The Law and Economics of Lust, Love and Life

Keepin' the Faith

image from POSTSECRET

I am officially freaking out. Today's April 29th and on the 3rd of May, my life will officially change. Everything's a blur but all I pray for is strength. My dad asked me about my grades and I couldnt give him a straight answer, his words stuck to my mind... "Bakit parang nawawalan ka na ng faith? Faith kay God, Faith sa sarili mo." It's a very painful truth that I have to face. I am kind of losing faith in myself. Not in God. God has always been good to me. I just don't know if I am still good enough. If I am still worthy of His blessings. I don't know if I worked hard enough.

My mom is supportive. She asked me where I would want to transfer "if ever" things don't turn out as planned. Argh. I cannot even imagine myself not being in lawschool anymore. I can't believe I am here again. That emotional limbo that I enternally hate to be in.

My friends are equally helpful. They keep my hopes up everytime I talk to them. They assure me that I did pretty well this sem. I dont know if they're just being kind or if I really did better. I have always believed that LIFE IS UNFAIR. So, following this assumption, even if I worked doubly hard... there is a chance that I will not get the grades that are proportional to the effort I exerted. Life is unfair that some people who didn't work as hard are going to stay. I don't hate them, in fact I will not deny that a couple of times, I even envy them. I was once like them. Never exerted much effort, still I manage to get out of the jungle alive. It's really hard when you're on the other end, when you're the one who's losing faith in yourself because you feel like YOU WILL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH.

I have faith in God. I know that whatever it is that He will decide to give me, it will lead me to the best road that I should travel. This brings me to Carrie Underwood's single, JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL. I think it's a very appropriate song.

Jesus, Take the Wheel
Carrie Underwood

She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
She was going way to fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was sooo scared
She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus take the wheel Take it from my hands Cause I can't do this all on my own I'm letting go So give me one more chance To save me from this road I'm on Jesus take the wheel

It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the way
I've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight

Jesus take the wheel Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this all my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Oh, Jesus take the wheel Oh, I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
Oh, take it, take it from me Oh, why, oh

The World Taught Her Masturbation

image from Postsecret

The world taught her masturbation.

It was more than fifteen years ago when the game started. She sat beside her newfound playmate while he started the engine. Her body trembled along with everything that’s vibrating around her. She felt a spider inching its way up between her legs. The unnamed playmate was at the driver seat, and she was kneeling beside him, waiting for her classmates to finally come.

What’s taking them so long? They’ll miss our game. She watched other kids playing games she played before. This was different. She didn’t have to do anything but she always got rewarded. The controlling playmate took her left hand and directed her to caress what seemed like a bulge inside his pants. “Kailangan mo yan himasin, kasi ahas yan at pag di mo hinimas, tutukain ka.” She nodded.

-----------------

Inside her room, the little girl could hardly hear what her mom and dad were discussing. She couldn’t understand why they looked so upset when she finally told them her secret. A secret that only she and her playmate knew. Wag mo sasabihin sa Mommy at Daddy mo, hindi ka na nila papayagan maglaro pag nalaman nila. But she didn’t intend to tell her Mommy; it was like an accident. While her mom was bathing her, she proudly narrated how her playmate would also touch that place between her legs. It was like a series of games that she always won. Her playmate lavished her with toys. “Kaya nga po madalas ako may mga dalang new toys, Mommy e.” The little girl eagerly bragged with eyes expectant of her Mommy’s approval. She could tell how surprised and proud her Mommy was, the little girl felt triumphant for having achieved something this big. For a second, she thought her Mommy was going to cry.

------------------

The girl never understood why she couldn’t sit on the passenger seat of her School Bus anymore. Why she wasn’t allowed to talk to her favorite playmate. Why one day, the School Bus stopped fetching her and her playmate stopped playing with her.

She didn’t need to play with anyone anymore. From then on, she decided to just play with herself. She was in control.

The world taught her masturbation because for a time, her playmate was her world.

------------

DISCLAIMER [added the day after this story was posted]: Didnt think 'twas necessary to write one but apparently IT IS needed. This is FICTION. Please stop sending me messages consoling me for being sexually molested. I mean, I appreciate the concern but seriously, I WASN'T HARASSED.

