Optimism Entry

...because i will never stop trying until that exact moment that the impossibility is clear.
...i know that the little things will matter in the end.
... i don't have to explain myself because i have my own reasons.
... if in the end, it will prove to be a futile attempt, i will be happy that i said yes to the ride
.
ang bottom line, kung meron man may crush sa akin sa law school, magtapat ka na please? haha (inside joke with Ipe, Dial, Nancy)
pero di naman talaga un ang point ng entry na'to... fine, pwede rin.
I am not dubbed as the eternal optimist for nothing.
fight lang Eunice. you're nearing the end of the road.

Prelude to the end…

of the beginning.

So our tears flowed

Without saying a word

Without thinking of our

goodbyes. It was a hug

most apt, a bandage

to our bleeding hearts.

The man talked about

Hope. Of wounded souls

And of once beating

But now suffering

hearts. The moment

was abruptly started.

A call. A message.

It was the end

of the beginning.

We are not going

To be together.

A series of flash

backs. Of misplaced

optimism. Of pats

on the back and silent

smiles. We knew

this was coming.

We just dreaded

That it’ll be

Too soon.

No letting go

Tears will flow

No more. Today

Is the day that we

Stand our ground.

I’ll see you at the end

Of this mocking

Road. I will hurry

Back to you, this

Is a prelude.

A prelude

To the end

Of the beginning

That never ends.

----------------------

To the ateneolaw2009 yahoogroup members.

To My batchmates.

To you who refuse to cry,

ako na ang iiyak para sa’yo.

Finding Peter Pan

from Peyups.com Contributed by dragfly (Edited by arwen) Wednesday, October 29, 2008 @ 12:28:19 AM Print | Send | Comment

So there I was, catching falling stars on my bed one night and contemplating on my longest ever crush on Peter Pan. Maybe if he were for real (and if dogs could really fly) I could too, if only I didn't know that while I believed so much on fairies, my fairies never did believe in me. I could not blame them; I never really took off the galaxies stuffed in my pockets, and I kept on catching more falling stars than I could hold in my hands. They must have thought that it was this weight that kept me anchored to the ground. I found pixie dust sprinkled inside my shoes, when I finally got off the bed. Only I didn't get that magical feeling in the movies, (the room did not echo "you can fly, you can fly!" ) It stung my feet instead, like when you sit on your leg for too long, stung my feet like having that funny bone on your elbow hit by the classroom chair. I liked wearing them anyway, for it reminded me of Peter Pan (and have I mentioned that I had the longest crush on him?) and I thought maybe if I wore these pixie shoes, by some good fairytale karma, he would appear. Even though it stung. (Even though I didn't know yet that later on, it will bleed.) Anyway I always kept my needles ready, just in case he drops by searching for his shadow. So then my window flew open, as I watched in awe as the second star to the right shone brighter and brighter, I ran to the sill and stood on the roof thinking of what it's like, face to face with your most elusive dream - must have been that same feeling in the wax museum when you're face to face with hollywood stars, only better. (as I have never really found wax a legitimate substitute for human beings - wax hands are too slippery to hold.) Peter Pan was more than a Michael Jackson. Heck, Peter Pan was far greater to me then even Elvis. I felt afloat. My feet began to leave the roof tiles - I was going to fly! I gave it one huge leap of faith, and I drifted into the endless sky. (And for the first time ever, like that cow in the nursery rhyme, I finally understood how it felt to jump over the moon) I didn't stay there for long though. Next thing I knew I was being pulled hard into the earth, plunging into the darkness underneath me. Down down down down down down It was a seemingly endless fall. How high have I really been? Down, down, down. Down, down, down, I couldn't have crashed harder. The moment I hit the ground I felt my bones dig themselves into my other bones, and the stars that I have held so dearly in these pockets fell all over the place, dug themselves into my skin, like shards of that full length mirror that used to hang in our old apartment, (along with those five years of bad luck multiplied by a thousand stars and a few dozen galaxies and the remains of the first dog in space) I had legitimate reasons to cry then, only I figured that crying is not as much fun as laughing, And so I did. And all of a sudden I realized that it takes more than pixie dust to fly. And while I thought that my fairies never did believe in me, I felt myself begin to rise. (I never found my Peter, but who am I to protest now that I'm in Neverland?)

