CONTENTED.

A few hours before Christmas and I can say that I am exactly where I wanna be. Uhmm, not in front of the PC. But at home, with the best family one could have, plain chilling. They may not know every single thing that has happened to me in the past months but I know that they feel I had a hard time. I draw strength from the fact that no matter how screwed up my life seems to be, it will be compensated by the warmth and the love that they are more than willing to give. We may have our differences and we may once in a while hurt each other but no one can deny the fact that my family rocks and CHRISTMAS is more than perfect with them around.

May everyone feel the contentment that I am feeling right now and let us never forget that...

JESUS IS THE REASON FOR THE SEASON.

Rhythm

PainPainPainPainPainPainPain
SaneSaneSaneSaneSaneSaneSane
RainRainRainRainRainRainRain
GainGainGainGainGainGainGain

Rhyme with me. We'll sing-song
our way to happiness -- together.

Snow

I dreamt of snow last night.
I was jumping and laughing --
i fell. Still i was laughing.
I looked up and realized
I was dreaming. Not because
it can't be snowing but because
I saw you laughing with me.
You are snow. You exist,
but not where I'm dreamin'.

Salamat.

Salamat sa regalo mo. Salamat sa human warmth. Salamat din sa lahat ng mga bagay na ginawa mo at handang gawin mo para sakin. Minsan nalulungkot ako na di ko masuklian lahat iyon pero paulit-ulit mong sinasabi sakin na masaya kang masaya ako. Di ko alam kung ano ang nagawa ko para maging karapat-dapat ako sa lahat ng ito pero salamat dahil pinaparamdam mo na napapasaya din kita. Hindi ko gustong isara ang pinto sa posibilidad na baka bukas makalawa, handa na akong mahalin ka... pero sa ngayon sigurado ako na masaya akong nandiyan ka.

Eastwood is the Place to be.

What are the chances that I'd bump into a lot of people tonight?

1. Pepe and Esmey... lovebirds ha! haha.
2. Tintin... I met her about two years ago in our restaurant in Libis. She's from Miriam. She has a kid now.
3. JC and Mark... they saw my dad [whom they call THE BOSS] while he was waiting for us outside Ensemble.

Anyway, it was a fun-filled night. We treated some of the people who worked for us at Dencio's (bagong-bago. nakapikit pa ko nag-order.. memorized na ang oorderin e. shemps di nawala ang sinugba!)

These are a few of our "Moments of Vanity"..

Gusto kong isulat ang storya nating dalawa. Pero nangako ako na di magsasalita. Maraming magagandang bagay ang sana'y masasabi ko, pero natatakot ako na matatabunan lang iyon ng katapusan na ginawa natin. Minsan iniisip ko kung naiisip mo na dapat di mo ko pinakawalan. Tapos sinasabi ko sa sarili ko na di mo un maiisip kasi unang-una, di naman ako naging sayo, katulad lang din ng katotohanan na di ka naman naging akin. Naalala ko un mga panahon na napapangiti ako ng mga maliliit na bagay na ginagawa mo, dapat pala di na lang ako ngumiti. Kasi kung pinigilan ko ang sarili ko, baka napigilan ko din na masaktan. Sa ngayon di parin ako makapaniwala na wala lang lahat un. Siguro nga inimbento ko lang na merong kahit konti na nangyari sa ating dalawa. Kasi nga diba, di talaga?

Ayoko na sana magsulat tungkol sayo pero kung di ako magsusulat ngayon, baka dumating ang panahon na di ko na maalala ang mga nararamdaman ko at di ko na mabigyan ng buhay ang mga salita. Di lang ako ang naniwala, marami sila. Mas mahirap para sa akin dahil nahihirapan akong ipaliwanag kung bakit di tayo pwede. Masaya ako na magkaibigan parin tayo. Masaya ako na natulungan kita na mailabas mo kung ano ang matagal mo nang itinatago. Natutuwa ako na kahit sa sandaling panahon na inakala kong may pag-asa tayo, naramdaman ko uli na kaya ko nga palang maniwala parin. Ang nakakalungkot, bumalik nanaman ako sa ganito.

Bakit nga pala ulit di tayo pwede? Dahil ba may iba kang mahal o dahil di lang talaga ako ang gusto mo? Magkaiba kasi un. Un may iba kang mahal masosolusyunan pa sana. Kasi ang pagmamahal pwede naman ibaling, lalo na kung di naman sa ayaw mo ako. Pero un pangalawa, ung di lang talaga ako ang gusto mo... un ang mas mahirap at mas masakit. Ibig sabihin ako un problema. Katulad ng dati. Ako nanaman ang problema.

Sala sa init sala sa lamig ang kapalaran ko. May mga panahon na ako ang problema kasi masyado daw ako malamig. Madali daw para sa akin ang magpaalam. Tapos pag naman nagpapaka-sensitibo ako, pag pinili ko naman na ipakit ang kahinaan ko, sasampalin naman ako ng katotohanan na di ako sapat. Di na yata mangyayari na magiging sapat ako para sa kahit kanino. Katulad din ng pagiging di ko sapat sa mga iba't ibang aspeto ng buhay ko.

