Wow, I wrote this a few years ago.

Hey,

This is weird. I did say I’ll send you an email right? Lemme start by saying thank you for the phone conversations, the time you spared or uhmm, wasted talking to me. you have to believe me that I do appreciate it so much. We’ve only known each other for a short period of time but I guess you’re one of those people who managed to influence me and made me think, even intimidated me. Not a lot of them see what you see, or uhmm, maybe they do…but not a lot of people are courageous enough to point these things out straight to my face.

It may seem like I don’t mean most of the words I say, or that I don’t take you seriously or that I’m plain shallow and stubborn and I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry if at times I’m just a bore or a pain in the ass. I’m sorry if I call you and never talk. You must understand that I cherish even the silence that we shared. You are a dear friend, you make me laugh. Yeah, I have to give you credit for that, you DO make me laugh. At times, I would remember something you said and I’ll just smile. It may look like I don’t pay attention but I guess it’s just me. my defense mechanism, I’m still scared ‘coz I don’t really know you.

I know you remember me saying that I’m not used to opening up. I don’t even confide to my closest friends. My pride, I guess. I do pay attention, I do keep in mind the things you say. I sometimes try to recall how it all started, how we became the (I’d like to think) close friends that we are right now, but it just frustrates me because I don’t really know. I remember you saying that “for all we know, maybe it’s gonna stop when school starts”. You changed the topic and didn’t dwell on the idea, I pretended that I didn’t hear it..but I did. Im scared that we’re drifting apart, I’m scared that maybe we got close for convenience, or because we didn’t have a choice. I don’t really need assurance, I’m not in the position to ask for that. I’m still going to fulfill my part of the friendship anyway.

You worry me, it’s as if you live for pain. I DO WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY. I do want you to get a job. I wish you’ll find what it is you’re looking for. I wish you’ll stop getting frustrated and that the people around you, your friends’ll stop disappointing you. I wish they start fulfilling their promises. Don’t lose faith in them ‘coz they need your faith. I’m sorry if I can’t really say these things in person, must be my pride… that’s why I’m a writer. It’s true, you predicted it right, I really am missing you. I miss talking to you ‘til morning and I miss having you around. I miss your straightforward remarks / diagnosis of my depressing personality. I miss you and I dunno if I should even be saying this or writing this letter.

I’m sorry if I may have burdened you or made life a li’l harder, a li’l complicated, a li’l irritating for you. Thank you, I wish I can give you a hug right now. I’m sorry if I cant be the “comforting arm” while you are sleeping that you’ve dreamed about for 2 consecutive nights. You take care ok? I believe in you, you can be the “bum” or the “professional”, it doesn’t make much of a difference. You’re a buddy. Gotta run,, I’ll bump into you next time. I hope.

Smilin’,
Eunee =)

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i omitted some parts. Natuwa lang ako na naka-save pala sa pc ko ito.

Just So You Guys Know.

Looking at my chipped nail polish makes me wonder...
how on earth did I survive 21 years of insanity?

If I Die…

I want my wake to be 5 days.

Day 1 - Book Launching
Day 2 - Poetry Reading
Day 3 - Eulogy-making contest
Day 4 - Film Showing [L'appartement]
Day 5 - Mini - concert / gift-giving

We All Are Different, We All are Heaven- Sent

me and my highschool friends leids, mir, anne and mary ann Circa 2001 (@ retreat)

We all are different, we all are heaven-sent.
We have our names, we like different games.

We have our names, we like different games.
What we find funny, some might find silly.

What we find funny, some might find silly.
What we love dearly, some might find ugly.

What we love dearly, some might find ugly.
People sometimes fight on whoever’s right.

People sometimes fight on whoever’s right.
People sometimes cry and we never know why.

People sometimes cry and we never know why.
A lot of things happen, like changes that are sudden.

A lot of things happen, like changes that are sudden.
You may feel little but don’t be afraid to mingle.

You may feel little but don’t be afraid to mingle.
If things aren’t perfect, be thankful for what you get.

If things aren’t perfect, be thankful for what you get.
Life is God’s gift, it’s for us to love and keep.

