Sikmurain mo ang iyong Paninikmura.

Mali talaga. Sinisikmura nanaman ako. Stubborn kasi ng sobra. Salamat Jots sa iyong "bakit nagkakape ka nanaman? dapat decaf na lang.. next time ha." hirit. Alam kong concerned ka lang, pero wala ka magagawa, matigas ang ulo ng kaibigan mong maarte. Sorry na.

Birthday ng aking minamahal na sister na si Hazel. Had dinner with my family. Enjoy nanaman as usual... Ang pamilyang matakaw. Bow!

Shit, masakit na talaga. Ayoko po lagnatin... matutulog na ako. Walang kwenta nanaman ang mga pinopost ko sa blog ko. Pagbigyan nyo na, next week di na ako mago-online sa weekdays. Isa itong panata. Ayun na.

Mukhang mala-late ako sa usapan namin ni Ana mamaya a. Oh well, ano pa ba naman ang bago. Excited pa naman akong mag-ukay. Yunis Bungisngis is signing off.

Ayayay Panday!

"at alam mo naman ang ating buhay, parang espada ni panday,... habang nilalagay sa apoy, lalong tumitibay... "--AM

How poetic. But 'tis true. Bring it on.

Very Interesting Pictures.

Nakakatawang Hindi.

Nadapa ako. Ito ang araw na pinaalala nanaman sakin ni Lord na pwede parin ako madapa. Sa UP Alumni Center, habang hinihintay ang resulta ng aking pagtira habang naglalaro ng Duckpin Bowling. Nakalimutan ko na naka-heels ako. Bawal itabingi ang paa kung naka-heels. Semplang. Plakda. Nadapa ako. Oh well.

Nakakatuwang Usapan ng mga Lango sa Pag-ibig.

Ganito, nagbowling kami kagabi. Minamalas ako, at patapos na ang laro ay wala parin akong strike.. Bigla kong nasabi sa aking sarili ng biglaan... "Lord, pag na-strike ko ito.. kami na ni SBL!"

Gumulong ang aking bola, tumama.. at may natira na dalawang pin sa magkabilang gilid,nanlumo at tumalikod na ako. Bigla na lamang nagwawala ang mga tao. Pagharap ko ulit at nakita ko na lang na naka-strike ako. Wala na. Natawa na lang ako at napasigaw.. "OMG, sabi ko kay Lord pag naka-strike ako.. kami na!"

------------------
pagkauwi ay ito ang aming naging usapan ni Mumiel.

smyle_khyle: sinagot ka na ng diyos ah
jersee_d_goddess : ang "pag-usad"
smyle_khyle : strike euns, strike
jersee_d_goddess : oh well. tsamba lang siguro. haha.
smyle_khyle : the freaky part, the last pin that fell was mej mahirap. did you see how your pins fell.
jersee_d_goddess : well, magkabilang pins un di bumagsak na akala ko.
smyle_khyle : may naiwan isa na parang bumigay na lang para magstrike. yet sabay bumagsak.
jersee_d_goddess : pag talikod ko akala ko tlga di strike. tapos si haze bigla nagwawala.. i couldnt believe it. ang freaky.
smyle_khyle : meant to be
jersee_d_goddess : no, freaky.
smyle_khyle : strike siya talaga it's a sign. hallelujiah
jersee_d_goddess : ay wla na. :|
smyle_khyle : talaga bang wala na... ako sumuko pero, look what happened
jersee_d_goddess : di naman sa ganun.
smyle_khyle : pero.. :-w
jersee_d_goddess : kelangan ko tlga mag-aral e.
smyle_khyle : true, we all have to study. but, it should not be a reason to close the door.. leave a window open.
jersee_d_goddess : i know.. im just sayin na im ok na with it. if he moves then ok, if he doesnt i wont whine about it.
smyle_khyle : then why say na wala ng feeling
jersee_d_goddess : indifferent na ako. di naman wala nang feeling, ittanong ko ba kay Lord un kung wala na tlga db?
smyle_khyle : point.. He gave you the answer didn't he? just wait a while.
jersee_d_goddess : haha. maybe.
smyle_khyle : para siya siguro yung 2 pins
jersee_d_goddess : hahaha..
jersee_d_goddess : ang weird, ang weird.
smyle_khyle : natagalan bumagsak pero bumagsak nevertheless
jersee_d_goddess : hahaha. point, point. sira. we're just friends.
smyle_khyle : yes you're friends, but, accrdg to god, you'll be more than friends
jersee_d_goddess : haha.
smyle_khyle : lord, salamat sa strike
jersee_d_goddess : =))
smyle_khyle : when your window closes, it only means you're about to open the door
jersee_d_goddess : naks.
smyle_khyle : for him

------------------
ang kwento ay kasalukuyan ko pa lamang na isinusulat. wait lang. di ko alam ang katapusan.

