I strongly believe that the betterment of lives and prevention of death are two most important goals that we should all have. In the controversy regarding gene therapy, I have always believed that there's nothing immoral to anything which aims to cure. I do understand the moral dilemma in which a lot of the people who oppose the said therapy are clinging to and I feel that they might be getting carried away by limitations that they have set for themselves. For every innovation, every advances in technology give way to the emergence of more risks and unavoidable repercussions. But I think that once again, “Fear should never paralyze us into inaction.”
Only, there is one fear or I guess dilemma that I would like to be addressed regarding this.. I just hope that if ever that there will be a massive success in the improvement of gene therapy, everyone will be given the chance to avail of such cure. I hope that it will not result to another divide which will affect the structure of a lot of societies. And though there are experiments that should be carried out, I hope that the doctors will not take it as a mere gamble but a a conquest.
HAPPY NEW YEAR PINOYS!
I have always been fascinated with Rizal and the things that he was able to come up with back when Filipinos weren't expected to excel. His ideals, theories and suggestions have been proven to be very useful and true not only in the past but also in the present, it’s amazing how he was able to predict a lot things that we are still experiencing now. It’s not a surprise to me that he has talked about how Filipinos have been in a way very individualistic with respect to progress and development. It’s quite obvious that we all are aiming for the development of our country in all aspects but we all move without thinking of how it will affect other people. It’s saddening because we have always been proud of our close family ties, our ability to survive no matter what, still, the simplicity of being united isn’t present in our society.
Just like the old times, when the revolts in the Spanish Era were motivated by mere personal motives, we will fail. We can only realize our dreams if we will try to be more conscientious of other people. We all are skilled, we all are intelligent, but moving as individuals is a disadvantage. We must lost that “one man for himself” attitude and instead focus on how we can contribute. Apathy will not get us anywhere. We must move as one, that’s why we’re called Filipinos, we all are under this nationality, we all are instruments of development and progress.
In the end, one thing is clear… The government cannot make changes happen without our help. The more we try to be overly dependent on what the government can do for us, the more our country will sulk in this slum we are stuck in. Actions will be more effective if only we are UNITED. Our economy’s growth will not be a question of who the president is, rather, a question of UNITY towards ONE GOAL. I am urging everyone to be more vigilant, concerned and sensitive of what each and everyone of us can do for our country. It is time to make a difference and to show the world what we have.
Just like the old times, when the revolts in the Spanish Era were motivated by mere personal motives, we will fail. We can only realize our dreams if we will try to be more conscientious of other people. We all are skilled, we all are intelligent, but moving as individuals is a disadvantage. We must lost that “one man for himself” attitude and instead focus on how we can contribute. Apathy will not get us anywhere. We must move as one, that’s why we’re called Filipinos, we all are under this nationality, we all are instruments of development and progress.
In the end, one thing is clear… The government cannot make changes happen without our help. The more we try to be overly dependent on what the government can do for us, the more our country will sulk in this slum we are stuck in. Actions will be more effective if only we are UNITED. Our economy’s growth will not be a question of who the president is, rather, a question of UNITY towards ONE GOAL. I am urging everyone to be more vigilant, concerned and sensitive of what each and everyone of us can do for our country. It is time to make a difference and to show the world what we have.
On Emergence and Artificiality
Ar’ti-f’cial, a. 1. made by man; not natural. 2. not genuine; affected.
ar’ti-fi’ci-al’ity, n.
E-merge’, v. Come out; appear. - e-mer’gence, n
Whenever I’m given something that I should react to, one very big concern for me is to know how certain words are defined in the dictionary. It’s not because I don’t know exactly what they mean, but I wanna be able to just figure out which of the people’s perceptions regarding a certain statement or regarding certain words have basis or are just results of their own process of figuring out the appropriate meanings. In this particular situation, the two essential words are artificiality and emergence, the meanings of the words in the dictionary are stated above. With respect to emergence, I didn’t think there was something problematic with the meaning because it’s simple as it can be. I only had certain issues with artificiality.
My dilemma with definition lies in the part where artificiality is defined as “not genuine”. It is problematic because I feel that what is real is something which exists, and to say that something artificial is something unreal would have no logical reason to back it up. I really think that this topic is very relevant because in a world where everything’s changing due to certain innovations, artificiality has become a part of life. The process of finding meanings for artificiality and emergence is a process which will be ongoing until life itself exists. My reasons for such a claim will be discussed later in the essay. I will thoroughly look into the claims and insights expressed in the essay by Ghasempour and try to analyze how it led to such conclusions.
