TAGAYTAY Notes

"I stare at the twinkling lights in front of me, it is as if they are teasing my unstable heart, seeking light in the middle of this darkness. As i smoke what seems like my hundredth stick of cigarette, i fight the cold wind with the warmth of my memories of you. Your smile, I picture it clearly in my mind. Your eyes, I remember how fondly you used to look at me without you knowing that I have opened my heart to you. I feel cold, empty and alone but I am happy... It comes with the thought that tomorrow, I have you to come home to. When I am beside you, I am at peace."

-ENM [Tagaytay, April 6, 2008 7:15 pm]

A REACTION to MEL's POST

Euns asked me how one can get out of the "friends zone." I said, that's a funny thing to ask me, since out of the four people on my left hand, three of them I was friends with before we became a couple.

Euns, here is what I've come to realize: every person has his own "bubble." It's a protective shield, a defense mechanism which each person puts up to prevent themselves from being hurt by others. When two people become close, they decide to put down these defenses, lower their shields, retract their "bubbles" to allow the other person to penetrate their soul. Once the two people have bonded, they form a new "bubble" which covers the two of them. At first, it may seem that their world has become much smaller, since most interaction involves only these two people. But slowly, once they have adapted to this set-up, then they slowly become re-integrated into the world as one bubble, and they begin their journey of interaction with other "bubbles."

Unfortunately, not everything is permanent. Once a separation or break-up occurs, the "bubble" bursts, and the two individuals are thrown into the world without their protective "bubbles," at least, until time passes and they are strong enough to form new ones. During this period when no bubble has formed yet, the individual is "naked" and completely vulnerable to foreign objects. This is why people usually have support groups during these times, because these support groups serve as the individual's protective bubble during his moment of weakness. Of course, once your protective bubble is complete, then you're ready to go out into the world and interact on your own again.

So anyway, I don't know if this whole entry made any sense. I don't know if I was able to clarify anything, but hey, I tried.

Now, I am not sure if my protective bubble is back. In fact, I don't want it to come back. For me, the bubble is a hindrance to flowing, mingling and going somewhere. I wish I can find someone who can take the place of the bubble and instead protect me with his own arms and defend me with his own love.

I should stop blogging.

BAKIT HINDI TAYO BAGAY

1. Kasi parang bugnutin ka.
2. Malandi ka, malandi ako. Problema ito.
3. Ang hirap mo yayain.
4. Magkaiba tayo ng friends.
5. [Long pause] Baka di mo ako gusto?

Wala na ako maisip. Ok, mas mahaba un BAKIT TAYO BAGAY. Tuloy ang pagkerengkeng! Hehe.

SABAWAN

Habang naglalaro ng VIVA CALIGULA

Peewee: Ah, dapat pala makuha mo muna lahat ng 26 weapons bago ka makapasok!
Ona: Paano? Kailangan lang pumatay ka ng pumatay?
Kookai: [excited tone] Ahhhh....Hence the name... PATAY-AN!
Ana: Mabuti naman.

DON'T DREAM. IT'S OVER

Isang yosi break.

Ona: Kailangan mag-gown sa BLUE ROAST?
Euns: Oo kaya, RED CARPET nga e. GOLDEN GLOBES... dapat naka-gown. DI kayo papapasukin ng reg pag di naka-gown.
Ona: Edi sasabihin ko.. wag kayo makialam. Graduate na ako, e kayo?
Euns: Alam ko na kung ano ang song ko para sa inyo! [graduating friends]
Ona: Ano?
Euns: Don't Dream It's Over.
Ona: Pakyu ka Yunis.
Euns: Pakyu back.
Peewee: Naku baka naman un Don't Dream It's Over iba un punctuation mark... DON'T DREAM! IT'S OVER!
[laughter]
Euns: Tama, wag ka na mangarap. Tapos na ang pangarap mo.
Ona: Pakyu kayo.

NAKAKATAWA

Habang nag-aaral muli sa LSAC at napag-usapan nanaman si BETTER FLAME.

Sev: He's in 2nd year or 3rd year. He drinks coffee, he's sometimes in starbucks.. he seems like he's technostressed. He smokes...
Ona: Mapagkawang-gawa ba sya?
Sev: I don't even know what "mapagkawang-gawa" means!

Un na.

MANUNUPOT

One kwentuhan sa LSAC...

Ona: [blahblahblah] Alam mo un manunupot?
Kookai: Un manunupot, diba un yung nagtutuli?
[LSAC LAUGHTER]
Euns: So, Ona.. ano ba talaga un manunupot?
Ona: Ang manunupot ay un pinangtatakot sa mga bata na nangingidnap at nilalagay sila sa SAKO. Tapos papatayin sila para un dugo nila ay mailagay sa tulay. Nagiging mas matibay daw un tulay pag may dugo ng bata.
Euns: Bakit hindi mananako?
[LSAC LAUGHTER]
Peewee: Oo nga bakit di mananako? Anyway, ibig sabihin maraming napatay na mga bata dahil sa San Juanico Bridge?
Dema: Oo nga, maraming nasaktan na bata un manunupot.
Euns: Tama, maraming dumanak na dugo dahil sa manunupot.
Peewee: Literal na meaning man o un meaning ni Kookai.
[LSAC LAUGHTER]

Grabe, pang-FRIENDS na talaga un mga usapan sa LSAC.

BAKIT TAYO BAGAY?

1. Magiging lawyer tayo pareho.
2. Mahilig tayo sa "kawang-gawa."
3. Mahilig tayo magkape.
4. Mahilig tayo magyosi.
5. Nakakatawa ako, mahilig ka tumawa.
6. Mabait ka... gusto ko ng mabait.
7. Gwapo ka... gusto ko ng gwapo.
8. Charming ka, charming ako.
9. Di mo ko pinapansin ngayon, di rin kita pinapansin pansamantala.
10. Gusto kita. Di mo pa alam na gusto mo rin ako.
11. Gusto mo ng date, gusto kita i-date.

Higit sa lahat... HINDI KA NAGBABASA NG BLOG KO. Kasi kung nagbabasa ka, binabawi ko na lahat ng sinabi ko.

Candy Girl

While I was running around giving the examinees their sugar fix...

Friend: Does it hurt when you are rejected?
Eunice: [silence] Yeah.
Friend: Hassle no?
Eunice: Are we talking about my giving away candies or something else?
Friend: [smile]
Eunice: Hassle nga.

I NEVER DO ANYTHING WELL ANYMORE

"Running around trying to do too much in one day means you never do anything well."

It is dawning on me, the things I do at present are almost all mediocre. They're all half-baked, not as perfect as i want them to be. This is applicable to very aspect of my life, may it be academic, extra-curricular, family... love life. They're all "almost's that are never quite". Law school taught me to let some things go especially if they are out of my control. But I never acknowledged that there are things that are out of my control... their state of not being in my control is just a manifestation of my not doing things the right way. Every situation is a consequence of my choices, my decisions, my acts.

Sabi ko nga. "FATE IS THE PRELUDE TO A DECISION." So far, my decisions leave me exactly where I began... on a threadmill, running around with nowhere to go and no one to go to.

Soembody pull the plug please.

Sabi ni Father...

"When you fail on something, YOU DON'T STOP. You bounce back. The worst thing you can do is decide that you won't do that thing you failed in again and won't try harder to be better."

Ayos. This is what we all need to remember.