaniwala na pagkatapos ng lahat ng sakripisyo at pagpaparaya, sa pag-iyak mo ay may magpapawi pa ng iyong mga lihim na luha.

Pero ano ba ang kinakatakot mo?

Nakaya mo na hanggang dito, walang dahilan para magduda kang matatapos mo hanggang sa dulo.

At kung dinadaanan ka lang ng mga araw, at iniikutan ka lang ng mundo, pwede namang hayaan mo lang muna at sa malayo ay panoorin ito.

Kung kailangan mong tumigil, tumigil ka. Hindi para sumuko kundi para sa susunod na pag-ikot ng mundo, muli ay handa ka nang sumabay nang panaka-naka.

Maging masaya ka, hindi para sa iba kundi para sa puso mong nagsumikap at nagtiis para maging masaya.

Hindi sa lahat ng panahon ikaw ay tinitingala. At lalong hindi habambuhay na mananatili kang nasa baba.

Minsan ikaw ay nasa gitna ka, nagiging matatag, magmamasid at ang tanging pinapanghawakan ay ang iyong paniniwala.

#Photords #introvertmindextrovertheart #LegallyBlunt #Photography #blackandwhitephotography #BlackAndWhite #photooftheday #Poetry #TheStalkerPicsSeries #LegallyBlunt #LegallyGrunt #RealityEverAfter #writersofinstagram #buttonpoetry #listen #findyourvoice #instapoet #shortform #instapoetry

The Butterfly Effect

picture from POSTSECRET

Somehow, I too started believing.

Because when you hold her hand, I feel a squeeze inside my heart.

When you walk with her, I instinctively walk away,

and when you look into her eyes, my eyes swell up with tears.

The Constellation

I fall, and I crawl,
 and I fall,
 and I crawl.

 You are my constellation
not of stars
 but of scars.

 You do not need to shine,
Just be mine.

I will be fine.
You are my sign.


 - "The Constellation" @legallyblunt 25 February 2010 #Artwork by "Charlie 2010" seen at the #BenCabMuseum

 #realityeverafter #Photords #introvertmindextrovertheart #LegallyBlunt #LegallyGrunt #thoughtbubbling #fastfoodfiction #Photography #photooftheday #digital #digitalphotography #museums #photoart #photo #nature #photoshoot #picoftheday #Poetry #writersofinstagram #buttonpoetry #listen #findyourvoice #instapoet #shortform #instapoetry    

The Secret

Picture from POSTSECRET

The truth is, I’ve been trying to tell you.

But my words get drowned out

by the beating of my own heart.

That’s my secret.

The In the Know

Picture from POSTSECRET

I know that you know

that I know you know.

I don’t know why I know

I guess we’ll never really know.

The Wishing Us Well

So, I blew my birthday candle,

The one you brought as a surprise.

You asked what I was wishing for,

I kissed you and said, “Surprise!”

The Dark

Leave me, where the only color that I can see is the very color that can protect me.

 - "The Dark" @legallyblunt 23 February 2010

STATUS QUO

I haven’t written anything in a while. It could be because I’m busy or it could be because I haven’t felt anything genuine for quite sometime now. I still haven’t felt anything anyway, so might as well capitalize on what I haven’t been feeling. So today, I am going to talk about this painfully boring thing that is the status quo.

The status quo is like a prelude to the impending doom. It is the calm before the storm that is conflict. It is that narrow gap between not knowing and being told, “I told you so.”

If there’s anything I learned from everything, it is knowing when to listen not only to people but to your heart and most importantly, your mind. When something doesn’t feel right, chances are… something isn’t. Instinct is one’s biggest weapon against committing mistakes and fucking things up.

Happiness doesn’t happen in reverse. It should be the goal, it shouldn’t be a pit stop but the ultimate destination. You don’t find happiness from the past. You have it. You enhance it as you move forward. Nobody wins a race running backwards, nobody finishes the race while being stuck in a moment. If I understand it right, you move forward until you find what you are looking for… until you find the reason to be finally still. Until you find your perfectly imperfect status quo. Who knows, maybe you already are in it or fastly moving towards it. J

WHO IS YOUR HERO?