You know you're fat when...

... someone who chooses to hide in the multiply id chubbychaser visits your multiply site..

Lord naman e.

ACP Hiphop Abs feat. Eunice : A Disclaimer

Ok, this i gotta do to save people from the disappointment that they'll eventually feel for having too much faith in me.

I am not the "instructor". I can never be. Kung alam nyo lang na nilalagnat ako everytime may attempt ako na mag sit-ups. Haha.

So, what's the real story? Ganito kasi.. One lazy morning, Reg texted me to ask if I can head the Hiphop abs ACP. I was kinda dumbfounded kasi nga. (See reason in the preceding paragraph. Then I got a follow up text from B. Nicka. I seriously said, I can't because of the following valid reasons:

1. I have never done any hiphop ab exercise.
2. I am not credible. (Have you seen me lately? Do i have great abs? I have no pack, unless you are willing to consider the layers of fat that I have.)
3. Nakakatawa.

So i replied and suggested Rimo. They both agreed that it's a great idea. I said, if kailangan ng tao, dadating ako.

Lo and behold. I am in the ACP Manual. I am the "our very own Eunice Monsod" that shall head the ACP feat. hiphop abs. THe horror of being the subject of tons of ridicule immediately surface. Got text messages and lots of promises if only to see me lead the way to great abs.

So there. I will still be there. BUT PLEASE, let's not get our hopes too high,.

I really thank the people who believe in me, ang love talaga ay blind. Trust and faith overflows.
BUt if there's anything I can promise, it's that we'll have lots of fun and well, we're gonna sweat it out, literally and figuratively..

Salamat David Tan. Salamat Dial at Gea. Salamat Lord.

Chronicles of JLErs

JLErs*

Pumasok ka na ba?

What: Jesuit Leadership Experience

Where: Capuchin Retreat House (imbento), Lipa, Batangas

When: January 30 – February 1, 2009

Why: Why not?

Motto: It is not the end, not even the beginning of the end… But it was the end of the beginning.

Yun e!

So what?

This is a collection of quotable quotes from the JLErs. If you’re looking for my learnings, this is not the blog about it. But if you’re looking for pieces of evidence that will prove how much fun we had, then read on.

Atty. Balane talked about the wonderful life of St. Ignatius a.k.a Iniego (assuming na ito ang correct spelling). It was an interesting storytelling session especially because, if you know Atty. Balane, he is very passionate about these things. Here are my favorite lines from his story.

(quote on how St. Ignatius chose to undergo another anesthesia-free surgery because of his vanity)

“… to martyr himself for his own pleasure.”

Eunice’s thought bubble: Sounds like love to me.

“Nothing succeeds like SUCCESS!”

Euns: Mabuti naman. Mahirap naman kung nothing succeeds like failure.

After Atty. Balane’s storytelling, we were asked to react on the talk, notice how the reactions seem to be almost always sound like the JLErs were still talking about love.

“It was worth the wait.”

“If it’s worth it, you have to give it your all.”

“It was an opportunity to learn.”

Enough with my love ramblings. Here are the funnier exchanges of ideas.

JLEr: (on change) Mahirap sya.

Faci: Mahirap? Bakit nakikikain lang ba sya dito ?

JLEr: (on answering some exercise questions) We weren’t able to tackle the question thoroughly.

Faci: So, nagchismisan lang kayo?

JLEr: We got enganged kasi on the quote that we got. (long explanation)

Faci: So, wala talagang sagot?

Panalo.haha

JLEr: My partner is _____, kilala ko sya kasi minaneho ko sya papunta ditto.

Too much info.

JLEr: ______ and I didn’t follow instructions but I can see that she’s an innate leader.

Irony nga naman.

Activities on LOVE:

Scenario: Everyone’s blindfolded , instructed to make an equilateral triangle out of the rope that was provided for them. (Equilateral pa lang numose bleed na yata mga tao, haha.. Math alert! Math Alert!!!)

JLEr #1: Let’s figure out first how long the rope is.

JLEr #2: (shouts) Oh my God, it’s LOOOONG.

JLEr #1: Please don’t say that while we’re all blindfolded.

Faci: What were your learnings?

