The Conversation We Never Had

picture from POSTSECRET

“So it was me. It has always been me?” You asked.

I rolled my eyes and blurted out, “Yes. It WAS.”

Way before you liked them, way before all your stories

Of admiration thrown at unsuspecting friends,

Way before I realized that it was never ME.

Weighing what I feel, if I still feel

and when I started feeling you wrote, “Why?”

“I was stupid.” In the same way that you were.

For not loving me. For not holding me.

Or maybe you were just being honest.

Too honest for my own sake.

“Did you ever love me?” I shouted.

With pity you answered, “Never.”

I nodded and smiled. “Kinda figured that out.”

Now fuck off. For real. For--ever.

The Guilt that We Built

But every time you look at me,
(Or is it I who look at you?)

 I see it.

 Through your eyes
You say “Sorry.”

 And through my smile
I plea,
“Set me free.”

I can finally be me
when you leave
and let me be.

 - "The Guilt that We Built"
@legallyblunt 

#realityeverafter
#Photords
#introvertmindextrovertheart
#LegallyBlunt
#LegallyGrunt
#thoughtbubbling
#fastfoodfiction

#Photography
#blackandwhitephotography
#BlackAndWhite
#photooftheday
#digital
#digitalphotography
#monochrome
#photoart
#photo
#nature
#photoshoot
#picoftheday
#travel
#travelphotography

#Poetry
#writersofinstagram
#buttonpoetry
#listen
#findyourvoice
#instapoet
#shortform
#instapoetry
#writing
#writer
#love
#quotes
#poem
#poet
#poems
#art 

>This is what democracy should be all about, having the right to vote your candidate without being judged for it. If we honestly believe that the other is making a mistake in voting his candidate, let that person commit that mistake. If these candidates really want a better Philippines, they should be able to help even if they lose. That is how true public service should emerge. Kapit lang, PILIPINAS.

The Meeting of the Minds

We used to hear I love you’s
haphazardly uttered,
displays of affection
indiscriminately shown

and we wondered, how far
should we have gone to fulfill
these spur of the moment promises
that were conditionally thrown?

After we experienced these silly
butterflies in our stomachs,
after every possible sweet nothing
had been cherished,
after all the mind games
had been solved,

How did we get
into this
then priceless,
now dragging
obligation that, sadly, got old?

What will our decision be?
Will you be with me
or let me be?


--------
#thoughtbubbling
#realityeverafter
#Photords
#introvertmindextrovertheart
#LegallyBlunt
#Photography
#blackandwhitephotography
#BlackAndWhite
#photooftheday
#digital
#digitalphotography
#monochrome

#Poetry
#TheStalkerPicsSeries
#LegallyBlunt
#LegallyGrunt
#RealityEverAfter
#writersofinstagram
#fastfoodfiction

#buttonpoetry
#listen
#findyourvoice
#instapoet
#shortform
#instapoetry

What They Add Up To

I can see clearly now.

What used to be a series of blurred promises
Have become a series of encrypted messages
DECODED.

Now, the message has come across.
You were saying NO to that THING.
Because NO and THING add up
To NOTHING.

@LegallyBlunt,
"What it Adds Up To"

#thoughtbubbling
#realityeverafter
#Photords
#introvertmindextrovertheart
#LegallyBlunt
#Photography
#blackandwhitephotography
#BlackAndWhite
#photooftheday
#digital
#digitalphotography
#monochrome

#Poetry
#TheStalkerPicsSeries
#LegallyBlunt
#LegallyGrunt
#RealityEverAfter
#writersofinstagram
#fastfoodfiction

#buttonpoetry
#listen
#findyourvoice
#instapoet
#shortform
#instapoetry

Free-falling with Faith

We try to do it on our own. Our pride stops us from acknowledging that there are things that are out of our control. We forget that when things are going our way, it is because God deems it appropriate.

How could we forget?  Why would we forget? When did we forget? Who are we forgetting?

Jesus died for us. It is the ultimate sacrifice. It is the ultimate act of salvation that made us whole. The least we can do is to try to be worthy of this sacrifice. We are not asked to be perfect, instead, we are asked to accept God in our lives. It is so easy to lose track of our spirituality. In a way of life that glorifies all things that are worldly, it is too easy to forget. Forgetting has become the general rule instead of being an exception.

