Jibber Jabber.

i feel bad. i feel bad. i feel bad.

i can't believe im crying. i can't believe im crying. i cant believe im crying.

i dont think i should be writing. i dont think i should be writing. i dont think i should be writing.

shit. im an incoherent bitch.

please make me feel better. scratch that.

i know i said i will never contemplate on being suicidal.

so not me.

still crying.

i dont need to be rescued.

i can handle my life.

will i be electrocuted if my keyboard'll get wet by tears?

nah, didnt think so.

UP FIGHT!

I went to UP today with Pepe, Ana , Kay and Hazel. As expected, I was late. We were supposed to meet up in Rockwell at ‘round 9 but I overslept and when I finally opened my eyes, t’was already nine in the morning. The apologetic, sweaty and unmistakably excited me arrived at the law school 45 minutes after. Thanks to our official SUNDO, we didn’t have to worry how to get to my home that nurtured me for four years in and out of the classroom. I’m such a lazy driver, I’m afraid that my vintage baby benz’ll come to a devastating end. Pepe’s ride is a typical racist’s este racer’s wheel, MAANGAS. You can hear it coming a few blocks away (literal). We did enjoy his soo FAST and the FURIOUS kind of songs and his panaka-nakang love songs which allegedly reminds him of his ex [Na pinuntahan nya kagabi, at kasama nya kanina. Ngii]Everything was great but since I was there, something had to go wrong. His car began to make weird noises, as described by Kay and I, “Just Married Noise”. We had to stop to find a mechanic and so we were unfotunateky obliged to ride the legendary UP Ikot.

T’was nostalgic, it felt like t’was a long time ago when, just like any striving student in Peyups, would ride the Ikot and Toki jeep for different reasons, with different thoughts inhabiting our minds and dressed differently throwing looks of intimidation, camaraderie approval and disgust to our fellow passengers. Sana lang di nila ako sinasabihan nh CONIO! (kay and ana!) Kay had to withdraw so she went to the Faculty Center alone while Ana had to endure the hell of walking with me from the College of Science to the Office of the University Registrar. The teletubby land with the usual “trunks-clad swimmers”, my heels were making lubog sa lupa, like it’s so kadiri, with the grass making dikit to my shoes I’ve always wanted to say that. Laughtrip. I’m sure Ana regretted walking with me because I, myself, regretted walking. Ayaw lang pahalata.

The Office of the University Registrar is interestingly described by me and my friends as THE WAREHOUSE. Think action / comedy flick with the ever present kidnapping the loved ones conflict and the ending will always be a final showdown at an uninhabited warehouse (which I assume is kind of abundant because every syndicate seems to own one, unless they hire like a NOTORIOUS warehouse), the “barilan” will be happening there for the much anticipated loved one rescue. Anyway, I had a different “showdown” today. I went through all the trouble only to find out that my transcript isn’t there yet. Haay, This was my conversation with the ate-in-charge.

Euns: Ate, relax lang.

Ate: Kasi naman nakakahigh blood talaga. Ung mga contractual naming na assistans nagsialisan na.

Euns: Talaga po? Bakit naman?

Ate: DI kasi ni-renew ang mga contracts nila e. Kami na lang na matatanda ang naiwan dito.

Euns: Naku, nun nandito nga sila dati matagal na, ngayon pa na wala na sila. Relax lang ate. (As usual, at home nanaman sya sakin at ako ang napaghingahan nya ng kanyang mga hinaing, haha)

Ate: Wala pa un transcript mo. Final checking na un nakalagay. Sandali na lang un.

Euns: Ayos. Sige po, thanks ate.

Ana and I attempted for a few seconds to wait for a toki jeep but because we couldn’t stand the heat anymore and according to Ana we are now ROCKWELLized, we weren’t able to stop ourselves from hailing the cab that was approaching. 35 pesos gone.

Pagkatapos ng paghihirap ay langit naman. We all met up at the FC, Pepe’s tambucho’s now sort of ok, a li’l lower than the usual but tolerable [translation: lahat ng humps after 10 years bago makalagpas! Joke lang!] We decided to have lunch at Mang Jimmy’s. There were 5 of us, we availed of the 4 plus one legendary promo. What did we order? 2 tapa, 1 sisis, 1 liempo, 1 lechon kawali, 4 C2, 1 royal litro at umaapaw na kanin. So much for dieting. I feel like the food I ate reached my nose. Nakakasukang kabusugan. Nakalimutan lahat ng pinag-aralan mula sa Revised Penal Code. Bad news, we were charged 10 pesos for every rice refill.