I do agree with Ghasempour that debates on issues regarding artificiality and emergence have always been present in every single generation. These debates, I think, are attempts to decipher the unexplainable through possible exchange of insights and formulation of certain conventions regarding which explanations are to be accepted or not. After reading the essay, it made me think of some opinions or insights expressed in the essay which I disagree with and some areas which I think have become problematic. I will also be looking at all these inconsistencies, critique them and make the most of whatever I found out in the process of my research.
In the first paragraph of the essay, the concept of emergents as results of some organic evolution introduced the author’s idea of how we are baffled about the reality that we have always held true. This statement reminded me of something a representative from La Rouche told us about how all these economic theories we’ve been studying are all mere manipulations of the “more influential” part of the group of economists. He pointed out that the reality that we have grown to accept are just manifestations of who won in the battle for truth in the centuries. I get the point of how we all become confused with certain “alleged truths” which we’ve been taught right from the start everytime we would encounter something which opposes the things we believe in. it maybe attributed to the fact that the things we believe in serve as foundations for the more complicated tings that we encounter which are also vital for our growth or development. What bothered me in the statement given by the author of the essay was her question on spiritual realms which science cannot permeate. I don’t think that spirituality or the spiritual realm per se should be compared parallel to science because they are of different levels. The context in which the spiritual realm was used, for me, was foul because it exudes the message that scientists always have the easier way out by attributing the unexplainable (as of the moment) as spiritual stuff from the spiritual realms. The long standing conflict between the side which looks at emergence as a spiritual thing and the side wherein emergence is explained as a result of evolution or any natural process is in a way useless because I don’t think they are mutually exclusive. Physical laws can give explanations and so can non-scientific theories but the point will be not of making them totally opposite each other.
I also believe that there are a number of things that we can learn from the past and that these backward linkages may not directly point out such answers but they sure will serve as guides to trace what humanity has achieved so far. Still, I don’t agree with the statement that “..the future is geared towards artificiality” because I don’t wanna see artificiality as a destination but a means or an instrument that can lead us to our ultimate goal to seek the betterment of everyone and everything which exist. I believe that artificiality should not rule over our lives but we can use it to make our ways of living better than it is as of the moment.
In the next paragraph, it said something about the claim of science that everything has a logical reason behind them. Looking at the meaning of logical in the dictionary, it just means “ something used in LOGIC” and logic is defined as the “art of reasoning”. So in a way, what maybe justified by mere manipulation of reason could be considered logical. Furthermore, if one believes that our existence is just superficial or that we are just imagining this world that we are living in (think of Matrix) and he can back it up with something really convincing like, we don’t even know what happens if we die, therefore we cant grasp the whole truth about our existence and anything that we see today may just be a part of the whole play which is only revealed after our “supposed lives”. And that if the game is over, we can choose whether we wanna try again or just rest. It’s logical, but all we can do is speculate. I say, it’s not in our limitations of our cognition but in the limitations of our means of using our cognition. I agree that artificiality should become instruments for the improvement of life as a whole and that the process in which we understand is subjective and personal. Trying to explain and find out things through mere biological processes would be, in my opinion, atrocious. It is because we all vary, and we cant hold everything constant not only in our ways of thinking but in our biological processes as well. However, regarding the author’s statement on the Emergent Theory of Mind’s being useless because it merely explains the process is unacceptable because the key to being able to analyze something and to arrive into a breakthrough starts with the understanding of the basic processes and the basic events which happened along the way.
I also agree with the claim that there still are a lot of things which remains as mysteries to us, but to call the actions of modern empiricists as attempts to “RECREATE NATURE THROUGH ARTIFICING” would be dangerous and in a way, problematic. Artificing shouldn’t aim to recreate nature because recreation is a process which should happen without interference from us, but instead artificing should aim to IMPROVE and ACHIEVE the betterment if not of everyone but of at least the majority of the population.
It was in a way hard for me to grasp this idea of reality being “…independent of any possible knowledge and any actual encounter with it”. I’m afraid that through this definition, reality has become something merely imagined. If there is such a thing as accessible and inaccessible reality, then how do we verify it? What is real? Genuine? Who verifies it? I think it’s once again a matter of convention and influence. Just like the old times. The politics of reality will be at work.
