Nakakadiri.

He-who-shall-not-be-remembered updated his profile today. I checked it out. There was no harm in just checking on a friend right? Only that we're not really friends anymore. And the reason why i needed to take a look at it was because i was secretly hoping that he's not "that" happy. There was no way for me to know, i looked at his pictures and it all came back to me. How I made a big fool out of myself. Is it just me or are his shirts not that loose anymore? Nakakadiri.

I bumped into Backstreet guy a lot of times today. We even sorta locked eyes. I really think I should start smiling at him to establish the fact that we "know" each other. Nakakadiri, parang highschool.

I have a new "target" to exercise my stalking skills. Melo, Ana and I were chatting inside the car when we came into a decision that "this guy" is actually cute. It's funny because i thought i was the only one who was noticing him. Therefore, we shall be friends. Dont worry Ana, I'll get the info that we need. haha.. Melo, uhmm.. i know you're looking at me and saying "Loyalty dude!" but what can i do? My "other target" is just soooo slow. A girl's gotta do whatta girl's gotta do. haha. Nakakadiri, karir nanaman.

Nakakadiri itong entry na ito.

Conrado de Quiros: There's the Rub: Cry rape

I just had to repost this.

Conrado de Quiros: There's the Rub: Cry rape

Anong Balita?

Today, one of my sources of Joy shocked me by saying that he's not pursuing his studying law anymore. It came to me like an unexpected punch. IT IS REAL. People are saying goodbye, sooner or later. Only now, it's sooner than i expected. Koks, you are going to be missed... be the best congressman. Im looking forward to seeing you in ANC. hehe.

I had my "first ever barista lesson" today. Thanks to my ever-bubbly-pero-may-kasungitan friend, Jots. Now i know the meaning of a bad shot, and that i can only use this uhmm foamy thingie twice and that it shouldnt be mixed (though it's not that big of a deal).. Yeah, that made me smile. Merci dude. Apir!

Usapang Stubborn:
Jots: What's up?
Euns: The sky.
Jots: diba the roof?
Euns: pero mas mataas parin ang sky.

I went ukay-ukay shopping with Chorits today at Cubao. We came into a really funny realization, "madali kami mapagod". After sorting through all the racks of clothes in three ukay-ukays, we gave up. Nakakapagod. We went home happy, less than 500 pesos poorer but holding plastics of clothes. Ready for jogging? Hehe. At ito pa, Chorits is on a shopping-spree.. she bought a pair of pants in Giordano... anak mayaman.

Sikmurain mo ang iyong Paninikmura.

Mali talaga. Sinisikmura nanaman ako. Stubborn kasi ng sobra. Salamat Jots sa iyong "bakit nagkakape ka nanaman? dapat decaf na lang.. next time ha." hirit. Alam kong concerned ka lang, pero wala ka magagawa, matigas ang ulo ng kaibigan mong maarte. Sorry na.

Birthday ng aking minamahal na sister na si Hazel. Had dinner with my family. Enjoy nanaman as usual... Ang pamilyang matakaw. Bow!

Shit, masakit na talaga. Ayoko po lagnatin... matutulog na ako. Walang kwenta nanaman ang mga pinopost ko sa blog ko. Pagbigyan nyo na, next week di na ako mago-online sa weekdays. Isa itong panata. Ayun na.

Mukhang mala-late ako sa usapan namin ni Ana mamaya a. Oh well, ano pa ba naman ang bago. Excited pa naman akong mag-ukay. Yunis Bungisngis is signing off.

Ayayay Panday!

"at alam mo naman ang ating buhay, parang espada ni panday,... habang nilalagay sa apoy, lalong tumitibay... "--AM

How poetic. But 'tis true. Bring it on.

Very Interesting Pictures.

Nakakatawang Hindi.

Nadapa ako. Ito ang araw na pinaalala nanaman sakin ni Lord na pwede parin ako madapa. Sa UP Alumni Center, habang hinihintay ang resulta ng aking pagtira habang naglalaro ng Duckpin Bowling. Nakalimutan ko na naka-heels ako. Bawal itabingi ang paa kung naka-heels. Semplang. Plakda. Nadapa ako. Oh well.

Nakakatuwang Usapan ng mga Lango sa Pag-ibig.

Ganito, nagbowling kami kagabi. Minamalas ako, at patapos na ang laro ay wala parin akong strike.. Bigla kong nasabi sa aking sarili ng biglaan... "Lord, pag na-strike ko ito.. kami na ni SBL!"

Gumulong ang aking bola, tumama.. at may natira na dalawang pin sa magkabilang gilid,nanlumo at tumalikod na ako. Bigla na lamang nagwawala ang mga tao. Pagharap ko ulit at nakita ko na lang na naka-strike ako. Wala na. Natawa na lang ako at napasigaw.. "OMG, sabi ko kay Lord pag naka-strike ako.. kami na!"

