The Running List

I'm running
 out of words to write,
of stories to tell,
of moments to remember,
of emotions to feel,
of tears to shed,
of hope to hold on to,
of the passion to continue,
of love to smile about,
of happiness to look forward to,
of everything that matters through and through.

But I am running towards you.
Never away from you.

You are the list that I come home to.

 You are the source of things that I need to come through.

-"The Running List" 

@legallyblunt #thoughtbubbling #realityeverafter #Photords #introvertmindextrovertheart #LegallyBlunt #Photography #blackandwhitephotography #BlackAndWhite #photooftheday #digital #digitalphotography #monochrome #photoart #Poetry #TheStalkerPicsSeries #LegallyBlunt #LegallyGrunt #RealityEverAfter #writersofinstagram #fastfoodfiction #buttonpoetry #listen #findyourvoice #instapoet #shortform #instapoetry

The Idio(ma)tic

Loving you is "like riding a bike" --- I look straight ahead and pedal like crazy, all the while fully knowing that I don't know how to ride one.

 Choosing you is like "bringing home the bacon" --- and not being able to devour it.

Being with you is like "a walk in the park" --- at twelve noon, with the scorching heat of the sun from above, and the unforgiving wind carrying dust
Being with you is like "a walk in the park" --- at twelve noon, with the scorching heat of the sun from above, and the unforgiving wind carrying dust from the ground.

People say, "Break a leg.", for good luck and I wonder, "What luck do I get when, instead, I break a heart?"

What luck do I get when, instead, I have mine voluntarily torn apart? -

@legallyblunt
"The Idio(ma)tic"
2 March 2019

#thoughtbubbling
#realityeverafter
#Photords
#introvertmindextrovertheart
#LegallyBlunt
#Photography
#blackandwhitephotography
#BlackAndWhite
#photooftheday
#digital
#digitalphotography
#monochrome

#Poetry
#TheStalkerPicsSeries
#LegallyBlunt
#LegallyGrunt
#RealityEverAfter
#writersofinstagram
#fastfoodfiction

#buttonpoetry
#listen
#findyourvoice
#instapoet
#shortform
#instapoetry the ground. People say, "Break a leg.", for good luck and I wonder, "What luck do I get when, instead, I break a heart?" What luck do I get when, instead, I have mine voluntarily torn apart? -@legallyblunt "The Idio(ma)tic" 2 March 2019 #thoughtbubbling #realityeverafter #Photords #introvertmindextrovertheart #LegallyBlunt #Photography #blackandwhitephotography #BlackAndWhite #photooftheday #digital #digitalphotography #monochrome #Poetry #TheStalkerPicsSeries #LegallyBlunt #LegallyGrunt #RealityEverAfter #writersofinstagram #fastfoodfiction #buttonpoetry #listen #findyourvoice #instapoet #shortform #instapoetry

The 2018 NYE Promise

#DearYou,

 In 2018, I made things happen because I was ready. When we find each other, I want to personally tell you about 2018 because it taught me the importance of readiness in the context of getting what I wholeheartedly want. Although last year was about getting the answers to some questions, this year was about accepting that there will be questions that need to be left unanswered and some desires that need to remain unfulfilled because I, myself, was not ready. You see, this year, I have surprised myself with how I was able to step out of my comfort zone and break the limits that I have imposed on myself. This year, I learned to let go of some fears and have begun to fully understand that my fears are not meant to limit me but to give me courage when I am absolutely ready. This year, I have finally grasped the concept of enjoying the moment, of giving in to what I once thought was a silly desire that turned out to be refiner's fire.

 "The heart wants what it wants." , I said, when a friend asked for advice on how to move forward.

 "The heart wants what it wants." , I said, when a friend asked me why I just can't seem to move forward.

 "The heart wants what it wants." , I said, when my mind cannot seem to comprehend what my heart had chosen to put forward.

 "My heart wants what it wants." , I said, when their hearts did not sync with the future, to which, I was looking forward. It is what it is, and let me tell you why.

 A few years ago, a nun whom I met in a ship during one of my solo adventures asked me, "Why aren't you in a relationship? Can you picture yourself married, with a husband who loves you, and children who mean the world to you?"

 I did not know what to say, and so I shocked myself with an answer that led her to give, probably, one of the best one liners that I have heard in my life.

 "I just want to love someone who will allow me to give all the love that I have been receiving my whole life, Sister. I have so much love to give. I hope, someday, I will be given the opportunity to be the best cheerleader that I know I can be. People will probably laugh when I say this out loud but I have been so accustomed with being the "fighter" that I wish someday, I can be in the sidelines, supporting a partner who does not need me to control the fire within me but wants me to use that fire so I can complement the fire within him, too."

 "God will not put this desire in your heart if He doesn't want you to fulfill it.", she commented. I believe her. Hey, You.

