Letter of Love #6

Hey,

Ever had a day where you want the world to stop bothering you just so you can feel every little movement around you? Ever felt the need to drown out all the noised so you can hear yourself breathing? Ever stopped just so you can feel life flowing through you? Today is one of those days for me. If you were only here, I would've told you to not mind me, to not look at me because I'm at my most dreaded state... I feel fragile. I fee that if i stop doing something, the world will come rushing in again to overwhelm me. On the outside, nothing much really is happening, everything's routinary, but if i can invte you to that alter-world that I have in my mind, you'll realize that I never really had peace of mind. You will know that if you'll succeed to strip me of my wall, I have a lot going on. It's hard to remain calm and logical when deep inside I feel uncertainty overcome me, slowly but purposely... skillfully.

If you were here with me now, I fear that I might be able to push you away. In the same way that I have pushed away a lot of people from my past only to feel the punishment of loneliness right after. I have to warn you that you should never GIVE UP ON ME too easily, that you should always bear in your heart and mind that I don't want you to go... no matter how ironic my actions will be... no matter how my actions contradict my declaration of how deeply I am in love with you. There really is no need for you to do something extraordinary, I just need you to be there, to hug me while I shake and cry in your arms, not able to eloquently express how I feel. I just need you to look into my eyes, hold my gands and give me that warm smile that I have fallen in love with. I just need you to wait outside my room, patiently when I askyou to leave just because I need to reorganize my own thoughts.. I need to remind myself that you are God's angel, entrusted to me in the same way that he entrusted me to you.

When I ask you to go, you need not worry because I definitely will come to you, all red and puffy-eyed with a look that will eventually help you understand what just transpired. I do not fear the day when we will have to fight because I look forward to us saying sorry and affirming each other of how love remains to be a part of our relationship. It is sad that at present I cannot fight with you yet, it's sad that I cannot yet share with you the emotional intensity that only a lovers' fight can produce. It is the same intensity that will keep us together, that does not only promise sunny fays and starry nights but also rainy days and moonless nights that are potentially cold but stronger than a superficial promise. It's way stronger than a promise, it is an undying declaration of not only love but friednship and endless competition. Yes, we will compete on who can love more passionately, more strongly, more eternally. It will be an infinite competition... I can't wait to be your adversary.

Til next time competitor... til we meet.

Lang Kwenta

Jv[while reciting]: [blah blah blah blah] victors.. [blah blah blah]
Eunice: [whispers to Ana] Victors? Victors Neris?
Ana: [empty look]
Eunice: Ah, Victors Woods.

Eunice's Labels

Doodle doodle.

Peter Pan's Wendy
Tinkerbell's "Girl Friend"
Captain Hook's Tamer
Lost Boy's Keeper.

Hehe. Written during PIL.

Aww Moment

kakagising lang ni Eunice, paglabas ng kwarto nandun ang dad nya.

Dad: [big hug] Di na tayo nagkakausap a. Alam mo naman kung ano stand ko sa smoking ha? Malaki ka na, alam mo na ang tama at mali.

Un na. Lunok.

MOOT COURT

Patty: Paano ba dapat un grouping natin sa moot court?
Deo: Boys versus girls!
Eunice: Alam ko na kung paano dapat un group one, si Mel and Juanch tapos the rest, group two na.
TJ: Di un pwede.
Eunice: Bakit?
TJ: Kasi nga diba, LOVE CONQUERS ALL?
Eunice: Sabagay.

Happy Birthday Joan

Last night was a blast... after a really yummy dinner at Burgoo, we rushed to Rustan's to buy our "stock" for the night. Joan treated us to a night of pure bliss. [hehe] I haven't enjoyed myself like that in a while. It was nice to get drunk and not mind what'll happen next.

Happy Birthday and THANK YOU Joan. Thanks for the company Ces, Patty, Haze, Ana, Chinks, Yoyen and Andre. You guys rock.

I NEVER LET GO

If there's one thing a person cannot question about my personality it would be the truth in my concept of FRIENDSHIP. Once i have decided to be someone's friend, I remain to be one, even if I am pushed away. It's hard to see people whom you have slowly grown to love and cherish slip away for the wrong reasons. I cannot go through that again. Sometimes I find myself wondering I meet these people only to be disappointed by how easily they can let go of me. I never let go, even if I end up hurting myself in the deepest of ways, I never let go.

I hope they never let go too. I hope they never did. And never do. I cannot grasp the superficiality in relationships. I cannot grasp the idea of deciding, in a split second, that one cannot be there for you anymore. I cannot grasp why people can stand to walk away just like that, without looking back, without leaving a smile. I cannot grasp how one can be so insensitive and cold from being sincere and warm.