I sometimes forget, too. Yet every day, I am reminded, because everything I have, everything I dream of, everything I experience cannot be the result of my actions alone. Everything is beyond me. There is too much beauty in my life that I find myself questioning Him of why am I blessed with these things. But I also learned that if you live a life with God, the last thing you would want and need to do is to question Him.

When you miss feeling close to God, you’re missing the point. God never leaves. He’s always near. All we need to do is open our hearts and let Him in. Faith is a challenging virtue. Free-falling with faith is hard but definitely rewarding. When you freefall with faith, you don’t really fall… instead, you find yourself floating, flying over all superficial issues that are not worth doubting for.

Nothing is worth doubting for. When you live with faith, that’s when you really start living.

  

Mga Pasasalamat ng Isang Bagong Alipin ng Batas

The following people made my passing the BAR possible:

1. My family, my brother Aldrich and my sister Hazel, especially my parents for not saying a word despite my spending too much for coffee and having to deal with an absentee daughter for the past months. For believing and loving me unconditionally.

2. My relatives, both the Nallas and Monsod families, especially my Lola Seng for continuously giving me words of encouragement and for never of praying for me in every single church. TO Lolo Kit, Lola Deng, Lola Itang, Lolo Ito, Tita Edith… salamat at alam kong tinulungan nyo akong i-convince si Lord dyan sa langit!!!

3. My two inaanaks / sisses / bar auxies, Ruth  and Catsky for making me one of the most pampered bar examinees of 2009. Thank you for having patience and for making me feel that you truly love and support me all the way. Thank you for listening to my kwentos, for checking up on me and for giving me everything that I need and more. Thank you for going all out in making sure that my bar examination experience will be as smooth and fun as it can be.

4. To my partner in crime, Cecilia for drinking with me after reaching our quotas and for tolerating my love issues (as expected)

5. To my batchmates, BATCH FIVE Jelaiah Sorelle Insieme, Dial , Gea , Chris , Dae , Ethel and Ces for just being THE BEST. BATCH FIVE 100 percent baby! PRESSURE!

6. To my Momsy Love and my Papeeto Mar for the visits and the libres and for being the sweetest pseudo parents that one could ever have.

7. Ona , na sumagot ng lahat ng kape ko for the four Sundays. Na naniwala sa akin, na unang nagalit pag nahahassle ako at na stressed lang talaga. haha

8. To REGINA IUSTITIAE, sorore lex atheneum for not only defining sisterhood but for demonstrating that our ties go beyond being mere sisters of the sorority. For helping us achieve our full potential, for being our constant. Special mention to Mitch and Aubs for being the best BAR Ops heads! Mitch, rubbing your belly worked. Aubs, pound it!!! Kahit na-trauma tayo sa mga nangyari (Hai?) at kahit na napuyat tayo kaka-analyze sa mga “sumasakit na likod”, pumasa parin ako. Sabi ko sayo we’re gonna make you guys proud!!! Sa mga inaanaks, anaks, TMI co-founders… mahal ko kayo!!!

9. To my Ateneo Law family, the Bar Ops team, faculty, admin and staff for equipping us with everything that we need to fight this battle. Special Mention to my thesis adviser, Atty. Chuey.
10. To Jason for being my sounding board, for readily going to Highstreet every single time that I asked him to just because I was stressed and I needed to talk to someone who is not from law school. For going with me to my last pre-bar gimmick, the SugarFree concert. For listening to me rant and rave about my bar, love and stupid issues. For being the best guy friend ever!