 I don't know if you believe in God, and if you don't, I'll probably tell you that God can be replaced with "your mind" and the nun's words will still make sense with some tweaking. "Your mind will not put this desire in your heart if it honestly believes that you can't fulfill it."

 I have never believed it when people say that "Everything happens for a reason." It just doesn't make sense. A very good friend of mine opined, and I agree, that the cause might be the "reason" that the line was referring to. Yeah, that makes sense. Everything happens for a reason, and the reason is some cause in the past. Nothing ever happens for a future reason. To me, things happen because of some cause and the reason, after it happened, is what we tell ourselves so we can find meaning in our suffering. I'm not saying that we shouldn't be looking for life lessons in our experiences. What I am saying is that when we encounter seemingly uncontrollable circumstances, we have to recognize that these are results of things that were either within or outside of our control IN THE PAST. What we couldn't have controlled, we must accept. What we could have controlled, we must be accountable for.

How we react to these circumstances is what gives us the reason. We can either react as victims of fate or as warriors of free will. We can either continuously ask God, or the Universe for some explanation or accept the adventure and choose to react based on our own character and guided by principles that we adhere to.

In 2018, I have re-learned to continue fighting for my desire to find You. In 2018, I acknowledge that I am the cause and reason for when I find You.

 In 2019, I promise that the "everything" that will happen for this reason will be You.

 In 2019, I will continue to be the best damn reason that You will ever bump into.

 Happy New Year, Everything.

 May 2019 be a year filled with pure desire and a fire that burns through the test of party-pooper time.

 Your future reason,
Me

The Book Club

#DearYou,

Everytime I read a book, I see my whole world expand a bit and feel my heart gain a new way to love you. Every word leads me to understanding a love that has not happened yet. Every chapter makes me believe again.

One day, these books will introduce me to you.

Your book club co-founder,

Me

The Sign Off

Dear You,

I have been meaning to tell you. I have been meaning to say that my heart has fallen prey to the hunt that was unintended, a beginning that could not be mended...

Your resolve that can't be bended.

I have been meaning to tell you, that when we laugh and share and stay, my only question is "why can't you find your way?"

Why won't you know that it was not my intention to lead you on because you lead me

and behind you, I chose to weigh?

I have been meaning to tell you of the infinitely many times that I have decided to walk away.

Of the nights that I look at you and my heart won't let me be okay.

That for years I've had my share of romantic foreplay, and with you, I have mastered the play.

A play that leaves me astray.

A strategy that allows me to define "come what may".

It did not come, and today, what "may" has become "what may not" but hey,

We're okay.

I'm sorry that I didn't get to say.

Maybe tomorrow but definitely not today.

I love you,  and I'm sorry that you probably do, too.

But our differently executed love failed to pull through.

They were not in the same way that most lovers' love do.

I love you.

I'm sorry for not telling you,

For now, Merry Christmas and a Happy New You.

Me

Pagpapaalam ng Paalam

Ikaw,

Ipinaglaban kita, paulit-ulit na pumusta. Araw-araw na nangamusta, ngunit ang tapang ay paubos na.

Panahon na yatang maghiwalay. Manatiling naghihintay o kumaway na lamang na pang-habambuhay.

Patuloy na tatakbo ang ating buhay. Lalaban ang pusong pinilit na mamahay.

Patawad, sinta, ako'y napagod nang mabalot ng lumbay. Ang dating malakas na tibok ng puso  ay kailangan nang patahimikin nang hinay-hinay.

Ito na ang katapusan ng umpisang hindi naumpisahan.

Ito na ang paglisan ng lihim na pangakong naging kalabisan.

Patawad kung wala nang mananatili, kahit ang pagkakaibigan na noong unang panahon ay sabay nating napili.

Aalalahanin ang ngiti, kakalimutan ang pighati.

Kay tagal rin na ako'y nagtimpi.

Ito na ang aking huling bati.

Ang dating permanenteng oo ay papalitan na ng siguradong hindi.

Ang babaeng hindi mo napili,
Ako

Of Promising Things

#DearYou,

Today, a promising thing was broken because "I deserve a good man." I know I have been writing to you about kindness, about how I am trying to be the best that I can be so when I finally find you, we can be the best that we can be together.

Today, I feel tired, defeated and unworthy. I don't need compliments, I don't need false admiration. I need someone who stays when things are difficult. I need someone who will allow me to be there for him when the only solution in his head is parting.

Today, I write to plead. When you find me, don't ever think that I need you to be the best to be with me. When you find me, believe that all I want is to let you be... with me.

Today, I will keep fighting when the person I was banking on just chose to set me free.

Today, I will fight for me.

Forever, I will fight for thee.

Let me be yours,
and yours, I will be.