Fear should never paralyze us into inaction. Every decision that we make has its intended and unintended consequences. Like what I learned in Economics, everything has its trade offs, its opportunity cost, and the knowledge on being able to imitate reality and understand emergence may cause some bad consequences. But I believe that though there are risks, it shouldn’t hinder us from wanting to know more and to discover things which in the end will offset whatever negative effects it may have. Even the cleanest of all intentions can result to serious negative effects but it shouldn’t stop us from trying to achieve more and from learning. Life is a process of learning, it’s a continued pursuit of improvement of being better. Yes, we do evolve, and learning more about reality, artificiality and emergence is a positive evolution regardless of what repercussions it may bring with it.
I like the concept in which we see our own lives to be artificial. Artificiality introduced as a way of life is a positive way to look at it. It drives me to a very important issue I wanna raise, why do people have this idea that anything artificial is not as good as the original and that it’s not gonna be good enough to satisfy something which is natural? Should there really be conflict between what is artificial and what is natural? Shouldn’t there be like a mutually beneficial relationship between them? Shouldn’t the artificial and the natural just complement each other? Are they supposed to be separate entities? I believe there shouldn’t be a clash between them.
There shouldn’t be a mere pursuit of artificiality, but instead, there should be a pursuit to improvement. Artificiality should only be one of the means to achieve improvement and to know more about the natural / real world. In STS, I learned to see the irony in defining science as something exact and systematic. It is because just like this issue addressed in the essay, science need not be uncompromising. In fact, Science is overly compromising that it welcomes even the most deviant of the deviant hypotheses. Just like the innovations we studied, artificiality shouldn’t be seen as a threat which will make life miserable for humanity but instead look at artificiality as a wagon that will bring us to a better world. A world where the artificial and the “real” live harmoniously with each other. A world where there will be not gap between people.
Mitochondrial Eve
In gradeschool. I learned something about the “missing link” in the possibility of tracing the evolution of humanity. I was very interested in actually learning a lot about our “ancestors” and how they have evolved into the beings that we are right now. I have always believed in the existence of Adam and Eve not only because of the bible, but also because I interpret the Adam and Eve that we’re talking about as humans who are related to everyone on earth. It’s quite fascinating to know that it is very possible for us to actually trace who our own Eve is and to know where we came from. In reading an essay by Krishna Kunchithapadam, she pointed out the importance of knowing that the mitochondrial eve that we’re actually looking for today is only the Mitochondrial Eve of our generation.
I think it’s very important for us to understand that the Eve that we’re looking for is not an all-encompassing Eve who was the first woman on earth (if she really existed). Kunchithapadam put in the statement, "She is the most-recent common ancestor of all humans alive on Earth today with respect to matrilineal descent. … While each of us necessarily has two parents, we get our mitochondria and mitochondrial DNA from the ovum (and hence from our mothers). Our mothers got their mitochondrial DNA from their mothers and so on. Thus, while our nuclear DNA is a mish-mash of the DNA of our four grandparents, our mitochondrial DNA is an almost exact copy of the DNA of our maternal grandmother (the match may not be exact due to mutations. In fact, the mutations in the mitochondrial DNA provide the molecular clock that allows us to determine how much time has elapsed since the ME lived).The ME represents that woman whose mitochondrial DNA (with mutations) exists in all the humans now living on Earth. That does not mean that she is our lone woman ancestor. We have ancestors who are not via matrilineal descent. For example, our father's mother (who did pass on her mitochondrial DNA to her daughters) is an example of an ancestor who is not matrilineal to us. However, she did exist at one time and was probably of the same age as our mother's mother, who is a matrilineal ancestor of ours and from whom we got our mitochondrial DNA.”.
It may sound surreal, but it’s actually proven mathematically so there’s no reason for me not to believe it. Ang astig e! Apir!
I think it’s very important for us to understand that the Eve that we’re looking for is not an all-encompassing Eve who was the first woman on earth (if she really existed). Kunchithapadam put in the statement, "She is the most-recent common ancestor of all humans alive on Earth today with respect to matrilineal descent. … While each of us necessarily has two parents, we get our mitochondria and mitochondrial DNA from the ovum (and hence from our mothers). Our mothers got their mitochondrial DNA from their mothers and so on. Thus, while our nuclear DNA is a mish-mash of the DNA of our four grandparents, our mitochondrial DNA is an almost exact copy of the DNA of our maternal grandmother (the match may not be exact due to mutations. In fact, the mutations in the mitochondrial DNA provide the molecular clock that allows us to determine how much time has elapsed since the ME lived).The ME represents that woman whose mitochondrial DNA (with mutations) exists in all the humans now living on Earth. That does not mean that she is our lone woman ancestor. We have ancestors who are not via matrilineal descent. For example, our father's mother (who did pass on her mitochondrial DNA to her daughters) is an example of an ancestor who is not matrilineal to us. However, she did exist at one time and was probably of the same age as our mother's mother, who is a matrilineal ancestor of ours and from whom we got our mitochondrial DNA.”.