SUICIDE.

Suicide is leaving the old you that has given you grief, pain and uncerainty. I WILL COMMIT SUICIDE TONIGHT. I am running away from the ME that i thought i love. I am now embracing my imperfections, I dont want to pretend that I can handle things anymore. I am tired.

I am admitting it. I am fragile, i am stubborn... i am a needy bitch who wants to feel. I will stop tolerating the numbness that i have enveloped my self with and i will willingly commit suicide so i can start living again. I will DIE because i want to be hugged, to be pampered, to be taken cared of. I am tired of taking care of myself because i am not doing a great job.

I want to know how people will write their eulogies for me. I want to find out how i lived my life in the eyes of those I lived for. I want to write a eulogy for me too. It will have words that revolve around happiness, how i sought it and managed to get a glimpse of it.

I gave the people whom i value a piece of the puzzle that is me. Some valued the piece that I gave them. Some walked away, shrugged their shoulders and dismissed the idea. I hope they all come in the celebration of my life. So they can all bring the pieces that i gave them and complete the puzzle. I want them to understand me.

I am committing suicide tonight. While everyone's sleeping and I am wide awake... scared and shaking.

God Still Loves Me.

I have the best parents in the world. I went home feeling down and the first thing that my dad told me was, "We're still proud of you. Ok lang yan, we need to fail once in a while." I almost broke down but his hug just made me feel so secure. I love you guys, i will be a lawyer for you.

I failed Criminal Law. It's ok, i'm pretty confident that i can appeal. It just breaks my heart that I cannot take Crim Law 2 this sem. I was overwhelmed by the number of hugs i received today. I got reminded that I am a very fragile person, i break down at the slightest existence of mush. Thank you friends for your warmth. I was asking for human warmth the whole sem, and i got it today. Thank you. Paopao, thank you for making me laugh when i told you not to hug me anymore because it makes me cry. Thank you people.

I'm still smiling, i still have Duh Perm by my side. You guys rock.

T'was a CLOUDY DAY.

How do you hide the fear in your eyes?
Why do you fight the tears and the cries?
How do you say the sweetest goodbyes?
Why do you smile amidst all of your lies?

Yesterday was a happy day. Coffee at starbucks, Lunch at Chocolate Kiss (UP), got my UP Alumni Card, Ana got her transcript of records, we got to meet Pepe's new gf, a visit to Haze's house and the highly-anticipated 30-minute brisk walking session at the "infamous" La Mesa Eco Park. I was with friends whom I spent almost everyday of my six months with, studying, laughing or just plainly being there for each other. We held on and tried our damnest best to survive this jungle that is the law school. It's amazing how the friendship has evolved into something that is beyond mere companionship and at present, this is being tested by the challenge to continue holding on. I AM SCARED. I was looking at our pictures and I couldnt help but feel the sadness hidden under the facade of smiles that we gave. We werent acting, we were happy, it's just that there really is a very fine line between being happy and being sad. The border is a more complicated place. We dont even know if our smiles are as real as the possiblity that we are gonna be saying our goodbyes.

As if the heavens are joining us in this dance of emotions, the clouds gave us the show of our lives. All through the day, we kept on staring at the heavens as if the clouds hold the answers to the uncertainties and the open-ended questions that are facing us. Beautiful but sad. Scenic but empty. Cheerful but mocking.

A 30-minute tour around the Eco Park was like the past five months... we know that there are a lot of things that are worthy of appreciation but as much as we would want to linger on all the good things, the fact that we have to go and move on is just painfully imposing. What lies beyond the road that we didnt get to explore? We shall see. We just dont know yet if we'll see it together or if we will be taking our separate paths until we meet again.

This is one of those few moments that we wish we'll just get stuck, firmly to the ground... feeling the stability of the rocks beneath. This is one of those chosen days where not doing anything is much much better than being productive, if only to preserve what is left of the past.

We still are holding on. Even if holding on means falling really hard in the end.