I remain to be optimistic, in the same way that I have remained to believe in the positivity of all other past situations. I never let go, call me stupid but I will hold them... even if my hands start bleeding, I will hold on.

That is friendship. That is what a relationship should be like. You don't give up just like that. I owe it to myself to stay. I owe it to them to remain a friend. Even if they feel they don't owe me anything. Even if they don't even feel.

FOR YOU

When will he learn? When will he realise that the pain he continuously causes us is too deep now to be totally forgotten? When will he understand that he needs to get his act together before it's too late? I mourn for his future and although he inspires me to strive more towards my dreams, I am troubled of what's in store for him. He is throwing things that matter away. I see them cry not because of mere frustration but out of fear that he will not survive a life that he's supposed to be responsible for. The agony of looking at him wasting opportunities, time and support that he, in reality, is blessed with makes my heart stop beating with regret that I cannot make him decide to be the best that he can be. How can a person with much potential not see that mere potential is not enough and life is a harsh string of situations? I love him, we love him, and we don't ask of him to love us back but if only he'll love himself with even a fraction of our love for him, we'll be the happiest.

I pray, every single time, that he finds what he's looking for and that he accept God's guidance and wisdom. I don't know what else is needed from us, we, especially they, have exhausted all ways to make him understand. We will never get tired... but I hope he gets tired of the him that he has become and change. Not for us, but for himself.

Bygones

Hi, I'm Eunice... I'm a Filipino and it sometimes frustrates me. A lot of people cease to be logical for the most foolish [non]reasons and it makes me laugh. Not because it's funny but because Filipinos are expected to just laugh it off and move on. As Richard Fish from Ally McBeal would always say, "Bygones." But "bygones" has evolved into something else here in the Philippines, it's not forgiving and forgetting anymore, it's about "I'm too busy thinking of myself that I can't spare time to be bothered by something so MACRO." It is sad really, I do not condemn APATHY in this level, even I am guilty of minding my own business, no matter how superficial my own business is, because at the end of the day, my responsibility is to myself, above all other incidental responsibilities. That's something a majority of the Filipinos have forgotten, being responsible for their own selves. Never mind relationships, never mind the social and political spheres, we must start acknowledging the that we are to be blamed for whatever have befallen upon us. We have to stop pointing at other people for not performing right, we should stop acting helpless, looking at leaders as saviors who bring us to victory. Even the Spartans led by the noble Leonidus [sorry, post - 300 syndrome] didn't make it. It has to be remembered that we, as individuals, can only hope to be a single good sector in this system dominated by bad sectors resulting from a virus. We have to remain sane individually and unite, eventually. There's nothing wrong with being MICRO, in fact, I still believe that it remains to be the most effective strategy at present to initiate change.

As an optimist, I still see goodness and concern in every person that I meet, by continuing to believe, I am able to foresee a future that beams with promise. I think it's something that every Filipino should possess, the belief that things will be better, that's what should inspire us to individually strive to become achievers with the goal of not single-handedly turning things around but of contributing along with other achievers. Sometimes, leaders are mere symbols. Yes, they represent us as a people, but we cannot let them define who we really are. Yes, they are our leaders, theoretically, but we are the leaders of our own selves, we decide and it takes one decision from within us to positively affect things, the decision to SURVIVE no matter what.
Let all the existing controversies be tackled for the sake of knowledge and freedom, but it shouldn't cease us from living our lives the way it should be lived, with hope and determination that can surpass every situation that screams, "BYGONES!"

STABLE

Life's pretty stable and steady now. My deeper burden is beginning to get back on track. It's not LOVE-related, well at least not romantic in nature. I hope it continues to be clearer. As for law school, it's so-so... more like a little above mediocrity. Not good enough, I know, but at least a step higher than being mediocre right?

As for my heart, [singe POP, goes my heart] it's beginning to get used to the irregularities of the situation. The other afternoon, I was talking with Nanay [Starbucks Nanay] and Jan about how boring my life has become. Nanay said we should start dating again. I AGREE. But how? I don't know if I'm for being set up on a date again, I find it tiring and stressful. Not to mention, costly. [I don't expect guys to pay for our "first date", mahirap na magkautang na loob, unless i like the guy so much, hehe] Meeting strangers, not starting out as friends may look like the logical shortcut to relationshipsville, but I think I'm though with going that way. I don't know if I'm really beginning to feel that I'm getting old, I'm not into "kiligans" anymore. I'm starting to look for security and assurance. Which brings me back to BOREDOM. Maybe I have resigned to the fact that I'm bound to succumb to monotony, I vowed not to be like that, but it's scary that I'm now giving in.. KADIRS.

Yihee.

Saw Peter Pan last night. *kilig*

He still is the CUTEST in Neverland.

Forget TRUE LOVE.