Ayoko na magsulat tungkol sayo. Pero paano ko un gagawin kung sa tuwing nag-iisip ako at sa tuwing gumagalaw ang kamay ko, wala na ito gusto talakayin kundi tayong dalawa. Hindi pala, kung bakit HINDI NAGING TAYONG DALAWA. Ito lang sa ngayon ang bagay na marami ako masasabi. Hanggang ngayon, hinahanap ka parin nila sa akin. Minsan, nararamdaman ko na sa paningin nila, meron tayong storyang di natapos. Di ko naman masabi na di naman talaga un nagsimula. Ngumingiti parin ako. Minsan patay malisya na lang kasi napapagod na ako. Madalas tinatawanan ko lang.

Mahirap ang pinagawa mo sa akin. Mahirap na walang pagsabihan. Pero dahil magkaibigan tayo, nagagawa ko parin un. Di mo kailangan magpasalamat, di mo rin ako kailangan kausapin pag nabasa mo ito. Sapat nang magkalayo tayo at hinahayaan natin na mabuhay ang isa't isa na parang normal parin. Gusto ko parin na maging masaya ka, sana gusto mo rin na maging masaya ako. Maligayang Pasko. Ngumingiti parin ako pag naaalala kita.

Jesus is the reason for the season...

Ateneo Law 1-C's CHRISTMAS PARTY / WILD WILD NIGHT

"Tinatawag ka na ng Langit" shots [w/ Pi, Ana and Hazel]

L: mukang inaantok na picture R: with the best beadle Patty

"ok pala un bean bag ni Hazel shots" w/ Yvie and Ana

L: Jaye, Pepe and Yvie R: Pepe and the eternal source of Joy Paopao

L: posing with My "daddy" Kiboy R: Ang magsyotang Shem n' Yvie w/ the 3rd wheel

L: SHem and Pepe getting it on R: choirmates Melo and Kiko

L(clockwise): Euns, Haze, Yv, Melo, SHelly, Jomaeto, Jeno, Pi
R: Pi, Euns, Haze, Melo at mga malalabong mukha


L: my "artwork" R: Shem, Yvie, Melo, Kay

L: Ana, Kiboy, Jv and Ces R: Patty and Pepe the "malulupit dancers"

'tis the season to be JOLLY. Aww Yeah!

Last Thursday was definitely a blast. My block had ANOTHER [one for each prof, san ka pa?! ngayon lang ako nagsawa ng ganito! hehe] Christmas Party. This time, t'was definitely for us, care of our block "Mommy" Jaye Noel [the wife of Congressman Bem Noel... thanks din hubby] at their restaurant in Rockwell, N (actually it's "enye" kaya lang i forgot nanaman kung anong ALT + __ sya). T'was kinda bittersweet, it was nice to see Jaye again (because she decided that law school's not for her) but at the same time, it's sad because she was my seatmate last sem. I was touched when she said, "Eunice was my first friend in law school." Aww. Touched. My blockmates partied really hard. Some got drunk, actually a LOT got drunk and it's really too bad that I am sick so i didnt drink AT ALL. Loser no? haha. But what i lack in booze I tried to compensate with my time on the dance floor. May mas babangis pa ba sa 1-C pagdating sa indakan? From the 80's to the 90's hanggang sa walang kamatayang Ever After at Pinoy Ako, sinayaw namin. Nonstop. Sobrang fun. Maraming mga taong ngayon ko lang nakitang sumayaw ng sobra and it's always nice to see new people bringing IT on sa dance floor. Astig na party.

Then, we went straight to Haze's place for our "cooling off" period. That's where we revealed who we got for the exchange gifts. Thanks Kiboy, for the Vernonika Decides to Die book. Excited na ako magbasa. At sayo Koko, nakakasira ka ng momentum! Make sure na I will love your token for me pag nagkita tayo next year. =P ... We watched Love Actually, American Pie, My Bestfriend's Wedding and played UNO. Shemps, si Pepe ay LASING. Aminin man nya o hindi ay lasing sya. Si Jayvee, UMARIBA. Si Melo at Kiko, uhmm.. TULOG. Haha. Nanatili nanaman kaming dilat ni Kay, kasama si Mumiel, JV, Pepe at Ana. THanks Ces for the TV and DVD player. Astig na araw talaga. Salamat Pepay for the ride home, tama ka, ang langit nun umaga ay nagpapaalala na masarap magpunta ng probinsya. Mumiel, pasalubong namin galing Baguio ha!

Ramdam ko na ang Christmas. THank you Lord.

Kamusta ka naman Eunice?

We had our christmas party last night for Fr. Bernas and Atty. Obieta. I literally never left the stage. Ang epal. I was the host, I danced, sang with the choir and had a solo number with Pepe as my guitarist. Argh. Bibong bibo. Parallel talaga ang buhay namin ni AM,sya rin bibong-bibo sa office nya. Di na yata mawawala un sa amin.

