"So just live, make mistakes, and have wonderful times. But never ever second guess who you are, where you have been, and most importantly, where it is that you are going." - Sex and the City
The Checklist
Last night, my friends and I got
into a discussion of how we picture our significant others to be. What would
s/he be like? What qualities do we expect them to have that will endear them to
us? My answer was simple; he would be someone whom I respect enough to consider
his opinion – not exactly to follow what he said but to at least think about my
decision in consideration of his stand. That is a big deal for someone who has
been making her own decisions for herself all her life. I admittedly cannot
change my innate stubbornness anymore, but to have the willingness to consider
someone else’s opinion is, at least for me, already a big leap.
Abby told me that my attitude can
be quite deceiving. That at first glance or encounter, I would not seem to be intimidating
when in reality, I could be quite domineering and controlling. I jokingly declared
that this only affirms my inking that I can sometimes be a scheming bitch. Anyway,
this whole discussion got me into thinking of how we sometimes allow ourselves
to mentally write a checklist of the characteristics of our elusive “The One” not
to fully tick every single box but to test who will be worthy enough to make us
forget about this checklist.
We are actually in search of
someone who will unknowingly allow us to go beyond our standards because s/he
is worth it.
Manifestations of Unconditional Love
Another question that came up was
as to how we envision unconditional love as manifested in our everyday
interactions. My answer was this, “Unconditional love is someone’s ability to
look at me and know that something’s wrong, and without saying a word, taking
the time to hug me (preferably from behind) as a silent assurance that
everything will be all right and that he will be there to try to protect me.” He
will be my constant - the remaining orderly thing in the mess that is my life.
One of my guy friends said that
it is easier for women to have an idea of how love is manifested because women
are more capable of unconditional love compared to men. I was baffled by this
revelation because I have always believed that anyone should be as capable as
another in terms of this universal concept that is love. But he explained that
with women, it would seem like we are more programmed to love without expecting
anything in return. I tried to think about how this has come about and can only
come up with one explanation – we are more able to handle loving someone from
afar because the society has taught us to not act on our feelings and wait
until the man confirms that the feeling is mutual. We are more capable of loving
unconditionally because we are able to show our love albeit discreetly without
giving away our true feelings. Society
screwed us up.
Sometimes I regret not being able
to aggressively pursue the men I like… not that I have not done that in the
past, back when I was more carefree and was more ready to feel pain, back when I
really had nothing to lose but time. I was fearless because I thought I can
afford to lose time. I did not fully understand the concept of time being “of
the essence.”
On Being ‘OUT THERE’
"And I'm worried...I, I'm afraid that he took away my ability to believe. And I hate him for that. Because I always believed before. And now I just feel...lost. And I am, I'm trying to put myself out there, but... I feel hopeless." - Sex and the City
“I did not expect you to be a girly girl.” my friend taunted me,
when I expressed that at present, I am more inclined to wait it out than actively
pursue anyone. I guess it all stems from my evaluation of how I have played the
game since time immemorial. Nobody can say that I was not out there because I
was, I REALLY was. I have put myself out there, played the part of a journeying
romantic, had my heart broken over and over again to find love - only to be
stuck in the same place that I was when I started. It has obviously not worked
for me. But this is what I have learned – ‘Love has no specific formula and no
amount of thinking can ever solve this illogical puzzle.’
But in the end, it will make
sense. I need to believe that it will.