In Between...

image from postsecret

I’m the girl in-between… barely breathing but happy to hold on. Relieved but scared. We got our grades for three of our subjects in law school and I’m very happy that I passed them all. Thank you, Lord. I know this is what I deserve, grades that are just enough to bring me to next semester. The agony of waiting is lethal. One more major subject and a couple of other minor ones, but I’m still praying. I cannot be totally happy… not at this time when a few are hurting. I wish I could be of more help, I wish there is something I can do to at least minimize the pain. This is one of those situations where I feel so helpless. I fear for myself, I fear for my friends and I fear for those who are waiting for me at the finish line, cheering with their expectant looks and sweet smiles. Hold on my friends, this too shall pass.

-----------

I spent my whole day waiting for my grades and I just would like to acknowledge those who made me smile today.

I think women do not lose interest in men… same as men do not lose interest in women. I think it's only an excuse for other things. That if a right man comes along, you'll throw that reason out the window…
-future stalker (winks)

(in re: law school) parang pinoy big brother ang tanggalan
-Atoy a.k.a. Nate (amishu!)

okies, just want to wish you good luck on the coming semester
-Chei

btw im sure youll pass all of your subjects;
-Jots (thank you for being the optimist on my day of pessimism; i promise to be the ever optimist for you)

hey, for all the pro bono wishers out there --you just have to pass
-Lee (this made my day..)

It's All Coming Back.

I cannot find it in my heart to leave my room. The last time i felt this way was that fateful day of my Math17 grade release. I'm freaggin' scared and as much as I would want to be the "Ever Optimist" that I am, I can't. If i fail now, I dunno what I would do. It's not really the idea of failing that's scaring me to death, it's the idea of disappointing the people who believe in me. My parents have been excessively supportive and I dont want them to think that I dont appreciate everything that they have given me. They've been very understanding and if there's anyone in this world that I will dedicate what little i have accomplished in my life, it will definitely be them.

They do not deserve to hear from me that I couldnt make it to next sem. They do not deserve to hear from me that I failed. They do not deserve to hear anything that is synonymous to being not good enough. I think they have sacrificed more than enough that they only deserve to hear how their hardwork paved off.

If I could just protect them from disappointment, frustration and grief.... I would. Please Lord, help me protect them. You have blessed me all my life, I'm just scared that this is the part where You will test my faith in You. I know I'm unworthy but please hold my hand, i feel so vulnerable.

Pakshet Kilig Moment

design by dre martinez, buy a cute shirt now, visit his site.. http://dremartinez.multiply.com

Parang matagal na nung huli akong kinilig. Hindi ung pademure na kilig, ito ung pakshet-kinikilg ako na klase ng kilig. Di un tipo na mapapangiti ka lang, mapapailing tapos wala na. Ito ung kakiligan na nakakaihi, nakakapagpapawis, nakakabaliw, nakaka-L...ambot ng tuhod. Ung kakiligan na alam mong may basehan. Un kakiligan na di galing sa pagpapantasya mo sa isang lalaki sa TV o sa pelikula.. ito un pagkakilig na nararamdaman mo pag inakbayan ka na sa sinehan, paghinawakan na ang kamay mo, pag hinahawi na un buhok sa mukha mo, pag inaalalayan ka sa laglalakad, un binibigyan ka ng bulaklak, un tinatanong ka kung-- kumain ka na, ano kinain mo, bakit ka kumain, may pambili ka pa ba ng pagkain, gusto mo ba sya kainin este gusto mo ba kumain kasama nya -, kapag pinapakilala ka na sa magulang, kapag hinahatid ka na sa bahay, kapag gumagawa na sya ng mga- tula, sulat, kanta, work of art, website - para sayo. Ito ung pagkakilig na nakakapagpabilis ng tibok ng puso mo. Ito un kilig na nakamamatay.

Nakamamatay pala e. Delikado. Pero gusto ko parin kiligin. Mabuti na mamatay sa kakiligan kesa mamatay sa depresyon diba? Minsan talaga kelangan natin makaramdam ng PKM. "pakshet kilig moments".

-------------
ito ay kasama ng TNP (Tunay na Pag-ibig) ni Paolo Manalo
TNP (Tsinelas na Pangmatagalan ni PEPE)
TNM (Tawa ng Malakas)
at ng kung anu-ano pang acronym na ginagawa ng mga taong tamad.