Of Being Left Behind.

lonelyjoker said

For this, I hate hellos as much as I hate good byes. After the first meeting, the first introduction, the first talk-for-hours-on-end, I wait. I wait until I get left behind and then even if I've prepared myself for that, it still hits hard.

At least when you get left behind, you see the one leaving on a better perspective... you have a better view.

It is at this time that you can say to yourself, "Smile. You are free."

PARA SA LAHAT NG NALITO SA FLASH MESSAGE

... at sa lahat ng di nag-scroll down. Ito un message ko.

"Tapos ka na ba mag-exam?"
[scroll down]
"Ako naman ang sagutin mo!"

At care of Toi, may mga bagong pickup lines...

"Pasado ka...
[scroll down]
sa akin. Ako pasado ba?"

"Pwede tayo na lang?
[scroll down]
nakakapagod na kasi umupo e."

LAKAS!

When I Say Closure...

... I mean CLOSURE.

Last night, we fulfilled Mr. Ogie Fermo's now infamous line, "Gusto ko na matapos ang Finals, gusto ko na ng closure!" We drank and stayed until almost 4 in the morning. We really closed not only Good Earth, not only the whole of Block 9 but the whole of Rockwell. O diba? We occupied three tables in Good Earth, drank to our hearts' content and talked about anything and everything under the higad-infested trees. Nilamok nga lang si Ces, mag-isa. Weird.

We talked about a lot of things. In the beginning, our conversation was about tiktik, tiktik sa bubong ng kapitbahay, manananggal, manananggal in catsuit, manananggal with aeon flux's haircut, manananggal with drills in Manila, aswang, dwende, white lady, pink lady, wrapper ng yema na pang-detect ng pink lady, "watch your back" game, cupping the balls game, itlog na dinala ni Ana, itlog na binili ni Hazel, crush ko, ni Ipe, ni Mel, ni Joan, ni Hazel... Kung gaano ka-hot si REP, at kung gaano kabait si PRES. Nang bandang gabi na, we talked about the beach, landian, tagaytay, landian, summer, landian, isaw, landian, arroz caldo, landian, sexual harassment, indecent proposals, lifestyle changes, siraan ng damit, agressive sexual behavior...

Special thanks to that guy who hugged me and said, "It's okay Euns, not all guys are like that." I still have faith in some men, one of them is you mahfriend. =P

When the only people left were Haze, Toi, Rach, Ces and me... we talked about religion, spirituality, faith in people, the one that got away, the one who left, "the one", the better flame, the worst flame, the search for the best flame and how hard it is to find the eternal flame.

QUOTABLE QUOTES:

Ces: Euns, ang masasabi ko lang... sa lahat-lahat ng mga naging guys mo, sya lang, si Tinky lang ang taas ang kamay ko. Iba ka eh pag sya. Nakalimutan mo nga si Better Flame ngayong gabi dahil lang sa kanya e.
Haze: He was perfect. I think, for you, he's the one that got away.
Toi: Is he the one that got away or the one who left you?
Euns: [waaaaaaaaah] Yeah, he's the only person in law school whom I can honestly say that I really loved. But the timing was just wrong and we would only work CETERIS PARIBUS.
Everyone: [blank stare]
Euns: Holding all things constant.

Euns: [after sabihin kung sino]
Toi: Maghanap ka na lang ng iba.
Euns: Un eh. So, wala kami chance.
Toi: I just don't see you guys together. I don't see it happening.
Euns: Ok, the search for the best flame starts now.

Euns: Maghanap na lang tayo ng Eternal Flame.
Haze: Un nga ang pinakamahirap hanapin e.
Euns: Hello! Un kaya ang pinakamadali, go to HELL! Duh.

So last night was a blast... special thanks to Shem who was our special guest for the night. I missed her. Sayang nga di kumpleto ang "washroom girls".

The next day.

[while pretending to do something inside the Computer Room]
Anonymous Friend: Gusto ko ngang magsulat ng thesis e... about un liability ng mga taong nagc-conceal ng homosexuality nila.
Euns: Hayup.
ANonymous Friend: Oo, isang buong chapter dun tungkol lang sa'yo.
----
[di pa dun natapos]
Anonymous: Alam ko na kung bakit mainit ang dugo mo sakin!
Euns: Bakit?
Anonymous: Kasi lalaki ako. You're discriminating against straight men!
Euns: Langya ka talaga.

----

CLOSURE NA ITO!!!!!! HOPEFULLY after SUMMER kami na ang PORCHIR! WOOHOO! PORCHIR NA KAMI...

SAY MY NAME...

... but I won't be there to hear your call.
Because my name does not belong
to your lips,
not anymore.
My name does not fit
what used to be
your gentle whisper.
and your name is like poison
that drains what little life
is left of me and my smile
despises your smile.
My name is but a memory,
and yours?
It has become a part
of a continuous
nightmare.
It's not merely
a part.
Your name is
my nightmare.