Life is God’s gift, it’s for us to love and keep.
We all are different, we all are heaven-sent.

-----------------
I wrote this for my Poetry for Children class in UP, i think. And as far as I can remember, i was told that children won't understand such intangible statements. I still think children will understand.
But i didnt pass it to be graded. Mahirap na. Hehe.

HAIKU Melendez [Tryin to be funny..]

The leaves so graceful
Wind blowing and whispering
So peaceful and free

Dehydrated

I have deprived myself of water.
Anything flowing, moist or glistening
awakens an inexplicable sense of rage,
confusion, longing.
My dry, flaky skin almost powdered
To its shame reminds me of sand;
Every strand of hair has a story infinite in number
Never a panacea.

Did you deliberately die to mock me?
I imagine you to be caressing her,
Holding on to her like some immortal,
Whose touch you have blissfully anticipated.
She has stolen your last breath, like
Taking away the last cookie in my cookie jar.
You gasped with her, drowned with her,
Together, you moaned, never halted, just died.

I could have choked you with a pillow and
Let you wither on our lucrative water bed,
You should’ve told me you wanted to die like that.
I would have stabbed you while we’re exploring
each other, Taking a shower
with bodies entwined
Lubricated by water gushing out,
suds all over.
I would’ve put poison in your coffee and
Let it sip away what superficial life
You have forced me to live.

I thought WE lived,
You have nourished me, rained on me;
Only to suck whatever was flowing inside of me.
Saliva, urine, blood -contaminated.
Poison seeping through.
Forcing its way through my
semi-permeable membrane.

I have deprived myself of water,
Your presence haunts me and your laughter
Has continuously mocked my faith
In a life which you have mindlessly
destroyed and wasted.
I have deprived myself of water,
not because it drowned you but because
it exposed the mud behind what seemed to be something pure.
I have deprived myself of water,
By doing so, I am able to celebrate
Your death.
For I will die not because of water
and its existence,
Only due to lack thereof.

Ang Nasasakdal

I was browsing through my old stuff and I found this poem I wrote when I was a kid.
Ang creepy ko, talagang korte ang subject ng tula ko.

--------------------------
Kay ingay ng paligid mga salitang nanginginig
Pangungutya, pagkamuhi, galit para sa akin
Oo! Ako ang nasasakdal ang nasasakdal na binabalot ng dilim
Ang nasasakdal na kalaban ng mundo, mag-isa walang kasama
Nasaan sila, sila na inaasahan ko, pinagkakatiwalaan ko?
Wala, naglaho kasama ng taong aking pinaslang.
Nalibing sa impyerno!
Oras na! Oras na upang ipahayag ko sa mundo ang aking pighati,
Ang katotohanan, naging bulag silang lahat!
Mga stupida!

Natahimik ang lahat, walang ingay,
at dahil sa katahimikang Iyon ay napagtanto ko,
panalo ako.
ANG NASASAKDAL.

ALL I HAVE ARE CONCEPTS.

Ladies and gentlemen, these are the titles of the stories that I will (though i have no idea exactly when) write in the future. Drumroll please!!! [Chick Lit ito. OO]

Overweight, Overwait.

A balanced diet + a balanced lifestyle = a perfect life.
A pretty simple formula, but who says too much of everything is bad?

Serial dater

The wannabe writer's journey of finding that final victim who will eventually imprison her in the bliss that committed love has to offer.

The Romantic Cynic
A law student explores her attitude about relationships because she’s been like a pendulum, trying to find love but scaring love all at the same time.

Secrets of the Week (from POSTSECRET)

Global Espionage

"Not only must contractors protect sensitive information from global espionage, but corporate espionage has also become a concern,"
--Lieske (Wireless NewsFactor)

In a world where almost everything is “wired” (literally and figuratively), espionage has become one of the unavoidable repercussions. Simple spying has been very common that it’s quite possible that you’re near a hacker in certain occasions. It’s a very big concern because if there’s something that we should be worried about, it’s our security. It has been a question of human rights when criminals are arrested because their phones were tapped, but if someone’s phone is being tapped, when do you draw the line between it’s necessity and urgency and taking advantage of technology? I think in Global Espionage, it’s not only about warfare, it’s about intellectual property rights, even closed door facts which are not meant to be exposed. Just like “Stealth” or Invisibility attained by aircrafts, it’s a saddening fact that people had to invent such ways to spy and that we all have to protect ourselves from being unaware victim.

