Need I say More?

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from POSTSECRET

Letter of Love #8

Hey,

Should I cut my hair? A lot of people say that when people get a haircut,
it's a sign of deep depression and cutting one's hair is but a ceremony for new
beginnings. Frankly, I fear beginnings, I fear the feeling of not knowing what's
beyond my understanding. I fear beginnings because more often than not, they are
indicative of endings. I know that life is a mere conglomeration of cycles meant
to trap you in a whirlwind of experiences and that alone tires me. I want to be
still, I need you to be still with me.

I need you to keep me grounded just so I won't get caught in yet another
emotional rollercoaster that surely will make me nauseous. I am waiting for you
with great anticipation of finally being able to stop and be contented, at least
emotionally still.

I dream not of us but of life with you. If being still means being still
with you, that is what I want to do for the rest of my life. In the meantime,
let's not stop moving until be bump into each other in the most magical of
moments that will start our eternal stillness.

Continue moving my love... that's what I'm doing, moving towards you.

Masaya ka ba?

Masaya ka ba?

Minsan ay nakikita ko sa iyong mga mata

na pilit mong kinukubli ang kalungkutan

na unti-unting bumabago sa iyong pagkatao.

Kung minsan ay gusto kong akapin ka

upan iyong malaman na nandito ako, hindi

bilang isang estrangherong dumating

upang umalis muli kundi bilang isang

mahiyaing anino na handa kang alalayan

sa iyong mga laban. Marahil ay madalas mo

akong naapakan, di man sadya ay nalilimutan

mong alamin kung nakakayanan pa ng aking

nagkukumahog na puso ang mga pangyayaring

nagmula sa iyong di dumadaloy na luha.

Lumuluha din ako, di man ito maaninag

ay marahil nadadama mo ang pagdaloy nito

kasabay ng pagdamay ng mga ulap sa aking

nananaghoy na kaluluwa. Gusto kong makitang

mahina ka hindi upang masaktan ka kundi upang

mapawi ng aking mga labi ang iyong pagsuko

na marahil ay habambuhay mong itatanggi

sa mundong sa iyong gunita ay pinagtatawanan ka.

Masaya ka ba? Wag kang mangamba,

ang kasiyahan ay nalalapit na.

Hay PIL

posting from Joan's place. Just felt like blogging. No important thing to say except for... GUSTO KO NA NG CHURVA. hehe

Just Because I'm Lonely

*sighs
meet our official Starbucks cat, Cat.
while taking a yosi break at ground floor
kung sino man yang lovers na yan

Sabi ko nga.

Dear Eunice Zuleika,

Here is your single's love horoscopefor Tuesday, March
20:

Love may not be following your timeline now -- in fact, it may seem to be
taking its own sweet time. You know what they say: You can't hurry it. Relax.
It's much better to wait for the real thing.

In Fairness

Things eventually fall into their proper places. So I believe Carlo when he told me last Saturday na... "At the end of this sem, I have a feeling that your issues will finally be resolved. We don't know if it's gonna be in a good way or a bad way, pero feeling ko mare-resolve na yan,"

*keeping fingers crossed

Things are pretty stable again. [at the risk of being laughed at by fate again, I still am optimistic] Although there still are glitches, they're minimal as opposed to the beautiful things that are happening. I can't complain. Really.

I am sort of missing a lot of people... and sometimes I am strongly tempted to put everything in the open and just announce what I truly am feeling. But like all wise men would say, "Some things are better left unsaid." Just so we can maintain the more stable status quo. In that light, I am announcing that I can't wait for FINALS to be over just so I can be a li'l more normal.

I miss my old jolly self. I've been pretty off these past few weeks. Colleen pointed out that I am abnormally quiet... well it's true. And then she went on to saying that, "He's not just a friend. You talk about him, cry about him and he's changing you. He's not just a friend." Well, partly true, at least on my perspective. He actually IS a friend, nothing more. Although there's that hope of making him something more, which is kind of impossible because we rarely see each other and we never really had potential and well, he's uhmm, not into me. I guess. Just like a majority of the men I have been attracted to, I am just a friend to him. Never the girl friend material... never the woman being chosen. I'm always a spare tire. And that is quite TRAGIC.

Which brings me to my wanting to thank Colleen for treating Patring, Patty and I to a delightful night at UCC. It was worth not studying for. Seriously.

Hmm. I should stop before I end up saying something incriminating.

My Work Here is Done

[habang nagchichikahan ang magkaklase, pumasok ang 1D at nagulantang kami ng isang mala-pickup line na...]

Ana: Excuse me. [demure tone] May class ba kayo ng Saturday?

Di namin kinaya. We know na may logical reason, apparently tina-try nya itanong kung may nakaiwan ng laptop nun Saturday.. .Still. It was a pickup line. At least it sounded like it. Un na. My work here is done. Laughtrip talaga. Alamin ba ang schedule?

Never Outdated

Euns: Beanstalk, malapit na ang birthday natin.
Beanstalk: Ilang taon na ba tayo?
Euns: Ako mag-23 ikaw mag-24... Ang petty parin ng issues natin.
Beanstalk: Ano ka ba... LOVE IS NEVER OUTDATED. It always is a relevant
issue.

Tama.

Equally Mushy Friends

"In life we always search for answers because we want to prove to ourselves
that we had the right decisions, but the truth us, we can't search for what's
not there. Things happen because it's meant to happen. That's why we forgive
people even if they hurt us, we love people who don't love us and we smile
despite every painful crash in our hearts. AT THE END OF THE DAY, THE LESSON WE GOT ARE THE ANSWERS TO OUR DECISIONS." -sent by Carlo Luna

"Everytime I try to forget the great loves I've had I partly succeed. But
as a consequence, I feel like a very real part of me has died, and that I've
become partly a monster." -sent by Miko Samson from an unpublished journal entry

"I want to be a redeemable share, so that when I'm no longer satisfied with
the one I'm with, the one who set me free could bring me back to her fold." -
sent by Elliot Mondez

"We are all looking for the wrong eprson... the right wrong person...
someone we could lovingly gaze upon and think, 'This is the problem I
want to have." -sent by Rach Sy

"It's always painful to know that someone is irrevocably gone and all
that's left are memories of beautiful days that have gone by... Sometimes
it's confusing why people fall in love and then say goodbye. Why they cannot
belong forever when at first, they can never seem to part." -sent by Ces
Pallarca

"We at times sit at one corner alone, appreciating life as we see it
through our eyes.. then suddenly, someone surprises us, shares that corner until
it becomes the world." -Eunice Monsod

I dunno which ones were originally written by them or which are forwarded, but sometimes, text messaging can be deep. Some are deeper than daily conversations.

Letter of Love # 7

Everyday, I wake up and choose the idea of you. Everyday, I get dressed and hope to be given the opportunity to be with you. 

How can an already numb heart still feel grief?

How can pain compound every second and succeed in jolting the numb heart into feeling despite the threatening prose of an unresolved mystery?

When are you coming to save me from my self-induced agony?

Please dream of me tonight. Dream with me.

Let our separate lives intertwine reality and fantasy. Let our future love blur the line between clarity and sanity.