WELCOME BLACK

Eunice, your true color is Black!

Your color is black. The color of night. Serene and mysterious, black conjures up images of elegant evening gowns, dashing tuxedos, and gleaming limousines. Traditionally a symbol of success, black also represents power and an uncompromising demand for perfection. Not surprisingly, you tend to set challenging goals for yourself and do whatever it takes to achieve them — your strength of character is second to none. This unfaltering determination, along with your natural elegance, impresses people. But keep in mind that your personality might be intimidating to some. Try to temper your demanding side with a little softness — trust us, it won't kill you. Overall, though, black is the color of professionalism and achievement, which means it's clearly the color for you.

What's Your True Color?

Brought to you by Tickle

Remnants of an Alcoholic Eunice...

Sarah's @ UP diliman

thanks Kitel for the Blast in the Past that I needed.
I say, "More! More!"

-----------------
after a loooooong time, i was able to chat with my dear,dear friend Abby.

Lew, para sa'yo 'to...

Sa totoo lang, nakakamiss talaga ang Captain Planet. Naalala ko dati pinapantasya ko pa na maging un girl na parang dyosa. Minsan din inis na inis ako kasi parang ang illogical, bakit di na lang si Captain Planet lagi un lumaban agad? Nagmumukha lang tuloy na incapable un mga planeteers.

OKELAMPA

Para din yang Maskman na ang stand ko talaga ay dapat inuuna nilang patayin si OKELAMPA1 (ito pala ang tamang spelling, buong buhay ko akala ko talaga UKIRAMBA!), kasi kung wala sya di lalaki un mga halimaw.

SHAIDER

Tapos sa Shaider, dapat di nila pinababayaan si Alexis na matawag un Babylos para natatalo nila.

Pareng Lew, ikaw ang inspirasyon niyong entry na'to... isa ka ding source of joy. Sana may next sem pa tayo para sa ating *plano. (winks)

---------------
1 Okelampa - insectoid which fires a monster enlarging beam

Silent Play

It's my music playing
games with silence;
Continuing to strum
the strings out
of tune. I hear
silence... Fingers
plucking, following
the rhythm that dictates
not where to go. Stop
not and flow. Play
amidst the craving
for rest.

------------
image from Postsecret

DISORDER IN THE COURT

Distilled from
Disorder in the Court: Great Fractured Moments in Courtroom History
by Charles M. Sevilla

These things were actually stated and recorded by court reporters.

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy."
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at the time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
Q: None.
A: Were there any girls?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

Forgiveness...

Yesterday, I got to hangout with some members of DuhPerm. Thanks to their being persistent [translation: calling my landline IMMEDIATELY after sending the text message] and patience [translation: threatening me to FOREVER be labeled as a LOSER which I cannot bear for only JV is worthy of such adulation.hehe. PEACE!], they didn't give up on me when I wasnt able to reply to their text messages. They bullied me into saying that "Yes, I'll go." Well, I don't regret going because after more than two weeks of not seeing them, i realized that I needed to reconnect because WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT DORTS' WEDDING! haha.

At the end of our Friends marathon and watching the funny slash "deja vu-ish" Just Friends [ehem, Salud.. why is the word FRIEND soooo present in this picture?], we decided to go to Starbucks to discuss our "wedding plans". Kiboy had to remind us that well, we are not the ones who are getting married. Our reply was, "STILL!"

What did I get from this "Slumber party-ish" meet-up? Besides quality time with friends, I also got acquainted to SAMANTHA JAMES. This is Anna Faris' role in Just Friends and let's just say she sort of resembles the craziness of someone really, really close to me. Hint: Basta kulot salot [hehe]. What made Samantha James more than memorable? It's her INGENIOUS song in the movie. Laughtrip kung laughtrip, it failed to be an LSS but this is the first time that I'm hoping I get LSS-ed by a song. It's totally fun fun fun.