11. To my YSPEAK barkada, Angel , Carlo and Jason for being the most gorgeous barkada of ‘em all.

12. To DUHPERM, my law school Barkada, ONE HUNDRED PERCENT din!!!! Grabe, Atty. Diaz, Atty. Lumawag,Atty. Ylagan, Atty. Gaviola, Atty. Pallarca, Atty.  Galang, Atty. Salud, Atty. Abutan, Atty. Cordero, Atty. Closa, Atty. Castro. To yves , shem , kiko , patty , hazel , lew , Carlo … KAYO NAMAN! 100 percent tayo ha! :p

13. To my Starbucks Bonifacio Highstreet Family, the baristas, the security guards, to my Starbucks study buddies Atty. Liong, Atty. Sy, Atty. Aguirre!!! All those sleepless nights, cups of coffee, yosi breaks and kwentuhans paid off. Di man natin uulitin na ito, salamat for spending with me one of the most if not the most memorable period of my life. Fred, salamat sa paperboat race, sa lahat ng music videos, songs, status messages at lahat ng mga kasabawan na kwentuhan. Rach, sa lahat ng Frozen Yogurt, yosi, pakikinig sa mga kalokohang ilusyon na naiisip ko, sa pagiging matino, sabaw, praning. Anthony, sa pagiging chill. Sa Starbucks Block 9 family ko na nag-aruga sa aking ng apat na taon!

14. To Trici , thank you for coming into my life when I needed you the most! You don’t know how great of a blessing you are to me.Thank you for introducing me to good people, Crissy, Heidi, Aia... Oh, and for making the best pre-bar gimmick possible!!! Thank you for the Sugarfree Concert tickets. For the prayers. Sa mga kwentuhang walang kinalaman sa batas, puro tungkol sa puso lang. :p

15. To the PERKSQUAD, Japhet , AM , Abby, Sam , Nate , Bon , Paul ! Japhet, salamat sa pagpunta mo sa Highstreet bago ka magpunta ng Bacolod, sa pagtawag ng disoras ng gabi at sa chat para ipaaalala sa akin na WAG KA NANG BUMALIK SA NEVERLAND!!! Kayo ang bestfriends ko. WALA NANG IBA!!!

16. To my Us Whole family!!! Ang aking high school barkada na sumuporta, umantabay at naniwala, Ivee , Mirla , Jen , Leida , Lorelei , Ivan, Josepher , JC , Gerald , Paul , Karen , Kim , Jommel , Dyan , Christopher .

17. Sa lahat ng mga former schoolmates ko, sa COLEGIO DE STA.ANA. Ananians rock!!! Sa lahat ng mga nakasalamuha ko sa kolehiyo, UP School of Economics, I HEART UP Diliman!!!

18. To all my mentors, all the teachers, instructors, professors I had. Especially to the two people who gave me my recommendation letter for Ateneo Law, Ms. Lennie Montevirgen, Franvis. I hope I made you proud!!!

19. To my GOOD EARTH family. Sa lahat ng bastusan, inuman at kamanyakan! Sa SWINGERS’ CLUB!!! Woohoo, inuman for the win! Tito Robert, Kuya Vincent!!! Sa Gram’s. Sa buong BLOCK 9.

20. Sa lahat ng bumati, nag-congratulate, nagdasal, nagmahal at naniwalang kakayanin ko ito! Lahat ng ginawa ko inaalay ko sa inyo. WAG MUNA KAYO GUMAWA NG KRIMEN, DI PA AKO NAGS-SIGN NG ROLL.

21. To all my 1000+ friends in FACEBOOK whom have touched my life in ways they can never imagine. 

22. To all the guys I’ve loved before. The lady is now an attorney. In your face, bitches. (Kiddin!)

Lord, I lift your name on high. Ang pagiging abogado ko ay gagamitin ko para sa’yo.
SALAMAT SA LAHAT.

The Imperfect Combination

On paper you wrote, “Never give up.”, so you’ll be reminded of what you already did.Then you start questioning, why two such hopeful words,’ give and up’, ended up with a meaning so hopeless.

But this is not the first time.
YOU are hopeful.
I am hopeful.

‘YOU and I’? Hopeless.

picture from POSTSECRET

Your World's Nothingness.

picture from POSTSECRET

When you have decided that what matters is how much he means to you,

You go on and realize that you really need to know how much you mean to him.

And while to you, he is everything, it does not cover the fact that to him,

You are nothing.

If only you can choose your world. If only you can be his world.

BAR RESULTS WILL BE OUT ON FRIDAY, MARCH 26, 2010

THIS IS IT. God bless everyone!

