"I know all about love, and its traps. How it starts well, how mistakes are made, how in moments of confidence or unbearable pain. Things are said which can never be unsaid. How caution intervenes, and you behave like a polite friend, aching with the need to renounce that caution. If only to say intolerable things again. How those intolerable things seem to contain the essence of your knowledge of each other, of intimacy. -Anita Bookner, in "Look at Her" [message sent by Patring]
"All my life, i have accepted everything because I believe in this: Everything happens for a reason. The hard part is: FINDING OUT WHAT THAT REASON IS..." -sent by AM
FLOWER SHOP
She went to the store to buy flowers,
attempting to cure what's left
of her gloomy heart. They wilted
at the exact moment her hands touched
the thorns that made her fingers bleed.
Blood dropped and reached the floor
the same second the now dull red petals
touched her numb and tired feet.
She went back and asked the vendor why
the seemingly healthy blooms mocked
her optimism, he looked at her and smiled,
pointed at her heart that jumped out,
beating more vigorously every second
only to abruptly stop the next. Tears
began to form in her eyes but they refused
to fall. She gathered the wilted petals, walked away.
The girl never looked back, she was too far away
when she realized that she left her heart. She
continued walking and refused to return.
She looked at the already crumpled petals
on her hands, placed them inside that hollow part
where her heart used to be and walked again.
Then it began to beat once more, only this time
the beat was weaker. She didn't mind its weakness.
She knew the flowers will bloom again.
attempting to cure what's left
of her gloomy heart. They wilted
at the exact moment her hands touched
the thorns that made her fingers bleed.
Blood dropped and reached the floor
the same second the now dull red petals
touched her numb and tired feet.
She went back and asked the vendor why
the seemingly healthy blooms mocked
her optimism, he looked at her and smiled,
pointed at her heart that jumped out,
beating more vigorously every second
only to abruptly stop the next. Tears
began to form in her eyes but they refused
to fall. She gathered the wilted petals, walked away.
The girl never looked back, she was too far away
when she realized that she left her heart. She
continued walking and refused to return.
She looked at the already crumpled petals
on her hands, placed them inside that hollow part
where her heart used to be and walked again.
Then it began to beat once more, only this time
the beat was weaker. She didn't mind its weakness.
She knew the flowers will bloom again.
Goodbye to Neverland
"One of the worst feelings in the world is having to doubt something you thought was unquestionable."
The day finally came... "IT JUST HAD TO END"
The whole thing was a lie, an IMAGINED REALITY that blew up in uncontrollable proportions. Surprisingly, it doesn't hurt as much, I guess finality does something to the heart so it can finally stop bleeding. It's the promise of something better that keeps me from feeling pathetic. At least there really are no WHAT IF's now, only words about how i would close this chapter of my life in Neverland. No more tears'll be shed because of him, no more frustrations. Just relief that it's finally over. It may not be the ending that I hoped for but at least I know how and why it ended.
I still am happy and I still have faith in the fact that I will be happier. There is no room for anger, hurt or blame. It's just one empty and abandoned room that will be filled with the promising possibilities of what's to come.
I am not worried for myself because I will get through this, with more lessons learned and as an improved person. It isn't an open-ended story at least. It's a story that made me productive, made me feel again and made me realize that I still am capable of loving.
Yes, let me say once and for all that I might've loved him. Maybe I still do. I was so close to confessing. I am glad I didn't. But it's just a bright portion of a rather gloomy chapter. I wish him well, I wish for him happy times.
I am letting him live his life, I just hope I can finally live mine.
The whole thing was a lie, an IMAGINED REALITY that blew up in uncontrollable proportions. Surprisingly, it doesn't hurt as much, I guess finality does something to the heart so it can finally stop bleeding. It's the promise of something better that keeps me from feeling pathetic. At least there really are no WHAT IF's now, only words about how i would close this chapter of my life in Neverland. No more tears'll be shed because of him, no more frustrations. Just relief that it's finally over. It may not be the ending that I hoped for but at least I know how and why it ended.
I still am happy and I still have faith in the fact that I will be happier. There is no room for anger, hurt or blame. It's just one empty and abandoned room that will be filled with the promising possibilities of what's to come.
I am not worried for myself because I will get through this, with more lessons learned and as an improved person. It isn't an open-ended story at least. It's a story that made me productive, made me feel again and made me realize that I still am capable of loving.
Yes, let me say once and for all that I might've loved him. Maybe I still do. I was so close to confessing. I am glad I didn't. But it's just a bright portion of a rather gloomy chapter. I wish him well, I wish for him happy times.
I am letting him live his life, I just hope I can finally live mine.
I dunno! I never SCUBA DOVE before...
