#DearYou,
In 2018, I made things happen because I was ready. When we find each other, I want to personally tell you about 2018 because it taught me the importance of readiness in the context of getting what I wholeheartedly want. Although last year was about getting the answers to some questions, this year was about accepting that there will be questions that need to be left unanswered and some desires that need to remain unfulfilled because I, myself, was not ready. You see, this year, I have surprised myself with how I was able to step out of my comfort zone and break the limits that I have imposed on myself. This year, I learned to let go of some fears and have begun to fully understand that my fears are not meant to limit me but to give me courage when I am absolutely ready. This year, I have finally grasped the concept of enjoying the moment, of giving in to what I once thought was a silly desire that turned out to be refiner's fire.
"The heart wants what it wants." , I said, when a friend asked for advice on how to move forward.
"The heart wants what it wants." , I said, when a friend asked me why I just can't seem to move forward.
"The heart wants what it wants." , I said, when my mind cannot seem to comprehend what my heart had chosen to put forward.
"My heart wants what it wants." , I said, when their hearts did not sync with the future, to which, I was looking forward. It is what it is, and let me tell you why.
A few years ago, a nun whom I met in a ship during one of my solo adventures asked me, "Why aren't you in a relationship? Can you picture yourself married, with a husband who loves you, and children who mean the world to you?"
I did not know what to say, and so I shocked myself with an answer that led her to give, probably, one of the best one liners that I have heard in my life.
"I just want to love someone who will allow me to give all the love that I have been receiving my whole life, Sister. I have so much love to give. I hope, someday, I will be given the opportunity to be the best cheerleader that I know I can be. People will probably laugh when I say this out loud but I have been so accustomed with being the "fighter" that I wish someday, I can be in the sidelines, supporting a partner who does not need me to control the fire within me but wants me to use that fire so I can complement the fire within him, too."
"God will not put this desire in your heart if He doesn't want you to fulfill it.", she commented. I believe her. Hey, You.
I don't know if you believe in God, and if you don't, I'll probably tell you that God can be replaced with "your mind" and the nun's words will still make sense with some tweaking. "Your mind will not put this desire in your heart if it honestly believes that you can't fulfill it."
I have never believed it when people say that "Everything happens for a reason." It just doesn't make sense. A very good friend of mine opined, and I agree, that the cause might be the "reason" that the line was referring to. Yeah, that makes sense. Everything happens for a reason, and the reason is some cause in the past. Nothing ever happens for a future reason. To me, things happen because of some cause and the reason, after it happened, is what we tell ourselves so we can find meaning in our suffering. I'm not saying that we shouldn't be looking for life lessons in our experiences. What I am saying is that when we encounter seemingly uncontrollable circumstances, we have to recognize that these are results of things that were either within or outside of our control IN THE PAST. What we couldn't have controlled, we must accept. What we could have controlled, we must be accountable for.
How we react to these circumstances is what gives us the reason. We can either react as victims of fate or as warriors of free will. We can either continuously ask God, or the Universe for some explanation or accept the adventure and choose to react based on our own character and guided by principles that we adhere to.
In 2018, I have re-learned to continue fighting for my desire to find You. In 2018, I acknowledge that I am the cause and reason for when I find You.
In 2019, I promise that the "everything" that will happen for this reason will be You.
In 2019, I will continue to be the best damn reason that You will ever bump into.
Happy New Year, Everything.
May 2019 be a year filled with pure desire and a fire that burns through the test of party-pooper time.
Your future reason,
Me