We had to rush or at least pretended to rush to Ateneo for our 2pm Criminal Law class. Lakas ng trip, Rockwell to UP to Rockwell. We got to Ateneo a few minutes before 1pm, Richard and Mel were nagtatampo ‘coz we wetent able to invite ‘em. Mas masakit ang kay Richard, kinawayan pa sya ni Kay bago umalis. Huli na ang lahat. Haha.

Nakakalungkot na tapos na ang aking mga araw sa UP. Haay.

Before Sunrise...(Insomniac at Work)

i've always had problems with the idea of letting go. i find it hard to SINCERELY forget and move forward, i find it more convenient to just let the pain inhabit my being until i feel the reward of being numb. maybe death isnt as bad as we all perceive it to be, the problem does not lie in DYING per se but in actually wishing for it.
-- my comment to a friend's blog entry

I read an entry from a friend's blog and it got me into thinking of the arbitrariness of life. Earlier tonight i got into a very interesting conversation with Jotsjots, it made me think of how i would still love to pursue my passion for writing, for the arts, for everything that's synonymous to expression. It's nice to be able to meet people whom i enjoy conversing with. There are times when i find it hard to actually open up and really express what i think and how i feel. My being an extrovert is kind of exclusive to the "happy side" of my life. It's not everyday that you get to interact with someone who isnt afraid to welcome you into the complexity of his experiences, of his emotions and who is actually interested in knowing how you see life. Someone who isnt afraid to tell you that he doesnt agree with you and who isnt afraid to ask you questions that no one dared to ask because they just dont think that you are willing to answer 'em.

It's a great night. Tomorrow's another day.

Panaka-nakang Saloobin... Pabugso-bugsong Opinyon...

• i have newfound respect for my professors in Ateneo, they all are achievers in their own ways.
• namimiss ko na talaga ang UP kung kaya't akoy magbabalik-tanaw bukas kasama ang aking mga kachokaran sa lawschool na sina Goodmorning Goodmorning Angel, Jose, Issa, Carmen at ang aking baong malapit na kaibigan na si Jotsjots.
• t'was a great night. just thinking of how wonderful t'was makes me smile (winks at everyone)
• nasira nga lang ito nang bumaba ako sa kotse ni Hazel at biglang lumakas ang ulan.
• the cab i rode this morning smelled like sweat. i almost puke.
• lecheng ulan, nawala un cable.
• i wonder why i never saw the "StarBaraks" booth at the UP fair.
• nakakatawa talaga si Pao Pao. ako na ang kanyang bagong legal wife.
• natatawa parin ako sa conversation na ito...
• "i think you're sick!" (remorseful tone) at siya'y sinagot ng... "THen call the doctor VERY QUICK!" .. hahahaha
• pepe's "Ang pag-ibig ay parang magnanakaw sa gabi" at "mga nakaw na sandali" comments.
• My friends and I were talking earlier tonight 'bout what the names of my and Hotness No More's offsprings'll be... (drumroll please) .. Panice and Pakkice... Yak, ang pangit! Pag si starstruck moment, Ranice, Ricanice...
  

O siya aral time.

Closer You and I

signs na masyado ka na close sa mga barista sa Starbucks...

1. nasasabihan ka na.. "ALIWIN mo naman kami"
2. ka-friendster mo na sila
3. hinahatid na nila ang iyong order sa table mo
4. pag break nila, ikaw na ang kakwentuhan nila
5. alam mo na ang cellphone number nila
6. pagpasok mo lahat sila nagh-hi sayo, di lang hi, kasama talaga ang name mo.
7. pag-out na sila, nagb-bye na sila sayo.
8. pag aalis ka na nagb-bye din sila kahit ano pa ang ginagawa nila, at kasama parin ang name mo.
9. madami ka natatanggap na freebies
10. alam mo na ang mga bagay-bagay sa buhay nila.. i.e. schedule, school, faves, family stuff.

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take it from me.

Mediocrity...

If I must be faithful to someone or something, then I have, first of all, to be faithful to myself. If I'm looking for true love, I first have to get the mediocre loves out of my system. The little experience of life I've had has taught me that no one owns anything, that everything is an illusion -- and that applies to material as well as spritual things. Anyone who has lost something they thought was theirs forever (as has happened often enought to me already) finally comes to realize that nothing really belongs to them.

And if nothing belongs to me, then there's no point wasting my time looking after things that aren't mine; it's best to live as if today were the first (or last) day of my life.

--- Eleven Minutes, Paulo Coelho

SAPUL.

I miss my friends. Japhet told me na "nagtatampo" sila. If only i can i will hang out with them. Haay.
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I think it's about time that the Philippines contemplate on having Divorce. I think legal separation is bull. If it's irreconcilable, why stop the spouses from completely moving on with their lives?

To hell with the oneness of the family if there is nothing to hold on to anymore.