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pagkauwi ay ito ang aming naging usapan ni Mumiel.

smyle_khyle: sinagot ka na ng diyos ah
jersee_d_goddess : ang "pag-usad"
smyle_khyle : strike euns, strike
jersee_d_goddess : oh well. tsamba lang siguro. haha.
smyle_khyle : the freaky part, the last pin that fell was mej mahirap. did you see how your pins fell.
jersee_d_goddess : well, magkabilang pins un di bumagsak na akala ko.
smyle_khyle : may naiwan isa na parang bumigay na lang para magstrike. yet sabay bumagsak.
jersee_d_goddess : pag talikod ko akala ko tlga di strike. tapos si haze bigla nagwawala.. i couldnt believe it. ang freaky.
smyle_khyle : meant to be
jersee_d_goddess : no, freaky.
smyle_khyle : strike siya talaga it's a sign. hallelujiah
jersee_d_goddess : ay wla na. :|
smyle_khyle : talaga bang wala na... ako sumuko pero, look what happened
jersee_d_goddess : di naman sa ganun.
smyle_khyle : pero.. :-w
jersee_d_goddess : kelangan ko tlga mag-aral e.
smyle_khyle : true, we all have to study. but, it should not be a reason to close the door.. leave a window open.
jersee_d_goddess : i know.. im just sayin na im ok na with it. if he moves then ok, if he doesnt i wont whine about it.
smyle_khyle : then why say na wala ng feeling
jersee_d_goddess : indifferent na ako. di naman wala nang feeling, ittanong ko ba kay Lord un kung wala na tlga db?
smyle_khyle : point.. He gave you the answer didn't he? just wait a while.
jersee_d_goddess : haha. maybe.
smyle_khyle : para siya siguro yung 2 pins
jersee_d_goddess : hahaha..
jersee_d_goddess : ang weird, ang weird.
smyle_khyle : natagalan bumagsak pero bumagsak nevertheless
jersee_d_goddess : hahaha. point, point. sira. we're just friends.
smyle_khyle : yes you're friends, but, accrdg to god, you'll be more than friends
jersee_d_goddess : haha.
smyle_khyle : lord, salamat sa strike
jersee_d_goddess : =))
smyle_khyle : when your window closes, it only means you're about to open the door
jersee_d_goddess : naks.
smyle_khyle : for him

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ang kwento ay kasalukuyan ko pa lamang na isinusulat. wait lang. di ko alam ang katapusan.

SUICIDE.

Suicide is leaving the old you that has given you grief, pain and uncerainty. I WILL COMMIT SUICIDE TONIGHT. I am running away from the ME that i thought i love. I am now embracing my imperfections, I dont want to pretend that I can handle things anymore. I am tired.

I am admitting it. I am fragile, i am stubborn... i am a needy bitch who wants to feel. I will stop tolerating the numbness that i have enveloped my self with and i will willingly commit suicide so i can start living again. I will DIE because i want to be hugged, to be pampered, to be taken cared of. I am tired of taking care of myself because i am not doing a great job.

I want to know how people will write their eulogies for me. I want to find out how i lived my life in the eyes of those I lived for. I want to write a eulogy for me too. It will have words that revolve around happiness, how i sought it and managed to get a glimpse of it.

I gave the people whom i value a piece of the puzzle that is me. Some valued the piece that I gave them. Some walked away, shrugged their shoulders and dismissed the idea. I hope they all come in the celebration of my life. So they can all bring the pieces that i gave them and complete the puzzle. I want them to understand me.

I am committing suicide tonight. While everyone's sleeping and I am wide awake... scared and shaking.

God Still Loves Me.

I have the best parents in the world. I went home feeling down and the first thing that my dad told me was, "We're still proud of you. Ok lang yan, we need to fail once in a while." I almost broke down but his hug just made me feel so secure. I love you guys, i will be a lawyer for you.

I failed Criminal Law. It's ok, i'm pretty confident that i can appeal. It just breaks my heart that I cannot take Crim Law 2 this sem. I was overwhelmed by the number of hugs i received today. I got reminded that I am a very fragile person, i break down at the slightest existence of mush. Thank you friends for your warmth. I was asking for human warmth the whole sem, and i got it today. Thank you. Paopao, thank you for making me laugh when i told you not to hug me anymore because it makes me cry. Thank you people.

I'm still smiling, i still have Duh Perm by my side. You guys rock.

T'was a CLOUDY DAY.

How do you hide the fear in your eyes?
Why do you fight the tears and the cries?
How do you say the sweetest goodbyes?
Why do you smile amidst all of your lies?

Yesterday was a happy day. Coffee at starbucks, Lunch at Chocolate Kiss (UP), got my UP Alumni Card, Ana got her transcript of records, we got to meet Pepe's new gf, a visit to Haze's house and the highly-anticipated 30-minute brisk walking session at the "infamous" La Mesa Eco Park. I was with friends whom I spent almost everyday of my six months with, studying, laughing or just plainly being there for each other. We held on and tried our damnest best to survive this jungle that is the law school. It's amazing how the friendship has evolved into something that is beyond mere companionship and at present, this is being tested by the challenge to continue holding on. I AM SCARED. I was looking at our pictures and I couldnt help but feel the sadness hidden under the facade of smiles that we gave. We werent acting, we were happy, it's just that there really is a very fine line between being happy and being sad. The border is a more complicated place. We dont even know if our smiles are as real as the possiblity that we are gonna be saying our goodbyes.

As if the heavens are joining us in this dance of emotions, the clouds gave us the show of our lives. All through the day, we kept on staring at the heavens as if the clouds hold the answers to the uncertainties and the open-ended questions that are facing us. Beautiful but sad. Scenic but empty. Cheerful but mocking.

A 30-minute tour around the Eco Park was like the past five months... we know that there are a lot of things that are worthy of appreciation but as much as we would want to linger on all the good things, the fact that we have to go and move on is just painfully imposing. What lies beyond the road that we didnt get to explore? We shall see. We just dont know yet if we'll see it together or if we will be taking our separate paths until we meet again.

This is one of those few moments that we wish we'll just get stuck, firmly to the ground... feeling the stability of the rocks beneath. This is one of those chosen days where not doing anything is much much better than being productive, if only to preserve what is left of the past.

We still are holding on. Even if holding on means falling really hard in the end.