Tale of the Runny Nose, Loose Bowel Movement and Achy Breaky Heart

I’m a very healthy person, I rarely get sick and sometimes it bothers me. When I get sick, it only lasts for a few hours and then it’s gone, so when I excuse myself let’s say, from school or from a meeting and give my being sick as an excuse, I feel that no one believes me. It bothers me because I feel that it isn’t normal not to have even a mild fever from time to time. But what I found out this Christmas vacation is that my body gets sick in a “one time, big time” kind of way. When I whine about not getting sick (atoy knows this) I didn’t have a getting-sick-during-vacation scenario in mind. Well, it happened. I suffered from a humiliating runny nose for weeks and during New Year’s eve, I had diarrhea, to top it all off, I had a mild fever until today.… err, talk about a bummer!

Fate is really cruel to me. Fate loves to just knock me off my feet but not in a positive kind of way. I am not a morning person, at least not after summer (when I would always wake up at 5 in the morning, thanks to my movie buddy Anthony). So, when I decided to wake up early to go online to listen to Joe Schmoe’s ( 99.5 RT’s dj) goodbye show, I was in a very good mood. After the show I went online. SUPRPISE, SURPRISE.. Two of the men in my past went online. I didn’t know what I was supposed to think, whether it’s funny, lucky or unfortunate for me. For a split second, I thought of ducking out of the way (paranoid, paranoid). Thanks to the Yahoo Messenger, they didn’t have any idea how nerve-wracking it was for me. I said hi to both of them and yes, we all get along just fine. As usual, I never really made them see that at one point or another they caused me so much pain. I do acknowledge the fact that although they played major parts in my emotional rollercoasters but a greater part of my pain is self-inflicted. I made them turn away. I’m very talented in that area. Our conversations weren’t really as deep as it used to be. It’s the kind of conversation that you get after people fall out of love, the “hi-how are you-are you seeing someone now” conversation. My answer was the expected, “hello there - I am doing great – I’m not formally seeing anyone” cliché. It’s partly true, I’m really doing ok, in fact I don’t wallow in a corner and think about them, out of sight out of mind. And yes, I am not formally seeing anyone, not even informally seeing anyone. I AM NOT SEEING ANYONE, PERIOD. It hurts me, oh no scratch that, I resent the idea that they are seeing someone and that they found someone better than me while I have no one. STORY OF MY LIFE.

Someone asked me what happened to Mr. Out of My League, well, first and foremost I just wanna make it clear that he’s out of my league not because he’s drop dead gorgeous or really intelligent or filthy rich (please, I wouldn’t accept defeat if it’s just that) but because he is not into women. Yup, he’s gay. We can only be secret lovers – yeah, I did watch So Happy Together – I am a bonafide Drama Queen. I know, I know.. it’s funny. I smile too when the idea hits me.

According to my friend Paloys, someone who doesn’t regret anything is either living an unexamined life or is delusional. I guess I am, uhm.. Delusional. Har, har.. it’s his reaction to my YM Status Message, “Je ne regrette rien.” When I say I don’t regret anything, it’s actually a combination of not regretting the things that happened by accepting that they can never be reversed. It’s acceptance, it’s admitting that although we wanted something different, we can adjust to what happened and reformat our life plan. It’s 2005, I hope this year’ll rock not only for me but for everyone. I still have faith after all, just like everyone else, I still believe that if you hit rock bottom, you have a choice. It’s either you’ll dig deeper or you’ll tell yourself you’ve had enough and find your way back to the top. I love being on top (winks).

--- I wanna thank my new found dearie / kapwa-may-sayad Atenista friend /snake charmer / yummy guy Sam. I’m deeply flattered when you said that I give the smartest answers all the time, thanks for saying that out of nowhere. Apir! I should start believing that myself. Hehe,, you’re a sweetie. Kung benta ako sa’yo, edi benta ka rin sa’kin. Say hi to your Paragon Plaza gay stalker for me, I think you should give him a chance. Just kiddin bro.