"WAITERS"

Because the first time that I saw these hands, I couldn't imagine not being able to hold them.
-Will Hayes (Definitely. Maybe)

Someone once asked me, “If you like someone now, would you go for that person even if there’s a big possibility that in the future, you might meet someone better? If you meet an 8.5, wouldn’t you think that you’re settling if there is a possibility that after the bar, you might meet a 9.5?” I didn’t really have the time to think about the right answer, but I remember saying that if I like the person, I wouldn’t discriminate against him just because I met him in a time that is more complicated and volatile than ever. You never know,right?

I recognize that fact that it is logical to wait, but isn’t it also logical to live in the now and stop thinking of the later? It’s true, when you feel lonely, and the only thing that’s keeping you from giving up is the fear that everything you’ve prepared for will be put to waste, you tend to succumb to feelings that are illogical, unexplainable and foolish. Your feelings are magnified, and you mistake something for a totally different thing. But I guess, when you have something wonderful in front of you, you couldn’t bear to wait. If you feel that it’s right, or if there is at least a semblance of rightness in sight, can’t you help but wonder if it is worth taking the risk for… right here, right now? I am a fan of bold gestures but I am the last person you’ll see taking one. Why? Because, if in the past, you have already put yourself out there, and all you got was a discreet gesture that screams rejection, you can’t stop yourself from being scared, or at least from being hesitant about committing another mistake.

I agree with my friend in some way. If you are having doubts, you shouldn’t do anything. If you feel that you are settling, chances are, you are. If there is a tiny possibility or hope that someone better will come along, it will be totally unfair for the 8.5 to be dragged into the complication that is you, looking for a 9.5. We shouldn’t mess other people’s heads with hypotheticals and what if’s because that is just callous and well, unfair. Yet, we agree that life is unfair.

So I have come to the conclusion that… we shouldn’t wait around for people who, like us, are also waiting around. That is just pointless. We shouldn’t limit ourselves to what we want but also give a chance to those who want us. Only when the “waiter” has figured out what to do will we have the right to think of what could be. We should never forget that above all, we should believe that we are worth it and if one person thinks otherwise, you can just laugh about it and hold on to the friendship. It’s true, you never know. Somewhere along the way, it might be a different story. But for now, we must hold on to what we know… and that is, “We are as entitled to our happiness as some people are to their misery.”

And I am claiming my happiness… right here, right now.

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picture from POSTSECRET

On Randomly Organized Things

“We like to look for patterns and find connections in unrelated events. This way we can explain them to ourselves. Life seems neater, or at least less messy. We need to feel that we are in control: it is integral to our self-esteem. We also know, though we deny it, that we are not in control. So we settle for the illusion of control. What if we stopped fooling ourselves?”

– from “Everything Is Random. Deal With It.” By Jessica Zafra

We do it all the time, finding explanation for something that doesn’t need to be explained, labeling something that is intentionally left unlabeled. We all have the need to figure things out because if it doesn’t make sense, it’s not sensible. If it’s not sensible, we figure, there really is no point in waiting around and watching things unfold right before our very eyes. We are an impatient bunch of irrational beings in the guise of being rational. If rationality is what sets us apart from the other members of the animal kingdom, we aren’t really that “different” from them. We still act on instinct, the instinct being “to not believe in randomness”. How else do we explain the overrated use of the famous saying, “Everything happens for a reason.”?

I am no less guilty of this human flaw. I know no one who says, “Que sera sera.” without even a thin line of doubt playing around like a perky toddler in their minds. Knowing why is a NEED that is almost always never fulfilled. That’s just who we are. If we end up meeting someone in the silliest of moments, we say, “It must be fate. We met for a reason.” But the thing is, if only we can stop fooling ourselves, we should be able to see that it was a random twist of fate. It was meaningless until we start analyzing it in destructive ways that are infinitely many. When someone does something that is out of the ordinary, we say, “That can’t be for nothing right? That MUST mean something.” But the thing is, what if the other person just woke up one day thinking, “I feel like doing something randomly sweet today”, and didn’t mean for that random act of sweetness to mean something? It’s just the beginning of a way complicated problem that no one signed up for. We will all miss the point… and the point is simple, ENJOY THE RIDE EXPERIENCE LIFE and KEEP AS MANY MEMORIES AS YOU CAN.

So, I say, let’s just allow things to unfold. If people will stop over-analyzing, they will eventually figure things out. That is the beauty and wisdom behind justiciable controversies; unless there is a real issue at hand that’s not based on mere assumptions, we shouldn’t get ahead of ourselves all the time. We should just let things fall into their proper places. After all, if things DO happen for a reason, the reason will have to eventually reveal itself to us in no time. If it doesn’t… we’ll always have beer, and that wonderful thing we call FAITH.