Forgiveness - Samantha James

Forgiveness is more than saying sorry
Forgiveness means accepting people's flaws (flaws, flaws, flaws)
To forgive is divine
So lets have a glass of wine
And have make up sex
Until the end of time (time, time, time)
Forgiveness does not mean compromising
Let's forgive and forget
And solve this African debt
Just like the Cheshire cat
That says, "mreow!! you're running out of time!"(time, time, time)

(guitar solo - instrumentals)

Forgiveness (You'll always be fat to me, Chris!)
Forgiveness (Goddammit, come on Dusty!)
Forgiveness (Not happy!!)
Forgiveness (Hello Joyce? Joyce?)

Oh my God!!

Then said, "Jesus.. Father forgive them for they know not what they do!"

If you haven't forgiven yourself something, how can you forgive others?
I won't apologize
I don't forgive you
You can forgive, but you can't forget

Where are you?
--------
[emphasis supplied]

Plus, the members of DuhPerm are in consensus that Chris Klein's character reminds us of someone we know. It's not in a negative kind of way [diba? diba?], don't blame us if we think alike. Ehem.

JAMIE SMILES
by Dusty

Intro

Bm A E

E|-------------------------------------------------------
B|--3-----3--------2-----2-----0-----0-----0-----0-------
G|--4-----4--------2-----2-----1-----1-----1-----1-------
D|-----4-----4--------2-----2-----2-----2-----------2----
A|--2--------------0--------------------------2----------
E|-----------------------------0-------------------------

Bm A E
E|-------------------------------------------------------
B|--3-----3--------2-----2h3-2--0-----------0------------
G|--4-----4--------2------------1------1h2-----1---------
D|-----4-----4--------2--2h4-2------2--------------------
A|--2--------------0-------------------------------------
E|------------------------------0------------------------

Verse

Bm A E
E|-------------------------------------------------------
B|--3-----3--------2-----2-----0-----0-----0-----0-------
G|--4-----4--------2-----2-----1-----1-----1-----1-------
D|-----4-----4--------2-----2-----2-----2-----------2----
A|--2--------------0--------------------------2----------
E|-----------------------------0-------------------------
When Jamie smiles it takes me miles

Bm A E A
E|-----------------------------------------------------------
B|--3-----3--------2-----2-----0----------0-----------------2
G|--4-----4--------2-----2-----1-----1h2-----2--1--------2---
D|-----4-----4--------2-----2--------------------------------
A|--2--------------0---------------2-------------------0-----
E|-----------------------------0-----------------------------
from where i feel unsure

Bm A C#/Dbm

E|----------------------------------------------0--2--5------
B|--3-----3--------2-----2-----5----5--------3---------------
G|--4-----4--------2-----2-----6----6------------------------
D|-----4-----4--------2-----2-----6----6--4------------------
A|--2--------------0-----------4-----------------------------
E|-----------------------------------------------------------
When Jamie smiles I realise

Chorus:

[A] [G]
She's no ordinary girl
[F#/Gbm]
Mmmmmmmmm
[D] [A]
No ordinary girl
[G] [F#/Gbm] [Dm]
Oohhhhh

Verse:

[Bm] [A] [E]
When Jamie smiles just for a while
[Bm] [A] [E]
I feel so far away
[Bm] [A] [C#/Dbm] [D*]
When Jamie smiles I realise

Chorus:

[A] [G]
She's no ordinary girl
[F#/Gbm]
Oohhh no
[D] [A]
No ordinary girl
[G] [F#/Gbm]
Oohhh no
[F] [G]
No ordinary girl
[A] [G] [F#/Gbm]
Noooo
[D] [A]
No ordinary girl
[G] [F#/Gbm] [Dm]
oooohhhhhh

Solo/Riff.... thing:
(Background plays verse)

E|-------0------0-----------0--------0-----0----0---0--------
B|----0--------0--0-------0--------0-------------------------
G|-4--------2---------2/4--------4------6-----7---6---4------
D|-----------------------------------------------------------
A|-----------------------------------------------------------
E|-----------------------------------------------------------

E|--------------------------0--------------------------------
B|-----------------------0-------5\3-3/7--5p3-5p3------------
G|-------------2----2/4---------------------------4p2h4------
D|-0-2-3/4---------------------------------------------------
A|-----------------------------------------------------------
E|-----------------------------------------------------------