--
Euns

"It's not what you call me, it's what I answer to."
-African Proverb

NASA DIYOS ANG AWA NASA TAO ANG GAWA

"Oo nga, nasa akin ang gawa kaya mag-aaral akong mabuti.. pero Lord, para mo nang awa... LOVELIFE naman dyan!"

-Anonymous

RES GESTAE

Lahat ng sasabihin ko ngayon ay "res gestae" dahil ito ay immediately after the STARTLING OCURRENCE that is our EVIDENCE EXAM.

Ang hirap nya. Tulala ako pagkatapos ng exam. Di namin namalayan na naubos na namin ang 3 hours at huli na ang lahat ng sinabi ng proctor na..."15 minutes left. NO EXTENSION." Hala. Therefore, ang nasabi ko na lang ay, "Pwede naman pagsabayin un Evidence at Remedial Law Review diba?"

So there, I woke up earlier than usual for nothing. I stayed inside the library, memorized all that I can memorize including all the DISPUTABLE PRESUMPTIONS for nothing.

No wala man lang kami interaction ng crush ko whatsoever.

Sabi ko na nga ba, dito din matatapos un e. Sa fact na di ko man lang nakausap un crush ko. Ni di ko nga alam kung alam nya na nage-exist parin ako, kasi lahat ng exams ko ay sa Justitia at 6-9 pa ang drama.

Kaya ang masasabi ko na lang, I have the whole summer to figure out if pwede ba kami o hindi. Pero medyo alam ko na ang sagot.

At ang maganda dun, nun pinag-uusapan namin sya sa LSAC kanina at tinanong ni Ipe kung ano ang initials... ibang tao ang naisip ko. Argh.

Siguro nga di talaga ako para sa carrot. Maghahanap na lang uli ng damo ang donkey.

BACKRUB

Pam: [after watching me get a backrub from a friend] Ang sweet naman nun.
Euns: Alam mo, for some weird reason, I always get backrubs from people.
Pam: Baka they like massaging you.
Euns: Di eh... Pam, mukha ba ako pagod? O haggard?
Pam: [tawang malakas]

Pero di nga, ang naiisip ko lang kasi na dahilan, UNA, masyado malapad un likod ko na in disbelief napipilitan sila bigyan ako ng back massage to check how much backfat I have OR mukha lang talaga ako sobrang stressed at naaawa sila, kaya para marelieve naman un stress ko, they give me a backrub.

Doesn't matter. I say, keep the backrubs coming. Hehe

Tagaytay Quotable Quotes

This is what happens when you compel your friends to go to Good Earth for one round of beer, you end up making a decision that you will go to Tagaytay on SUnday to "study." So we did, armed with nothing but our reviewers and codals, we woke up earlier than usual and wished really hard that the traffic will be tolerable, considering that it was a long weekend. Our plan was:

1. Eat bulalo for lunch.
2. Study in Starbucks.
3. Eat Mushroom Burger for dinner.

Three checks!

But it was more than that because being the catastrophic persons that we are, we just had to have a lot of funny experiences along the way.

First stop: BWISIT Restaurant [to prevent libel suits, I shall not name the restaurant]
To Ogie [and fine, to us] it shall be BWISIT Restaurant. We had to wait for thirty minutes for our food only to be informed that the SPecial BUlalo was not available anymore and that they're giving us free Bulalo Soup instead. Sabi nga ni Brother Elliot, "As if naman na-impress tayo sa Bulalo Soup nila" But wait there's more, Arman and Ogie decided to order two cups of extra rice but we had to wait for another 15 minutes before it actually arrived. Tapos when we asked for our bill, we didn't have to wait na, they were sooo fast. AT SILA PA ANG GANANG I-PRESSURE KAMI NA MAGBAYAD AGAD AFTER NILA IBIGAY UN BILL. BWISIT TALAGA. BUt it was fun, the view was a-ok. Ayos.

QUOTABLE QUOTE:

"Gusto ko na matapos ang FINALS, gusto ko na ng CLOSURE." -Ogie Fermo

Un un eh. While we were inside the van, he just had to blurt it out. From then on, we promised that he shall forever be quoted on that.

Next stop was Starbucks...

Euns: How do you get out of the friend zone?
Arman: Sigurado ka bang lalaki yan?
Ogie: Yayain mo na lang sa gaybar.
Euns: GUYS! Di naman issue kung bakla sya o hindi. LALAKI sya.
Ogie: Yayain mo parin sa gay bar para sure.
Euns: At kung di sya gay, un na rin ang katapusan ng supposed future namin. Argh.

Arman: Ok din ang performance lagi ng San Carlos Seminary sa bar exams e.
Euns: Talaga? That's good.
Ogie: Magaling kasi sa Ethics un mga tao dun e.