WHAT WOULD EUNICE FEEL?

picture from POSTSECRET 

I’m writing this piece just so I’ll remember  what I felt a few days before I finally am out of this limbo. I have always been the calm one. It could be attributed to the fact that I have been through a lot of dilemmas in the past that didn’t give me the option to panic and pass on my stress to other people. I have lived my life independently, choosing to handle everything by myself and not minding the gravity of the situations that are unfolding before my very eyes. I have learned this skill from my dad. Through the years, I have seen my parents struggle, I have seen my dad handle these situations with grace and finesse that only a man who has been tested in infinitely many times can demonstrate. This does not disregard the fact that I am scared too.

Sometimes, I find myself imagining that exact moment. That exact moment when I become informed of what the future has in store for me has been played and replayed over and over again that I wonder what it would really be like. When I finally get that revered Atty.  before my name, I have imagined a lot of crying, of hugging and of praises that are deserved by the only supreme being who made it possible, God. I have it all figured out. I imagine myself to be talking to the people who believed in me, endlessly thanking them for the support that they have unconditionally showered me with. Sometimes, I imagine myself to be looking to the heavens and talking to those who have died but have made it clear that they believe and that they are proud of me wherever they are. My Lola Itang and Lolo Ito,  Lolo Kit, Lola Deng, Tita Edith... they are all a part of this even if they are not with us anymore. I imagine talking to them, telling them that I have kept my promise to eventually make them and our family proud. I imagine my parents to be somewhere between hysterically happy and unbelievably sentimental, I imagine my sister, Hazel, jumping around, holding hands with me and reciting her litany of what kind of house I should buy for her in the future. I imagine my brother, Aldrich giving me a pat on the back that says, “Buti na lang pumasa ka. Pinakaba mo ako. Libre naman dyan.”  I imagine myself getting ready to go to Good Earth where my fellow new lawyers are waiting for me with bottles of beer on their hands. I imagine myself to be relieved. When I pass…

Of course I could not dismiss the idea that by some very unlucky turn of events, I will fail. And that scene has also played in my head with so much vividness that I find it hard not to believe that its statistical probability is off the charts. But unlike the display of emotion that I imagine the perfect scenario would be, I imagine myself to be calmly going home, smiling at my family and telling them that, “I will bounce back.” People often find it weird that I am calm, that I laugh at the gravity of the situation and that I am able to just brush things off without even feeling a bit helpless. It’s all a part of this grand scheme that is my defense mechanism. I won’t feel great, but I have just achieved this certain sense of security that God has and will always reveal his grand plan if only I learn to listen to him and wait. I imagine myself to be crying, while everyone else is asleep, thinking of how I have broken my parents’ hearts. I imagine myself to be blogging a lot. I imagine myself to be making a lot of jokes about it, just so I can conceal the pain. I imagine myself to be the way I have always been, grounded and optimistic.

But this I have to say, just so anyone who will try to contact me on that fateful day will have an idea how to handle the outcome and just so anyone who are praying and hoping that I finally become a lawyer this week can have a clearer understanding of what is going through and what will be going through my mind with or without that ATTY., “YOU DON’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ME.” I know that no matter what the results will be, I will continue to live a wonderful life. I know and I have claimed the fact that my life will be a testimony of how good and merciful God is. I know that I will continue to strive to be the best that I can be even if I fulfill my dreams on my first try or the second or, heavens forbid, on the third, fourth or fifth try (hanggang limang beses lang e. hehe). When we see each other again after the results have come out, one thing will be certain, I will be the same Eunice that you’ve known. I will be there, smiling and making a big fool of herself through her jokes and stories that are worthy of being a reality tv show plot.

While we’re at it, let me take this opportunity to thank everyone who has stayed with me and has decided to stick with me through thick and thin. I am forever proud to have lived a life full of established friendships that are not only worth being thankful for but are worth being proud of. I have always been blessed. When I become a lawyer, I promise to not try to repay everyone, because that would be totally futile to attempt to gauge the value of all the love and support that you have given me, instead, I promise to pay it forward. I promise to continuously become a blessing to others who have not been as lucky as I am in finding love and assistance from wonderful people.

This is how I feel. This is how I will feel.  Grateful, grounded and eternally optimistic.