Verse:
(Solo/Riff played along)
[Bm] [A] [E]
When Jamie smiles it takes me miles
[Bm] [A] [E]
From where I feel unsure
[Bm] [A] [C#/Dbm] [D*]
When Jamie smiles I realise

Chorus/Outro:

[A] [G]
She's no ordinary girl
[F#/Gbm]
Oohhh no
[F] [G]
No ordinary girl
[A] [G] [F#/Gbm]
Oohhh no
[F] [G]
No ordinary girl
[A] [G] [F#/Gbm]
Oohhh no
[F] [G]
No ordinary girl
[A] [G] [F#/Gbm]
Ooooooooooh
[F] [G]

(Repeat until the end, finish with a strum on [A])

Nakakatamad mag-upload.

Eh kasi nga... SUMMER!

so I went back to my old summer habit of going to the gym. Astig, nandun parin ang mga taong naiwan ko nang ako'y nagpaka-mongha bilang isang estudyante ng abogasya. Isang linggo na, pero sa tingin ko mahihirapan ako bawiin ang isang buong taon ko ng pagmamataba. Kamusta naman?

JLo: Anong nangyari sayo?
Ate Cya: Bakit ka lumaki ng ganyan?
Kuya Ton: Ok ka na dati e, bakit pinabayaan mo nanaman?
Gym buddy: Kasi, sumexy ka na un, mag-uumpisa ka nanama ulit ngayon.

Uhmm, guys yeah. alam ko. MATABA ako. SALAMAT.

Mom: [during dinner] Paano ka papayat nyan, kung kumakain ka parin?

Ah-eh, dapat ba tumitigil ng pagkain? Ano gagawin ko, iinom lang ng tubig? Ano ba ito!

Gym guy: [nang nakita akong nakaupo sandali] Kuya Ton o, nagpapahinga.
Euns: [dramatic] Tao lang ako no?! Ikaw kaya mag-exercise ng 3 oras na walang pahinga, tignan natin! [syemps, nagkakabiruan lang naman]

HABANG NAGKAKAKWENTUHAN ANG MGA GYM MATES
Another guy: Kaya nga pag-umiihi ako, mejo ganito na ako umihi. [flexing muscles] syempre mejo matagal un, mabuti nang mapansin ng iba na malaki na ang muscles ko.
Euns: Ah ok. [perv!]
Another guy: e ang mga babae kayang nagg-gym paano umiihi? Di ko alam e. [silence]
Euns: Obviously, di ko un sasagutin. No comment.

But the good thing is, I was able to reconnect with some people from my past. Some of my former schoolmates were also there. Ang saya, kumbaga parang highschool reunion. hehe.

At ito pa. Merong isang cutie sa gym. Oo isa lang syang PWEDE. But nooooooooo! He's gay. DI halata, pero according to Yvonne, he's gay. Euns, ISTAP!

Ssaya-saya talaga mag-gym.

Holy Week. Holy Weak. Holy Wicked.

Mom: So, saan tayo pupunta?
Eunice: Akala ko Zambales?
Mom: Saan doon?
Eunice: Uhmm, sa Rama International Beach Resort?
Mom: Napa-reserve mo na ba?
Eunice: Di pa nagrereply. [Checkin email]
Mom: Ma, wala na daw silang room na ready for occupancy.
Mom: Paano na?
Eunice: *shoulder shrug

Therefore, we ended up going to Batangas. That's after crossing out Caylabne Bay in Cavite [just went there], Subic [nakakasawa na!] and Pangasinan [ang layo! un Mercedes ang gagamitin, PAWIS STEERING]. We at first decided to go to La Luz because a lot of people have been raving about it [that's according to my Dad]. I had no idea what it looked like but since it's also in San Juan, Batangas, I was thinking .. "What could go wrong? I've been there last week right?" [See my Kabayan Beach Resort entry] I even researched on the net and the pictures looked maginificent. So let's go sago ang drama ng pamilya.

Are We There Yet?