Arman: MAy ipapakilala ako sa'yo na French guy.
Euns: Wow, talaga?
Arman: Oo, nasa Philippine Team...
Euns: ng?
Arman: Philippine Yoyo Team.
Euns: Sige pero ano naman gagawin namin?
Arman: MAgyoyo-yoan.
Ogie: Ayus un a.

LAST STOP: MUSHROOM BURGER

Eunice was texting someone when someone asked.
Elliot: Ano ba ang difference nun Mushroom Burger pinoy at regular?
Eunice: [absentmindedly answered] Baka mas maliit un Pinoy.
Arman: Ahhh, maliit un Pinoy.
Ogie: So ano un bite-size?
Eunice: [eureka] Hayup kayo. Yaaaaak!!!

Arman: Napansin lang namin.
Euns: Ano?
Elliot: Lahat ng rice bowl sa menu ay may ITLOG.
Ogie: At di lang isa, dalawa ang mga itlog nila.
Euns: Why am i even in this conversation??????

[nakasettle down na kami sa table sa loo]
Ogie: Guys gusto nyo ba sa labas?
Lahat: Sige.
[pagdating sa labas.... kailangan pala hiwa-hiwalay kami sa table. brilliant talaga Ogie]

Euns: Nag-order ako ng egg drop soup.
Arman: Haha.
Elliot: Eggdrop soup.
Arman: Ano sa tagalog yan?
Euns: Sabaw ng nahulog na itlog? [hinihigop na ang soup nya]
Arman: Hindi, sabaw ng nahulog na b***g!
Ogie: Bakit maitim un itlog sa soup mo?
Euns: MUSHROOM KASI ITO!!!!!!

PAUWI NA:

[Tumugtog ang Everytime ni Janet Jackson]
Ogie: Ano ba yan... GAYNESS!

Euns: Hehe.
Ces: Bakit?
Euns: ang ganda ng pangalan nun carwash.
Ces: ANo?
Euns: KARWAS.
Ces: AStig, sasabihin mo.. "Magpapa-carwash lang ako sa KARWAS."


IT WAS A FUN FUN FUN EXPERIENCE. Arman, Elliot, Joan, Ogie and Ces, sa uulitin!

TAGAYTAY Notes

"I stare at the twinkling lights in front of me, it is as if they are teasing my unstable heart, seeking light in the middle of this darkness. As i smoke what seems like my hundredth stick of cigarette, i fight the cold wind with the warmth of my memories of you. Your smile, I picture it clearly in my mind. Your eyes, I remember how fondly you used to look at me without you knowing that I have opened my heart to you. I feel cold, empty and alone but I am happy... It comes with the thought that tomorrow, I have you to come home to. When I am beside you, I am at peace."

-ENM [Tagaytay, April 6, 2008 7:15 pm]

A REACTION to MEL's POST

Euns asked me how one can get out of the "friends zone." I said, that's a funny thing to ask me, since out of the four people on my left hand, three of them I was friends with before we became a couple.

Euns, here is what I've come to realize: every person has his own "bubble." It's a protective shield, a defense mechanism which each person puts up to prevent themselves from being hurt by others. When two people become close, they decide to put down these defenses, lower their shields, retract their "bubbles" to allow the other person to penetrate their soul. Once the two people have bonded, they form a new "bubble" which covers the two of them. At first, it may seem that their world has become much smaller, since most interaction involves only these two people. But slowly, once they have adapted to this set-up, then they slowly become re-integrated into the world as one bubble, and they begin their journey of interaction with other "bubbles."

Unfortunately, not everything is permanent. Once a separation or break-up occurs, the "bubble" bursts, and the two individuals are thrown into the world without their protective "bubbles," at least, until time passes and they are strong enough to form new ones. During this period when no bubble has formed yet, the individual is "naked" and completely vulnerable to foreign objects. This is why people usually have support groups during these times, because these support groups serve as the individual's protective bubble during his moment of weakness. Of course, once your protective bubble is complete, then you're ready to go out into the world and interact on your own again.

So anyway, I don't know if this whole entry made any sense. I don't know if I was able to clarify anything, but hey, I tried.

Now, I am not sure if my protective bubble is back. In fact, I don't want it to come back. For me, the bubble is a hindrance to flowing, mingling and going somewhere. I wish I can find someone who can take the place of the bubble and instead protect me with his own arms and defend me with his own love.

I should stop blogging.

BAKIT HINDI TAYO BAGAY

1. Kasi parang bugnutin ka.
2. Malandi ka, malandi ako. Problema ito.
3. Ang hirap mo yayain.
4. Magkaiba tayo ng friends.
5. [Long pause] Baka di mo ako gusto?

Wala na ako maisip. Ok, mas mahaba un BAKIT TAYO BAGAY. Tuloy ang pagkerengkeng! Hehe.