Last night was supposed to be a "review night" for PIL but since everyone was so devastated after the TAX Exam, we sorta impliedly decided that it was gonna be a "CHILL OUT" night. Patty and Joan decided to watch ALL ABOUT LOVE while Ces, Haze and I decided to laugh the night off... then Rach came and the night became more interesting.
Of course the desert that is Joan's place was rained on by the presence of Jojo Miggy and Carlo who entertained us for about an hour.
Un na, Joan found a willing victim in her own series of backyard romance stories.
And of course, the ultimate loveteam for the night, the Juday and Ryan of Law School... Patty and Sep did not fail to entertain us. I felt so kilig merely looking at them. Thanks Sep for that half bottle of Red Horse.
It was ultimately a fun fun fun fun night that everyone deserved, I guess. Now, at 4 in the afternoon, i haven't even started studying for PIL. And that makes me a "pabayang bata" but to everyone who's gonna judge me, I am just gonna say.... "I dunno... I never SCUBA DOVE before!"
Of course the desert that is Joan's place was rained on by the presence of Jojo Miggy and Carlo who entertained us for about an hour.
[Joan stood up while we were chatting to check out the noisy
people outside]
Carlo: O, Joan... san ka pupunta?
[aburido tone]
Ces: Possessive a.
Euns: Yihee, bagong love team.
Carlo: Baka kasi may bibilin sya, ako na lang ang bibili.
Un na, Joan found a willing victim in her own series of backyard romance stories.
And of course, the ultimate loveteam for the night, the Juday and Ryan of Law School... Patty and Sep did not fail to entertain us. I felt so kilig merely looking at them. Thanks Sep for that half bottle of Red Horse.
It was ultimately a fun fun fun fun night that everyone deserved, I guess. Now, at 4 in the afternoon, i haven't even started studying for PIL. And that makes me a "pabayang bata" but to everyone who's gonna judge me, I am just gonna say.... "I dunno... I never SCUBA DOVE before!"
On Euns' and Haze's Churva Sessions
Ces: Ok lang magtampi-tampisaw, kahit nga snorkeling ok lang e... wag lang
un tipong nags-scuba diving na kayo jan.
Euns: Tama, bawal sumabmarine.Ces: Ako nga nag-iipon lang ng seashells sa pampang e. Na-sunburn na nga ako di man lang ako nabasa.
Euns: Si Hazel nga, basang basa na un ulo. Di basta tampisaw.
KALOKOHAN NIGHT
Scenario #1:
Tahimik na tahimik kami ni Ces, seryoso to the max sa pag-aaral, harassed kung harassed ng biglang sinambit ni Ces ng malakas... "JOHN LLOYD" Tinanong ko sya kung bakit nya sinabi un, at wala syang dahilan. Un na. Nagkaroon ng mahabang diskusyon sa mga pagnanasa ng mga tao kay John lloyd.
Scenario #2:
Pam: Di talaga ko nagagawapuhan kay Richard Cruz.
Euns" Cruz?
Pam: Ay, Gomez.
Ces: Un na, si Kiboy.
Scenario #3:
Sa ALL ABOUT LOVE
Nanay: Iha, bakit ka di kumakain, vegetarian ka ba?
Anne: Di po, Noranian po ako.
Lalaki: Minsan, kailangan mo magkamali para malaman mo na di un ang solusyon sa mga problema mo.
Scenario #4:
Ces: Guys, minsan naman habang nagtatampisaw kayo sa dagat [ng pag-ibig] basa-basain nyo naman ako.
Euns: Madali naman solusyunan ang problema mo e, akyatin mo na kasi ang beanstalk.
Ces: Takot ako sa giant e. Ang masama baka kasi Leprechaun lang... pero ok din, baka may POT OF GOLD.
Scenario #5:
Patty: Tigang na tigang tayo e. Parang Sahara Dessert. Buti pa nga sa Sahara uuulan paminsan-minsan.
Rach: Tsaka may cactus.
Euns: Jojo Miggy, diligan mo na kasi ang desyerto.
Tahimik na tahimik kami ni Ces, seryoso to the max sa pag-aaral, harassed kung harassed ng biglang sinambit ni Ces ng malakas... "JOHN LLOYD" Tinanong ko sya kung bakit nya sinabi un, at wala syang dahilan. Un na. Nagkaroon ng mahabang diskusyon sa mga pagnanasa ng mga tao kay John lloyd.
Scenario #2:
Pam: Di talaga ko nagagawapuhan kay Richard Cruz.
Euns" Cruz?
Pam: Ay, Gomez.
Ces: Un na, si Kiboy.
Scenario #3:
Sa ALL ABOUT LOVE
Nanay: Iha, bakit ka di kumakain, vegetarian ka ba?
Anne: Di po, Noranian po ako.