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I agree with the suggestion of totally erasing the idea of illegitimate children. Why should they be labelled like such when they have nothing to do with what their parents did?

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I wanna float unstructured, i wanna inhabit my life like a porch...

On Miracles...

i do believe in miracles, but my concept of miracles is kind of different...i think everything that's ordinary is still miraculous by nature...i dont look for anything extravagant... everything that we see is in effect a part of a miracle that is life...for me, it's not hard to believe in miracles because i have come into a conclusion that no matter how hard i try, i have no idea who or what really is behind everything that exists...

Flirt Since Birth

Anonymous: hey bitch, stop flirting around get ur own boyfriend! if you can get one.

It wasnt addressed to me, still i was rattled by how remorseful the tone of the commentor was. This got me into thinking about flirting... Do we choose to flirt or ARE WE FLIRTS SINCE BIRTH?

I dont see anything wrong with flirting, in fact i have been told several times that i'm a natural flirt. I dont find the concept of flirting as immoral or inappropriate because as social beings, i think it's an instinct to flirt with people whom we are attracted to. Everything in moderation.

We all are flirts in our own little or big ways. We shouldnt go around condemning other people whom we see as flirts when we ourselves, may it be outright or discreet, resort to flirting too. THat's too hypocritical.

Everywhere

that's Yvie's and my theme song for Mr. Starstruck moment because for some unforeseen reason, we seem to bump into him every single time. Argh, blockmate nga namin pero kahit sa labas na ng aming mumunting lawschoo, he is all over the place. He is literally everywhere.

We got our Crim recit grades, well, mine was ok... almost 81, i'm thankful na rin 'coz i only had 7 as compared to those who had 9 already and i got a 90 for today. Therefore, mahal parin ako ni Lord. Sana lang ay magtuloy-tuloy ang biyaya niya.

I so love Professor Sta. Maria, he makes Persons and Family Relations more than tolerable. Even his "jibber jabber" moments dont make me nervous because he is such a father figure.

Kinikilig parin ako kay Bam Aquino. Ngayon ko lang nare-realize na dapat pinagkalat ko sa mga friends ko na i would be in Breakfast. Ang tagal din man kasi nun exposure ko na un. Oh well, tapos na ito.

Bakit nanaman ako nagtatagalog? Ito ay bilang tanda ng aking paghihimagsik sa Ateneo. Ngii. Ok lang naman, i was able to handle being beadle for the day, pero Patty utang na loob bumalik ka na! Hehe. Ang tagal na yata namin online ni Yves. Stop na muna ko.

Cute Boys are Usually Dumb...

I'm touched... Someone explained to me why Cute boys are usually dumb:

Cute boys are usually dumb only because when they encounter you they cannot help but become drooling fools at your mercy. They cannot help being dumb because they are so enthralled by your loveliness. :)

Yihee, ang haba ng hair.

Thanks.. Salamat,.. Merci.. Gracias...

....... Yves (guy) for lending me 60 pesos for my cab fare
...... Francis for the Mocha Frap
...... Jaye and koko for saying yes to sponsoring kids
...... Joseph for entertaining me for a few minutes
...... Pancake house waiter for waving back
...... Haze for the ride

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Salamat dahil...
yihee meron ako "kilig moment" today... nagmamahalan na kami (winks at Haze) ... ika nga ni Francis.. "clouded kasi ang utak mo kaya di mo ko napansin dito.." ayun na.

isa syang cutie, kahit na nakataas un buhok nya habang nagkukuwentuhan kami...
isa syang cutie kahit na may hawak siya na isang malaking bote ng mineral water...
isa syang malaking dahilan para dumalaw sa UP...
isa syang cutie.

ika nga ni Ate Cia, "He looks good in black.." Siya na ang nangunguna sa aking listahan ng "Hotness" .. kumbaga sa FHM siya si.. uhmm... Angelina Jolie ba?

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kaninang umaga, pagkakita ko sa sarili ko sa salamin, naiyak ako. Seryoso. Ang psycho no? Kasi parang naramadaman ko lang bigla un pagod. DI ko na alam kung makakaya ko pa, di bale na lang kaya? Ngii.

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Nalulungkot ako, kasi di ko man lang natext si AM at Japhet. Wala kasi ako load eh. Di pa ko makakasama sa inuman bukas, kasi nga may EK trip kami sa Saturday. Miss na miss ko na silang lahat... Haay.

Bakit ako nagtatagalog? Wala lang, kasi minsan na lang ako magtagalog ng direcho e. Bakit ako nagpapaliwanag? Wala lang, wala ako masabi e.
...

Jibber jabber! Super doooper Jibber Jabber!
Nasaan ang happenings?