Me

The Layers of Prayers

When God answers our prayers, He does not follow the normal FAQ template. What He gives us is a bonus question that tests our ability to think outside of our perceived scope and reminds us that we may not have solved that challenging mathematical equation yet but there is always hope.

The answer may not be clear at present but if we spend more time really thinking about it, we will find the solution , sometimes on our own but most of the time with a little help from God-sent angels that roam the Earth.

So, cheer up, lovers and friends.

We only fail when we stop trying and we only pass when we insist to keep on going.

After all, although our prayers can keep us grounded, it is real faith that enlightens us after the countless times when we feel that we've been blind-sided. 🤗

#EssayWritingContestPostGinebraChampionshipEdition

#DearYou,

Someday, I will talk to you about kindness and how there were a lot of times in my life when it felt like it has become a weakness.

Today, like some other days, kindness hurts, not because there is hatred but because there is love.

You know how you start with the best of intentions and end up giving too much that you feel empty? That's how I sometimes feel, and as much as I want it to stop, a part of me wishes that it doesn't because the feeling of not caring enough for that seed of emptiness is worse than being blind.

A few weeks ago, I had a very rare conversation with a stranger that was created in the likeness of you, and in the rawest of moments, he talked about loneliness. How we all are, even in a world where everyone seems connected, a bit lonely.

I held his hand, hoping that at that particular point in time, he knows that he is not alone, that I was there for him and with him because we all deserve to have someone who cares through and through.  He held my hand back and I thought, it can finally be true.

Yet, now, I feel a bit blue.

It is easy to be strong and hardest to allow yourself to be weak. Even when you are alone and you know that you will get through the loneliness, admitting that you might not is one of the most difficult for one's wellness.

I don't know where you are or if you sometimes feel lonely, too, but I want you to remember that you have to remain to be kind even when you are disappointed by what you thought you knew.

When you are kind, you become the silver lining to the saddest soul. When you are kind, you become the a soul that finds comfort in being true.

When you are kind, you don't need to mind and when you don't mind, it is also kindness that you will aim to find.

I will find you.

I will wait for you.

I will take care of my heart so I can be kindest when I'm with you.

I will pray for you so you can be kindest when you find me, too.

Love,
Me

#DearYou, 

Today, I keep playing memories from the past in my head, desperately trying to understand what I did or did not do to deserve a life that repeatedly fails in finding you. 

There were so many instances when I thought I was finally going to to make a breakthrough but they abruptly ended and I willed myself to make it through.

It doesn't matter how many times I fail. 

The tears I shed produce a clearer trail.

A trail that hopes to guide you when you are most frail.

When it finally happens, my love, our hearts will sail. 

We got this. 

Love,
Me

Fall's Alarm

a.k.a. Hindsight 20/20
a.k.a. Charge it to Experience
a.k.a. Subject Matter Expert Advice

1. Bago ka mag-fall, dapat konting abiso sa inaasahan mo na sasalo sa'yo. Baka gusto ka naman saluhin, hindi lang siya na-inform.

2. At kung meron ka nang naabisuhan na sumalo, huwag ka na mag-notify ng iba. Kasi yung dalawa na sinabihan mong sumalo sa'yo malamang-lamang magkakabanggaan lang habang pabagsak ka at ang ending, babagsak ka mag-isa.

3. Huwag kang pa-fall.

Una, baka risk-taker siya, biglang tumalon nang hindi ka pa handang sumalo (assuming na may intensyon kang sumalo).

Pangalawa, kung wala ka palang intensyon, tantanan mo siya. Mahabag ka.

Pangatlo, kung last minute kang nagdesisyon na sumalo, mag-sorry ka. Chances are na-realize na niyang mali ang bagsak niya.

Pang-apat, hindi ito basketball, hindi naga-apply ang fakes. Hindi pwedeng ipapahiwatig mo na magd-drive ka, magkasabay kayong aariba tapos biglang aatras ka pala habang siya lumundag na.

4. Ikaw na pa-fall, kung na-misinterpret ka (or so you claim) huwag mong sasabihin na hindi mo sinadya. Ok, baka hindi mo talaga sinadya.  Huwag mo nang i-attempt na maintindihan niya. Nahulog na nga yung tao ipagduduldulan mo pa. Sige na. Friendly ka na. Good job. Wooohoo. Hangout hangout. Yes. PBB Teens.

5. Ikaw namang pala-fall, matuto kang mag-fall with caution. Minsan, akala mo may sasalo sa baba kaya mega lundag ka. Eh wala. All systems go ka nga pero radio silence naman siya. Matutong alamin ang terrain, maglagay ng safety net kung posible o kaya ay magsuot ng parachute para matanggap ang truth.

6. At pinakaimportante, tanggapin ang resulta. Dalawa lang yan, sinalo ka ba o hindi? Kung sinalo ka, tuloy ang storya.

Kung pinabayaan kang mahulog mag-isa, tumayo ka nang mag-isa.