Lalaki: Minsan, kailangan mo magkamali para malaman mo na di un ang solusyon sa mga problema mo.
Scenario #4:
Ces: Guys, minsan naman habang nagtatampisaw kayo sa dagat [ng pag-ibig] basa-basain nyo naman ako.
Euns: Madali naman solusyunan ang problema mo e, akyatin mo na kasi ang beanstalk.
Ces: Takot ako sa giant e. Ang masama baka kasi Leprechaun lang... pero ok din, baka may POT OF GOLD.
Scenario #5:
Patty: Tigang na tigang tayo e. Parang Sahara Dessert. Buti pa nga sa Sahara uuulan paminsan-minsan.
Rach: Tsaka may cactus.
Euns: Jojo Miggy, diligan mo na kasi ang desyerto.
BUNTONG-HININGA
"I need someone who can prove to me that LOVE IS NOT A WEAKNESS."
-Patring
"Kailangan ko ng lalaki na pag kasama ko sya, pwede ako magpahinga."
-Euns
-Patring
"Kailangan ko ng lalaki na pag kasama ko sya, pwede ako magpahinga."
-Euns
OPEN-ENDED STORY
"Baka may iba pala syang gusto?"
"Hello? Duh!"
It's weird, everybody's sure that he at least likes me, but I guess mere assurance from people indirectly involved is never enough. From one issue to another, I think that's how our non-relationship is destined to be.
"Magpahinga ka muna. Kakatapos mo lang sa last issue,I am scared, now that it's sort of clear that HE can be the "HE" that I'm waiting for, I'm afraid that I might not be the "SHE" that he has in mind. If one's gonna ask me about what we have, all I am really sure of is that we're friends, really good friends. No matter how "obvious" they think his actions are, I can't seem to find it in my heart to strongly BELIEVE. A few of my friends tell me that I'm too cynical for my own sake but as much as I want to enjoy the "pagtatampisaw" and feeling of one-sidedly wanting him, sometimes I am attacked by my own insecurities. A lot of women are better than me and I always feel that the men I begin to have romantic feelings for deserve someone better. At the back of my mind, I always feel that I am OUT OF MY LEAGUE.
di ka na nakakarecover."
It's not something that I am proud of, it is true that I have a lot to give but I don't know if I can ever be enough. I didn't know if the EUNICE that I am is capable of being loved amidst all my imperfections and moments of insanity.
There are numerous moments when I want to look him in the eye and tell him that he need not look, I want him to realize that at this point in my life, I am quite sure that I have slowly fallen for him, deeply. Then I am reminded of the infinitely many times that I made a fool of myself by letting my feelings known and by merely giving in. I know I should feel, at least, a li'l happier that one cloud has been cleared.
Yet I feel so sure that it's but another OPEN-ENDED STORY.
FINALS = INSANITY
Patty: Love ano yan? [pertaining to the Chai Tea]
Love: Lupa...
Patty: Taba ng talangka juice?
Love: Lupa...
Patty: Taba ng talangka juice?
Beanstalk: Ngayong panahon ng finals, kapag napapagod na
ako,
naalala ko ang mga salita ng isang sikat na kaibigan natin. Kahit ano
mangyari parati syang nakangiti. At dahil friend din kita euns, at sabog na
ako, ish-share ko sayo. Sabi ni Jollibee, "Kaya mo, Kid." Words to live
by.Euns:Aww, thanks Beanstalk. Para kang rexona, you never let
me down. At ang law school, parang Max's lang, "Sarap to the bones." Pero
sabi nga ni Inday Badiday, "Saranghambida." at sundin natin si Kuya Germs,
"Walang tulugan." Galingan natin kasi, "Great things start from small
beginnings." sabi ng Milo.Beanstalk: Sabi nga ni Rufa Mae, "Todo na'to"
Euns: At sabi ni Ruffa G., "Take it, take it
TAMA KA...
Sabi nga ng cute na cute na batang kilala ko, BAWAL MAG-LIE. I'll keep that in mind.
BAWAL MAG-LIE.
Baka kasi magmukmok pa un bata sa backseat habang hawak hawak un mga straw nyang binabad sa alcohol.
Sabi ko rin sa kanya na di ko na sasabihin ang word na UNFAIR. Kaya isusulat ko na lang. UNFAIR. =P
Pero BAWAL TALAGA MAG-LIE. Bawal na bawal.
BAWAL MAG-LIE.
Baka kasi magmukmok pa un bata sa backseat habang hawak hawak un mga straw nyang binabad sa alcohol.
Sabi ko rin sa kanya na di ko na sasabihin ang word na UNFAIR. Kaya isusulat ko na lang. UNFAIR. =P
Pero BAWAL TALAGA MAG-LIE. Bawal na bawal.
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