Ok naman ako. Sa lahat ng nagtatanong, ok lang ako. Mia, thanks for saying "if you need someone to talk to, im just here." I appreciate that. I didnt really expect that to come from you but i appreciate it. Ok lang ako. Sa Duh Perm, i'm looking forward to another year with you guys. Sa Perksquad, ano na? Kelan na ang ating talastasan? At sa highschool friends, nasan na kayo?

I bumped into Fernand yesterday. (Ehem, Japhet. =P) He's working now in Ortigas. Nakakatuwa syang kasabay sa jeep, andami nya kwento. Bigla ko naaalala ang aking gradeshool years. Haay.

Ang creepy ng buhay ko. Hay.

Get well soon.

I hate to admit it but I kind of like being sick. I guess it gives me a good reason to be for once weak and vulnerable. It's like my pass to being taken cared of. Being sick is like a blessing in disguise. As wounded patients in this hospital that is life, we all are happy to meet the nurses, the doctors and even the visitors whose goal is to help us feel better...fast.

Suddenly, death is like a climax. Sickness is the story. And the hospital is my refuge. Get well soon Eunice. Really soon.

Thank You Meliecar.

COFFEE CUP

by Sunset_giraffe

She has no name. Or at least, it was unknown to me. She’s one of those people whom you knew by face because she went to the places you went to and hung out with the people you knew, but never had a name to go with the familiar face.

I’ve asked her for a light a couple of times already. In fact, I’ve even had more decent conversations with her than most of the people I knew. My friends know her. I never really had the guts to ask her what her name was. Sometimes I’m just too chicken. Or maybe it was because it felt like we knew each other so well that it was quite queer for me to ask.

It’s not like I’ve never tried to get hold of her name. I’ve tried remembering who introduced us, or how we met each other, and tried to dig up anything that would sound like her name. But it feels like I’ve known her forever that I don’t even remember the day we met—not because it was unimportant to remember, but because it’s as if we’ve known each other for so long. And it just simply fascinates me how I can know someone so well, but at the same time, not know the most basic detail about her.

I had coffee with her and my friends this afternoon. Of course, there were no introductions—we were almost together as a barkada. Barkadas don’t need introductions. She sat there and laughed at my jokes and listened to my stories. I looked into her eyes and realized that she knew me by face, and she knew my name. I felt every bit guilty for not knowing enough, for knowing too little.

She wasn’t beautiful. But she was fascinating. There was always something about her I could never understand. The way she laughed, the way she spoke and the way she looked at things differently—these are just some of the things that got me lost in awe when we were together.

Today, as she drank her coffee, she made fun of her haircut, which according to her looked so Bon Jovi. Eliza breaks into laughter as she pulled her ponytail and let her insanely layered do fall into an almost retro mess.

“I’ll never let a gay hairdresser touch my hair again,” she laughed.

“Don’t worry, it’ll grow back,” the other girls told her.

Her hair did look like Bon Jovi’s hair back in the 80’s. It was crazy.

While they tried to contain their laughter, I watched her gentle bangs fall over her left eye. I watched her pull her hair back again into her disguising ponytail to show off the pair of chandelier earrings she borrowed from Eliza. After she made Eliza take her picture, she smiled at me and giggled. I stopped staring.

Then she stopped clowning around and reached out to Eliza.

“I need human contact,” she said in a small voice. She kissed Angela on the cheek and tried to cuddle up with her.

“I need a hug!”

She was a child. She wasn’t needy or clingy, like some people thought she was. Or on the other hand, maybe she was, because children are clingy and needy—and she was still a child. Can anyone else see that child in her?

“Do you think I’m weird?” She asked me with a laugh. “I need warmth.”

I smiled back and shook my head. I wondered why she’d need warmth when we were in a cozy coffee shop and it was such a warm afternoon outside. Maybe I was too shallow to understand the warmth she was looking for.

She took Margaret’s hand and snuggled closer. Then she talked about death as casually as we would talk about gossip. She made it seem as if it was as normal as breathing, or rain, or love. She was one of those people who died little deaths everyday. She dies when she wants to and at her own pace because after all, she gets born when she feels like it, anyway. She was too melodramatic, but she was optimistic. Maybe she just remembers too much. I remember how she speaks of years of memories as if they all happened yesterday.

I must have been staring at her again, because she suddenly pointed at her coffee cup for me to look at.

“Look,” she said, “all my name’s worth is a measly paper cup with cold coffee.”

She pouted then she looked at me with really sad eyes. Her stare burned my heart. It scorned me for not knowing her name.

“It’s sad,” she told me. She closed her hands around her paper cup then she pushed it towards me.

And then I realized how silly I was for not looking at the name scrawled on her paper cup. I took her cup and looked at it. I held her name in my hands. M-I-K-A. The messy letters made out her name. It was ironically shocking and expected at the same time. I looked at the glass panel beside me and her faint reflection stared back at me. My nameless fascination, whose name is worth nothing but a paper cup, looked at me with my own eyes. She has always been me. And I’ve always been her.

----------------
Disclaimer:

• the pictures are not in any way related to the story.
• i did not write this
• although i also am fond of wishing for human warmth and i go to Starbucks everyday, i am not Mika and this is not my story.
• i never had a haircut that looks like bon jovi's hairstyle.