It may sound surreal, but it’s actually proven mathematically so there’s no reason for me not to believe it. Ang astig e! Apir!
Fred Hoyle
“The transformation from wild terror to calmness seems entirely magical … the bird watches you with a bright eye … you throw up your arms and release the bird, and away it soars. I feel it should be like that with ideas.” -Hoyle
Fred Hoyle’s story is a classic example of how unpredictable life is, no matter who you are or whatever your profession might be. It’s also an example of how in one’s lifetime, you may have achieved numerous things and may have contributed to the society in very positive ways, but in the end they will remember you for the things you did wrong. Think of the inkblot on a blank paper. Thinking of the role of scientists in science, it made me realize that they serve as mere catalysts. They ignite interest in a particular field and they try to find out as much as they can. If they are able to achieve what other people think as a scientific breakthrough then they are given attention. Still, you can easily make a fool out of yourself by announcing a hypothesis not backed up by scientific proof that will sway the stubborn minds of the majority. Scientists are mere instruments and even if you may have contributed more in the study of a certain field, if you didn’t get into the bottom of things, then you’re not gonna be as honored and respected as the one who was able to explain it in detail.I believe that scientists have the freedom to express whatever they believe in, may it be their discovery or results of their intensive studies. They should still remember that they have the responsibility not only as scientists but even as human beings to be as truthful and as accurate as they can be. The pressure’s greater because since a scientist is dealing with something scientific, his claims should be as precise as it can possibly be.
Quoting something from an article I read online.. “What made Fred Hoyle such a fascinating figure in big-time cosmology was that he combined the accomplishments and understandings of the century’s elite - think Einstein, Bohr, Feynman - with proposals associated with cranks. In mainstream science, he helped construct one set of theories that looks spectacularly right, and another set that looks just as spectacularly wrong.” As expected, he was remembered for the spectacularly wrong things he exposed. But then again, “The heroes of 20th century cosmology have all had their quirks. Einstein famously rejected quantum theory. Feynman was a wild man. Stephen Hawking recently recommended that human genetic engineering should proceed because otherwise robots may take over the world. Of one thing we may be certain: the Universe is much stranger than the quirks of the cosmologists who attempt to explain it.”
Wow, I wrote this a few years ago.
Hey,
This is weird. I did say I’ll send you an email right? Lemme start by saying thank you for the phone conversations, the time you spared or uhmm, wasted talking to me. you have to believe me that I do appreciate it so much. We’ve only known each other for a short period of time but I guess you’re one of those people who managed to influence me and made me think, even intimidated me. Not a lot of them see what you see, or uhmm, maybe they do…but not a lot of people are courageous enough to point these things out straight to my face.
It may seem like I don’t mean most of the words I say, or that I don’t take you seriously or that I’m plain shallow and stubborn and I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry if at times I’m just a bore or a pain in the ass. I’m sorry if I call you and never talk. You must understand that I cherish even the silence that we shared. You are a dear friend, you make me laugh. Yeah, I have to give you credit for that, you DO make me laugh. At times, I would remember something you said and I’ll just smile. It may look like I don’t pay attention but I guess it’s just me. my defense mechanism, I’m still scared ‘coz I don’t really know you.
I know you remember me saying that I’m not used to opening up. I don’t even confide to my closest friends. My pride, I guess. I do pay attention, I do keep in mind the things you say. I sometimes try to recall how it all started, how we became the (I’d like to think) close friends that we are right now, but it just frustrates me because I don’t really know. I remember you saying that “for all we know, maybe it’s gonna stop when school starts”. You changed the topic and didn’t dwell on the idea, I pretended that I didn’t hear it..but I did. Im scared that we’re drifting apart, I’m scared that maybe we got close for convenience, or because we didn’t have a choice. I don’t really need assurance, I’m not in the position to ask for that. I’m still going to fulfill my part of the friendship anyway.