With technology comes great responsibility, there will always be opportunity costs to technological advances. I know that we have to live with that fact, but when is it time to say it’s enough?

Anong Say Nyo?

I was reading Jessica Zafra's blog about this guard she saw who's reading Science Fiction and I felt pride from the fact that I know of an exceptional security guard too. I've been wanting to write about him but it always slips through my cluttered mind. His name's Kuya Vince. He's my favorite guard from the UP School of Economics. Paano ko nasabi na "winner" sya?

1. He's one fashionista. He was once asked to judge this pseudo contest in my organization and I didnt really recognize him because he looked a-ok. He looked really fine. Fashionable long sleeves folded just like how Carson (from Queer Eye) would fold it, nice cut pants and a fashionable hat. Panalo!

2. He's fond of reading too. He reads The Economist, Time, and lots of other books. He answers the crossword puzzles of Inquirer and other BROADSHEETS. Di tabloid ito!

3. Once we asked him what was his favorite program when he was a kid and he nonchalantly blurted out, Sesame Street. Sosyal. Di daw talaga Batibot, Sesame Street.

4. One evening, we went back to the School of Economics and he was there fixing the radio to a station that he likes... voila... he was listening to classical music.

5. He has a friendster account.

My fave security guard ever: Kuya Vince (right)

There. I miss Kuya Vince. Haay.

An Imagined Reunion

Nagkaroon ng isang reunion na kinabibilingan ng ilan sa mga nagdaan na lalaki sa buhay ni Eunice. they're gathered around a bonfire which Eunice single-handedly made. Oo nasa boracay sila. Legal ang bonfire. Pero ang mas mainit na apoy ay di galing sa bonfire.

(Background Music: You're so Vain)

Eunice: Im so glad you guys came. I guess it just means we're all good friends now.

Moaner: So, I can I call you tonight and you'll listen to me moan? [Evil grin]

Eunice: Uhmm, ok but only because we're friends now. [sighs]

Freak: How come he gets to moan and I dont get to kiss you like Penelope Cruz in Vanilla Sky? [pouts]

Eunice: because you're not Brad Pitt.

Freak: But I can kiss like him.

Eunice: (tries to smile) You wish. I dont think so. Friends dont kiss Freak.

Bluey: Hey Angel, wanna watch a flick this weekend?

Eunice: You promise to not hug me and walang subuan na mangyayari? (taas kilay)

Angel: Subuan? Anong subuan ito.

Eunice: (rolls her eyes) ng popcorn. Ano ka ba, alam mo naman na i'm not into sex!

Angel: You're not?

Artsy: No wonder you didnt want me to take you home. (tampong pururot) Ang gentleman ko pa naman nun. Ano ba ang nangyari? We had a great night naman a?!

Angel: Take her home?

Eunice: Ihahatid nya ko. Not "take me home" take me home. Ano ba yan. And Artsy, you didnt call me agad. I thought you weren't interested.

Bestfriend: Best, E kung maging fuck buddies na lang tayo? Bestfriend naman kita e.

Eunice: E kung suntukin kita? I said it's ok to go find your fuck buddy but i didnt say I can be your fubu. I'm not into sex sabi e!

Freak: You're not? Noooooooooooooooo. (drama)

Moaner: How am i supposed to moan now that I know you're not into sex. (Nagdabog pa)

Eunice: It's also my problem?

Kiero: Well, well, well. It seems like there's a "kaguluhan" here.

Eunice: (laglag ang panga, laglag ang panty) Damn he still looks great. Oh, hi Kiero. How've you been?

Kiero: Never better. I became a better man when you decided to leave me.

Bluey: Me too.

Eunice: (fake laugh) Good. That's what I wanted. Shit.

Basketbolista: Wassup wassup guys?