JLEr: I realized that… love is where the fun is.

JLEr: I was touched because when I was trying to get through the hoops, people started helping me , they were trying to lift my foot.

Euns: (sa isip) Ganyan talaga ang love, umaangat ang paa mo.

JLEr: Sobrang daming tumulong, un ibanag-offer ng helping arm, helping hand… helping body.

HELPING BODY?

JLEr: Love? We can DO IT NOW. We can DO IT IN THE LAW SCHOOL.

Sabagay. Pag gusto mo na, gusto mo na talaga.

JLEr: (on a traumatic experience in rallies) Nakita ko ang mga kasama ko na lumuluha… kasi nga TEAR GAS.

Dialogue

Father: I didn’t have problems with sick Jesuits… well except that they just died.

JLEr: Kailangan mong ilagay ang malalaking bagay sa maliliit na package.

JLEr: With regard to the video clip, I think self-awareness is about humility.

Faci: Ah… San un?

“Sometimes, you have to get hurt to find out what you’re meant to have.”

Faci: Ok, so… any more reactions? Dito? (turo sa isang row) sa COMMITTEE OF SILENCE?

JLEr: Ingenuity is about humility too. Like in the video, ok lang kahit na sabihin mo na Hey, pukpukin mo kami!

JLEr: Schools should not reward answers but questions.

Euns: (kailangan kasi ipaalam na ako para magets e) We need the admin to encourage us to become more well-rounded people.

Fr. B: Well, it seems like you are very well-rounded.

Euns: Foul!

JLEr: (on the presence of CLV, Cande and Fr. B) I never thought I could address the trinity.

CLV: Well, at least we all know who the Father is.

JLEr: It was nice to hear the story of St. Ignatius because coming from La Salle, I am not aware of that story.

Fr. B: Well, when we talk about spirituality, we don’t only speak of Ignatian spirituality naman. Anyway, St. LaSalle is also in heaven no?

EATING QUOTES

JLEr #1: Bakit kaya walang sighting ng Capuchin brothers?

JLEr#2: San kaya napupunta un mga natitirang pagkain?

JLEr#3: Alam ko na. Siguro kinakain lahat ng mga brothers. Tapos kaya walang sighting kasi nga obese na sila lahat sa kakakain ng mga tira.

(May dumating na brother)

JLEr#1: E bakit kaya un di naman obese?

JLEr#3: Dude, kasi may exercise sya. Sya un kumukuha ng pagkain from the caf to the house.

JLEr#2: So, kailangan para matulungan natin sila maubos natin ang pagkain?

JLEr#1: Tama. Eat your food, pass it on. Yan ang advocacy natin.

JLEr#1: Wow men, pareho pa tayong mustard yellow ang damit. Para tayong Mongol Pencil at Cartolina.

JLEr#2: E bakit hinubad mo na un yellow jacket mo?

JLEr#1: E kasi, pag pareho tayo ng kulay para tayong love team sa That's Entertainment!

----------------------------------------------

To end my JLE Chronicles, I want to declare that the official theme songs of the whole thing are…

“You cut me open and I… keep LEADING, keep, keep LEADING LOVE.” (Bleeding love tune)

“Got to believe in MAGIS….” (Hulaan nyo kung anong tono. Heler)

--------------------------------

* A JLEr is someone who attended the Jesuit Leadership Experience. It is pronounced as JAILER hence the tagline, pumasok ka na ba? This term was coined by Mayco Romulo (I think).

First Letter to the REAL YOU

This love letter starts with a million pieces of thank you, delicately woven and kept inside my heart.

Our beginnings are slowly fast, vaguely clear and imaginarily real. The smiles that have invaded my once inactive lips owe it to the smallest of gestures, rawest of emotions and warmest of thoughts. You are rarely here, in the same way that I am rarely there. I don’t look for you, miss you or, even for a second, feel a bit of longing because there is no you…. There is no me.

Just us.

We have a “we” that has turned its back on time, space and norms, a “we” that laughs at silly utterances, abrupt “I love you’s” and human warmth. Ours is not human. It is warmth that travels through the heart. It’s not human, it’s supernatural, ghost-like. Our love does not speak of moments that end but of hello’s that reverberate through what is not seen but felt. Our love is a dream, a nightmare, a premonition.