You worry me, it’s as if you live for pain. I DO WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY. I do want you to get a job. I wish you’ll find what it is you’re looking for. I wish you’ll stop getting frustrated and that the people around you, your friends’ll stop disappointing you. I wish they start fulfilling their promises. Don’t lose faith in them ‘coz they need your faith. I’m sorry if I can’t really say these things in person, must be my pride… that’s why I’m a writer. It’s true, you predicted it right, I really am missing you. I miss talking to you ‘til morning and I miss having you around. I miss your straightforward remarks / diagnosis of my depressing personality. I miss you and I dunno if I should even be saying this or writing this letter.
I’m sorry if I may have burdened you or made life a li’l harder, a li’l complicated, a li’l irritating for you. Thank you, I wish I can give you a hug right now. I’m sorry if I cant be the “comforting arm” while you are sleeping that you’ve dreamed about for 2 consecutive nights. You take care ok? I believe in you, you can be the “bum” or the “professional”, it doesn’t make much of a difference. You’re a buddy. Gotta run,, I’ll bump into you next time. I hope.
Smilin’,
Eunee =)
----------
i omitted some parts. Natuwa lang ako na naka-save pala sa pc ko ito.
This is weird. I did say I’ll send you an email right? Lemme start by saying thank you for the phone conversations, the time you spared or uhmm, wasted talking to me. you have to believe me that I do appreciate it so much. We’ve only known each other for a short period of time but I guess you’re one of those people who managed to influence me and made me think, even intimidated me. Not a lot of them see what you see, or uhmm, maybe they do…but not a lot of people are courageous enough to point these things out straight to my face.
It may seem like I don’t mean most of the words I say, or that I don’t take you seriously or that I’m plain shallow and stubborn and I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry if at times I’m just a bore or a pain in the ass. I’m sorry if I call you and never talk. You must understand that I cherish even the silence that we shared. You are a dear friend, you make me laugh. Yeah, I have to give you credit for that, you DO make me laugh. At times, I would remember something you said and I’ll just smile. It may look like I don’t pay attention but I guess it’s just me. my defense mechanism, I’m still scared ‘coz I don’t really know you.
I know you remember me saying that I’m not used to opening up. I don’t even confide to my closest friends. My pride, I guess. I do pay attention, I do keep in mind the things you say. I sometimes try to recall how it all started, how we became the (I’d like to think) close friends that we are right now, but it just frustrates me because I don’t really know. I remember you saying that “for all we know, maybe it’s gonna stop when school starts”. You changed the topic and didn’t dwell on the idea, I pretended that I didn’t hear it..but I did. Im scared that we’re drifting apart, I’m scared that maybe we got close for convenience, or because we didn’t have a choice. I don’t really need assurance, I’m not in the position to ask for that. I’m still going to fulfill my part of the friendship anyway.
You worry me, it’s as if you live for pain. I DO WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY. I do want you to get a job. I wish you’ll find what it is you’re looking for. I wish you’ll stop getting frustrated and that the people around you, your friends’ll stop disappointing you. I wish they start fulfilling their promises. Don’t lose faith in them ‘coz they need your faith. I’m sorry if I can’t really say these things in person, must be my pride… that’s why I’m a writer. It’s true, you predicted it right, I really am missing you. I miss talking to you ‘til morning and I miss having you around. I miss your straightforward remarks / diagnosis of my depressing personality. I miss you and I dunno if I should even be saying this or writing this letter.
I’m sorry if I may have burdened you or made life a li’l harder, a li’l complicated, a li’l irritating for you. Thank you, I wish I can give you a hug right now. I’m sorry if I cant be the “comforting arm” while you are sleeping that you’ve dreamed about for 2 consecutive nights. You take care ok? I believe in you, you can be the “bum” or the “professional”, it doesn’t make much of a difference. You’re a buddy. Gotta run,, I’ll bump into you next time. I hope.
Smilin’,
Eunee =)
----------
i omitted some parts. Natuwa lang ako na naka-save pala sa pc ko ito.
Just So You Guys Know.
Looking at my chipped nail polish makes me wonder...
how on earth did I survive 21 years of insanity?
If I Die…
I want my wake to be 5 days.
Day 1 - Book Launching
Day 2 - Poetry Reading
Day 3 - Eulogy-making contest
Day 4 - Film Showing [L'appartement]
Day 5 - Mini - concert / gift-giving
how on earth did I survive 21 years of insanity?
If I Die…
I want my wake to be 5 days.