Eunice: Maluwag parin ang damit mo.

Basketbolista: Patay na patay ka nga sakin e.

Eunice: I was insane at that time. Give me back my letter. At i didnt even invite you!

Basketbolista: You didnt, but he did. (turo kay TooGayToFuncion)

TooGay: Hi there sweetie. It's been a long time since we last bowled.

Eunice: Uhmm, because you were hanging out with your guys in Malate remember?

TooGay: Darling, we had good times. We had good times.

Eunice: Of course. We practically spent our days shopping.

Moaner: Hey, that turns me on.

Eunice: What?

Moaner: That thing you do.

Eunice: What did I do?

Moaner: Never mind.

Artsy: Nga pala, nagkakilala kami ni Vin.

Eunice: Vin? As in my Vin? That guy from CSB?

Artsy: Yeah. He died.

Eunice: Buti na lang di naging kami. Sabi ko na nga ba maaga mamamatay un kakaworkout e.

Artsy: Mala-Eddie Guerrero ba?

Eunice: Pucha, feeling ko bubugbugin ako in the future. Pero yummy. Kamukha nga ni Vin Diesel. Karerista pa.

Artsy: Magaling naman ako a.

Angel: Magaling?! Eunice?

Eunice: Duh Angel. Lumabas ka na ng seminaryo kaya wag ka na magpaka-moral jan. Magaling sya, magsulat, magdala ng conversation at magmartial arts.

Angel: Bakit ba kasi ganyan kayo magsalita?

Eunice: It's not us dear. It's the way you think.

Bluey and Kiero: Nagsalita.

Eunice: Excusez moi?

Kiero: Can I just say that I still dont get the way you think?

Eunice: ANd you never will.

Bluey: See? Ayan ka nanaman. Nagpapaka-vague.

Eunice: We're supposed to be having fun diba? Akala ko ba we're all friends na.

TooGay: And friends don't argue? Sweetie, you should know better.

Eunice: Fine fine.

Basketbolista: So, sino sa amin ang pinakaminahal mo? ehem...

Eunice: Wala.

Bestfriend: What do you mean wala?!

Eunice: I dont think I have loved anyone yet.

TooGay: Stir.

Moaner: I'm sure ako un. I know how to turn you on baby.

Bestfriend: Ako, I know and understand you.

Artsy: Ha? We had a few dates and they were all sooo fine.

Bluey: Nagsubuan tayo!

(tingin lahat)

Eunice: ng popcorn. (whispers)

Angel: You were crushing on me since gradeschool.

Freak: I know you love me. can read your mind.

Kiero: I am perfect. Need I say more?

TooGay: Please wag na ako. I'm not interested. The only reason why I came is because I know there will be a lot of men. DI mo ko binigo Eunice.

Eunice: Nobody loved me.

ALL: We did!

Eunice: I didnt feel it. Party's over. (buhos ng sand sa bonfire) I take it back. We're all not friends anymore.

Moan: So cant call and moan anymore?

Eunice: Fuck off.

Artsy: Hatid na kita.

Kiero: Not again. You're running away from me again. What's the matter with you?

Eunice: AAAAAAAAAH! This is a mistake. I dont want you guys to haunt me again. Ever.

TooGay: Ay nagkrung krung ang lola mo.

Eunice: Bakla.

TooGay: Low blow. Pero I like.

Eunice: ENOUGH! ENOUGH! ENOUGH!

(background music: Bang Bang from Kill Bill)

(naglabas ng baril, pinagbabaril lahat ng nasa-party)

Eunice: Now I can go party. Hay salamat. It's over. Hubad ng sarong to expose her skimpy bikini. Now I can go get me my man. (psycho laugh)

(Background Music: I'm Every Woman)

-----------------

Characters:

Eunice: ako un. oo ako.
Angel: gradeschool-highscool crush
Bluey: moviebuddy
Freak: the warlock
TooGay: kelangan pa ba ipaliwanag?
Basketbolista: The lucky guy whom i made the 8-page letter for
Artsy: talentadong bata
Moaner: Cutie boy next door / horny
Kiero: perfect guy [not my type]