It is everything but reality because what's the use of reality if we can together dictate the dances and songs of our dreams?

This letter ends with a million pieces of thank you, delicately woven and kept inside my heart.

Words of Melancholy for Neverland and an Ode to the Land on which I Finally Landed

In the beginning I was flying, over mountains, over

oceans and over your heart. I used

to enjoy fairy dust and foolish games. Yours was

the boat of the strange captain, the light of a heart

that was born from stars, a treasure

chest of happy thoughts. Yours was Neverland. A world

we on which we can never land. We floated…

and floated still. Until the gods said enough

and forcefully commanded that we

fall.

We never fell

together.

We

fell

apart.

------

So I have landed,

Bruised

Tired

Relieved

Relief did

come, in

a land so foreign

yet so familiar. I saw

a hand reaching for mine,

without thinking

but with great feeling

I reached out.

Instead of pulling

me up, he held

my hand and with a sense

of urgency sat beside me.

There was no invitation to fly,

nor to float.

There was

A promise

To stay.

Ang Sabi ni Carlo...

.... nang sinabi ko na may boyfriend na ako.
"parang Mortal Kombat..... Fuma-FINAL BATTLE ka ah!"
Winner,

I Cringe.

That's what I do everytime I am reminded of that thing I did in college. That "thing" made me a candidate for the biggest loser / stalker / desperate act. It was a pretty pathetic thing to do. But yeah, I did it.
Just like any story, regret comes at that exact moment after you can't turn back anymore. I couldn't even find it in my already sorta cold heart to read that 8-page letter. I couldn't find it in my usually tolerant self to look back at the mush that I haphazardly spread around. It felt like it was the right thing to do, not to mention the words of encouragement I got from the people who actually read it. So I did. Eewy. Haha.

Now, I cringe, laugh and feel a thousand emotions as I once again try to read it. Panalo.
Sample?

Excerpt:
If we bump into each other again tomorrow, or next week or in the next few months, whenever, please look at me in the eyes, please don’t let me pass you by without at least saying hi, please don’t act as if nothing happened. I want you to decide, I don’t care when but if ever you do decide don’t ever let me be the last to know. Take care buddy and never lose that smile, it never fails to brighten up my day… See ya ‘round!


YAK!

The Day After...

... what shall be remembered as our last Midterms day.

We had to go to class at 12 noon still. Yep, This is Sparta, este (ang slapstick) Law School. No time for long breaks and celebrations. Anyway. These are the things that I was writing in my notebook while the discussion of Provisional Remedies was playing in the background.

"Your hands are warm... it may be that your heart is cold."
My prof quoted a dean whom he had to talk to regarding a case he was handling. Our instinct was to hold our hands and test if they're warm or cold. Mahirap na. Ninang Nikki had cold hands, uyy warm heart. At ako... WARM HANDS. Therefore.

Which leads me to a sort of summary of: what we decided to talk about last night. Present and past loves. The ability to move on without closure and finding it in your heart to forgive that one person whom you have given everything to only to be left cynical and well, a tad bit short of being frigid. (Haha, I just had to include that word Japhet).But the thing is, in the end, you always end up in a way better place. Whether we like it or not, we end up being in better places because a place becomes better when we become better persons. The ability to find happiness, contentment and well, love becomes not a task but a happy vacation full of stopovers and a lot of time for camwhoring. When you are able to look back at the places you visited and the pictures that are posted in the photoalbums of today (translation: Multiply, Friendster, Facebook, insert name of a social networking site), you don't feel the pain anymore. You only are reminded of good times. And i guess, it,'s quite a clear sign that finally, you are happy.

JOKE BREAK:
Prof: Class, have you heard of BPI Leasing?
Euns: (naisip) Kaanu-ano kaya nya si Gary? (Hopefully na-gets nyo. Haha)

Last night really was a night of being in the hotseat. I was more than happy to answer queries about "stuff" from my closest of friends. They raised a lot of valid points and well, i wouldn't be friends with them if they don't know me that well. YET.

I am happy. I really am. Done with hurting, with complications and a lot of what could've been's..I have been found. Not only by someone, but I have been found by me.

And that's more than worth everything.