Meant to Be Broken

Friend: Di ako sanay na ganyan ka, it's been more than a month. Nun sinabi ko na magpahinga ka, di naman ganito katagal... lalayo na nga ako sa'yo, nahahawa ka na sa akin.

In fairness, it's been more than a month since *that thing that should not be mentioned*. Ces said something last night about how I am able to survive more than a month of having no one to rave about, of not having any "love interest" by thinking of how close I am to being a lawyer [yes!]. It may be true, I'm so close to reaching my goals that my priorities might've slightly changed. It's like I can almost taste victory and I couldn't care less about other things. But it's not true that I couldn't care less, in fact I care. It still bugs me, love and lack thereof. It's always been one of the most favorite topics that me and my "girlfriends" have every time we succumbed to our yearnings for yosi breaks in Starbucks. I still care and I can still feel that I long for something, not a specific someone but a very big something. It's weird really, not having anyone that I can feel kilig about, i have pseudo-crushes and MCIT objects but they're not real. They're not "actionable documents", they're not even qualified as "panawid-gutom".

*That thing that should not be mentioned* was so promising that I forgot to have a contingency plan. Heck, I don't even know what hit him, or me or both of us that we just stopped, he just stopped. But it isn't really about *that thing that should not be mentioned* per se, it's about seeing other people and silently saying that "love works for them". These past few days, a character from Neverland has reemerged, i can't say that we're back to where we were, simply because I CAN'T GO BACK THERE anymore, but I couldn't help but be reminded that what we had was promising, in fact more than promising than my most recent misadventure... *That thing that should not be mentioned*... I arrived at yet another conclusion, another "EUNICISM" if I may call it,

Promising things, just like promises, are meant to be broken too.

I promised myself that I won't whine about *that thing that shouldn't be mentioned*, I even promised myself that I won't think about Neverland again, but amidst all the feeling of loneliness, frustration and longing, I guess all i have are memories. Good ones perhaps that are more appropriately treasured than forgotten.

Promising things are meant to be broken too. Eunicism... Cynicism.