Decluttering Cluttered Thoughts

image from ThingsWeForget

"So just live, make mistakes, and have wonderful times. But never ever second guess who you are, where you have been, and most importantly, where it is that you are going." - Sex and the City

The Checklist

Last night, my friends and I got into a discussion of how we picture our significant others to be. What would s/he be like? What qualities do we expect them to have that will endear them to us? My answer was simple; he would be someone whom I respect enough to consider his opinion – not exactly to follow what he said but to at least think about my decision in consideration of his stand. That is a big deal for someone who has been making her own decisions for herself all her life. I admittedly cannot change my innate stubbornness anymore, but to have the willingness to consider someone else’s opinion is, at least for me, already a big leap.

Abby told me that my attitude can be quite deceiving. That at first glance or encounter, I would not seem to be intimidating when in reality, I could be quite domineering and controlling. I jokingly declared that this only affirms my inking that I can sometimes be a scheming bitch. Anyway, this whole discussion got me into thinking of how we sometimes allow ourselves to mentally write a checklist of the characteristics of our elusive “The One” not to fully tick every single box but to test who will be worthy enough to make us forget about this checklist.  

We are actually in search of someone who will unknowingly allow us to go beyond our standards because s/he is worth it.

Manifestations of Unconditional Love

Another question that came up was as to how we envision unconditional love as manifested in our everyday interactions. My answer was this, “Unconditional love is someone’s ability to look at me and know that something’s wrong, and without saying a word, taking the time to hug me (preferably from behind) as a silent assurance that everything will be all right and that he will be there to try to protect me.” He will be my constant - the remaining orderly thing in the mess that is my life.

One of my guy friends said that it is easier for women to have an idea of how love is manifested because women are more capable of unconditional love compared to men. I was baffled by this revelation because I have always believed that anyone should be as capable as another in terms of this universal concept that is love. But he explained that with women, it would seem like we are more programmed to love without expecting anything in return. I tried to think about how this has come about and can only come up with one explanation – we are more able to handle loving someone from afar because the society has taught us to not act on our feelings and wait until the man confirms that the feeling is mutual. We are more capable of loving unconditionally because we are able to show our love albeit discreetly without giving away our true feelings.  Society screwed us up.

Sometimes I regret not being able to aggressively pursue the men I like… not that I have not done that in the past, back when I was more carefree and was more ready to feel pain, back when I really had nothing to lose but time. I was fearless because I thought I can afford to lose time. I did not fully understand the concept of time being “of the essence.”

On Being ‘OUT THERE’

"And I'm worried...I, I'm afraid that he took away my ability to believe. And I hate him for that. Because I always believed before. And now I just feel...lost. And I am, I'm trying to put myself out there, but... I feel hopeless." - Sex and the City

“I did not expect you to be a girly girl.” my friend taunted me, when I expressed that at present, I am more inclined to wait it out than actively pursue anyone. I guess it all stems from my evaluation of how I have played the game since time immemorial. Nobody can say that I was not out there because I was, I REALLY was. I have put myself out there, played the part of a journeying romantic, had my heart broken over and over again to find love - only to be stuck in the same place that I was when I started. It has obviously not worked for me. But this is what I have learned – ‘Love has no specific formula and no amount of thinking can ever solve this illogical puzzle.’

But in the end, it will make sense. I need to believe that it will.