Funny Overheard Comment:
Manong: Ang maganda dito [pertaining to La Luz]... madaming puno.
[with that ako-lang-ang-nakadiskubre-nitong-characteristic-na-ito-matagal-ko-ito-pinagisipan-look]

(my family immediately walked past the manong and began to laugh. Ah manong, maraming puno. Bakit po di tayo nagpunta na lamang sa gubat? Iyon na ang maganda dun? Maraming puno? Payn.)

After three hours, we finally arrived in La Luz. We were eager to finally be one with the beach, but nooooooooooooooooo. The beach was sooo crowded. This cannot be, my family's a peace-loving family... yeah, it's another way of saying that we're elitists. My mom, the numero unong allergic sa ibang tao, immediately had negative vibes. Pero sige, if they have great accommodations, we might still reconsider. (Un)fortunately, puno na rin, therefore... we left La Luz[er] faster than we could say, "Next please."

Dad: San ka ba nagpunta dito last week?
Eunice: (softly) Sa Kabayan po.
Dad: Ok ba dun?
Eunice: Ok naman. (galing sa ilong) Lord please, wag na po dun. Gusto ko po naman ng IBANG LUGAR. Sayang naman ang bakasyon.
Dad: Sige puntahan natin. Ok naman pala e.
Eunice: Maliit lang un.
Dad: Edi baka konti lang un tao.
Eunice: Sige po. Damn it.

So, we went to Kabayan Beach resort. There was no more Kubo that's free for occupancy. INSERT EVIL LAUGH HERE.

Then I remembered Kiko saying that Laiya Coco Grove is a way nicer beach resort. So I innocently told my parents, "Balita ko ok daw sa Laiya Coco Grove" without mentioning that it's also more expensive. INSERT YET ANOTHER EVIL LAUGH HERE. Since we were all fastly transforming into a bitchy beach-starved family, my dad went straight to Laiya Coco Grove.

Dad: Meron pa ba kayong free na room or cottage o kahit ano?
Receptionist: Sir booked na po kami hanggang Sunday e.
Dad: Sige na, Ibigay nyo na un Stoproom. [something to that effect, apparently it's a "technical term" used to name the "secret extra rooms" for possible VIP guests"]
Receptionist: Eh sir, wala na po e. Sandali lang po. [by this time, i knew my dad's dropping of this technical term worked! yihaa!] Sir, meron po kami pero un Pool-side cottage po.
Dad: Sige kahit ano pa yan.
Receptionist: Late check-in po.
Dad: Ok lang, i understand.
Receptionist: Sige po sir, pwede na po kayo mag-lunch ng twelve tapos check in na po kayo ng 1...

And so, our vacation started.

Dad: Anak, di namin nadala un isang camera. Diba may cam naman un MP4 player mo?
Eunice: Sige po kukunin ko mamaya sa bag ko.
Mom: Ngayon na... para habang maaga pa makapag-take na ng pics. Tapos mamaya, wala na tayo iintindihin. [Yeah, just when you thought im the only camwhore in my family]
Eunice: Sige po. Patay.
(after a few minutes)
Eunice: Ma, Dad.. wag kayo maghy-hysterical. (long pause) Nabasag ko un screen nun MP4 player ko. Pero ok pa naman sya, ipapagawa ko na lang.
[tumatawa na lang un Bro at Sis ko dahil matagal ko na sinabi sa kanila at they think i looked ridiculous while saying my "wag mag-hysterical" speech]

--------------
Flashback while my Mom, Sister and I were shopping for our swimsuits. Kakalabas lang namin ng fitting room.

Hazel: Ate, baligtad un damit mo. (bulong)
Mom: Ay ano ba yan, baligtad. (Malakas)
Eunice: Oo na, di naman halata wag na kayo maingay.
Mom: (tawa, tingin sa Kahera kasi nasa Counter kami nun) Baligtad un damit.
Eunice: Ma?!
Mom: Jan ka na magpalit, baligtarin mo na lang, naka-tube ka naman sa loob e.(malakas)
Eunice: DI nila sana mahahalata kung di nyo nilalakasan! Hmmp. (with a resigned look)

FUN FUN FUN.