Day 1 - Book Launching
Day 2 - Poetry Reading
Day 3 - Eulogy-making contest
Day 4 - Film Showing [L'appartement]
Day 5 - Mini - concert / gift-giving
We All Are Different, We All are Heaven- Sent
me and my highschool friends leids, mir, anne and mary ann Circa 2001 (@ retreat)We all are different, we all are heaven-sent.
We have our names, we like different games.
We have our names, we like different games.
What we find funny, some might find silly.
What we find funny, some might find silly.
What we love dearly, some might find ugly.
What we love dearly, some might find ugly.
People sometimes fight on whoever’s right.
People sometimes fight on whoever’s right.
People sometimes cry and we never know why.
People sometimes cry and we never know why.
A lot of things happen, like changes that are sudden.
A lot of things happen, like changes that are sudden.
You may feel little but don’t be afraid to mingle.
You may feel little but don’t be afraid to mingle.
If things aren’t perfect, be thankful for what you get.
If things aren’t perfect, be thankful for what you get.
Life is God’s gift, it’s for us to love and keep.
Life is God’s gift, it’s for us to love and keep.
We all are different, we all are heaven-sent.
-----------------
I wrote this for my Poetry for Children class in UP, i think. And as far as I can remember, i was told that children won't understand such intangible statements. I still think children will understand.
But i didnt pass it to be graded. Mahirap na. Hehe.
HAIKU Melendez [Tryin to be funny..]
The leaves so graceful
Wind blowing and whispering
So peaceful and free
Wind blowing and whispering
So peaceful and free
Dehydrated
I have deprived myself of water.
Anything flowing, moist or glistening
awakens an inexplicable sense of rage,
confusion, longing.
My dry, flaky skin almost powdered
To its shame reminds me of sand;
Every strand of hair has a story infinite in number
Never a panacea.
Did you deliberately die to mock me?
I imagine you to be caressing her,
Holding on to her like some immortal,
Whose touch you have blissfully anticipated.
She has stolen your last breath, like
Taking away the last cookie in my cookie jar.
You gasped with her, drowned with her,
Together, you moaned, never halted, just died.
I could have choked you with a pillow and
Let you wither on our lucrative water bed,
You should’ve told me you wanted to die like that.
I would have stabbed you while we’re exploring
each other, Taking a shower
with bodies entwined
Lubricated by water gushing out,
suds all over.
I would’ve put poison in your coffee and
Let it sip away what superficial life
You have forced me to live.
I thought WE lived,
You have nourished me, rained on me;
Only to suck whatever was flowing inside of me.
Saliva, urine, blood -contaminated.
Poison seeping through.
Forcing its way through my
semi-permeable membrane.
I have deprived myself of water,
Your presence haunts me and your laughter
Has continuously mocked my faith
In a life which you have mindlessly
destroyed and wasted.
I have deprived myself of water,
not because it drowned you but because
it exposed the mud behind what seemed to be something pure.
I have deprived myself of water,
By doing so, I am able to celebrate
Your death.
For I will die not because of water
and its existence,
Only due to lack thereof.
Anything flowing, moist or glistening
awakens an inexplicable sense of rage,
confusion, longing.
My dry, flaky skin almost powdered
To its shame reminds me of sand;
Every strand of hair has a story infinite in number
Never a panacea.
Did you deliberately die to mock me?
I imagine you to be caressing her,
Holding on to her like some immortal,
Whose touch you have blissfully anticipated.
She has stolen your last breath, like
Taking away the last cookie in my cookie jar.
You gasped with her, drowned with her,
Together, you moaned, never halted, just died.
I could have choked you with a pillow and
Let you wither on our lucrative water bed,
You should’ve told me you wanted to die like that.
I would have stabbed you while we’re exploring
each other, Taking a shower
with bodies entwined
Lubricated by water gushing out,
suds all over.
I would’ve put poison in your coffee and
Let it sip away what superficial life
You have forced me to live.
I thought WE lived,
You have nourished me, rained on me;
Only to suck whatever was flowing inside of me.
Saliva, urine, blood -contaminated.
Poison seeping through.
Forcing its way through my
semi-permeable membrane.
I have deprived myself of water,
Your presence haunts me and your laughter
Has continuously mocked my faith
In a life which you have mindlessly
destroyed and wasted.
I have deprived myself of water,
not because it drowned you but because
it exposed the mud behind what seemed to be something pure.
I have deprived myself of water,
By doing so, I am able to celebrate
Your death.
For I will die not because of water
and its existence,
Only due to lack thereof.
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